08 - ...She Was My Best Friend.
Meanwhile.
"... And that was how he escaped the city." A guard finished explaining to Celestia.
The pair watched as a group of unicorns worked to fix the big hole in the recently broken window.
Celestia, with bags under her eyes and a crazed look on her face, asked, "And how did he manage to break past the window, which was supposed to be indestructible, with all the enchantments we added into to it centuries ago?!"
"Well..." The guard flipped through his notes, feeling a bit worried about how the princess was acting. "Eye-witnesses say that they have seen something that most of them described as, 'A large Ice Cream Parlor on 4 wheels,' crashing through the window." He looked back at Celestia, expecting the worst reaction.
However, he was surprised to see that the Princess calm down somewhat. "Oh. Of course he did." Celestia smiled sweetly.
In fact, she looked too calm. It was a very sudden switch of emotions, when just moments ago, she looked like an insane mad-pony. "Uh... Are you alright, princess?"
"Oh, of course I am. Why would I not be?" She said in a motherly tone. Before the guard could answer back, Celestia quickly said, "Pardon me for a moment, I have to use the little-fillies room."
She calmly walked out of the room, no signs whatsoever of any distress, as if any that existed had somehow vanished.
The guard left behind was silent for a few moments, before sighing in relief. "Phew, I thought for a second there that maybe she might have a breakdown or some-"
...
Celestia said.
Nopony in Canterlot ate dinner that night.
Episode 2 ACT II: ...The Night We Dance?
Cluetopia, Sector 7. July 17, 2103
7:07 Clue-High Dance Festival
It seemed like it was going to be the most disappointing and most boring night for Alice.
Today was the day all of the students waited for. Outside on a cool breezy night, the festival was in full swing. The food and game tents were all setup, the dance panels were full of students, the stage had its own band playing their music, and everyone was having fun with their dates for this romantic evening...
Except Alice.
"Why did I even bother to come anyway?" She sighed to herself.
She sat by herself on one of the nearby benches, somberly watching the other students dancing with their partners. In preparation for the festival, she wore a dazzling light-blue gown, which matched her own trademark headband and ribbon, and donned a pair of matching gloves.
She wore no make-up, other than the classic red lipstick, but it wasn't like she would have needed any, for if you would have seen her from afar, you would have mistaken her for an angel in blue.
Out of all the girls in the festival, Alice was the one that caught the eyes of many on-goers, for she wore a dress that highly contrasted the other skimpy and revealing, expensive pieces of rags that they called clothing nowadays. Many stares of awe from males, and many jealous glares from females. Though everyone had bullied her, and treated her as an outcast, she was suddenly the hottest topic to talk about by the very same people.
But she didn't care. She didn't wear this gown to gain attention or to get approval from the same people that did her wrong. It was meant to be for him, and only for him. His opinion mattered the most, his attention was what she wanted to gain the most.
When they all ignored her when she cried, only he came to help her. When they all threw painful and harsh words at her, he would block them away with his compliments and praises. He may have called himself a villain, but to her, he was the knight in shining armor.
A very... dense and stupid knight, who she wished could take a hint sometimes, but a knight nonetheless.
It was probably her fault though. She knew that he was dumb like that, and yet she was still afraid of just telling him outright her true feelings. Because of that, it was entirely pointless to come here to the festival in the first place. But chances were, even if she did asked him to come, he would probably have said no, seeing how he disliked the festival so much.
It would have been nice, though. Dancing with Connery to some romantic music. Being able to be so close to him, his arms wrapping around her waist... Telling her how beautiful she looked... Dancing together, ignoring the world around them...
"I should have stayed home." Alice groaned to herself, getting more disappointed the more she fantasized about something that could never happen.
"Well hello there, beauty!"
Alice snapped back to reality, and looked at the person in front of her. Unfortunately, it wasn't who she was hoping for. It was instead a group of guys, the same guys that always picked on her during class. Alice only glared at their feet in response, not giving them the satisfaction of looking them in the eyes.
After no response from her, one of them sat down next to her on the bench, "Hey babe, why the glum face? Not having a fun night?" The annoying douche tried to wrap an arm around her, but she quickly stood up and tried to walk away from all of them.
To her annoyance, they blocked her path. "Yo Alice, baby, why you high-tailing out so soon? Da festival just started, an' we's haven't seen you get jiggy with it yet, and peep this shit." One of them... said? Was that suppose to be an English sentence? It was some sort of popular slang with teenagers, although Alice never even understood a lick of it. Connery accurately dubbed it as, "Speaking retarded gibberish."
