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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm just saying this now: I feel so giddy! I can't wait for the next chapter.
good chapter again and of course he still has the spear inside of him thats why Cherry face turned to absolute horror
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Ah, my bad. I meant to make it that you'd assume that the spear was pulled out after the thrust otherwise it would've got in the way while they kicked him about. I could go and edit that but I'm admittedly going to be lazy with this and tell you that comes down to the fact you're seeing it from his own perspective and the pain overrides narrative ability to tell you that it was pulled out.
But you are on the right line of thought, all the same.
As always, thank you. =)
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Thank you ^_____^ I'm glad you liked it. I was doing my normal and worrying that:
-the start would put people off with what happens.
-the middle gets boring
-the first fight goes too well for Crimson.
-the last fight ends too abruptly and that it would be called a Deus Ex Machina. (which in theory, it was, but TVtropes would class it as a class 3 DEM and thus, not a bad one. -- which a class 3 is a Chenkovs gun which is perfectly acceptable.)
but ya. Glad no-one had any issues thus far. thus far, anyway xD
Very nice chapter. Really liked the scene at the beginning with Eos. She's so cute....
Yea, Maisy is a biiiit OP but eh, every story needs a superhero. Well done, dude.
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Yeah, I really should give her a few cuts and bruises that make a difference next time... As for right now, she needed to be at her best and ignore everything. Pin it to adrenaline / anger in defence of Crimson as a small part of the explanation for now.
She's a little over-powered in terms of strength, but then she is massive after all so while I am doing it bad for that, I'll roll with what you said:
Every story needs that one character that can take the punishment, that can deal the damage. Though yeah, not trying to take away any of the fact it's poor writing technique to do that - just trying to make it a little acceptable. xD
Kip, I don't know if this is true or not. But the first sentence of the description looks like one big run-on sentence. Just cause there are like 5 commas throughout like half of it. But then again, if that's the way you want it to sound that's cool too. It just sounds quick is all. Just thought I should let you know.
1504786
Thanks for that, I never have paid attention to what I wrote and you're probably right.
I'll check it out and fix it now.
edit: fixed!
Thanks for the heads up on that!