Page generated in 0.031 seconds
Total duration
659 users online
746,723 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Another wonderful chapter Kip. Keep up the great work!
2162631
Hah, thank you. I haven't had any comments on early chapters in so long.
In hindsight, I apologise to you now for the writing errors, formatting flaws and general newbishness the story is going to show off very soon to you.
I swear to god, I stop writing such a Marty Stu after a small while! LOL
Happy b-day, BB and congrats to you for bringing it this far, Kipper.
As for the chapter, good background info. Blueheart is giving me the creeps though. Weird guy.
Keep it up!
2166746
Have to admit, I was swayed to go down a little further with that route because I know how much you like that along with Camobadger too.
You both have a soft spot for Eos so I added that ending primarily because I felt lonely without Sandstorm in so long but also because I knew you'd both enjoy it.
Not that it doesn't also have value in the story proper, but yeah. A little bit of appreciation to the fanbase doesn't hurt, right?
Don't worry, Broken Bonds may be a year old (and thus almost a year older than I ever imagined it'd ever make it to!) but it's not taking too long to write or too long in word count for me to handle.
What's making me do the rewrite is a lot of comment & genuinely helpful criticism from 4chan posters in the FOE threads there who are saying the idea is great but my writing initially was very lacking - and I agree.
Looking back on what I wrote, I can see how I've improved since then and I want to give new readers the best experience.
If they're told my writing improves as I go but they have to hang it out for quite a way, they might not want to read.
Yes, I should be focusing on those of you who do currently read and yeah, I am still focusing on you lot - but rewriting the beginning is better for everyone who wants to give it another read through and besides, it won't take me even half as long to rewrite the beginning and keep the same kind of stuff happening but add in details here, a little bit extra stuff there and generally improve it.
That's all I'll be doing, small improvements rather than completely changing it.
The idea is perfectly fine, it's just how I've done it all needs tidying up.
Anyway, as always, thank you ever so much for commenting! It always means a hell of a lot to me when anyone does and I love your comments especially.
Thank you, Reg.
I'm glad I can give you entertainment.
Wow dude, you really outdone yourself here! Wonderful.
In all truth, I was looking forward to Crimson's P.O.V because his terms of battle are more...exciting in a way. Love this story, hope it goes well for the next chapter.
And dear story, happy birthday.
good chapter again really like it, hopefully Cherry get's rescued
2180890
I'm really sorry, I just hope it wasn't too much for you. It was a hard scene to write but once I had I knew I had to keep it.
The quality drops in that chapter because I didn't want to go thinking over it too much myself even.
I hope you aren't put off reading, the end of the next chapter / the start of the one after should make you feel a little better.
Still, yeah. Powerful stuff and I hope you don't hate me for it. Sorry to make ya cry.
2186209
sorry for taking so long to reply. I've been in a very distracted state as of late. I'm really glad you enjoyed the time spent with Cherished Chance. I'm also crazy happy that you're enjoying a certain other character at the moment. She's one of my favourite characters to both read and write (because where's the rule saying i can't enjoy my own stuff, eh?)
2213016
First of all, I have to commend you on being able to get through the first two chapters with how they are. The rewrite on chapter 1 is about half done at the moment and makes things a whole lot better so far. (and I'll have my friend pre-read it unlike how I used to deal with things... as in, just releasing them as I finish them.)
The using the same words is something I stop doing later in the story as I get more experience as a writer but until now I've never really done rewrites, so you'll have to forgive my early chapters for their issues (if you can find it in your heart to do so) as the later ones don't have this issue.
It's one thing I'm focusing on a lot with the rewrites and I'm actually writing it all from scratch to make sure of it.
Now, as for the glyphs... I was completely off my nut on painkillers following an operation when I wrote that. I honestly never considered why they're glyphs for any other reason than they'd look cool. It's definitely something I'll have to reconsider when I get to that point.
(So yes, this is me admitting I outright didn't think properly about an aspect. My bad!)
I'll probably turn the glyphs into strange carvings with a symbol on them that the ponies don't recognise the meaning of.
