• Published 2nd Sep 2013
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Feeling Pinkie Mean - RainbowBob



Sombra has met his match, literally.

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Chapter 9: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

When two objects of equal or greater masses make contact, one of the most fundamental laws of motion calls for said contact to result in an equal opposite reaction. Now, apply this law to the situation of Sombra pounding his hooves helplessly against the magical force field separating him from the outside world while Pinkie Pie, without warning, pounces at his unprotected backside going at a speed rivaling the fastest land animal in Equestria. What results is, of course, Sombra being driven painfully into the wall, squished helplessly by the force of Pinkie’s impact.

The equal opposite reaction takes place when the force field stretches outward to allow Sombra a few feet of leverage to move forward a bit, but not quite breaking. This is similar to an elastic effect. His cheeks are squeezed and his tongue hung out as a silent scream left his lips, eyes wide open in pure terror as he felt telltale indications that his spine was being shattered.

Sombra and Pinkie hung, mid-air, in what would look to anypony who took a gander to be Sombra’s face resembling one squished against a window, while Pinkie was too busy gritting her teeth in pure fury to have any other expression.

They stayed there for just a second, but to Sombra, it felt like an eternity. To Pinkie, it felt like five minutes and twenty-six seconds.

Then, like a rubberband being released near the breaking point, the grey and pink duo whipped back from the force field’s grip and shot back up the hill as a spinning ball that resembled a runaway tumbleweed.

Repeatedly, Sombra’s face met the dirt, rocks, cobblestones, and sticks that made up the roads of Ponyville, while Pinkie Pie was protected by the flailing body of Sombra himself.

“Augh! Ouch, ooh, agh, nhg, AHHHHHHHH—my legs!” Sombra screamed, interrupted only by every painful introduction with the road that his face had to bear through. Before too long, his muzzle resembled the road more than anything else.

While Pinkie would normally be cheering at her heart’s content at such a dizzying and exhilarating ride such as this, the only thing she could think of to do now is grab Sombra in a vice-like grip and never let go. At this rate, Sombra didn’t know what would give out first: his ribs, or all the teeth remaining in his jaw.

The two were making good speed back up the upwards slope of the hill, already passing by the confused firework salespony along with the movers from before. A floundering piranha gasped for breath on the ground, before immediately hitching a familiar ride on Sombra’s butt.

Thankfully for what was left of Sombra’s dignity, their trip was cut short when his face smacked right into a fallen plum that was caused by Sombra’s escape earlier. While the pit impacted quite painfully into his eye, the ripe outer fruit was reduced to squishy juice that Sombra’s cheek slid on for a good number of feet, before the two crashed right into the basin of the Princess Celestia fountain.

Once contact was made with the fountain, an upside down Pinkie hit it first, which caused her to be thrown over the top and into the fountain pool rightside up again. However, her grip on Sombra slipped, flinging him out of her hooves to be propelled away as a shrieking missile.

Airborne, Sombra flailed uselessly in a desperate bid for flight. He did, somehow, manage to fly for a short moment on pure momentum. After only a second of his pegasus imitation, his forehead smacked right into the middle of the sun on the stone rump of Celestia’s cutie mark.

Pinkie’s eyes spun while she came to her senses. “Holy-canoley. Did anybody get the number of that truck?”

She sat in the pool for a bit, panting while her soaking mane covered much of her face. After shaking her head and returning her mane to its normally fluffy state, she heard something fall with a loud sploosh into some water.

“Sombra?” she called out, splashing through the pool to the center where Celestia was displayed. She noticed a large hole where Celestia’s cutie mark once was, and directly underneath it was Sombra, who was currently floating on his stomach with his head in the water, unmoving.

“There you are!” Pinkie shouted. She trudging through the pool to get to Sombra’s side and tugged at his soaking cape with both hooves. “You’re not gonna get away this time, you slippery, slick slimeball of snidefulness!” Sombra made no response, a few bubbles rising to the surface his only reply.

“Trying to play dead isn’t going to work on me this time, Sombra!” Pinkie narrowed her eyes and growled. “I know all about your tricks. Now, am I gonna get that apology or not?” She pulled Sombra’s face out of the water and squeezed his cheeks together, which produced a thin stream of water fountaining ou in an imitation of the statue he’d hit.

