Chapter 5: Trot Around Town
“Come on, Sombry, hurry up!” Pinkie called over her shoulder, joyously bouncing ahead of the miserable unicorn king with her usual disposition of happiness. “You gotta get up and move.”
“I hate you, I hate this town, I hate Equestria, and I hate this planet,” Sombra muttered darkly, glaring at his surroundings with his head close to the ground. Despite his curses, he kept on trudging along behind her. He didn’t know anywhere else to go, nor anything else about the town for that matter. Escape was out of the question because of Twilight’s insufferable magical marker planted on himself that would set off if he so much as stepped out of town. So Sombra was stuck, with a constantly sugarhigh mare as his guide. “I hate my life,” Sombra concluded, sulking even lower to the ground.
“Oh, stop being a stick in the mud,” Pinkie said, suddenly bumping noses with him. “I mean, look at the scenery!” Pinkie waved her hoof in a long arch, showing off Ponyville to the depressive ex-tyrant. “We have buildings, happy ponies going about their business, and sunshine all day long! What can be better than that?”
“If those buildings were dungeons, those ponies were miserable slaves bent to my will, and the sunny days shrouded in darkness,” Sombra said, pushing her face away from his nasal cavity. “That would be way better.”
“You’re just too pessimistic,” Pinkie said, dragging him by his hoof. “Try looking on the brighter side of things.”
“What bright side?” Sombra snarled, swiping his hoof from her grip. “I’m trapped in this deadbeat town filled with oppressive ponies, when I should be back ruling my Empire and taking over the world like I was meant to!”
Pinkie booped him on the nose. “Silly, taking over the world is no fun. What you need to do is enjoy life and not care about global domination or tyranny. Why not have some fun? We can go for a walk, talk to some other ponies, and even go out for lunch!”
“Cease touching my face with your vile hooves!” Sombra shouted, backing away from the pink menace. Wiping his nose with his cape, he muttered, “There is nothing fun about any of those things! I’d rather be burning in the deepest pit of Tartarus than partake in one of those infernal activities!”
“Ooh, there’s Lyra and Bon Bon!” Pinkie said, pointing her hoof at a bench where a mint green unicorn sat and cream colored mare laid. “Let’s go say hello!”
“Did you not just hear me less than five seconds ago?” Sombra asked, question disregarded as Pinkie dragged him begrudgingly to the mares.
“Hey girls!” Pinkie called out to the pair, appearing before them with Sombra hooked around her arm. “Say hi to my buddy Sombry!”
“It’s Sombra, you idiotic twit!” Sombra replied, shoving her off himself. He scowled at the mares, his green glowing eyes taking on a malicious glare.
Bonbon and Lyra stared wide-eyed at Sombra, out of fear and curiosity, respectively.
“Whoa, dude, your horn looks funny,” Lyra said, holding back a chuckle. “How’d you get it to curve like that? I’m guessing you used hoofpolish to make it red?”
“What? No! My horn is merely a representation of my descent in the dark arts of magic, which have fueled my power to newfound levels of destruction!” Sombra replied, adding a rather typical villainous laugh at the end.
“Whoa, you gotta teach me how to do that!” Lyra begged, poking at her own horn that looked rather unimpressive compared to Sombra’s. “Can I get mine in blue and into a wave design?”
“Um, Lyra, I think that’s a bad idea,” Bon Bon warned, scooting away in her seat from the menacing figure that was Sombra.
“But Bon Bon, it’d be so awesome!” Lyra said, clopping her hooves together. “If I can get my horn into a loop, I can use it as a cupholder! Wouldn’t that be rad?”
Sombra snarled. “That is not what the dark arts are for! Making your horn into a device to hold drinks is not a practical means for performing dark magic!”
“Then why do you get to use it to make your horn into a… um…” Lyra tapped her chin and shrugged. “Claw, I guess?”
“I always thought it was a dragon’s fang,” Pinkie added on, rubbing Sombra’s horn and giggling mischievously.
“Then why did he dye it red?” Bon Bon asked, joining with the others in curiousity of Sombra’s horn.
“Well duh, because red is cool!” Lyra replied.
While the mares continued to argue back and forth over why Sombra’s horn was such an oddity, Sombra himself fumed in quiet anger. Pinkie Pie’s constant rubbing of his horn was irking him to no end. This all built up to a certain point until he finally snapped.
“Will you bickering mares shut up already!” he shouted, the air humming from an unknown source of energy. “My horn is a reflection of the inner darkness and evil of my heart! Evil! Not for some fashion statement or some other moronic reason you harpies can think of! So shut your witless mouths about such topics as my horn!”
Lyra, Pinkie and Bon Bon remained silent for a few seconds, staring at Sombra with peculiar expressions. The dark king smiled, victorious in his endeavor of making the mares quiet themselves.