"Man, Alice. When we found out it was you, we couldn't believe it." The supposed leader of the pack walked up to her. "Who knew that you could dress so nicely? Maybe if it showed a little more skin, and you wore it everyday, you could have been more popular in school." The pig said, feasting on her figure with his disgusting perverted eyes.
"What do you want from me?" Alice growled, slowly stepping back.
"Woah, easy there feisty, we just noticed that you've been looking pretty sad since the party started." He raised his hand in mock surrender. "So we thought that maybe we could come on over here, and we might cheer you up."
"I'm fine. Now leave me alone!" Alice broke out of the circle, storming away and leaving the group standing there in shock. "Goddamned pigs!" She shouted over her shoulder, as she stomped away.
She'd has had it with this place! She could only guess why this testosterone-filled shithole excuse of a school was still standing, or why any decent human beings could ever stand being around these barbarians for even a second.
Nearby students who witnessed the spectacle were stunned silent, and could only stare at Alice as she angrily walked away. The leader of the group of bullies didn't seem to take kindly to her remarks, and shouted at Alice, "Yeah!? Well we didn't even wantcha, you ugly-ass bitch! You're the one who's so fuck-ugly not even that reject Connery wants you!"
Alice froze in her tracks. The last sentence of that insult hit her harder than it should have. She knew that she shouldn't listen to whatever they said. She knew that it was just another lie, another insult, and it shouldn't have been any different than any of the rest.
But... it hurts. Why did it hurt more than the others? Was it because, deep down, she knew that it was probably true? Was she ever good enough for Connery? Would Connery ever see her as anything else, other than just a friend?
The bully who yelled at her gained satisfaction for how she suddenly stopped moving, and took it as a sign to insult her more. "Everyone hates you! You would never be popular enough to get any guys, or be friends with anyone! That geek-head Connery probably only hangs out with you, so that he could look better in public when compared to YOU!"
A tear ran down her face. Some of it might have been true. Maybe Connery had always known that she had a crush on him, but he just pretended to never notice. Maybe he just didn't want to hurt her feelings if she ever found out that he didn't like her. Maybe her whole friendship was just out of pity, or an entire lie...
The more she went into it, the more tears ran down her face. She held her gloved hand to cover her mouth, and choked back silent sobs.
Do I even mean anything to him?
...
"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"
As I pressed the button, my hidden smoke-screen machines activated, filling the entire area with smoke. Everyone was coughing and disoriented, and I quickly jumped out of my hiding spot, and charged towards those fuckheads!
I couldn't hold myself back, my whole body and mind was filled with utter rage. I falcon-punched the motherfucker that made Alice cry, and stomped his nads when he was down, which I got a satisfying wheeze of pain in response. I pulled out two of my modified paint guns with both hands, and repeatedly shot down the fucking group of douche-bags with non-lethal, yet very fucking painful pellets, making a splatter of messy colors. I didn't stop until I felt satisfied.
After the smoke cleared, everyone gave their attention to me as I stood with my foot on top of this faggot's face.
"Fucking pricks!" I grunted, and kicked his face one last time, before calmly walking off the unconscious bodies.
"GREETINGS TO ALL OF YOU IDIOTIC PARASITES OF THIS LAND!" I yelled to all of them.
Everyone stared at me with shock evident on their faces. Especially Alice. I bet I looked like a badass in front of her. Add in the fact that I was wearing a white-pressed suit, a black tie, and a kick-ass CAPE!
"It's great to finally crash into this fucking mess of a party! I see that all you shitheads here were having a good time, disgustingly rubbing your bodies against each-other, like the primates you are!"
Harsh words, sure, but it wasn't like any of them deserved better. The majority of the people attending this festival were all of the dumbass jocks, and their air-head sluts. Any of the rare decent students were safely out of range for my ingenious and diabolical plan!
I noticed that a few of them were eyeing the unconscious paint-covered bodies behind me. "Don't worry about these guys. They'll probably live... Probably." I chuckled.
"Ha. Pathetic! This will soon be the cause of Cluetopia's future downfall! Arrogance, greed, indecency! These behaviors will make you all weak and defenseless! When Cluetopia finally falls, I WILL BE THERE TO TAKE WHAT'S LEFT, AND BECOME THE TRUE EVIL LORD EMPEROR! All of you shall some day bow down in front of me, and my empire! I shall prove to you all, that I AM THE SUPERIOR BEING! MUAHAHAHAHA!" I cackled my insane evil laughter. "You shall all RUE the day you dare to mock me and my allies!"
