Wasn't sure whether or not to include this extra bit, but I think it makes for a nice ending.

Consider it an epilogue, if you will.

A whole clop rape story about RD...

Honestly surprised that I found it through someone who said they never read clop unless there is a real romance story to it, but this... it was just rape.

3210536 "Urine explusion."

3212972 Eh still it's urine...

3212988 Well, you need a fancy way of excusing yourself from dinner to take a piss. Tell them that you need to do "urine expulsion".

3212993 Or I could stick to the old blue and true, "I gotta take a piss."

Considering how heavily based on Violated Heroine this is, we know the ride doesn't end just here, ehehehe. ;P

Yeah..........
I don't know how to feel about this fic.
I will only say that this story is nice and simple.
Let leave it at that.

I want to see the pregnancy and the foal!

No morning after pill?

Just for shits and giggles you should make an alternate ending for this where Dash gets so creeped out that she runs out of the bathroom instead of confronting the stallion and the commotion causes a certain unicorn to investigate.

3304305 How do you sue a guy when you don't even know who he is?

I read this story, and even though I can picture it quite vividly, these sorts of things honestly just give me a gut wrenching feeling, and not the good kind

I imagine if I was in this story, prior to Rainbow Dash's arrival, I'm a normal guy who is looking for that guy after hearing cases of women getting raped in said bathroom. I have reported it to the police, but they have found nothing. On the day when Rainbow Dash arrives there, just when he traps her, I move into the bathroom, pretend that I want to join in, and then when his back is turned, I shoot his balls out and then bring him to the police for a life sentence in prison. Then, out of pure charity and kindness, I give Rainbow Dash enough money to successfully become a Wonderbolt and live the life she wanted, and its thanks to me that her dreams were not crushed. And up to the day, I still remain a good friend to her. Now THAT would be a great alternate version of this story

3332734
I don't know whether or not it was your intention, but your little snippet of story actually makes for a pretty good case study on almost every reason why self-insert fanfics usually don't work out so well.

3332907 Oh, and leaving Rainbow Dash to this fate is ANY better? Why would she deserve it?

One thing I do not get. IF she was bent over the toilet, why couldn't she stand straight up and try to headbutt him? He was holding her ass, not her back, and it's easy to stand straight up from that position. And I know she was 16, and he was a middle aged retired guard but still, she should at least be able to stand up straight with no weight down on her back whatsoever, and it is an opportunity she could and would have taken, to at least try and flee. Then again, it's your story, and you write it how you want. Just saying that she would probably try to escape more given her stubborn personality.

3333475
She doesn't, of course, but bad things happening to characters is all part of good drama. Naturally, it's intentionally overdone here, but I still think it makes for a better story than under-doing it as in your tale.

That's going to sound entirely biased and somewhat egotistical, but hear me out. In your story, you lose all dramatic tension. Any and all potential problems are solved by your Gary Stu before they even have time to develop.

The readers might be momentarily worried about no-one coming to find Dash, but then a handy millionaire who's completely exempt from the law just happens to decide to walk into the women's bathroom at exactly the right moment, and is immediately able to tell that this guy is a rapist and not just some innocent dude with his girlfriend.

Shame about that whole happy ending you wrote in at the end, because you just pulled your readers so far out of your story that they gave Luna some momentary company before whizzing off into the sun.

3336050 Well, I rethought it over, and I came up with something better than my original idea

3336870
Good for you. Care to share?

3338376 Okay, it takes place right after where this woman comes into the bathroom and after hearing Rainbow's story, she decides to help her. Turns out this woman is victim#8 or something like that. She also reports the story to the other Royal Guard, but they cannot find "The Stallion", so she decides to take matters into her own hands. #8 provides Rainbow Dash with a morning after pill that reverses the pregnancy, thus Rainbow Dash does not get pregnant. Since #8 has a spare room, she lets Rainbow Dash take that room and #8 pulls a favor with a friend in the Wonderbolts, who decide to give Rainbow Dash a chance. Rainbow Dash trains under #8's tutelage and Rainbow Dash makes it after all

Whether or not you want to include the other Mane 6 is undecided

3338668
Hmmm... well, it's arguably better than your first idea, but it still has the Deus-Ex-Machina issue of a random character appearing out of nowhere and solving literally every problem the main character has.

