In our universe somewhere in Connecticut...
KenSES64 gets out from under his bed with a remote in hand. "Okay now I guess I can unpause the Snowflame universe. Now if only I could find my copy of Animal Crossing: New Leaf and I won't have anything else missing. I swear by the time I find it everyone in town that I knew probably would be gone." KenSES64 sighs and says, "Oh well let's fine this universe."
KenSES64 pushes a button on the remote and..
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Meanwhile in a Universe Where Every Hero and Villain's roles are swiched...
"Hey dude I just got Super Bowser 3D World." a random human male said to his friend.
"Cool I'm going to get Dr. Eggman: Lost World." His friend said.
Some guy listening on there conversation says to themselves, "Losers playing on there Wii Us I'm going to go buy Joker Arkham Origins."
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Meanwhile in a Universe Where Everypony Speaks Russian...
"Эй Бон Бон." Lyra said to Bon Bon.
"да лира?" Bon Bon asked.
"Как вы думаете, кто читает это будет выглядеть, чтобы увидеть, что мы говорим?" Lyra asked.
"Я не знаю. Может быть."
"Так ты хочешь заниматься сексом?"
"Мех, почему нет."
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Meanwhile in a Universe were Discord is a Post Office...
Discord just sat there unable to leave the post office he was confined to. The only pony that could see him was a pegasus mare by the name of Derpy Hooves, which wasn't too bad, but there was only so much he could put up with.
"Seriously Celestia I'm sorry! Is that what you want to hear?!" Discord shouts, but he doesn't get a response, he will forever remain a place of order. His worst nightmare.
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Meanwhile in a Universe Where Pie Stealing is as Illegal as Murder and Executions are Done with ants...
A African-American Man with dreadlocks sits in an execution room, strapped to the chair.
"Any last words Mr. Woolie?" The Executioner asked.
""Whens Mahvel?" Woolie asked.
"Not today." The Executioner said as he took out a jar with a poison ant inside, and put said ant onto Woolie's arm.
"So worth it." Woolie said as the ant bit down on him, "So worth it."
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Meanwhile in a Universe Where People Read More of KenSES64's non-Snowflame stories...
KenSES64 looks at his FiMFiction page where people are recognizing him as more than "that Snowflame guy", and Ken smiles, thinking that he is truely a good writer.
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Meanwhile in a Universe Where Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sound Like Men...
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Meanwhile in a Universe were Everypony Speaks Backwards...
"Nob nob yeh." Lyra said.
"Aryl sey?" Bon Bon asked.
"Eno naissur eht sa ekoj emas eht siht t'nsi?"
"Yllacisab."
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Meanwhile in a Universe Were Pokemon are Real and KenSES64 has an Espurr...
Ken sits down at his laptop and says, "Well time to get to writing Snowflame.", Ken looks up to see a bipedal grey cat staring at him, "Oh hi Espurr what's up?"
"Okay nevermind then." Ken says getting back to work on his writing.
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Meanwhile in this Fic's Universe...
Snowflame, Warrior, Discord and Obito
Now that breakfast has been finished, the four of you all sit down together and discuss what you now know. Just so that everyone here is on the same page. Somepony tried to have Snowflame killed, and we now know that the pony is the infamous Prince Blueblood. So with that in mind, you all discuss what you are going to do next.
Which is of course to come to the obvious conclusion that you need to find Blueblood and beat the snot out of him. Obviously.
Where and how to begin this though is still up for discussion.
Obito
Join up with Snowflame and The Warrior. Even though you're reformed, it's been a while since you've really gotten to kick some flank, and despite all things, you are still an assassin. You still have skills. Plus, it seems best for you to stay on Snowflame's good side right now, and this seems like the best way to do that. Plus, did Blueblood ever pay you for the job you did so far (even though you failed)? Contemplate that for a moment.
Snowflame and The Ultimate Warrior speak to Discord
Discord: So I found out from two musicians that Prince Blueblood of all ponies was probably the one who hired the first assassin
Snowflame: The asshat pony that everybody universally hates? Huh, Snowflame feels like he should have figured that out sooner
Discord: Well he is pretty much a sniveling little bitch, but why would he try to have you killed?
Snowflame: Snowflame duct taped him to the ceiling at the big dance party
Discord: Ha, Classic (Smiles)
Warrior: (Belches from all the waffles) Now we have our target’s name, we will make this Prince Blueblood piss blood for the rest of his life!
Discord: Well I didn’t say for sure, but it is a pretty good lead
Snowflame: It doesn’t matter, the fans love seeing him hurt and humiliated, we will stomp him regardless, but there is a good way to find out, HEY MASKED CLAW PONY!!!!
Obito runs to the table in fear
Obito: Yes?
Snowflame: Do you think that the douchebag prince pony was the one who hired you?
