“Okay, moving onto question eighty-five. What was the main source and commodity for the Crystal Empire?” Twilight asked, staring intently at Sombra while she dipped her quill in a fresh inkwell.
Sombra groaned, head in his crossed forelegs on the table before him. “This is a truly torturous experience.”
“No, this is research,” Twilight corrected him. “Now, what’s the answer?”
“The shadowy abyss of dread that I was locked in for a thousand years was better than this,” Sombra muttered under his breath, staring back up to glare at Twilight. “Think really hard and tell me what the commodity of the Crystal Empire would be.”
Twilight huffed. “No need to be testy.”
“The need to be testy came and went after question number forty. Now I’m just annoyed,” Sombra said, scowling harder. “Can this suffering end sometime soon?”
Twilight shook her head. “I just need a few more questions–”
Sombra slammed his steel-clad hoof on the table, the wood bending under the force. “By the ninth pit of Tartarus, will you shut your mouth and begone from my sight?”
Sombra’s hoof was encased in a bright purplish light, lifting the appendage up in the air as Twilight’s frown deepened. “First off, you do not break the furniture in my house,” Twilight started, releasing her magic hold on his hoof. “Secondly, as long as you live in my house, you abide by my rules. Meaning I can ask you as many questions as I please.”
“You heartless banshee,” Sombra muttered, yanking his hoof away and rubbing it tenderly.
Twilight raised her brow. “Does someone want to go the basement again?”
Sombra held both hooves to his cheek, a frightened expression overtaking his face. “Oh no, I’m absolutely terrified about being sent to the wretched and dank basement! It’s not like I ever in all my elongated life have ever spent a centuries without light or comfort.” Sombra waved his hoof in the air and snorted. “Bah, make threats that at least scare me somewhat, as well as some you’ll actually have the spine to stick by. You’re too much of a goody, goatish little princess to stick me back in there for something as insignificant as not answering your insufferable questions.”
“Then I could always take away your dessert instead,” Twilight pointed out, closing her eyes in content while smirking just as Sombra’s face fell in an open jawed, shocked expression.
Closing his mouth, he said, “You wouldn’t dare…”
Opening her eyes up, she arched an eyebrow at the ex-tyrant and said, “Just try me.”
The tension in the room mounted dramatically, so much so the two were practically snarling in one another's faces. Which was a good reason Spike had departed from the two in a wise decision of not getting involved in any conflict that could potentially occur.
Just as Sombra was about to reply with a comment explaining to Twilight in vivid detail just where she could cram her next question, Pinkie decided to burst through the door in her usual explosion of noise and confetti.
“Hello everypony, what’s happening?” Pinkie asked the pair, walking in on the two spiteful rivals currently trying to destroy each other in a battle of wills and staring contests.
Twilight shrugged, brushing a lock of purple mane out of her eyes as she stared down at the scroll. “Oh, nothing much, Pinkie. I was just asking Sombra here some questions he was glad to answer.”
“Lies! You bribed me to answer those questions on the promise of pudding! Which I have still not received in spite of the agreement!” Sombra countered, pointing an accusing hoof at Twilight. “The promise of this mystical chocolate treat with a gooey texture will never be fulfilled from a villainous liar such as yourself!”
“Oh, and I’m the villainous one here, huh?” Twilight asked, lifting up the scroll she had just written in. “And who here enslaved his entire people and made an army of darkness to take over the entire world?”
“At least I didn’t lie about it!” Sombra countered, holding a hoof to his chest. “I have pride in my evil accomplishments, thank you very much.”
“That doesn’t seem like something you should be very proud of,” Pinkie said, hopping in a chair and scooted over to Sombra. “Like, I’m proud of the fact I’m the number one cupcake eater in town. Ooh, and with bubblegum I can blow the biggest bubble ever! And even the fact that I can stretch my tongue really, really long!”