3341116 No, not necessarily. I just believe that everyone should get their just desserts. A girl who gets raped should get the help she needs and a pervert deserves to get his penis chopped off

3341169
Well, I'll tell you what. Since this means so much to you, I give you my blessing to rewrite my story in whatever way makes you happy, kay?

3341487 I may, I may not. But my fellow girls deserve what they get

By the way, what is Deus Ex Machina?

3341499
To put it literally, it is an "act of God", God in this case being the writer. Basically, it's when a problem magically solves itself, with little to no input from the main characters.

For example, a villain dying of a heart attack right before he slays the hero, or a giant monster getting hit by some falling space debris just before it destroys a city.

It's considered bad writing, and is usually a sign that the author wrote themselves into a corner, and couldn't think how the characters would get themselves out of it.

3341529 But it does happen, even in reality. There are happy endings that happen like that, cliché is real

3341546
Maybe so, but coincidences in reality are simply that: coincidences.

But in writing, nothing comes from chance. Everything is planned out by the author. So while little coincidences now and again are perfectly fine, using a coincidence for any major part of a story just makes it seem like the writer couldn't come up with any better reason for it to happen.

3341561 Either way, letting this happen to Rainbow Dash is just as bad as making Fluttershy cry, you know what I'm saying?

3341566
True... Hmm. Actually, that might be better. Perhaps I should consider a sequel or something similar starring Fluttershy...

Anyway, yeah it's rough, but it's also the whole point of the fic. Jamming in a happy ending would probably put off the already small target audience that I have. So as I stand personally, I'm content to leave it as it is.

3341586 ...You wouldn't

3341649
Hmmm... no, maybe not. Fluttershy would probably make quite a good mother, so it wouldn't be as fun.

3341657 Hey, I was searching through my web history and I found this, Ignore the above comments, my sister got onto my account and she hates this sort of material. Inflexible, if you ask me

Just to mess with her, write that story about Fluttershy

This was good, but I'm not a big fan of clop (or any porn, for that matter) that's just vaginal sex.

3395740

I don't actually use gifs that often...

~Skeeter The Lurker

3332907 If you sir don't make a fic about the pregnancy and the baby;
acidcow.com/pics/39512-spider-man-meme-26-pics.html

3395870
I have no idea which of those 26 images you intended to send me, but I laughed my ass off at all of them so I don't care.
Also, congratulations on 69th post. I'd expect nothing less from 60s Spiderman

Also I'm probably not going to write that

3396819 At least give to another author to write! It would be a waste to not have a sequel of this!

3398203
Okie dokie lokie
*Hands you the deed to the story*

3399000 W-WAIT WHAT? I CAN'T WRITE A STORY! I'M BUSY WITH THE TREES!!!
Damn they are tight!

3395834 narwhaler.com/original/8t/m/wait-what-the-fuck-did-you-just-say-spiderman-8TMj3j.jpg I've seen you use this gif already on three different stories, THREE! In one single day!
Also your new profile fic sucks!

3399026

Compared to how much I comment?

That isn't a lot.

And that last part? I've killed for less.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3399317 Still think your old one was way better!

3399008
Just write the story ON the trees, they're basically paper after all

3401004 picslap.com/images/ourlove.jpg

3401513
s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/139/611/SPIDEYS%20INTO%20FLUTTERTREES.jpg

3402254 files.sharenator.com/pedo_Spider_Man_Meme-s490x350-196127.jpg

3403908
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3144-13303732298794.png

3405822 static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/+religion+this+is+now+a+spiderman+thread+_91e12617f205da375b6aa314386f0e6b.jpg

3406607
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8117-okay.jpg