Pinkie shook him back and forth. “Wake up!”

Sombra’s tongue lolled out afterward, but he stayed silent. Pinkie released him, which re-submerged the stallion into the water. She stood still, staring at his body which showed no signs of movement.

“Uhm, Sombra?” Pinkie whispered. She poked his head once. “Sombra… please, can you hear me? It’s not funny.” The last bubble rose to the surface, and with that, the pool was still. “...Sombra?”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide. She dragged Sombra’s body to the edge of the fountain and hefted him over the side, where he slapped onto the ground in a wet pile. Jumping out of the fountain, Pinkie pulled Sombra away so that he had some free space.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no!” Pinkie panicked. She turned Sombra on his back, but even then she saw no sign of his chest rising or falling as an indication for breath. “This is bad. Really, really bad! Sombra, please, if you can hear me, wake up!”

Sombra’s laid still, even as a fly landed right on his eye to walk around.

Pinkie began to pull at her mane with both hooves until she felt like she’d tear it off. “Aah!” she shrieked, looking around for anypony to help. “He needs CPR! He needs the lips of life!” Not waiting for the bystanders that had gathered, she squished Sombra’s cheeks together so that his face puckered up.

Closing her eyes, Pinkie pushed her lips out in imitation of him and closed the distance between their faces, their lips inching nearer and nearer until they nearly touched. With only the space of a cupcake to spare, she stopped.

Pinkie’s eyes opened, and she dropped Sombra’s head unceremoniously with a clunk like an empty coconut. “Wait a second, I don’t know CPR!” Her face contorted in panic and she cupped her hooves to yell, “Hello, anypony!? My friend needs the lips of life, STAT!”

“Why here there, youngin’,” an extremely old and balding grey earth pony stallion said, hobbling forward and shaking like a leaf in a strong wind.

“Mr. Waddle!” Pinkie exclaimed, throwing her hooves around him. “Please, Mr. Waddle, do you know CPR? He needs help!”

Adjusting his large, black-frame glasses, Mr. Waddle grinned friendlily and nodded. “Why sure, I learned it back in the day as a lifeguard at the local swimming hole. Now, let me tell ya, half the mares there would pretend to drown just so I can go rescue them. Why, this one time—”

“No time! We have no time!” Pinkie pointed to Sombra, who was covered in the shadows of several vultures circling overhead. “He’s not breathing! Please, can you help him?”

“Oh, right. Why of course I will, youngin’, it’d be the neighborly thing to do.” Mr. Waddle removed his yellowed dentures and placed them in Pinkie’s hooves. “Hold my teeth for me now. Don’t want them dropping down this young fellow’s throat.”

Mr. Waddle straightened Sombra’s neck upright, rolled his tongue back in his mouth, then opened his jaw as far as it would go. Breathing in a large gulp of air, Mr. Waddle pressed his lips against Sombra’s and breathed in oxygen to Sombra’s lungs. He then punched the other stallions ribcage fiercely, and with surprising strength for such an old codger. After a few punches, he repeated the first step.

After a few attempts, while Pinkie also jumped up and down on Sombra’s stomach in order to help, he finally came to, though not without upchucking a barrel’s worth of water.

Sombra continued to spit and sputter, his eyes blinking rapidly. Pinkie had ended her bouncing, and was now sitting on Sombra’s chest, staring him right in the eye.

“Sombry, are you okay?” Pinkie asked. She pulled his neck up so that their faces were only inches apart.

“Ugh… why does my mouth taste like tobacco?” Sombra muttered. He winced, holding a hoof to a rather large bump on his noggin. “And why does my head hurt?”

“You were drowning after your head hit Celestia’s butt and then you weren’t breathing and I thought you were trying to trick me again but then it turned out you really had drowned, and I was afraid I had lost your forever!” Pinkie said without taking in a breath.

Looking at Pinkie with an arched brow and furrowed gaze, Sombra touched his mouth, before his eyes opened wide and his pupils turned to pinpricks. “Oh no… don’t tell me you kissed me to save my life!”