“Ooh, I got it!” Lyra said, breaking the silence and Sombra’s smugness. “I can get mine in a spoon!”
“Now, why would you ever get your horn into a spoon?” Bon Bon asked, shaking her head disappointingly. “For one thing, you already have magic to control a spoon, along with your hooves at that. Plus, how would you even get the food into your mouth if the spoon is on your head?”
“You’re just jealous because I’m getting a spoon on my head and you’re not,” Lyra taunted, sticking her tongue out at her friend.
Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Oh, for sure. I always wanted silverware lodged on my cranium.”
Throughout the entire intolerable discussion Lyra and Bon Bon were having, Sombra’s left eye twitched as he felt a growing force build up in his chest, until he finally exploded. “You mares are impossible!” Sombra yelled, interrupting the pair. “Is all you females do bicker and talk? How is anypony supposed to follow a conversation while their ears bleed from your incessant chatter?”
“Sheesh, look at try-hard here with all the fancy vocabulary,” Lyra said with a laugh, nudging Bon Bon with her elbow to do the same.
Gritting his sharp teeth as a vein bulged in his temple, Sombra attempted to control his quickly building anger.
It was a vain attempt.
“Why you little–”
Sombra never got to start his tirade, for Pinkie was pushing him away from the mares with a hasty wave over her shoulder. “Well, it’s been great seeing you two, but me and Sombry have to go!”
“No, let me go! I must destroy them!” Sombra argued, dragging his hooves through the earth as Pinkie pushed him away. “I shall crush their useless heads and break their bones underneath my hooves as I bend them to my dark will. Fear shall consume your souls as I make you slaves to my magic! Live in terror while you can, for you haven’t even experienced true torment until I get my hooves on you!”
“But wait, what about changing my horn!” Lyra asked, her question lost as the two made a swift retreat. “Aww man.”
“Well, at least they make a cute couple,” Bon Bon noted, smiling a bit. “Though I never knew Pinkie to go for a stallion so… robust.”
“I think the word you’re looking for is obnoxious,” Lyra said, sulking in her seat. Rubbing at her horn, she sighed and said, “Still… a cupholder would’ve been pretty rad.”
In the distance, Sombra was continued being pushed along by Pinkie, a pile of dirt building up at his hooves as he was dragged through town. Stepping to the side and shoving Pinkie off his person, Sombra said, “Get off of me, vile mare! A stallion of my stature shall not tolerate being roughly handled by anyone.”
“But I had to get us out of there before you started calling Bon Bon and Lyra names,” Pinkie pointed out, staring unamused for once at Sombra. “You Pinkie Promised not to insult anyone while outside, and I intend to make you keep that promise.”
“Or what? Lock me up in the basement again? Be in my company for hours on end?” Sombra asked in a mocking tone, scoffing as he turned away. “If so, then breaking this Pinkie Promise of yours would be an uneventful threat that I am not fearful of in the slightest.”
Before Pinkie could respond with a list of the ramifications of breaking a Pinkie Promise, a more pressing concern became apparent in the form of Roseluck waving her hoof at her down the street.
“Ooh, another new pony for you to meet!” Pinkie said excitedly, already racing to her target while tugging Sombra along by his hoof.
Sombra followed, for the most part because she had a surprisingly strong grip, and because he didn’t have anything else better to do. Ponyville was still a strange place, and him being stuck in an abyss of eternal darkness for nearly a millennia pretty much made anything he was seeing now a whole new experience to deal with.
“Pinkie, so glad to see you again!” Roseluck greeted her, the mare smiling cheerfully at the duo. “Oh, and who’s your friend here?”
“This is Sombry,” Pinkie replied, hugging Sombra in a tight grip that closed off the oxygen supply to his lungs. “He’s new and town and I’m giving him a tour!”
“Well then, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sombry,” Roseluck said, holding out a pale yellow hoof to the stallion.
Sombra looked at the hoof, then back to the face of the raspberry maned mare, then back to the hoof again. “My name is Sombra, not whatever ridiculous nickname the pink one sputters on about,” Sombra said, ignoring to respond to outreached hoof in any way.
“Oh, well, it’s still a pleasure,” Roseluck said awkwardly, returning her hoof to the ground. Giving him a quick once over, Roseluck raised a brow and asked, “Sorry for asking, but are you from Canterlot perhaps? Your outfit isn’t really… local.”
“Actually, how do you have clothes?” Pinkie added on, tugging at his red velvet cape and bringing it closer to inspect. “I don’t think Twilight gave you any.”
“When my body regenerated, my clothes did too,” Sombra replied, pulling back his cape from Pinkie’s hooves.
“But–”
“It’s magic. Better to be ignorant like you usually are and not question it.”
