"MINION-BOTS! ASSEMBLE!" I yelled.
In less than a minute, they all made a perfect rectangle formation, saluting me, prepared and ready for orders.
"I know that we all had a long day today. But our work isn't over yet! So here is the current objective we must accomplish!" I point to that scary looking forest, "All of you are going to go in that scary, dangerous forest, and look for a suitable spot to set-up our base! We're going to be living in this strange world for a while now, so we better get used to it!"
They all seemed disappointed at that, but none of them questioned it. I took a long look at all of them. Got several of my construction-bots, plenty of guard-bots, and a lot of medical-bots. I pointed at one randomly, "Come here for a second, minion-bot."
A medical-bot hesitantly and nervously walked up to me. "Um... Yes sir?"
"I need to tell you about something while I was here... Today, I have been locked in a cage, set on fired, gotten frozen, turned into a frog about 5 times, got my whole body chained, was blasted by rainbow magic, escaped a castle, ran away from chasing guard ponies for half the entire day, and almost crashed to my death in this ice cream truck I found." I explained to them of my misadventures. "So here's what I want you to do! While all of you are looking for a base, I'm going to do absolutely nothing to help, and will instead take a well needed nap! So I need you to carry me."
The moment I finished that sentence, I dropped out-cold.
Damn, it had been a long day.
Episode 2: Connery, Do You Remember...?
Cluetopia, Sector 7. July 11, 2103
12:03 Front parking lot at Clue-High.
"Well... At least I was able to test out my invention." I said to myself, tied to a rope, dangling upside-down on top of the flag-pole.
"How did I get stuck up here?" You may have asked. Well...
"HEY YOU FUCKING SHITHEADS!" I yelled at the group of bullies, trying to steal a kid's lunch money.
They all stopped what they were doing and looked at me curiously.
"I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU BASTARDS. PREPARE TO GET PAYBACK FOR LAST WEEK'S LUNCH MONEY!"
I was just able to finish my latest invention! The Evil Destruction Glove! When a target gets hit by the glove, they would feel the painful impact of a garbage truck ramming into them. So I wanted to try to test it out.
"TASTE THE POWER OF MY 'EVIL DESTRUCTION GLOVE!'" I screamed, charging full speed at one of them.
I raised my fist, which donned the glove, as I charged forward. When I was in range, I punched the target with all of my might, expecting to see him blown away from the impact, or at least knocked out.
It broke apart on contact.
So there I was, with a group of bullies, and my fist slightly tapping one of them. I looked at my hand, and then looked back at them, glaring at me.
"Um... fooled ya?" I chuckled out nervously.
You can guess everything that happened afterward.
I was 15 years old, attending the high school of Clue-High. These were the days when I was still a beginner, planning out my 'evil schemes' of taking over Cluetopia. I had built many inventions during this age, and although most of them never actually worked, I was never really disappointed over a failed invention. In fact, I was kinda glad for it. A failed invention meant that I could work on another one, and I had some of the best, most funnest time working on them!
If you're wondering why...
"Connery?! Is that you?!"
She's the reason why.
"Hey there Alice! Wow, you look small from up here!" I happily replied back.
"Hold on! I'm coming to get you down!" She yelled at me, and started climbing up the flagpole.
Alice. My partner-in-crime, my evil assistant, and my closest-friend. She was an attractive girl with short, blonde hair and she always wore this cute blue headband. Crystal blue eyes, and a nice blue ribbon on her collar.
We had first met on the school rooftop. I kept noticing that she would come up there everyday, after school, so I got curious and decided to ask her why she always went up there, and she told me that she liked to watch the sunset. My first impression on her was probably not that good, since she kinda hated me for a while.
I was still curious about her, though, so I would try to look at the sunset too. Eventually, I went up and talked to her for the second time, having no clue what was so interesting that she saw in the sunset. We talked and conversed for a bit, and we became friends ever since then.