Obito: Well I never saw his face, he was wearing a cloak, but he did sound pompous as tartarus
Discord: Well that’s more than enough proof for me
Obito: If you don’t mind, I would like to join you
Snowflame: Oh really? And tell Snowflame why?
Obito: Well, I do still want to make it up to you for the whole trying to kill you thing.
The Warrior snorts humorously at that statement
Obito: Plus, he never did pay me for the job, so I figure I’m due a few bits
Snowflame: Snowflame thought the Pink Pony was reforming you though?
Obito: She is, but I still got useful skills, plus I really need to get out of this bakery for awhile
Snowflame: Why?
Obito: Uhh…
Snowflame, The Ultimate Warrior and Discord all sit at a table.
"So I found out from two musicians that Prince Blueblood of all ponies was probably the one who hired the first assassin." Discord tells the two humans
"The asshat pony that everybody universally hates? Huh, Snowflame feels like he should have figured that out sooner." Snowflame says a little mad at himself.
"Well he is pretty much a sniveling little bitch, but why would he try to have you killed?"
"Snowflame duct taped him to the ceiling at the big dance party. Snowflame had not much better to do after the lesbian pony's performance so Snowflame thought 'why not?'."
"Ha, Classic. Also isn't why not the best reason to do anything?"
The Warrior belches from all the waffles and says, "Now we have our target’s name, we will make this Prince Blueblood piss blood for the rest of his life!"
"Well I didn’t say for sure, but it is a pretty good lead, and by that I mean it's the only one we have."
"It doesn’t matter, the fans love seeing him hurt and humiliated, we will stomp him regardless, but there is a good way to find out, HEY MASKED CLAW PONY!" Snowflame calls
Obito runs to the table in fear of what might happen is he didn't, "Y-Y-Yes?"
"Do you think that the douchebag prince pony was the one who hired you?"
"Well I never saw his face, he was wearing a cloak, but he did sound pompous as tartarus."
"Well that could be most of Canterlot really, but since Blueblood is the biggest douche among douches that’s more than enough proof for me." Discord said.
"If you don’t mind, I would like to join you."
"Oh really? And tell Snowflame why?" Snowflame said crossing his arms.
"Well, I do still want to make it up to you for the whole trying to kill you thing.", The Warrior snorts humorously when Obito makes that statement, "Plus, he never did pay me for the job, so I figure I’m due a few bits. Even if I failed."
"Snowflame thought the Pink Pony was reforming you though?"
"She is, but I still got useful skills, plus I really need to get out of this bakery for awhile."
"Why?"
"Uhh…" Obito says with a blush.
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A Few Minutes Ago...
Pinkie Pie
All this talk of adult fun has left you feeling a bit in the mood yourself, but alas, there are no stallions around for you to have some fun with. At least, none that aren't already married or in a relationship, and you certainly aren't about to impose on anypony. You aren't like that, especially with that sort of thing. Then again, there is Obito.... After everything he seems... nice, and he is available, as far as you know.
Contemplate this as you make more waffles.
A few minutes ago
Pinkie is contemplating aloud to Obito how a lot of shipping has been taking place.
Pinkie: It’s kind of weird, Discord is with Celestia, Spike is with Rarity, Derpy is marrying that Time Turner Doctor, heck even Trixie ended up with Iron Will, seems like everyone is getting paired off and I’ve never even had a coltfriend. All the guys I know are either married or in a relationship, or the brother of one of my best friends.
Obito: Uh huh
Pinkie: Wait, you’re a nice guy, and you seem fun, plus you make great desserts, are you single Obie?
Obito: Uhh….(Flashes back to Snowflame threatening him about doing anything to her, then flashes back to her interrogating him, he begins to sweat nervously) I…Uhhh…
Snowflame: HEY MASKED CLAW PONY!!!
Obito: Gotta Go! (Dashes off)
Pinkie: Hmph, oh well, he couldn’t handle me anyway (Smiles and continues making waffles)
Pinkie and Obito are in the kitchen making waffles while Pinkie talks, "It’s kind of weird of how much shipping is going on yet this story doesn't have a romance tag, I guess it's so it won't be misleading for people who for whatever reason want a Snowflame shipfic, but still, Discord is with Celestia, Spike is with Rarity, Derpy is marrying that Time Turner Doctor, heck even Trixie ended up with Iron Will, seems like everyone is getting paired off and I’ve never even had a coltfriend. All the guys I know are either married or in a relationship, or the brother of one of my best friends."
"Uh-huh." Obito says not really paying attention.
"Wait, you’re a nice guy, and you seem fun, plus you make great desserts, are you single Obie?" Pinkie says giving him some bedroom eyes.
