• Published 2nd Sep 2013
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Feeling Pinkie Mean - RainbowBob



Sombra has met his match, literally.

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Chapter 6: Visiting The Ville

Sombra stood in the middle of the street, slumped down and unmoving. His face was in the dirt, his cape covering much of his back while he breathed in the scent of the Ponyville road. A sad fate for the ex-tyrant, that was for sure.

Of course, Pinkie Pie was oblivious to his miserable predicament.

“Come on, Sombra! You just can’t laze around in the middle of the road like that!” Pinkie said, bouncing around Sombra with that detested unlimited energy she seemed to radiate.

Sombra covered his glowing eyes with both hooves. “I was hoping that a cart would arrive and run me over. Extra points if it runs you over as well.”

“Hey, no need to be a grumpy stump down in a slump.” Stopping her monotonous bouncing, she leaned closer to Sombra’s covered face. Lifting a hoof from his eye, she asked, “Since this is your first time touring Ponyville, where do you wanna go? I know every place and everypony here, so I can introduce you to all my friends.”

“I don’t want to see your friends, and I don’t want a tour of your town!” Sombra replied, slapping Pinkie’s hoof out of his face. “What I want is to burn this wretched village to the ground!”

“Isn’t that what we have a fire station for?”

Sombra groaned and gritted his sharp fangs so hard he was sure they’d crack. There was only so much torture he could handle, and the pink menace known as Pinkie Pie had cut his endurance into itsy-bitsy pieces and then trampled upon them under her hoof. How so much annoyingness coupled with jubilant energy managed to be contained in one pony, he’d never know. What Sombra did know, however, was that he couldn’t take it much more.

“Listen,” he said, practically hissing the words to her. “I’ll go wherever you want if you’d just shut up!”

Sombra instantly regretted those words when he felt himself be picked up by the mare and enwrapped in her hooves. Strong hooves, he noticed when they cut off air to the rest of his body.

Yaaaaaaay!” Pinkie shouted, shaking Sombra in her powerful grip to and fro. “We can go to Sugarcube Corner, then to the park, then to the ice cream stand, and then to the fountain! And say hello to all the ponies along the way. I just know you’ll become good once you see how nice everypony else is!”

“R-remember what we—hack—agreed to!” Sombra coughed out, feeling his windpipe collapsing in on itself. The armor he always wore offered little protection to Pinkie’s backbreaking hugs. “No talking!”

Pinkie looked at Sombra with a quivering lip and dejected look. “Awww, but how else will I introduce you to everypony?”

Sombra pushed Pinkie off himself and brushed off his velvet cape. “Just try to manage to keep your insufferable trap shut, got it?” He really wanted to say more of how much he despised her very presence, but then he’d be repeating himself.

“Okie dokie, Sombrokie!” Pinkie giggled, throwing up a salute.

“And stop with the nicknames!” Sombra demanded. Though his words fell on deaf ears. Or ears just out of earshot, since Pinkie was already bounding ahead, unhinged. Grumbling, Sombra slowly trotted behind her, each hoofstep truding through the earth. He detested that pink mare to no end, but he really had no choice to follow her to wherever she wanted to take him. Not like staying in that library with that nuisance Twilight was any better. “Though right now, it seems like a better idea,” Sombra said aloud.

Pinkie bounced on ahead, stopping every now and then for Sombra’s intentionally slow pace to catch up with her. More buildings sprung up around the pair as they entered deeper into the town. Sombra noted that they had the same consistent variety of hay thatched roofs and simplistic architecture that resulted in nothing more than third story country homes. The entire area had a warm and fuzzy air to it that left Sombra with a sickening feeling in his stomach. Didn’t help that Pinkie had to smile and wave to every pony they passed by.

After the seventh or so greeting, Sombra asked, “Will you cut that out already?”

Stopping in her tracks and twirling around to face him, Pinkie asked, “Why?”

Sombra accidentally bumped into her nose with his own, and immediately sidetracked back from her incredible closeness. “Will you… ugh!” Sombra groaned under his breath and ran a hoof down the center of his face. “Stop intruding on my personal space!”

“Well, what is your personal space?” Pinkie asked, staring at him curiously.

Sombra ran a hoof across the earth, creating a straight line on the ground at least two feet in front of himself. “This is my personal space,” Sombra said, pointing to the line. “It is a space that only myself can be in and myself alone. Do not cross it. Got it?”