Alice was a strange girl, but she was the good kind of strange. When I told her about my dreams and evil plans of taking over the land of Cluetopia, she didn't blow me off like most people do. I mean, she might laugh at it sometimes, but she did everything she could to help me with my evil schemes, instead of calling me crazy, or telling me that my dreams and goals were pointless to achieve. Though, she did sometimes act over-caring or over-worried whenever I did something that could get me hurt, and she would always overreact when I did get hurt or get an injury.
As you can probably tell, she has a bit of an overbearing personality. But she's my best-friend, and I liked her for that.
"Connery, please stop trying to get yourself hurt. What if those bullies did something worse to you? They might have even killed you!" She scolded me while untying the rope that covered my body.
"Well, it's a good thing you're here to save me then, my evil assistant! I'm pretty sure that as long as you stick with me, it's practicably impossible to get killed with your special over-bearing motherly care." I chuckled.
She rolled her eyes, and continued to untie me. "As much as I want to stick by your side 24/7, I can't always take care of you whenever you get hurt. We might not be able to stay in touch with each other's lives forever, you know."
"Well of course we are! After we take over this place, we're going to become the evil emperor and empress of Cluetopia, aren't we?" I asked her.
...
After not responding for a while, I glanced back to see what was wrong. "Alice?" Her body seemed to have froze in shock, for some reason. Her face was as red as a tomato. "Uh... You ok there?" Instead of replying, she had this dazed smile on her face, still redder than an jalapeno.
"Hey Alice?"
Other than a slight giggle, I got nothing.
...
"ALICE!"
Good news, I snapped her out back to the land of the living!
Bad news, she somehow untied my rope too quickly for me to react, and I was now plummeting to the ground.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
*Thud*
"Connery!"
Alice quickly slid down the flag pole, and crouched to where I landed. "Connery! Are you ok?!"
"*Cough* Just dandy as a pickle." I groaned out.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Tell me if anything is broken, are you hurt anywhere? Did you land on your leg? Are you having a concussion? Here, tell me how many fingers I'm holding up!" On and on she goes, always worrying about me over some of the smallest things. It was adorable when she does that.
As I slowly stood up, I gently held her hand away from my face, and gave her a small chuckle. "Alice, I'm fine. Honestly, you care about me WAY too much, sometimes." I smiled.
She glanced away for a moment, and frowned. "... I care about you for a reason." She muttered out quietly.
"And what's that?"
Suddenly, her face went red again, and she quickly stammered out, "N-nothing. I was just thinking to myself."
Hm. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that she was hiding something from me... Nah, I'm sure I'm just over-thinking it. She's been acting like this towards me lately. I wonder why...
I slowly stood up, rubbed the spot where I landed on my back, and said, "Welp, I've had enough school for today. Let's skip class and head back to the evil laboratory."
"Again?" Alice asked, surprised. "This has been the 5th time you've skipped school. Aren't you worried about your grades?"
"HAHA! NOPE!" I laughed, already happily marching my way home.
Alice sighed, and followed me anyway.
Later...
So here we are, in our 'Evil Laboratory!' This place is where all of my past inventions, plans, and utilities are stored. Since I recently started out for the Evil Emperor business, my lab wasn't really that big, and it was inside my basement at the time.
Kind of a typical man-cave, I had a group of computers setup in the corner, an evil science table in the middle, where I do my evil science stuff. Also, the walls were filled with my many past inventions, failed or otherwise.
I was working on a new invention of mine, 'The Evil Photo Disguise Mask!' It was an ingenious idea! You would take a picture of the face of person you want to be disguised as, wear the picture on your face, AND NO ONE COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE! I could bypass all the security in the world with this invention of mine! No one would be able to stop me when I show up in their secret government base, CLOGGING THEIR TOILETS AND EATING ON THEIR SOFA! MUAHAHAAHAHA!
As I continued building my evil contraption, I noticed Alice standing against the wall, her face looked like she was debating over something. "Something on your mind Alice?"