“Fine, fine, we get the point,” Sombra groaned, grimacing at the over-rambunctious pink mare. “End your insistent babbling this minute.”
“Sombra!” Twilight shouted.
Sombra held up his hooves in the air in defense. “Hey, at least I didn’t tell her to shut her pribbling pie-hole up! Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Not if you’re going to be rude about it,” Twilight replied, glowering at Sombra.
“It’s okay, Twilight,” Pinkie assured her, reaching out to tap on her hoof supportively. “I’m used to Sombry being a bit grumpy.”
Sombra’s head hit the desk, a deep breathing heard from his face’s current position. “For the last time…” Sombra lifted up his head and stared at Pinkie with a livid, all together psychotic expression. “My name is Sombra! Do you need me to spell it out for you? S-O-M-B-R-A! Not once does ‘y’ appear there! So unless you want me to carve it into your thick skull, address me correctly!”
The room was cast back into a tense silence, though this one was quickly broken by Sombra’s cry of pain.
“Ow!” he shouted, rubbing his ear. Glaring at Twilight, he noticed her glowing horn and managed to put two and two together. “What was that for?”
“You threatened my friend, so you got punished,” Twilight said, rolling up her scroll in a nonchalant manner. “I gave you a punishment fit for a foal.”
“By twisting my ear?”
Twilight smiled. “Indeed I did.”
It took a few seconds for this insult to sink in. When it finally did, he was reaching over the table to strangle Twilight while Pinkie tried her best to hold him back. “I will destroy you! Burn your body and entire village to the ground as I and enslave the lot of you! Your life shall end by my hoof, you incompetent and inferior mare!”
“Sombry, please, sit down,” Pinkie begged, finally able to pull him back to his seat when Twilight’s magic forced him to be seated again. Standing between the two and their hatefilled glares at one another, Pinkie’s ears drooped and she ducked underneath to avoid their murderous gazes. Luckily, she had just the thing to fix that.
“Who wants to play a fun game?” Pinkie asked, throwing down a board game she somehow pulled out of nowhere.
“Where did you even acquire such a trivial thing?” Sombra asked, staring at the rectangular box with a scrutinous glare. “You didn’t even walk in with it.”
“Don’t try to overthink it, Sombry,” Twilight said, shaking her head to Pinkie. “And count me out, Pinkie. I see this as a much better opportunity for you two to bond. I’ll be doing some studying in the meantime.”
Twilight departed from the pair, leaving Sombra and Pinkie all alone.
Dusting off his cape, Sombra took to all fours to leave as well. “Whatever this game is, count me out of it as well. A king would never do something so foalish, especially with an artless mare such as yourself.”
“If you want, we can continue with the questionnaire!” Twilight called out from the table across the room, lifting several scrolls up in the air with her magic. “I just find your pony’s culture and timeline far too intriguing to pass up the opportunity to learn more!”
Sombra sat back down. “Due to new complications, I shall partake in this so called ‘fun game’ with you,” Sombra said, peering intently at the box with the cartoonish stallion figure dressed up in a fancy suit, top hat and trademark white mustache. “Now, how exactly do we play it?”
“It’s quite simple, really.” Pinkie opened the box and dumped out its contents: dice, game pieces, different color bits, a square, fold-out game board, a plethora of plastic housing figures, and cards that had the print ‘Chance’ and ‘Community Chest’ on them. “This game is called Monopony, and it’s all about real estate. Both of us buy up different properties, sell stuff, do auctions, viscously land grab anything we can get our greedy hooves on, open up overpriced houses and hotels, and even win the occasional beauty pageant for a meager reward. Oh, and the point of the game is to force the other player to go bankrupt and lose any financial gain they have worked so hard for to acquire. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
“It does not matter whether it is ‘fun’ or not,” Sombra said, digging through the pile of game pieces until he picked out his piece of choice, which was a thimble. “All that matters is that I win. The king must always win.”