The distance of the towns is something closer to 10-20 miles apart (unless you're going from corner to corner). That way it's still some distance between them and allows for a large area without being obscenely huge. Honestly though, size was never something I put too much thought into in such detail. I did make small notes of relative size, but didn't consider the need to really go into detail over something like that.
I just class it as "Four Ridges is huge, large enough to comfortably house 2,000 ponies and have plenty of space left over."
Tank is definitely pre-war and restored back to its former glory. Again, it's something of a flaw in that I never began Broken Bonds thinking it'd go anywhere, so I never gave Four Ridges too much consideration despite its importance. However, on the fly I'll answer this the most logical way I can think up:
-Tank is pre-war, it was mostly the facilities for the gate and a military complex to keep the area safe. It didn't need much work to be restored.
-Gummy is also pre-war, it served as a laboratory / engineering R&D facility during the war. It needed some maintenance and effort to restore, but for the most part was good.
-Angel and Opal are post-war, built by Stable pony know-how and post-war refugee pony muscle.
To your last question, your question actually has more relevance than you realise. You can either find out in the next chapter as it actually becomes a topic of discussion or you can highlight the next part: [ spoiler ]It's set in the final days of The Goddess. I think the very beginning (chapter 1) is something like two days before she dies. As to why this is of significance, you'll find out later in the story.[ /spoiler ].
Finally, I want to apologise for both the initial writing quality of my story (I know it's terrible, such is why the rewrites are in progress...) and the fact that I've had to admit to you that I hadn't really thought much out in the beginning.
When I started Broken Bonds, I'd never written anything creative outside of school before that ever got past the second page of A4. I never considered myself a writer, much less a good one. Even now I don't consider myself a good writer even with how I've improved and what people will say to you to the contrary.
My initial plan was to make it something like... ten chapters? Those ten chapters weren't going to be much longer than 5,000 - 7,000 words each either, but when chapter two hit 10,000 I realised it wasn't that hard to do that.
Also, the initial plotline was so bad... man, I can't even tell you how bad it was. Thankfully it mutated and has grown a lot since, its got beefier but in the good way. It has evolved.
Anyway, thank you! It means a lot to me that you'd take the time to read & comment!
I'll be sure to getting around to Ouroboros at some point, gotta work on the rewrites and chapter twenty but once at least chapter two's rewrite is done, I'll feel a little better about spending more time just reading.
2213187
Thanks for the heads up!
Also, glad you enjoyed the fight scenes & his style of attack. I figured that as a pegasus, it would only make sense for him to use his natural ability of flight to its fullest.
Why sit around on the ground like any other pony when you could use an unconventional form to surprise the enemy and dramatically increase your odds of survival?
Also, yeah, he was one of those on the Seahorse. I'm not sure what Somber would make of it, but personally I needed my revenge and the latest chapter of PH came out a year too late for my liking. (Even then, her "revenge" was empty)
2226170
Thank you!
It really gives me a lot of happiness to know that people are enjoying my story, tremendously so. Makes rewriting the beginning all the easier.
I'll definitely be planning the next chapter as soon as I'm finished with rewriting chapter 1 (most of the way there now) if not actually making a proper start on it thanks to the support I've been getting.
I know I say it a lot, but it really is thanks to people like you who spur me on to write more that I do.
The idea was to give mini reviews reach chapter, unfortunatley I got so enthralled that I have read up to C18. Anyway...
I LOVE THIS STORY! The plot, the fights, the characters; CHERRY IS AWESOME [No one messes!] the city, the conflicts... everything! The depth you have gone into with the three alicorns and how breaking from Unity would affect them is amazing. Eos is just beautifully written. The romance is perfect. The factions and their reaction all pan out and make sense. For once Healing potions aren't perfect which is great! [Even with magic, getting shot does a F*** ton of damage!]
Platinum broke my heart Poor, poor filly
I am getting worried about Crimson though... how does this end up with the bit we have the the prolouge? He keeps lashing out harder, and harder and now with Cherry captured... who ever gets in his way is going to suffer; even if they don't deserve it it seems.
