I'm Alex Bird, and I had lived a semi-normal life for about 13 years, until I was attacked by some beam of rainbows, and then found myself plummeting towards the ground in Equestria; and now I have to figure out some way to adjust to living here while I try to keep both my own, and my best friend, Miles Logan's sanity in check. Fun.
I'm Miles Logan, and this is the delightful tale of how I almost descended into madness. And about HAPPY RAINBOWS AND PONIES! :D
Due to me and D-100 (my co-author) being a bit over-ambitious with this fic than we can handle at the moment, I've decided to put this fic on an indefinite hiatus until we have the skill necessary to make this a good fanfiction story. I want to give you all the best I can, and while trying to please everyone will just leave me in a mess, I can sure as hell try.
Please do check out my other stuff when it comes out, and if you actually like this fic, then, what the hell is wrong with you don't worry, I will come back to it eventually, just not anytime soon.
UPDATE: Okay, this has been added to Plan 9 from Equestria, a group dedicated to finding the best of the worst on FiMfiction, so that should you ever feel like reading a bad story, there's a huge mass of them waiting right there.
I must say: it's a great honor to have FENF be added to this group, and I must thank all of you for helping me get this far. Whoever added this to Plan 9, thank you so much, may whatever god(s) you believe in bless you with a long and fruitful life, and may you enjoy every second of it...
Okay, but in all seriousness, now that I know what Plan 9 is, I will strive to make any and all future writing of mine much better than this, and hopefully not crash and burn into a charred mess. FENF is now cancelled, due to there being no way we could redeem this without some extreme revisions, and I'm already working on another fic, which will definitely turn out better than this.
Thank you, and BURN IN HELL YOU IGNORANT, CRITICIZING TWITS have a nice, ponyfull day, ~Boy with a Robotic Hand
okay...
first things first....SLOW THE FUCK DOWN....add detail, expand on the environment and the characters thoughts and feelings.
de-color the text, a better way of doing this would be coloring only the first word in the first paragraph when you change perspective. This would allow clear indication with out eye strain inducing colored text.
Stop with the sarcastic 4th wall breaking, your trying for a serious story, self aware comedy destroys any seriousness or emotional value you have here and is completely contrasting with the tone you are trying to set. Instead of writing the characters as if they are talking to the audience, instead keep it limited to What the character is actually experiencing.
Instead of going for the pointless awkward self awareness story that I can guarantee is not going to go anywhere. Go for a far more interesting story of you two being separated and trying to reunite, this gives you a plot to work with and a main goal to achieve as well as plenty of emotionally strong moments.
Focus on the characters, think of how would you respond to being stranded in an alien world, cut off from all you love and hold dear to you. DO NOT FAINT ON SIGHT OF PONIES, this is a bad trope called "writer cop out" the only reason you would make the character faint is to avoid writing character interaction. This is being lazy and the story will suffer for it.
all in all you have the potential for a good story here you just need to stop with the awkward self awareness that has no reason to be there.
also you might want to consider keeping them human, this will far more interesting in the long run.
Its raining men? Hallaluyea -bustertank
I like it but many go a tad bit slower but I'm interested so yea -tankbuster
3782780 Okay, thank you very much for the detailed review.
After some consideration, I've realized that we are, definitely, getting a bit over-excited and going a bit overboard here. I'll talk with D when I see him again, and you may see some changes, after which I'll put this on hiatus and come back when I actually have the skill necessary to make a fic like this.
Again, thank you for giving the detailed review, and know that I will try to do much better in the future.