I pulled out the device to unleash my attack, "BEHOLD! PAINT-CANNONS!"
When I dramatically pressed the button, more of my machinery popped out from the ground. They were my latest inventions! "Mk. 5 Auto-Sentry Paint-Cannons of EVIL!" I made them so advanced, I SKIPPED THE FIRST 4 MKS. IT'S GENIUS!
The sentries used their heat-scanners, and started auto-targeted the crowd of students. Screams of disgust rang in my ears as my machines ruined all their clothing and dresses.
I dashed towards Alice, just before my sentries could fire at her. I skidded to a halt in front of her and used my cape to shield us from the incoming projectiles.
After I was able to temporally be the goddamned Batman, and the pellets stopped coming, I grabbed Alice's hand and strapped a metal bracelet on her wrist.
"Don't worry. Heat-sensor blocker. You won't get hit." I told her. I looked up to smile at her, but frowned when I saw her face full of drying tears. "Oh, Alice..."
I raised my hand to cradle her cheek, and gently used my thumb to wipe away her tears. She looked at me, as if I might be a figment of her imagination. "Connery... I thought you didn't want to come to the festival."
"Well yeah, but then I noticed that you seemed sad when we talked about it the other day. So I kinda had this hunch that you probably wanted to ask me to try to sabotage it."
She giggled for a bit, and said, "Of course you would. Only you would think like that."
"Ugh, that freaking jerk." I glared back behind me, "Should have kicked him harder. Can't believe he made you cry..."
"It's ok now... I shouldn't have listened to him in the first place. I knew he was lying." She smiled at me, relieved that I was here, I guess.
"I wasn't able to hear the whole thing, except mostly that last part..." I gave a sad smile. "Like I actually care what other people think? You know I'm not like that."
"I know you aren't..." Suddenly, she hugged me tightly. "I'm so glad that you aren't..."
Well... um... wow... *Ahem* Was it hot in here? I felt my face warming up for some reason.
She continued to hug me for awhile, as tight as she could, like I might disappear if she let go.
Meanwhile, my sentries ran out of ammo. The commotion around us slowly died out, with everyone getting their footing back, and most of them looking like they wanted to kill me right then and there. But neither of us really cared, or noticed.
Eventually, she quickly released me, with her face red and looking away, not making eye contact.
"Hey Alice, how come you came to the festival anyway? Did you wanted to try sabotaging it yourself?" I asked.
"No, that's not what I wanted to ask you the other day. I..." She stumbled for a bit. "I... came, because I kinda hoped that you would dance with me..."
...
"A dance? That's all?" I asked incredulously.
"I understand that you probably wouldn't-"
"Well why didn't you say so in the first place?" I laughed.
Wow! A dance! Who would have thought, out of everything, this was what she wanted to ask me to do at a dance festival?
I did a quick 360-spin, tossing off my cape, and took my two pistols out again. I got down to one knee, and offered a pistol for her. "May I have zis dance, my empress?" I asked in a lame French accent.
Alice widened her eyes in surprise, blushing a bit, before she giggled and took the gun. "Je serais honoré, mon amour."
"I have no idea what you just said, but I guess that means 'yes.'"
I guess it WAS a good idea to install a "Tango" button.
(Imagine them dancing like this, except also shooting their paint-guns at an angry crowd of high-school students.)
As the song started, we get into position, and we started to dance. The people around us started yelling and shouting at us, and some of them tried to run towards us.
While still dancing in synchronized rhythm, we fired our paint-guns at all of them, forcing them to back away.
Alice seemed to be having the time of her life, she had this amazing smile that made me feel like it was worth coming here in the first place.
...Holy crap, I just noticed this now, but she looked absolutely beautiful.
"Wow, Alice. You look amazing in that dress." I said as I twirled her around.
"You just noticed?" She laughed, "Thank you. I wanted to try to impress someone, so I wanted to wear this."
"Oh really? Did it work?"
"I don't know, did it?" She asked me, with a half-lidded look.
...
"... I don't know, did it?" I asked again, oblivious.
"Apparently not. But I don't mind anymore." She sighed, still having her cute smile on.