Keep writing and FimFic will keep reading!
[Was looking for an 'Oh yeah!' style emoticon but there isn't one ]
2271081
I really don't know what to say, thank you! I was feeling down about my writing and questioning myself because I haven't done any *new* chapters recently.
I really can't find the words to thank you enough for saying all that, it's exactly what I've been needing but didn't want to fish for.
Aside from that, I really don't know how to thank you in general. I suppose writing more would be a start? haha!
I'm really glad you appreciate the setting so much. I'm trying my best to slowly work up Coltchester, adding more and more as I go. It's something I'm going to spend more time on now with the story having reached the perfect moment for such a task.
I'm amazed you've read so much so quickly, have to hand it to ya. Especially with the way my writing starts off so damn low quality.
Anything you'd like me to really focus on or just go with how it's going?
Also... *cough*
Can't say anything
2271390 You're welcome.
I am guessing that you haven't written much before this and that Kkat inspired you to start writing. If thats the case then to start where you did in terms of writing quality is brilliant! My C1 took 2 months to write, progressively getting better and better and even then it was totally rewritten once I got it on to FimFic; doubling in length in the process!
Specifics.... you could focus on spelling as that does throw me occasionally, Crimson has had 'bed' wings more than once, not red, and Cherry has been 'wringing' over something at one point to; as apposed to worrying.
Possible areas of focus... I would love to know more about the underground complex; what it looks like, rooms, colours. Same for the streets of Coltchester. Do they wind like paris or are they like NY after nuclear war? I would love to know more about the stable; is it like every other or is it painted differently, has larger rooms, different structure; though I am guessing you are going to get that in the rewrite. How Cherry ended up a specialist also intrigues me.
[I've said it before, but I will say it again...]
Keep writing and FimFic will keep reading!
2273553
Awesome, brilliant suggestions! Thank you!
This is something I really need and appreciate because it lets me know what to focus on and thus improve.
Oooopsie at the spelling errors. That's my bad for not having ever used any editors in the past. I'm beginning to do so now though, and I'll definitely make sure to have more patience and give my work a thorough check through myself as well rather than my current system of check a section after writing it real quick and carry on.
Yeah, this is the first thing I've ever wrote creatively that's gone past two pages of A4 that wasn't a school project, and even then, I can't recall any school projects of creative writing that were allowed to be anything more than two pages anyway.
My first chapter took me a week, and during that week I was high every fucking day from excessive(*) amounts of medicine.
(*Excessive isn't really the truth, I'd just had an operation and it was what they gave me. Still, it was enough to keep me high for a week since I don't do painkillers) and even after that, in actual writing time every chapter after that only takes me a few days (3 - 4). It's just a case of getting off my ass and doing that.
Hell, remember chapter seventeen? the 30,000 word one? I think that was something like four days total time.
Anyway, I'm rambling here, back on topic, haha.
So yeah, thank you every so much! I'm shocked anyone would think my starting quality was anything close to good enough even for babbies first story, but if it made the grade for that I'm honoured. (and yes, I do mean babbies if you don't understand the joke.)
And back to the details, again, thank you for the input and I'll be sure to focus on detailing the places you mentioned. Detailing the Stable might take a little more time to get to doing, though I'm sure I can slowly slide little pieces of information here and there without making it seem out of place. Perhaps even a full conversation as long as it feels right.
With Cherry gone, despite the fact she was the one with high perception, I'm definitely going to have Crimson taking more focus of his surroundings. He's lost his lover and he's not happy about it, he's going to be very sour about this and blame it on the city around him, making it natural he'd notice a little bit more.
So yeah, thank you I'll be sure to keep writing and I'll be sure to do what I can to catch any errors and give pre-readers a chance and not just throw it out like I usually do and hahaha. yeah. I'll do what I can to improve.
And I have run out of story... I can't wait for the rework to be done, I will be able to enjoy it after uni ends. I am glad that Crimson is staying loyal as lovely as Eos is and once again... GO CHERRY!