"Uhh…" Obito says as his mind flashes back to Snowflame wordsbefore,
"Unless you do anything to the Pink Pony, and Snowflame means Anything, then Snowflame will do horrible unspeakable things to you that this story will have to add a Dark Tag to it."
He then also remembers being interrogated by this same mare two days ago, and begins to sweat nervously, "I…Uhhh…"
"HEY MASKED CLAW PONY!" Snow calls from the other room.
"Gotta Go!" Obito says before dashing off.
"Hmph, oh well, he couldn’t handle me anyway." Pinkie says before she goes back to making waffles.
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Back in the Present...
Back in the Present
Obito: No reason, just want to have fun (Smiles nervously)
Snowflame: (Gives a scrutinizing look then smiles) Good enough for Snowflame
Warrior: Good enough for me
"No reason, just want to have fun." Obito says while he smiles nervously.
Snowflame doesn't completely believes him and gives a scrutinizing look then smiles, "Good enough for Snowflame."
"Good enough for me!" The Warrior shouts.
Discord
As... entertaining as all of this is, violence isn't really your thing. You're a trickster not a murderer, and you know this. Hell, you didn't even fight the dragon when the others were, you just provided the music.
So with that in mind, respectfully take your leave. All debts are repaid between you and Snowflame, so now you are cool, or at least you should be.
So then teleport away.... and then reappear right in Celestia's bedroom where she is still sulking.
Spike
Walk into Sugarcube Corner right as Snowflame, Warrior, and Obito are finishing up their discussion (basically right as Discord leaves), and be fully on board with their plan to kick Blueblood's sniveling flank given how you know how he treated Rarity at the Gala and all. Snowflame, Warrior, and Obito of course, see no reason to not let Spike come along given that he is pretty much a dragon Bruce Campbell now.
So yeah, main character party now numbers at four.
Spike walks in as they say this
Spike: What’s good enough for everyone?
Discord: We found out Prince Blueblood sent the first assassin here (points to Obito) and now he’s joining Snowflame’s revenge parade.
Spike: … Good enough for me, I’m in (Smiles evily)
Snowflame: Snowflame knew you would, the guy was a dick to your girlfriend
Spike: Ya, and Discord, I really owe you for that buddy, how can I ever repay you?
Discord: Just keep doing what you’re doing, that’s all the reward I ask for…and blackmail material on your mother, sister, boss, owner figure. What exactly is Twilight to you?
Spike: It’s complicated. I could get you her diary, would that be enough?
Discord: More than enough, now back to the matter at hand, when are you guys going to carry out the beating?
Snowflame: Snowflame thinks it can wait till after the BBQ, Snowflame saw in yesterday’s paper that he got put in a mental institution, he’s not going anywhere.
Discord: Well that’s convenient, so where is this cookout gonna be at?
Snowflame: The Pink Pony said down by the lake, she’s already got plenty of soy hot dogs for all these weak veggie ponies
Spike: and me since I’m not gonna commit cannibalism
Warrior: Soy Meat is the enemy of a true man, real men snap into the almighty Slim Jim!
Snowflame: Snowflame thought you worshiped Destrucity?
Warrior: I do, and Slim Jims are holy weapons in its arsenal, every wrestler knows this for they give great power, the Macho Man was their true disciple though.
Spike: Still not eating dragon meat dude
Warrior: Wimp
Discord: (Snap) Alright, the freezer is now out there and waiting. I also took the liberty of adding a few grills too
Pinkie: (From the Other Room) Awwww….I was gonna set those up
Discord: Sorry Pinkie, now I’ll take my leave, I still have to look into the whole black hole business.
Warrior: The god’s sent me here in their rocket ship of conquest, perhaps it holds the key to opening the delicious egg yolk of mystery.
Discord: Good Idea…I think, well anyway, good luck with the whole beating and or murdering of ol Blueblood.
Snowflame: Snowflame still thinks it is bullcrap that you won’t help us kill
Discord: Oh boo hoo, I won’t help you harm some pompous jerk, know what I’ll be doing instead?
Snowflame: What?
Discord: (Shouts so that the everyone in Sugar Cube Corners hears) Riding the ruler of this land till she can’t fly straight, OH!!! (Teleports out)
Everypony is shocked by the outburst, but Snowflame and the others continue with their discussion
Snowflame: Meh, Good for him, but now we have a group of four combatants…Snowflame actually has a team to lead (Tear rolls down his eye) Snowflame feels so happy.
Warrior: We will follow your lead my friend, we will not be distracted by shiny objects!
Obito: I still owe you, so ya
Spike: I’m finally getting some recognition so you can count on me
Snowflame: Well first we eat BBQ, then we crash the crazy house and beat the prissy pony to a pulp
Pinkie: (Holding Paper) Ummm…That may not be so simple Snowfy
Snowflame: Why not?
Pinkie shows the article about Blueblood’s escape
Snowflame: Oh son of a bitch!
