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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Again, this whole thing was literally thrown together in about half an hours work session. So if you think I should pull it down and expand on it in any way, let me know and I'll do that.
I just never have been one for prologues and like to keep them short, snappy and literally to the point of explaining either the world or the main character to some small detail.
Nice work Kip, for a full review look on Cloudsville
Yes.
All my yes. Its bringing up questions on whats going to really happen during the whole story, but I like the twist. I'll be seeing you, Kippy!
Not bad. I like it.
Upvote for working "Once upon a time" and "war never changes" into the same line... and having it as the opening line!
Damn boy, you know your in media res and how to use it properly, maybe a tad too much cinematic flair with the lightning and such, but heck cliches are cliches for a reason and it made it all dramatic as hell. Prologues are allowed to get away with cheesy stuff like that, even get points for it, but expect me to tsk tsk at it if it happens too much in the main part of the story. I think that this is the first prologue with a character showing up in it that didn't gave the whole "This is my pony and looks like this," spiel, so extra points to you for this as well.
Off to a good start, so lets see where this story will end up.
Horse pun is punny and you should feel so bad for making me giggle over it!
Nitpicks:
I do not know if all of the line mistakes in the chapter is intentional or not... But they do not work for me to be honest.
"The bastard in charge would would die." Delete
"It was over" You had a comma before it, so lower case
"My actions were justified and I could never need to explain them." Either "would never" or change the never to another word.
"waking me up from my hungover stupor and throwing out the flavour of the night before so that she could speak to me personally." Delete
"Every once in a while things would get out of hand" What is this magical appendage called a hand that you speak off? There be only hoof!