“Um, sorry for the interruption, but I feel like I need to ask something,” Roseluck said, glancing side to side from Pinkie to Sombra. “Where exactly are you from, Sombra?”
“Crystal Empire,” Sombra answered, standing up just a bit more straight and proud. “I’m actually it’s ruler. Don’t believe the lies those pretenders on the throne tell you. The empire is rightfully mine, and once I acquire my full power I shall crush that current royalty and annihilate any of the resistance. The empire shall once more stand up ever powerful over all other nations and be a true power to fear throughout the lands!”
“Um… okay then,” Roseluck muttered, backing away slightly from the crazed stallion. “A simple location would’ve been fine.”
“Oh, Sombry here just likes going on and on about himself,” Pinkie said, giving a supporting pat on Sombra’s back. “He can just go for hours on end without a break.”
“Heh, just like you, I suppose,” Roseluck chuckled uneasily, Sombra’s glowing green gaze unnerving her a bit.
“There is nothing me and this incomprehensible, pathetic excuse for a barely working brain have in common,” Sombra said, pointing to Pinkie Pie.
“Ooh, we both like chocolate!” Pinkie readily reminded him, Sombra facehoofing in response.
“That’s not what I meant!”
Roseluck giggled, moving around the pair to front down the street. “Well, I just wanted to say hello. Was a pleasure seeing you, Pinkie, and you as well, Sombra,” Roseluck said before passing by. “What a cute couple,” Roseluck said, far enough away that neither Sombra and Pinkie Pie heard her.
“So, do you like vanilla, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, bananas, watermelons, mangoes, avocadoes, pancakes, waffles, apples, cake?” Pinkie asked, drawing in a breath before she went into stage two of her tirade of questions.
Sombra pulled at his sideburns until they threatened to tear off. “Is there any end to this torture?”
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No, no there isn't.
This is magnificently hilarious! Especially how they just flat out ignored his death threats.
3264875
False. It stops being torture once he realizes he enjoys it.
Of course, that's if he ever learns to enjoy it.
So does Celestia suppress information that her nation receives? How can none of them know who Sombra is?
It's the same with Discord and Nightmare Moon. (Only less canonical.)
Totally imagined Lyra being throttled/strangled.
if a cannon 'redeemed Sombra arc' ever happens now, I hope it plays out like this. I love how the other ponies are responding to him.
Love it! Great update, Bobby!
I lost it at the spoon part!
Would have been funny if he mentioned that their newest princess had him locked in her basement for the past few weeks.
3264892 I think it's more along the lines of no pony knew about Sombra and after the empire opened up to the rest of the world it didn't matter
soo everyone is already shipping Pinkie and Sombra and in the fic itself as well...... how...meta i suppose is the word.
3264892 i dont think she surpresses it for say i think its just not common knowledge
one could always go out and find info on the subject
i mean discords statue was there for 1000 years and im sure theres a book or two out there explaining who they were and what they did
sombra would be harder to find info on because he just vanished for centuries along with the place with the most info about him
You're back! Hoh my God YES!
3264919
Sombra: "I don´t understand. I am one of the most evil and powerful unicorns ever existed! I enslaved a country and battled the immortal rulers of Equestria. How cannot be you cowering in fear and begging for mercy to my hooves?"
"Dude, chill down a bit! Do you know where you are? This is Ponyville. There is no single month where we must not deal with something weird: crazy alicorns, smoking dragons, ursas, timberwolves, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, showmares possesed by cursed amulets, magical accidents... Oh, look there: Discord making cotton candy clouds again! He must be here to visit Fluttershy"
Sombra: "
"Have I told you about the day Pinkie Pie invaded the town with a horde of clones of herself?"
Sombra:
Threats are as hollow as Easter eggs ^^ Maybe that why he has a sweet tooth
Great... After reading this, I am now imagining Sombra and Pinkie shipping.
More like them both kissing passionately under the moonlight on some cliff, with stars glimmering behind. Oh, and Sombra isn't wearing any clothes (or armor) and Pinkie has an alternate hairstyle which is longer and less fluffy, plus a cute blue and yellow balloon headband. Pinkie's hooves touch Sombra's face while Sombra's touch Pinkie's hooves. They already finished kissing and now are looking at each other's eyes, mouths wide open with saliva from both mouths still connected.
Oh, I'm one bad Creative.
3265129
Now Im a bit disappointed Sombra didnt ask that question in this story.
That would have been hilarious.
Not a chance in Tartarus, Sombra. Resistance is futile. You will be Pinkie-similated!
3265208 Not really. It just turned me on.
3264875
+1
This story is not safe for work. I mean, do you know how hard it is not to laugh out loud in the middle of the office while reading it ? That crazy Lyra...