Spike walks in as they say this and asks, "What’s good enough for everyone?"
"We found out Prince Blueblood most likely sent Mr. Named After A Naruto Character That Ken Knows Nothing About, here to kill Snowflame, and now he’s joining Snowflame’s revenge parade."
"…Good enough for me, I’m in." He says smiling evily.
"Snowflame knew you would, the guy was a dick to your girlfriend." Snowflame said.
"Ya, and Discord, I really owe you for that buddy, how can I ever repay you?"
"Just keep doing what you’re doing, that’s all the reward I ask for…and blackmail material on your mother, sister, boss, owner figure. What exactly is Twilight to you?" Discord asks.
"It’s complicated. I could get you her diary, would that be enough?"
"More than enough, now back to the matter at hand, when are you guys going to carry out the beating?"
"Snowflame thinks it can wait till after the BBQ, Snowflame saw in yesterday’s paper that he got put in a mental institution, he’s not going anywhere." Snowflame says.
"Well that’s convenient, so where is this cookout gonna be at?"
"The Pink Pony said down by the lake, she’s already got plenty of hay hot dogs for all these weak veggie ponies."
"and me since I’m not gonna commit cannibalism." Spike points out.
"Vegetables are the enemy of a true man, real men snap into the almighty Slim Jim!" The Warrior shouts.
"Snowflame thought you worshiped Destrucity." Snowflame says.
"I do, and Slim Jims are holy weapons in its arsenal, every wrestler knows this for they give great power, the Macho Man was their true disciple though. He gave his life to save mankind from the rapture."
"Still not eating dragon meat dude." Spike deadpans.
"Wimp."
Discord snaps his fingers and says, "Alright, the freezer is now out there and waiting. I also took the liberty of adding a few grills too."
Pinkie comes out from the other room, "Awwww….I was gonna set those up."
"Sorry Pinkie, now I’ll take my leave, I still have to look into the whole black hole business."
"The god’s sent me here in their rocket ship of conquest, perhaps it holds the key to opening the delicious egg yolk of mystery." The Warrior suggests.
"Good Idea…I think, well anyway, good luck with the whole beating and or murdering of ol Blueblood."
"Snowflame still thinks it is bullcrap that you won’t help us kill." Snowflame says to the god of chaos.
"Oh boo hoo, I won’t help you harm some pompous jerk, know what I’ll be doing instead?"
"What?"
"Riding the ruler of this land till she can’t fly straight, OH!!!" Discord shouts so that the everyone in Sugar Cube Corners can hear him before he teleports out.
Everypony is shocked by the outburst, but Snowflame and the others continue with their discussion.
"Meh, Good for him, but now we have a group of four combatants…Snowflame actually has a team to lead." Snaowflame says as a single tear rolls down his eye, "Snowflame feels so happy."
"We will follow your lead my friend, we will not be distracted by shiny objects!" The Warrior shouts.
"You didn't kill me, so I owe ya." Obito adds.
"I’m finally getting some recognition so you can count on me." Spike says.
"Well first we eat BBQ, then we crash the crazy house and beat the prissy pony to a pulp." Snowflame says.
"Ummm…That may not be so simple Snowfy." Pinkie says while reading from a newspaper.
"Why not?"
Pinkie shows him an article that talks about Blueblood’s escape from the institution.
"Oh son of a bitch!"
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Name: The Ultimate Warrior
Stats
Strength: 7
Speed: 6
Intelligence: 2
Power of Destrucity: 10
Ken's Embarrassment that he didn't do one of these for The Warrior until now: 10
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At Canterlot Castle...
At Canterlot Castle
Discord teleports into Celestia’s room where she is still sulking
Discord: Hi Tia, I’m Home!
Celestia:…
Discord: So how sore are you after last night? Because I gotta say my back had a twinge in it that would just not go away.
Celestia:…
Discord: Hey don’t beat yourself up, you were great, honestly, I…
Celestia: (Tackles him) Shut up and lock the door!
Discord: …(Snaps and door closes)My aren’t you eager (Shit eating grin)
Celestia: STOP TALKING!!! (Ferocious making out leading to what they did last night)
Discord teleports into Celestia’s room where she is still sulking, "Hi Tia, I’m Home!" Discord exclaims, getting no responce from Celestia, "So how sore are you after last night? Because I gotta say my back had a twinge in it that would just not go away.", Still no responce, "Hey don’t beat yourself up, you were great, honestly, I…"
The next thing he know Celestia tackled him to the floor, "Shut up and lock the door!"
Discord snaps and door closes, "My aren’t you eager."
"STOP TALKING!!!"
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At The Ponyville Library...
