ezio dementay
Joined 30th Dec, 2011 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Radiant Dawn · 47k words · 245 19 · 5.3k views
- Wolokai · 31k words · 107 8 · 4.7k views
- Anonymous 1234321 · 114k words · 101 7 · 2k views
- Firesight · 617k words · 346 31 · 5.7k views
- Urimas Ebonheart · 196k words · 1,228 114 · 15k views
- Taldaer · 181k words · 272 17 · 2.7k views
- ImNew2023 · 1.4k words · 148 11 · 2k views
- Moonking · 37k words · 87 13 · 1.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.11 seconds
Total duration
948 users online
525,943 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Let's see
change the sentence, please. It just sounds silly.
"and smash into the ground with a powerful smash"
Too many "she's". Illiteral.
Some misspelling.
I am not sure, but Gilda is kinda out of Character here. Too... kind? Stalin recommend you to add her a little more jerkness.
Moderate amount of descriptions, Stalin enjoys.
OVERALL:
You need a proofreader/editor. Story is worth for attention if not all these illiteracy and spelling mistakes. Keep work after you'll find a proofreader. Stalin will look forward to read your story.
305164 well i have a friend that's a but busy at the moment so i can't ask her so maybe you'd want to help? i'd give credit and such.
what do ya say?
Nice little story, needs some editing but still good.
305164
Characters change, and Gilda most likely changed after getting dumped by Dash.
Good day.
305558 Not all characters change, my tovyarich capitalist. Gilda did not, i am sure. She leave Dash because Dash was "uncool" and have no regret of her actions or any lesson she have learnt.
305553 Horosho, Stalin will help you. Stalin will contact you by pm when his scientists will finish grammar check
305576 yeah gilda is one of those people, the kind that are tough but act differantly around there friends.
305579 okay doke. i'll start working on the third chapter now. also i'm just guessing here but i'm guessing in most of your talks you say stalin.
305585
All right, but dont hold your expectations too high. I can fix only obvious grammar, but for more you need a real proofreader
Also you can find proofreader in only group when i currently am. Autor's help to be exact
305589 don't worry my friend. i'm sure what ever you do will be good. i mean you can only try your best. so good luck
305579
'my tovyarich capitalist' ?
I not, but I'm not yours ethier.
And just leaving her?
She lost her best friend, I think she will of probaly realised what has gone wrong.
Good day.
I find it a bit odd how in this story, Luna talks quite openly and often about her being sent to the moon. I would have thought that she'd be a bit more sensitive on the subject, and that she'd be ashamed of what she did to deserve the punishment.
330586 yeah i guess she messed up pretty badly but that wasn't really her, that was nightmare moon doing the work so in my view's anyway, it's nightmares fault and not luna's and yes i know there the same person but luna has the split personality thing and how someone acts to that and how they handle that is differant for people. so yes i might of messed up a bit with luna being so open but i'm not focusing on that at the moment.
This is lacking in structure...
This is moving too fast.
2096177 well if you read the description, i finshed the story already, but thanks for the comment anyway
Is that a story? Did you delete it?