"'Apparently not?' How could whoever this guy is NOT be impressed? I mean, look at you! You're pretty much drop-dead gorgeous! He has to be BLIND to not fall head-over-heels for you. I don't know about him, but you definitely got my attention!"
"That's... great." Her whole face was red again.
At this point, most of the students just left, trying to dodge the deadly accuracy of our paint-guns. Only a few bystanders were left, and they didn't seem to mind us.
"... I just realized, neither of us know how to dance. How are we doing so well?" Alice asked.
"Haha, I just stop questioning these stuff, and go with the flow before reality kicks in."
We danced all night long... It was one of the most fun and best nights of my life... Yet it also made me change how I looked at her. I always felt speechless whenever she smiled at me, after that night.
I wonder why...
Reality.
I opened my eyes to see the morning sky above me. Apparently I had a dream about her again.
...
I miss her...
"IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON!"
Wait, what?
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT EPISODE, WHERE OUR MAIN VILLAIN FINALLY BUILDS HIS SECRET BASE IN EQUESTRIA! WE SHALL FINALLY SEE HIM IN ACTION! (Depending whether or not the author even knows how to continue.)
PONIES.
MAGIC.
EVIL GENIUS OF AWESOMENESS!
NEXT TIME, ON:
But I AM Evil!
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PONIES,
MAGIC,
NUTCASE OF EVIL,
DRAGONS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER,
POTATO PIE!
All are in this story!
I LOVE IT!
AND NOW IM SHOUTING FOR NO REASON!
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LIKE IT AGAIN!
WHY YOU NO LET ME LIKE IT AGAIN!?
DAMMIT THIS LIKE BUTTON IS BROKEN!
FOR SOME REASON IT WONT ALLOW ME TO LIKE IT TWICE, DAMB THIS FAULTY SITE AND ITS FAULTY BUTTONS
Ha, I SEE YOUR EVIL AND RAISE YOU PINKIE PIE
He can't kill innocents, but...
The quantity of this story's chapters are too low! I request an acquisition of MOAR!
best. random. story. ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS
SPAWN MORE CHAPTERS DUDE
3670706 I reject your pinkie pie and substitute my Great and Powerful Trixie
3672070
BITCH PLEASE.
FINISHING MOVE.
examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image/Chuck_Norris.jpg
Chuck Norris is best pony!
?.............thats cheating!!!!!!!! LoL>>3672098
I'm starting to see the PPP crossover now:
Twilight: Celestia, you're obscenely old, right?
Celestia: Why yes!
"These" should be "this" or "stuff" should be "things."
Having the main character wake up from a dream usually works...
Next time we get back to the main storyline. Huzzah. KBO.
3672098 I consider but disagree and pull out Molestia
Fantastic!
I don't know how you did it , but from reading the first chapter a few hours ago till the latest one, I've laughed more than I have in the last two months combined, this story is totally ridiculous and heartwarming in all the right ways. Please, for the love of tasteful insanity, keep doing what your doing. There's simply no other story like this gem.
:
The story of Alice was beautiful. It makes me all teary eyed that our lovable Evil monster has a human heart. Really, the dialogue between them was priceless. He kept being just one step behind her but she got weirdly satisfying answers out of him none the less.
Why do I get the feeling that this story with Alice is going to end in heartache and sadness? Does anyone else get this feeling?
nyaeyaeyyaeh,diesliek
3703210
...
3703798 Ok... that's all right... You can dislike my story if you want.
It's there for a reason, I guess...
When are you going to update
3717050
WRITERS BLOCK, WRITERS BLOCK, KILL ALL HUMANS
TOOTHPASTE!
3717151. Tell you what i reread the last two chapters and if i can i give you some ideasand also look arround the internet
To anyone who is curious, sorry for taking a while with the next chapter.
I'm gonna make up for it by posting a distraction chapter. A sort of "Ponies React" if you will.
Problem is, I seem to be having problems with that one too. This is gonna take a while...
3703210 DON'T SAY IT!
YOU'VE ALREADY ACTIVATED MURPHY'S LAW, DON'T PUSH IT!
4501652
IS TO LATEEEE!
Well, that went rather well!
I love it! I mean, they both shoot paintball while dancing? They are the perfect team in a sense. I love the compromise. She wants to dance, he to use paintball, and they just do both!
Heeeeeee~
You got my attention yet again! My fellow villain!
I'll proceed till the story is too ridiculous to read!