SOMKIE FTW
3265545 maybe you shouldn't read fan-fics while working... oh who am I kidding....
Sombra... the devil is WRONG with you? Why not WRING HER NECK THE MOMENT SHE TURNS HER BACK?
Simply put. This chapter was hilarious.
Love how nopony seems to be taking his death threats very seriously.
~ Super-Brony12
3265630
No no, you're right. I'm ashamed of myself...
Office time is meant for writing fanfics, not reading them
3265129
For the love of Sombra's sanity, the mirror pool incident should never be brought up.
Ever.
3265771 Thats the spirit!
3265774 on the other hoof it could work very well as A threat. "if you break a Pinkie promise I'll make a clone or two, which tend to be a little annoying, unlike sensible and thoughtful as me." Though it wouldn't make much sense to actually go through with it obviously.
I love how no one takes his death threats seriously. Nopony in town's ever gotten one, so they really wouldn't know how to react and would just brush them off. Also, points for having Lyra in there, having her be cool and having no mention of humans whatsoever. I don't mind human obsessed Lyra, it just wouldn't have had anything to do with the situation.
3265807
It'd also be kinda hollow considering that Twilight covered the entrance to the pool, and I doubt she'd uncover it just to torture Sombra some more.
These two should be glad Sombra doesn't have his magic back. Otherwise, I'm sure he'd probably do them like Ermac in MK 9.
images.wikia.com/madnesscombat/images/a/aa/Neutral-if-you-know-what-i-mean-l.png
All his death threats XDDD Everypony is just like whatever! Keep going! I am loving this even more!
And here I thought Pinkie was going to go batshit insane since the first few things Sombra did was insult the ponies that they met.
3264892 Sombra disappeared with his entire kingdom. with it, was any knowledge of its existence. This is evident in that Celestia didn't remember much about it when she told Twilight.
Nightmare Moon was banished to the Moon for 1000 years, to which in that time was complete peace. Time has a way of warping the past to future generations, and in time the story of nightmare moon went from fact to legend to myth, which is why Twilight found out about her in a story book, instead of a history one. plus, those of future generations who haven't seen war wouldn't think their princess, the most noble of their country, would think she was capable of something so cruel as banishing her own sister, and as such would believe it to be a tale, and nothing more.
With Discord... i have nothing. nothing concrete anyways, beside the fact that he has a stained glass painting of him in the Canterlot throne room, which wouldn't be there if she was trying to hide his existence.
Oh. Poor Sombra. I feel for you. Not really. There is no end of the torture for you. Well, Great chapter. Can't wait for the next.
3265958 With Lyra and Bon-Bon, he insulted their bickering. Roseluck, he didn't insult her. He only insulted Pinkie Pie.
3264892
Sombra disappeared, with the Empire, a thousand years past. No one's great, great, great, great grandparents were alive back then. You really need to bring into scope how long a thousand years is. America is barely over 200. Just a fifth, and look how long our history is as one of the youngest nations in the world. Information from its founding has already been irrevocably lost and twisted in just 200 years.
Now picture 1000 years where no one even wants to THINK about these villains to begin with, believing them to be forever dealt with. In a land of peace and harmony, what good is it to fret every single day of your life that essentially-dead villains are going to rise from their grave or imprisonment and rampage down the street? Of course people don't know about this stuff unless they look really hard for the information, like Twilight - and since information can get really damn depressing, why bother? Get up, go to the job that you enjoy and fits your talents perfectly, get off work and have some fun with friends and/or family, go to sleep - go back to it tomorrow. Absolute bliss, don't need to worry if that guy with the entire kingdom full of slaves that your fearless god-like rulers blasted into oblivion is going to show back up and conquer you. Doesn't require Celestia suppress information at all, the ponies do that themselves - and it's not a bad idea in the slightest, especially since it's not something they need to worry about and nothing they can change.
The only thing that could have made this chapter better would be if Lyra had said to Sombra "Stop crushing my dreams!"
3265566 I personally find that Pinbra sounds better
Seems like a challenge for both of them, eh?
So what is the actual name for king sombrero x pinkie pie?
So if Fluttershy gets Discord, and Pinkie gets Sombra, I think all of the mane 6 should become best friends with villains.
I mean, it happened to RD with Morgoth in this story.
No Sombra. Your torture will never end.
Nor will my amusement.
3264892
You have to figure that the villain from that was a giant black cloud of a pony. This powerless normal sized unicorn probably does not fit what they heard.
My shipping senses are tingling
3266974sombrero pie?
Oh..What a cute couple.
Oh, this just keeps getting better and better... can't wait for the reading by KhaozSparkz... although I did hear the voices as he did them. English Batman is BEST Batman.
Lyra was wonderfully eccentric.
The ship is comming to port!
That joke is horrible. I should feel horrible!