She looked startled for a moment before looking away. "N-no. It's nothing important." She stuttered.
"... Well, alright." I shrugged and went back to work.
I worked in silence for a while, occasionally asking for her help. It was going to be one of those days, wasn't it? I usually have more fun working on my inventions with Alice, but sometimes there were those days when it just seemed awkward to talk to each other.
I occasionally glanced back at Alice, seeing her face in a wide variety of moods. Disappointment, fear, confusion, contemplation, sometimes biting her thumb. After a while, she nodded to herself with determination, as if agreeing with something she had been arguing to herself for.
She proceeded to ask me, "Connery... Did you know that the school dance festival is coming up soon?"
"Uh... Yeah. Everyone in school won't stop talking about that. What about it?"
"Do... do you happen to have a date for the festival?" She somewhat muttered to me.
"A date?" I stopped working and faced Alice with an incredulous look. "Alice, I would rather fall off a bridge yodeling the lyrics to that old internet song 'Friday,' than to get a date and waste my time on some kind of festival, where you dance and eat in fancy clothes. I mean, have you met any of the girls here?! You're one of the only girls in this town that don't act like those freaking slutty Sector 4 Shore girls on TV. Even then, I'd rather not waste my time on something dumb like a festival." After I finished ranting, I calmly went back to work.
"... Oh. Of course." She said in a disappointed tone.
Wow, she sounded really depressed about this. Is it something about the festival that has her down?
We didn't talk to each other about anything else for the next few hours.
Eventually, night-time came. Alice excused herself to go home, and I was alone in my laboratory. I felt pretty bad not asking Alice what made her depressed. I could have helped her with any problems she had...
I had too many things going through my mind that I couldn't concentrate on working my doo-hickey anymore. So I stopped and paced around the room, thinking as hard as I can what to do with Alice's problems.
"Hm... Something we talked about has to have something to do with it... Was it the festival? Is the festival the problem here?" I continued talking to myself.
I had to try to think harder, I'd hate myself forever if I didn't find a way to help Alice get happy again. I would do anything for her, since she would do the same. What kind of best friend would I be to just ignore her?
C'mon, any clues? Earlier, she was obviously arguing with herself about something, but what? Festival, dancing, dates... dates?
...
EUREKA!
"I GOT IT!" I exclaimed to myself loudly, "The reason why she is so depressed is because..."
I gave a dramatic pause for no absolute reason. I'm pretty sure there was some kind of drum-roll too, though I have no idea where I heard it from.
"She hates the festival as much as I do! Of course! The signs were all clear! Since everyone keeps treating her like an outcast, she feels aggravated that they get to have fun celebrating a festival! She wanted to ask me to find a way to sabotage it, but I guess I seemed so busy that she didn't want to bother me!" I chuckled to myself, knowing that I've finally figured it out. "Oh Alice, you could have asked for anything and I would have dropped whatever I was doing just to help you!"
And I had the most ingenious plan right there, just how I was going ruin this event for ALL of our enemies!
I cackled out my evil laughter! "Muahahahahaha, HAHAHAHA-"
"SHUT UP! I CAN'T GET DRUNK WITH YOU LAUGHING SO LOUDLY!" A loud voice upstairs yelled out.
"Sorry dad!"
Muahahahahahahah.....
I do not understand anything!
And I love it!
This guy is an insane, insane genious
Sorry Pinkie, but you are not the Element of Laughter anymore.
I CAME FOR THE FREE YELLING!!!!!!
3640727
WELCOME TO MY LAIR, YOUNG ONE! YOU MAY EAT THE FISH ON YOUR LEFT.
3640731 Yelling aside I do really like this story.
This is hilarious, more please..........No seriously I demand more
It is funny because jalapenos are green.
I sense things did not pan out with Alice. Another good chapter. KBO.
3641160
Let's pretend I did that on purpose.