Pinkie saluted, but before she could say her usual bit Sombra interrupted her and said, “And no, you can never say okie dokie lokie in my presence ever again.”

“Aww, why not?”

Sombra gave her a deadpan look, then walked past her, taking care to keep that two foot metaphorical separation barrier between them. “Just get on with showing me your pathetic shamble of a town.”

“Well, we have town square right here!” Pinkie said, pointing this way and that at the large plaza they just entered from the road. Ponies hustled and bustled this way and that, with a much more lively attitude than the rest of the town. Market stalls sold every variety of food a pony’s stomach can take and their mouth can chew. A couple of shops were also open, with a large selection of goods and trinkets for sale in their windows. Overall, it was a pristine view of a small town life.

And Sombra hated every single second of it.

The commerce, the business of the market, the happy smiling faces of each and every Ponyville citizen. It annoyed him to no end how bright and sunny everyone was.

“Sombra, are you okay?” Pinkie asked, noticing Sombra having stopped in his tracks and glaring darkly at the ensemble of passing ponies.

In his empire it would be much different. Crystal ponies shackled together, forced to march down the streets in single file for their duty in the mines. How dejected their souls were each and every day. Total hopelessness coupled with a permanent air of sadness he was sure to create for every waking second in his empire. Just utter darkness and misery for all those under his rule.

Pinkie titled her head in curiosity. Now Sombra was smiling. Though it wasn’t exactly a happy or joyous smile. More like a ‘I’m a heartless maniac’ type of smile.

“Sooooombry!” Pinkie called out, waving her hoof in front of his muzzle.

Cryyyyyystal slaaaaaaaaves,” Sombra hissed, fangs parted almost like he was going to pounce at something. Blinking and shaking his head, Sombra glared at Pinkie and said, “Didn’t I already tell you to not call me by any nicknames, cretin?”

“But you were acting all weirdo-mojo!” Pinkie exclaimed while throwing her hooves up in the air in exasperation. “What with the staring at everypony and then the crystals and slaves thing you just said. Are you acting okay?”

“Never better,” Sombra snapped back. “I’m feeling fine about being held against my will in a backcountry hick of a town where I hate every single citizen. Yeah, I’m just great!”

“Oh, okay, just wanted to make sure.” Pinkie smiled kindly to Sombra, who in turn contrasted her cheery grin with a deep and troubling frown.

“Apparently sarcasm is lost on your tiny excuse for a brain,” Sombra muttered under his breath.

Pinkie tapped her temple. “But my brain isn’t tiny.” Pinkie gave her head a good rattle, with what sounded like cogs of a machine clicking and clanking inside.

Sombra grimaced and stuck out his tongue in disgust.

“Can you not act weird for five minutes?” he asked, holding back a begging tone. “Just… just actually try, got it?”

“But there’s nothing wrong about being weird, Sombry,” Pinkie said.

“No nicknames!”

“You see, Sombry, everypony is a bit weird,” Pinkie explained while Sombra facehoofed. “It’s what makes us unique and special.”

“You mean weak and stupid?” Sombra asked.

Pinkie giggled. “No, sillyhorn, weird is what makes you you.”

“You just used ‘you’ twice there,” Sombra pointed out, still not getting the point.

Now Pinkie was the one to frown, but she quickly covered it up with an impossibly wide grin that sent shivers down Sombra’s spine at the sheer length of it. “I did, but that isn’t the point! I’m weird, you’re weird, everypony is weird! All of Equestria is weird! That’s why every single pony is special, because of their weirdness! Without weird, we’d all be boring, bland, and normal. Better to be a bit—or a lot—on the strange side than just a boring two-hooves that is all grumpy and mean.”

Sombra stared at her flatly, releasing a long held back sigh. “Pinkie, you’re an imbecile.”

He brushed past her, while Pinkie stared at his coattails as he walked on ahead. Pouting her lip, Pinkie followed him trotted faster to keep up. “Says the guy with sideburns,” she said to herself, giggling.

“What was that?” Sombra called over his shoulder.

“Nothing, Sombry!” she replied, barely able to hold back a laugh as she caught sight of his noticeably bad facial hair. She’d really have to take him for a trim at the barber sometime.

Sombra opened his mouth, but thought better of it and closed it. “Those damn nicknames,” he sighed, “are going to drive me insane sooner than even her.”

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