In a flash, Pinkie had the game all set up, her own piece, a cupcake, at the starting position. “Silly, it doesn’t matter whether you win or not. It’s all about having fun!” Pinkie said, clapping her hooves together.
“Heh, that’s what you say now,” Sombra told her, picking up the dice and giving them a good shake in his hoof before releasing them on the table. “But just wait and see how badly you are defeated when I’m done with you.”
[hm]
“You dirty cheater!” Sombra shouted with spiteful rage, flipping the game board over the table, game pieces and paper bits flying across the room.
“Hey, I wasn’t cheating!” Pinkie whined, pointing a hoof directly in his face. “You are the one who can’t handle losing!”
“I wouldn’t be losing if you hadn’t cheated like an adulteress mare with her husband!” Sombra spat back, slapping her hoof away.
Crossing her hooves, she arched a brow at him and asked, “Then explain to me, Mr. Sore Loser, how exactly did I cheat?”
“... I don’t know how exactly,” Sombra said, glancing to the left and right in a nervous habit, “but I do know your credibility towards the fair play of games has been shattered over the untruthful transgressions that have taken place on this gameboard.”
Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “You’re just jealous because you suck at real estate.”
“I am a king!” Sombra shouted, pointing his hoof up high in the air. “I deal with real estate on a daily basis! Buying, or more likely conquering, land, selling off slums and ghettos to high rollers to make factories to bind the poor with cheap labor and unhealthy living conditions, and most importantly, collecting an improbably high amount of taxes.”
“Okay then, real estate expert. Where does stuffing down bits in your armor sleeves come in the real estate game?” Pinkie Pie asked, noticing bits falling on the table from where Sombra raised his hoof.
Drawing his hoof back with sweat beading up on his forehead, he muttered, “How dare you accuse me, a king of a royal bloodline, of doing something as petty as cheating at a board game! For shame upon you, for shame!”
Getting up from her seat, Pinkie shrugged, still smiling. “Fine, if you don’t want to play fairly, we don’t have to play at all. And here I thought we could go out to Ponyville for a nice walk, but if you’re too much of a sore loser to go…”
“Ha, like I’d ever go out in public with somepony as uncultured as you,” Sombra laughed, grinning smugly.
“That means you can stay here with me!” Twilight called out from the table, holding a wide arrange of scrolls and books in her magical grip. “I was thinking that we can continue with the research of the Crystal Empire while also schooling you in modern world mannerism and knowledge. Plus, we can even go through the thousand year time gap of history you missed out!” Twilight smiled broadly at Sombra’s fearful frown. “Doesn’t that sound exciting?”
“On second thought…” Sombra turned back to Pinkie and declared, “Take me out on the town! It’s about time the derelict masses know once more of my return to greatness!”
“Hey, Twilight, can I take Sombra out for a walk?” Pinkie called over the king’s shoulder.
“Only if you put him on a leash!” Twilight yelled, both mares snickering while Sombra drooped lower in his seat. Holding back more giggles, Twilight said, “I suppose now is as good as ever to show Sombra around Ponyville. Everypony was going to find out about his return eventually, and Celestia did say it’s up to my judgement when to reveal him. So yes, you can take him out as long as he behaves.”
“I’m not just some foal you two can boss around!” Sombra objected, stomping his hoof in the ground.
“Then stop acting like one,” Twilight said, returning the books and scrolls she was holding back to her desk. Tapping a hoof to her chin for a moment, Twilight said, “Oh, and Sombra, do try to not escape Pinkie or the borders of Ponyville. I still have that magical signal traced on you if you ever decide to. You wouldn’t what would happen if you do.”
Frowning, Sombra shrugged and got up. “So, shall we depart from this wretched house of learning already?” he asked Pinkie.
“Only if you Pinkie promise not to be rude or mean to anypony we meet in Ponyville,” Pinkie told him, bouncing near the door for him to hurry up.
