I am ....Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight is known for her mind all over Equestria. Her friends, family, even royalty rely on her. But most of all she is a friend. What happens when she has an almost fatal acident and loses her ability to think clearly. What will she do when her friends need her most and she is more of a hindrance than a help? Celestia's prodigy no more.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 13 )

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Meepaa

Meepaa #1 · Nov 17th, 2013 · · · Twilight the hero. ·

Umm, AppleJack has Tees? Maybe someone should draw that... A few spelling errors but an awesome story. ^_^ can't wait for the next chapter

somerandomness1

somerandomness1 #2 · Nov 17th, 2013 · · · Twilight the hero. ·

3501067 I will fix that as soon as I can. glad you like the story thank you for the comment I never can get enough of those!

Jphyper

Jphyper #3 · Nov 17th, 2013 · · · Twilight the hero. ·

Showing Twilight helping each of her friends one by one is a little pointless and drags the pacing down almost to a standstill. The first two were fine, but after that, it got repetitive. Once she cured AJ's trees, I skipped ahead by about half the chapter, and I found I hadn't missed a thing. It's funny-- most people with pacing issues make things go by too quickly, but you have the opposite problem.

Second, there's your grammar. I see a huge number of sentence fragments that even an elementary school student could point out and fix. You need to find someone to help you with this sort of thing. Check the site's FAQ for more information.

I really like the premise of this story, and I can see that you have the potential to carry through with it. You just need a little help in order to do so.

somerandomness1

somerandomness1 #4 · Nov 17th, 2013 · · · Twilight the hero. ·

3501906 Thanks for the advise I might have stressed their reliance on Twilight a little bit. Ps I have also seen that problem in a lot of fics I didn't want this to be one of thoes

Meepaa