At the Library
Zecora begins experimenting on the Coca Plant anyway, because she really has nothing better to do. Twilight still mopes around since everything around her is going crazy, what with her Son, Brother, Assistant, Pet figure (It's complicated) turning into a beast and banging one of her friends, Discord apparently hooking up with the Princess and just the outright insanity that Snowflame brings on a daily basis.
While Zecora was experimenting with the coca plant, due to her having nothing better to do, Twilight just laid with her head on the table thinking about a large number of things, first Spikes been turned into what can only be described as a beast, and one can only imagine what happened at Rarity's last night, along that Discord and Princess Celestia might be together, she didn't even want to think about that, and of course the insanity that Snowflame brings to Ponyville on a daily basis.
'Is Berry Punch's bar open yet?', Twilight thinks to herself, 'I think I need a drink.'
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Meanwhile at The Crystal Empire...
Blueblood and the legion of crazies
Realize that Zant (being from another dimension and all) has no idea where Ponyville is and has teleported you... somewhere completely, COMPLETELY wrong.
As far as where that is. I'll leave that up to you.
Meanwhile with Team Crazy
They teleport into the middle of a bright and sunny place full of Crystal Ponies and buildings
Blueblood: Zant! This is the Crystal Empire!!!
Disco Dance: Polish the Globes, Polish the Globes!!!
Zant: Well how was I supposed to know my lord?
Blueblood: Ponyville is literally at the base of the mountain from Canterlot, we're now in the arctic for Celestia's sake!
Zant: I’m sorry my lord, I come from a different dimension after all
Blueblood: (Blueblood goes into an intense tirade) No you don’t, you are a pony, A PONY!!! You never were a usurper, Hyrule and the Twilight Realm don’t exist, and you don’t have a magical winged fire bringing panda!!!!
Crystal: Umm, excuse me, who are you yelling at?
Blueblood: Him! I’m yelling at…(Zant and the other three aren’t where they were standing, they took off during his tirade)
Blueblood: Uhhh….
Zant: (Somewhere in the distance) Oh My Ganon, Everything is So Shiny!!!
Screwloose: Bark
Blueblood: Oh Great! (Runs off to find his crew)
Crystal Pony: Crazy fool
Blueblood and the rest of the escapees teleport into the middle of a bright and sunny place full of Crystal Ponies and buildings.
"Zant! This is the Crystal Empire!" Blueblood shouts.
"Polish the Globes, Polish the Globes!" Disco Dance shouts.
"Well how was I supposed to know my lord?" Zant asks.
"Ponyville is literally at the base of the mountain from Canterlot, we're now in the arctic for Celestia's sake!" Blueblood points out.
"I’m sorry my lord, I come from a different dimension after all."
"No you don’t, you are a pony, A PONY!!! You never were a usurper, Hyrule and the Twilight Realm don’t exist, and you don’t have a magical winged fire breathing panda!"
"Umm, excuse me, who are you yelling at?" A random Crystal Pony mare asks Prince Blueblood.
"Him! I’m yelling at…" When he looks Zant and the other three aren’t where they were standing, "Uhhh…."
"Oh My Ganon, Everything is So Shiny!" Zant shouts from somewhere in the distance.
"Oh Great!" Blueblood says as he runs off to find his crew.
The Crystal Pony her eyes and says, "Crazy fool."
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Back in Ponyville, in the House of Lyra and Bon Bon...
Lyra
WAKE UP AND BE BON BON
Bon Bon
WAKE UP AND BE LYRA
At Lyra and Bon Bon’s
When they wake up, they look at each other and remember the argument they had.
Lyra: I’m still mad at you for that accusation
Bon Bon: I know, but still, can you blame me, I mean I would kind of understand after (feels her neck) experiencing his hands (Perverted fantasy look on her face, apparently she loves being choked out by the Warrior)
Lyra: You know what? Buck it, you’re the one sleeping on the couch tonight, walks angrily to go take a shower
Bon Bon: …(Dreamily) Those hands were fantastic…
The two mare wake up after being chocked out by two humans earlier.
Lyra glares at Bon Bon and says, "I'm still mad at you. Oh look at me I'm Bon Bon, I'm going to accuse my marefriend of cheating on me and won't listen to reason."
Bon Bon rolls her eyes, "Well how do I know you didn't. I bet you liked being chocked like that. Oh I'm Lyra I like hands. I won't shut up about hands. Hands, hands, hands!"
"You know what? Buck it, you’re the one sleeping on the couch tonight!" Lyra shouts before storming off angrily to go take a shower.
"Fine! Whatever!"
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Back at Canterlot Castle... Again...
Also at Canterlot Castle
Luna is visited by the Ghost of Sombra who starts hitting on her. She allows it since she is getting attention, but before anything can happen, Razor himself comes in and hits Sombra in the nose with a rolled up newspaper while a Brown Pit Pull/Shar-Pei mix with sunglasses watches.
