Not bad, hard to tell reality and fantasy apart though...and the last story I had trouble with the dialog...mostly the way its punctuated, maybe try different colors for different characters? I don't know...great potential, fix those and you're pretty good.

3250752 Getting an editor for the lesbian section... as for the other parts I'm not sure.

ass please

3253901 As for characters?

3255271

your choice. i just need some ass

Cool it with the flashbacks. They are not sexy.

i'm fine with the silly weird day flashbacks, kind of gives the fic it's own identity.
So, filly treesome orgy or what ever you like featuring Sweetie Belle and or Diamond Tiara in some lesbian tsundere/yandere action plox. Ideally Sweetie breaking DT and making her her unconditional sex pet. Magic dildo spell acquired.
But i'm ok with whatever you choose.

About the grammar, i'm ok with bad grammar, just try to separate thing a bit, else itslikewritingallasinonebigword. Separate paragraphs, when they talk, etc, so that it looks neat and easy to follow the flow.

Well I do wish these where longer. That way we could get more a feel for it really. It also seems your playing it rather close to the chest keeping them well... tame would be the best words I could come up with at the moment. Maybe try something a bit more descriptive? As for a suggestion. I have two really.

(Size Play) Scootaloo and Dash (Big Scoots and Small Dash like private toy sense preferred)
(Transform Play) Twilight and Some Pony (I'll let you have fun with that one)

Look forward to the next chapter.

I don't know why no one is mentioning this.

Why do your mare's have "Seed"?

They don't. Unless there's a cock around there somewhere that you didn't tell us about