Pinkie giggled. “No, silly-head, Mr. Waddle did that!” She pointed to the old timely stallion, who was busy putting his dentures back in his mouth.

“That’s even worse!” Sombra’s face turned green, and before he knew it his head was back over the fountain, where coughing and the loud sounds of gagging could be heard.

“Well, I never.” Mr. Waddle huffed and trotted away from the duo. “Young ponies today and disrespecting their elders. When will it change?”

“I’m over a thousand years older than you, you barnacle-brained coot!” Sombra yelled out, before returning to the fountain to continue retching.

Pinkie was on Sombra in an instant, wrapping him in her hooves. Before Sombra could retaliate against this sort of ambush, he noticed instead of attacking him, Pinkie was… hugging him? This event wasn’t too strange, since the impotent mare was big on shows of affection, but only seconds before she had been ready to tear his throat out.

“Oh Sombry, I was so worried about you! I thought I’d lost my friend!” Pinkie nuzzled her face against his cheek, earning a blush upon Sombra’s face. “I’m so, so, so happy that you’re still alive!”

Sombra gritted his teeth and growled. Shoving Pinkie off himself, he pointed an accusing hoof right into her face. “Worried about me? You tried to—urg, kill me!” Every movement made his limbs or back or ribs or head hurt, which covered just about everything.

Pinkie frowned sadly and shook her head. “No, I wasn’t! Honest!”

Sombra pointed to his face, where numerous scrapes and bruises covered his cheeks while a huge, swelling bruises could be seen on the side of his head, along with a black right eye. “You don’t call this trying to kill me? After chasing me around town, nearly setting me on fire, causing me to almost perish from drowning, and covering me in a plethora of bruises and cuts, you don’t call that trying to kill me?” Sombra winced, reaching below himself to remove the merciless, pointy jaws of a piranha from his rump, which he threw into the fountain. “And do I even need to remind you about those things?”

“Well, that’s because you broke a Pinkie Pie Promise!” Pinkie reminded him.

Sombra tugged at his sideburns to the point they were nearly ripped off. “Who in their right mind would go to all this trouble and nearly kill someone over a stupid promise?” Sombra held up a hoof before Pinkie could answer. “And before you ask, it’s you, you annoying pox of a mare!”

“I… I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” Pinkie pulled at her wet mane, which was showing signs of straightening out. “I just wanted you to apologize for breaking your promise. And, well, you were running away.”

“I was only running because you were trying to end my life, or are you so numb-skulled that you forgot that already? Is an apology worth me nearly drowning, Pinkie?” Sombra asked. She didn’t answer. “Is it?

Pinkie sniffed, her gaze unable to meet Sombra’s. “N-No, it isn’t. I didn’t want you to get hurt, I mean it. I would never mean to hurt one of my friends!”

Sombra cut her off, waving a hoof dismissively. “Well, that tells both of us clearly enough that we aren’t friends, now, are we?” He snorted, twisting his soaking cape to release some water from it.

Pinkie’s look saddened further, looking at the ground. Her voice was a near incoherent mumble. “But, you just stopped so suddenly, that I…”

Sombra got back up to all fours and walked forward, stopping near Pinkie’s side so that he could glare at her out of the corner of his eye. “And to think, Twilight thought you could be responsible enough to actually reform someone, much less me. That tells me either she’s as big a fool as you, or that your friends put too much faith in some pink, babbling imbecile like yourself. Or both.”

He trotted past her, not even bothering to shove her to the side. She wasn’t worth the effort, or the agitation to his bruises.

Before Sombra could walk a few feet away, Pinkie held up her hoof and yelled, “Wait, Sombry, please—”

“Don’t you call me by that name! Or any other name!” Sombra replied sharply back to her, not turning around to look at her. “As far as I’m concerned, we’re through! I’d rather rot in a dungeon than be in your presence for any longer!”

“But, I, but I only wanted to help…”

Sombra glanced over his shoulder. “You know how you can help me?” he asked. He turned back around, and continued on his way to Twilight’s library. “By taking a hint and getting out of my life.”

As Sombra departed, Pinkie sat in a pool of water from her soaking coat, staring at her unsmiling reflection. “I didn’t mean for you to get hurt,” she whispered to herself, sniffling. “I swear, I didn’t. I’m… I’m… sorry.”