Razor: NO! Bad Sombra! Back to My Story! The Updates are Coming Soon, Bad! And Bad BrownDog77! Stop making Ken add Sombra in the story!
BrownDog77: NEVER!!!
They all dissappear and Luna thinks to herself about how she'll never get laid
Princess Luna sits in her bedroom when she hears a voice.
"Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy Luuuuuuuunnnnnnnnaaaaa."
She looks around trying to see where the voice was coming from.
"Luuuuuuuunnnnnnnnaaaaa." The voice says again, then what looks like a pale version of King Sombra's head with a white tail appears, "Hi Luna!"
"Sombra?! How dare you appear in my quarters, let alone this castle. My sister and I will..." Princess Luna shouts.
"Woah, woah, woah. Relax. I'm not here to cause any trouble."
"Then why are you here?"
"I'm just here to tell you how sexy you are."
"Wait Wha..." Luna begins to say when with a flash of light what looks like a human with long brown hair, a black shirt and blue jeans appears with a rolled up newspaper, which he uses to hit Sombra with, "Bad Ghost Sombra! Bad! Back to my story!", the human shouts.
"Awww you never let me have any fun." Ghost Sombra says.
"Shut up." The human says as they both disappear.
Luna sits there perplexed at what just happened before she simply says, "I'm never going to get laid am I?"
First!!!
I so happy I could cry! SNOOOOOOOOOOWFLAAAAAAAAME IS BACK!!!
MEaNWhiLE a 100 vortigaunts appear in Mexican wrestler outfits in the everfree forest smoking opium and declares that he shall help the ONE TRUE DESCIPLE OF COCAINE But do nothing but build a base of operations for the next 10 chapters
Suddenly, DBZ Abridged Vegeta appears out of nowhere from a ship, meets Snowflake, and then yells in anger at his resemblance to Nappa.
Meanwhile, Snowflame and the Ultimate Warrior hears it, and they look at the forest.
Vegeta: Well ain't this a load of ****, motherf***!
Snowflake: Hey, calm down, maybe take a nap.
Vegeta: You go ta... actually, yeah, that sounds like a good idea. That bitch knows I better nap, been getting fat. Fat bitch.
Snowflake: Who?
Vegeta: Some bitch I slept with, no big deal.
Snowflake: ... YEAH!!!
Vegeta: ...God...dammit, pony Nappa.
YES I BEAT BROWNDOG TO THIS. Anyway.
Snowflame, Warrior, Spike and Obito
As much of an inconvenience as this is, beating Blueblood's sniveling flank can still wait until after the BBQ. There are several reasons for this.
1.) It's Prince Blueblood. If you know him, he's really not going anywhere even if he is out of the nut house.
2.) It makes things kind of more fun this way.
3.) It'll give Blueblood some time to get his legions of crazy under control and more powerful. After all, what's more fun, beating some sniveling coward, or beating up some sniveling coward whose friends can actually put up a good fight? Think about that for a moment, which one is more rewarding?
4.) That dragon meat is gonna spoil eventually, might as well eat it now.
5.) And most important.... This will make kicking Blueblood's sniveling flank more of an epic quest for you guys.
6.) Also it is worth noting that if Blueblood really does want you dead, he'll probably strike again at some point, so there is no need to rush.
So yeah, BBQ first, then Blueblood. That plan hasn't changed.
That being said, see if you can go about getting invites to all of your pony friends here in Ponyville. It'll be like an Outdoor BBQ party. Or whatever Pinkie Pie decides to call it. Invite Lyra, Bon Bon, The Mane 6 (including Twilight), Derpy, Time Turner, and a few other ponies that you know at least. Discord probably won't be able to show up cause of what is happening with him in the comment I make for him, so there is no need to worry about him. Yeah, make this a party.
But like I said, it's still early in the day, so that gives you time to prepare. Use this time wisely, consult with the pink pony, and prepare.
Discord
Meanwhile, in Celestia's room.
Yeah, that pretty much says everything.
Pinkie Pie
Remember that Obito is an assassin.... Well, former assassin now, but still fresh. So that more than likely means that he has unholy amounts of strength, stamina, endurance, and some kind of resilience to pain. What does this have to do with anything? Well it means that he more than likely WILL be able to handle you in that regard. Think about that for a minute.
Berry Punch
Knowing fully well that Twilight Sparkle doesn't drink, be surprised when she walks into your bar and be likewise a little hesitant to serve her a drink when she asks you too.... Then after she threatens to burn your mane off, do as she asks.
Twilight
Rarity
You probably still can't stand at the moment. That's fine. Just relax. You don't have to be anywhere today, you don't have any orders to fill. Just relax and enjoy the afterglow.
Spike
Realize that this is the perfect time to get Twilight's Diary for Discord since she's not in the library at the moment.