“What in blazes is a Pinkie promise?” Sombra asked, joining her beside the door.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Pinkie said, crossing her heart with a hoof, flapping her wrist in the air to mimic flying and actually shoving her hoof into her eye.
Sombra gagged at the display and said, “I am not going to do that!”
“Then I guess no outside time,” Pinkie said with a shrug, opening up the door. A tempting ray of sunshine fell into the library, and the distant sounds of ponies going about their daily business with birds chirping in the air could be heard in the distance. Sounds Sombra hadn’t heard of in centuries.
Gritting so hard he was sure he was going to crack a molar, Sombra gulped and muttered barely above a whisper, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my freaking eye.”
“Sillyhead, you have to do the hoof motions too!” Pinkie said, shoving her hoof into her eye hole once more. “Like this!”
“Take it or leave it,” Sombra replied, his dignity quickly falling to all new levels the more time he spent with the insufferable Pinkie Pie.
“Okie dokie lokie!” Opening the door wide, Pinkie bounced out of the library, Sombra falling begrudgingly behind. “We’re just gonna have so much fun!”
“The hindsight is going to hit me hard on this,” Sombra reflected, already dreading his decision. “I’m just sure of it.”
Cheer up Sombry, atleast youre not stuck in the basement anymore
3175600
No, instead he's getting cleaned out in a game of Monopoly and being taken for a walk.
Personally, being rather introverted, I'd rather the basement than his current treatment.
Monopoly... RainbowBob, you are more depraved than I first thought... making Lord Sombra have to play Monopoly against... Pinkie Pie... surprised he's still SANE after that.
Annnd, cue RD brutally assaulting Sombra, and things escalate from there.
Just... just... damn. Sombra's going to learn what it means to "hang with Pinkie."
Sombra's life is starting to suck in his perspective. In ours, it hilarious.
Now I wonder what Pinkie will do, and how Sombra will react, when he inevitably breaks his promise.
3175671
3175613
Pretty much this. Not to mention he was a king ruling over an empire. Can't entirely imagine going from that to whatever low job they have in store is going to help him any.
3175796
What's worse is what I'd do if I were any of them. If Pinkie, as part of his reformation and re-integration into society, was able to get him a job, I'd have him surrender his pay as a part of paying his debts to society.
I lost it.
3175685
Well, last time somepony broke a Pinkie Promise there was an chase scene in which 2 ponies got thrown out of a vehicle at high speeds.
So I'm going an escape attempt will result in Sombry going to the spa.
3175819
Well, not entirely sure that would work, he'd still need those bits to live unless he continues to live with Twilight.
Pinkie, everypony knows that monopony divides friends rather than brings them together.
Pinkie, what?
3175864
It's just like Mario Party.
and cue Sombra finding a chocolatiers and trying to clean Pinkie out by buying it all
3175934 We know right where RainbowBob got distracted by something shiny
Let's play a new game: How high can Twilight raise her eyebrows!
3175934
Sorry, fixed!
3175945
No.
With Monopoly, there's a chance to restore those friendships.
With Mario Party, those friendships are dead for four evers.
Yeah Pinkie, play Monopoly with Sombra, the game that destroys families and friendships.Next thing you know, she'll suggest Mario Kart or Uno.
3176024 FOREVER!!
Update! I love this. There is so much win in this chapter.
Every monopoly game ends the same way
"I GIVE UP"
3175934 It's Pinkie. We do not question this sort of thing from her.
When will Sombra meet Pinkamena?
Monopoly: the game that truly puts friendships to the test
3176321 you have it wrong, its mario party that does that
3175796
When someone abuses their power, you don't give them another position of authority to appease their ego while trying to reform them. You have to teach them humility, humanity/equinity, the ability to connect with others. If they can't learn that, there is no hope for reformation - and they won't learn it by looking down on others from some lofty employment. ANY job will be low and uncouth to a former king, even if they made him mayor - it would all be the same.