HAHA Yeah, green! Duh! Everyone knows that, obviously! HA HA HA
3640731This guy.... just this fucking guy... I would PAY for comics about his exploits against the Duck and other stuff. You need to find an artist for the comics (not me i suck goat cheese) and make bank.
3641960
Eh, comment took up too much space. Gonna have to delete this. Sorry.
3641984
3641989
Thats better!
3641991
3641991
Don't make me drag my friend over here to fill your comment box with meaningless RP bullcrap!!!!!
So, this story is pretty great. What you need to do to continue it, is have the 'hero' show up, and be a complete 'ends justify the means' bastard.
Just an opinion, since you don't know what you're doing. ;)
Reading this I can't stop thinking of Veigar from LoL: "I am Evil, Stop Laughing!"
3642147
Considering that. I'm wondering who it should be though.
3642293 The duck obiously!
3642293 Well, Duck would definitely work. And, you also have the 'hero' mentioned by the elements, who seemed cat-like to me. Or, you could do both; I'm pretty sure that a cat and a duck wouldn't get along very well, except maybe to fight the MC, so that could be played for laughs. They'd need to be different enough that they're not bastards in the same way, though.
Maybe Duck just can't see past Connery's trappings; he's stupid, but annoyingly difficult to deal with, while the cat is clever and sly; he's working towards a supposedly 'good' goal, but in a way that will only benefit him. Duck would work with Cat because Cat is 'good'. Cat would work with Duck because he makes a good pawn, but would have to keep a facade up in front of him, because duck is actually pretty darn hard to beat.
Dunno, just some suggestions. Maybe my ramblings can spark your imagination? Sometimes, someone else' s ideas are better for inspiration than our own. That's why I write fanfiction, at least.
3645674>>3643743
No. Absolutely not,
Captain Duck is a hero. He's just retarded, but at least he is a hero.
I'm hoping to maybe add in more original characters, and at some point make a creative one that is a total jerkass ends justify the means shit.
3645772 Well, of course he's a hero; that's kinda the point of the story, isn't it? It's not our labels that define us, it's what we do with them. Cpt. Duck is a hero, because he fights the villains. Sic, Connery. So, he could be in the story, fight Connery, and be a hero. The fact that this does more harm than good wouldn't really conflict with what you've got set up here, I think. That's kinda what I was going for.
If you wanted him to be a good guy, as well as a hero, you could have some sort of moment of realization, and have him figure out just how much damage he's really been doing this whole time, when confronted with your real jerkass hero...and become a villain, to fight them.
The girl in the flashback is really cute and Connery's failure to pick up on her feelings is... well, in this story the cliché is actually quite fitting for the character. I know you keep saying you have no idea what you're doing, but for as long as you keep doing it, I'm going to keep reading.
3641247 Actually that's untrue. Jalapeno's turn red when they ripen. But they're picked before they mature, and that's why pickled jalapenos are green.
Ripe jalapeno:
hot-sauce-island.com/images/ripe-jalapeno.jpg
Red as a jalapeno is a very apt description.
3642293 The aforementioned cat. It can be a whole grand thing, the hero stepping up and grandly arriving..... And everybody ignores him and continues on with what they're doing. Or something. You're the comedy mastermind, not me.
"Today, I have been locked in a cage, set on fired," should be "fire"
Awe man, I feel her pain.
3657995
Wait, you've seen this before, yet NOT read it on first sight?
... I must advertise this even more then.
*SPAMS TO ALL THE GROUPS IN EXISTENCE*
I see him as zim
I love evey word of this. Still don't know where my sides are anymore.
Yeah I failed.
*Blinks* O....kay? I dont know If my brain could take more of this so... I am just....
...
Gonna... lie here and.... roll back and forth? yeah, you totally dint made me lost my faith for humanity today
P.S. But I love your story nothenless
He is really oblivious, isn't he?
I have a bad feeling about this...
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
Reading this chapter again because of Alice! I really hope she will appear in the story as a possible ship! I mean she fits so perfectly with Connery!