Zecora
Keep experimenting with the cocoa plant. You'll find something... eventually.
Luna
Meanwhile, back in Canterlot.
Luna is still feeling a bit jealous when suddenly, a rather strapping young guard that you've had your eye on for a while steps into your chambers to deliver a message. What do you do?
Blueblood
For what you need to do right now, I think this music is necessary.
Zant
When was the last time you had your meds?
Ghost Sombra
I LET YOU CONSTANTLY TORMET TWILIGHT SPARKLE, I GAVE YOU YOUR OWN CHAPTER, AND I'M GIVING YOU YOUR OWN ASK ME ANYTHING BLOG SO WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I imagine that Zant found the crystal heart, took it, beat up the guards and Cadence, and used it for some reason of proof or something. Or Shining Armor beat him up to a pulp afterwards.
Snowflame and Co. : BBQ! Bring buns and mustard.
Twilight: get drunk off your ass, and become loose-lipped mellow/happy Twilight. Flash Sentry, swoop in and take her, exit stage right, and cue sexy times.
Scootaloo: Discover the wonders of meat.
Sweetie Belle: If Scootaloo is stopped, then you eat the meat.
Blueblood: find a classy sword cane and buy/take/barter/steal/borrow it. Because sword canes are awesome.
Mysterious evil group of a realm beyond: Learn how to cackle maniacally. Consider summoning Spam to the BBQ.
Big Mac: Sense something wrong in the force. Get Caramel, Snowflake, and other jedi in the area, and prepare accordingly.
Myself(the avatar): Teach evil group how to cackle maniacally.
Snowflame, in his rage at being denied easy access to revenge punts Diamond Tiara, who had just come in, like a football off into the distance. Ponies, including the CMC cheer at this, and Spike laughs really hard causing him to belch flames and make their table full of syrupy plates teleport. Obito feels good too because he wanted to do that to the brat yesterday.
Meanwhile in Celestia’s Bedroom
A table and syrup covered plates land on a “Busy” Discord and Celestia. They ignore it.
Back at the Bakery
Snowflame is still a bit peeved though, luckily Obito and Spike conclude that since Blueblood tried to kill him once, he would probably try so again, so all they have to do is wait for him to strike. They don’t have to do any hunting at all.
Snowflame cheers up and he decides to get on with the BBQ. Since Pinkie Pie has already given out the invitations, all he has to do is cook the meat. He also tells Pinkie Pie to get lots and lots of coffee at the party since it’s the only cocaine like substance that he can give to the ponies for the time being.
Also, now that they aren’t in a hurry, Snowflame decides to come up with a team name.
Snowflame: OK, now that Snowflame is leading this outfit, we have to have a cool name. What do you guys think about Team Snowflame?
Spike: That sounds boring, it’s just your name.
Warrior: Smaug is right, we need a name that strikes fear into the gall bladders of our enemies. I suggest The Ultimate Warriors!!!
Obito: Wow, you guys aren’t really creative are you?
Snowflame: Shut it Vega! You’re still on probation, so you don’t get a vote.
Obito: (Puts head down) Man
Spike: Well how about this, Twilight and the girls are like the guardians of this place, but now we’re around, how about The New Guardians?
Snowflame jumps up and punches Spike in the stomach hard, he doubles over in pain
Snowflame: NO!!! THAT IS THE STUPIDEST NAME EVER!!! DON’T YOU EVER MENTION IT AGAIN!!!
Spike: But…
Snowflame: EVVVVEEEERRRRR!!!!!
Spike: OK, I’m sorry.
Snowflame: Good, now the motion carries, Team Snowflame it is.
Obito: Wait, why do you all of a sudden get to decide?
Snowflame: Snowflame didn’t, the Pink Pony did.
Pinkie: Yup, sometimes Simplicity is the best-ity
Spike: Fine
Obito: Fine
Warrior: I am fine with this, but we need clam chowder added to this peck of pickled peppers.
Snowflame: What do you mean?
Warrior: We need a diva on the team, otherwise this sausage fest will give off the wrong signal to others!!!
Spike: You mean a female member? Hmm…yeah that would make sense
Snowflame: You’re right, Team Snowflame needs a chick that is powerful, badass, has little character development, and is universally loved by the fans.
Obito: Fans? (Spike and the Warrior Shrug)
Snowflame then smiles
Snowflame: Spike, take a letter…
Luna’s Bedroom
She hears Discord and Celestia going at it down the hallway and it’s driving her nuts. All of a sudden she receives a scroll from Spike. It’s an invitation to the BBQ. She decides to go to it, because anything is better than being cooped up listening to your sister getting nailed by you former biggest enemy. Besides, that guard you've had your eye on is gay.