Sombra threw open the doors of the library which crashed against the walls. He stomped into the treehouse adobe, mud and water following in his wake as droplets ran from his armor and coat. A clear frown of disapproval was etched on his face like a stone inscription.

Spike looked up from where he was dusting a shelf along the wall.

“Oh, come on, at least wipe your hooves on the doormat!” Spike said. He held both claws against his head and fell to his knees as Sombra continued to walk into the library, a huge, dirty mess appearing wherever he stepped.

Twilight trotted down the stairs, stopping when she noticed Sombra’s appearance. “Wow, um, Sombra. You look like you had an… interesting visit to Ponyville.” Twilight cleared her throat and rubbed the back of her neck. “So… did Pinkie show you a good time around?”

“I am officially done with that clouted nitwit!” Sombra replied. He stamped a hoof on the floor, Spike gritting his teeth when he noticed how difficult a stain that would be to remove. “She tried to kill me!”

Twilight blinked in response, then smirked and rolled her eyes. “Oh, that sounds ridiculous. I’m sure you’re just overreacting to things.”

“Does this look like I’m overreacting?” Sombra asked, pointing to his bruised and beaten face.

Spike opened up a closet and withdrew a bucket and mop, already filling it with water to clean up Sombra’s mess. “No, but it looks like you’re ugly,” Spike said.

Twilight couldn’t help but giggle, despite looking in disbelief at Sombra’s condition.

Meanwhile Sombra had to resist the instinct to blast the rude naysayer to ashes. Not like he could anyhow, on account of his lack of magic.

Sighing deeply, he merely trudged to the basement door, taking care to spread as much mud as possible on the floor along the way. “Fine, you knaves believe whatever you want. I’m going to back to my prison to rest, and hope this day leaves my memories for good.”

“Don’t forget, you have a tea party with Pinkie tomorrow!” Twilight said to him just as he opened the door.

Sombra faced Twilight, his left eye twitching while his right remained swollen due to its bruising. Was she not listening at all? It didn’t matter. “I’d rather have a tea party in the darkest, deepest, and most vile pit of Tartarus than with that mare!” And with that, he slammed the door shut, which was quickly followed by several crashes and screams as Sombra attempted to walk down the stairs without a light.

“Wow, what’s his deal?” Twilight asked.

“I know, right?” Spike began scrubbing the floor with his mop, a scowl appearing on his scaly face at the amount of effort it took to remove the mud tracks. “Doesn’t he know how damaging water is to laminate wooden floors? I swear, the nerve of some ponies…”

As Spike and Twilight continued in their discussion about how to properly remove mud from the floors without further water damage, Sombra picked himself up from the basement floor, his entire body feeling like one large bruise. He couldn’t see a thing, but it wasn’t like the darkness ever bothered him in the first place, other than causing him to trip down an entire flight of stairs. No, what was currently bothering him was much more painful and annoying than that.

“Curse you, Pinkie Pie. Ruining my life even more than it already is,” he whispered. He clenched his eyes shut, feeling his hatred for her make his blood boil with rage. “Not only have I lost my entire empire and all my magic, but now my dignity as well? When will it end? When?

He stomped a hoof into the floor, breathing deeply over and over again. Just the mere thought of the mare made his skin crawl. He wanted nothing more than to end her, along with her entire moronic town as well. All of them, from every mare to the smallest colt, were nothing but whelps before his might.

But, it was a might which had no power to it, he remembered sadly enough.

Opening his eyes, he slowly adjusted to the blackness. After a few seconds, Sombra noticed that the basement’s shadows weren’t as dark as he first thought. Looking up, he saw a new light in the dark. A light he was all too familiar with.

His horn was glowing a menacing purple with swirls of foul green circling around it, flashing here and there like lightning bolts. It was weak, incredibly weak, but it was magic nonetheless. His magic, to be exact. And even now, in its vulnerable state, he could feel it growing more powerful by the second.

“Hello darkness,” Sombra said, his pupils glowing a brighter shade of red as a smirk appeared on his lips, “my one and only friend.”