Customer service! That's where Sombra needs to be! Nothing makes you want to reach out and touch a person like customer service. The strangling of them is just to show how happy you are with their patronage.
Well, that's why he lost! No one takes the thimble!
Noooooooo I have to wait for update to see what happens next.
Damn your cliffhangers,
Calling it... ---> CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS' REFORMERS! YAY!
3176417
Nah, he just sucks at board games. I take the thimble all of the time and win most games. By cheating in ways you'll never imagine...
~Tempered Metal
3176408 I agree that that he needs to learn humility, but not by treating him the way he treats others, as worthless slaves.
“I was thinking that we can continue with the research of the Crystal Empire while also schooling you in modern world mannerism and knowledge. Plus, we can even go through the thousand year time gap of history you missed out!” Twilight smiled broadly at Sombra’s fearful frown. “Doesn’t that sound exciting?”
Dun dun Duuuuuu!
Yay! We hopefully see what happens when you break a Pinkie Promise .
I REALLY hope that we have a secret order pop up, filled with ponies still loyal to the "true king!" Sombra (I highly doubt he could have taken the empire and held it without help) Papers please style.
Sombra sits behind the counter of Sugercube Corner, growling angrily. Twilight and Pinkie, the insufferable mares, had decided that he should work the counter in an attempt to learn humility and make some "friends" The few customers that were not scared away by a tyrant working the counter, were turned away by the looks he gave them when they got there. A cough snapped him out of his thoughts, looking up, he was surprised to see a Crystal pony in a cloak and hood, only one blue eye viable from underneath. Before he could growl at the traitor, a slip of paper found it's way on the counter in front of him.
Sombra cautiously picked the slip of parchment, opening it slowly he began to read.
We are watching
We know of what has happened
We know you hate the Tyrant sisters
We know they think they know best
We know they know nothing
We know the Crystal princess is not our true leader
We know we must take our kingdom back by force
We will be in contact
We tell you that the messenger will bring you everything you need
We will be watching.
Sombra looked up at the Crystal pony waiting patently, he held out the slip of paper, the 'Messenger' took it back.
"We will be watching, may Anarchy Reign" and with that, the pony turned around and left without another word.
Just saying, I think it would be awesome, even if you don't go that rout, I highly doubt he doesn't have a following, however small, of Crystal Ponies still Loyal to him.
3176389 calling it a "Test" suggests that it can be passed.
3176626 Agreed.
Nonetheless, great story. Favorited.
Didn't imagine Pinkie would swear.
I pity the poor sombrero pony.
3177040
Swear?
Oh god... You totally should have linked the place to get the REAL MLP Monopoly game.
Just for the hell of it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I died laughing when Twilight perked up on the chance to know more of Sombra's history, I was like, OH SHIT! Damn, this is very, very good, seriously well written and your keeping everyone true to who they are. It's funny as hell how Sombra wants to burn everything to the ground, I can't wait for more, wonder when the romance will start though.
3177305
YA HAPPY????
Monopoly:MLP Edition.
Sombra is so funny!
Just a quick note. When you typed "viscously land grab anything we can get our greedy hooves on", I think you meant "viciously". Viscous means to be a sticky or thick semi-solid or liquid.
What happens if he tries to cross the barrier? Does he turn pink all over? Do hugging bunnies appear to chase him back to the library?
3177602
You're awesome.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Oh boy, Ponies who where horrified of a ZEBRA are going to be introduced to an EVIL KING OF DARKNESS...this is going to be HILARIOUS!
I wonder if Sombro will ever get his powers back. After he reaches the 'sorta-not-as-mean-or-evil' level.
Who wants to bet he's going to be an idiot and break the Pinkie Promise? Assuming that happens... he'll have good reason to fear Pinkie then.
He's going to break the Pinkie Promise, then the next thing we'll see is him curled up in a corner in the fetal position, mumbling, "P-pink... Oh Faust, there was so much pink."