Back at the Bakery
Snowflame decides to go and get the grills started for the meat. The BBQ starts at around 12:30, and it's 8, so he'd better get started. Spike says he’ll come help in a sec, but he has to do something first. He runs off to the library to get Twilight’s Diary.
Pinkie begins to look at Obito leeringly while her earlier thoughts keep going through her head, he takes that as his cue to leave with Snowflame. That leaves the Warrior by himself.
Rainbow Dash comes into the bakery carrying Diamond Tiara which everyone boos at. She wants to know what happened when suddenly
Ultimate Warrior: SKITTLES!!!!
Rainbow Dash: Oh Buck me…
She is grabbed by the Warrior who won’t let her go despite her protests.
Warrior: Now we will go on magical sight seeing tour that only the dark god Willy Wonka can predict!!!
He then rushes out with her to go sight seeing
Pinkie: Have Fun Everypony
At the Library
Twilight isn’t home, and Zecora is busy in the basement, so Spike steals her diary, not before looking at a few entries though. He is disturbed by some, and outright laughs at others.
At Carousal Boutique
Still can’t walk at the moment. But she relaxes until later. When it’s time to go to the BBQ Later, Spike has to come and get her.
At the BBQ Grills
Snowflame uses his own white flames to start the grills. They will ensure that the meat has a healthy taste of Cocaine to it, even if it’s not enough to get the ponies high. That’s what the coffee is for. Obito uses his claws to flip the burgers and hot dogs, while Spike comes in later and is in charge of the Whimpy Veggie meats.
Meanwhile, at the Bar
Twilight is getting hammered. She orders one of everything, and forces Berry Punch to give them to her. She should start singing with the patrons, dancing on tables, and turning things into oranges, but she doesn’t give a buck, she’s drunk.
Twilight: I’m a Bucking Pretty Princess Bitches!!! (She yells as she leaves the bar)
Later, at the BBQ,
EVERYONE has shown up. From the Mane 6 (Twilight is Piss Drunk and Rainbow Dash is still being held against her will by the Ultimate Warrior), to Team Snowflame, to Lyra and Bon Bon (Who are still keeping their distance) to Iron Will and Trixie, and “Time Turner” and Derpy, the CMC, and Princess Luna. Discord and Celestia are still “Busy” though and couldn’t make it.
Snowflame: Let’s Eat!
What happens at the BBQ?
In the Crystal Empire
Blueblood keeps chasing after his group of crazies, but they always seem to be too far away, and keep disappearing around corners and into buildings. They are just so enamored with the beautiful surroundings that they don’t seem to know they are evading Blueblood.
Blueblood: Celestia Damnit Zant, get back here this instant!!!
In the Distance he hears Zant shout crazily
Zant: The California raisins stole my brain, now I’ll have nothing to offer up to the Zombie Overlords!!!
Blueblood runs that way, but runs right into an old crystal pony, and she falls to the grond. A crystal guard runs up and grabs him.
Guard: Stop right there criminal scum!!! You violated my mother!!!
Blueblood: It was an accident! Now let me go!
Guard: No, you’ve been running around like a mad stallion all day, I’m taking you in you drunk!
Blueblood: I’m not drunk! I just have to find my group, there’s a disco dancer, a mare who thinks she’s a dog and a would be dictator, I need them to help destroy a hairless ape!
Guard: Come on you!
Blueblood is thrown into the Drunk Tank at the jail.
Blueblood: Why do these things always happen to me? (Starts to cry)
Meanwhile, Zant, Disco Dance and Screw Loose somehow end up in front of the Crystal Throne where Cadance is sitting.
Zant: Wow, it’s almost as nice as my old giant chair back home.
Screwloose Barks while Disco Dance hums the Game of Thrones theme.
Cadance: Umm…who are you?
Zant: Hello, I’m Zant, I’m from the Twilight Realm.
Cadance: Oh, a foreign dignitary, I haven't had one of those yet, well I am Princess Cadance, welcome to the Crystal Empire
Zant: Thank you, but how are you a princess?
Cadance: What do you mean?
Zant: Shouldn’t you be an Empress if this is an Empire
Cadance: (thinks about it for a second) I like the way you think
Zant: I do too, sometimes I think in 37 different voices
Disco Dance: Chit Chat, Chit Chat!
Screwloose: Bark!
Cadance: (Laughs) Oh you guys are the funniest dignitaries ever. Well as Empress of these lands, let me give you a tour. I’ll show you the Crystal Heart, the Empire’s biggest line of defense.
Zant: Oh that sounds lovely. Perhaps we can find my lost god along the way.
In the Black Hole
The Voices seem befuddled since Team Crazy ended up in the Crystal Empire, but the main voice wants to see how that plays out.
3643165 Muhahaha, you fool, you fell right into my trap. I wanted you to go first, it was my plan all along
Ghost Sombra's Answer in response to Razor's Question