What Do You Do With a Drunken Twilight? (28)
Twilight Sparkle
Okay before anything else
(and by that I mean do this first)
In your drunken state, walk right up to Snowflame and go on a several minute long tirade/rant/lecture/angry rambling/whatever you wanna call it about how you are, for lack of a better phrase to describe it. PISSED OFF.
Tell Snowflame about how your life was SO PERFECT before he arrived, and how nothing crazy every happened before he came along (momentarily forgetting about every single episode of the show so far, and somewhere else, Discord raises and eyebrow at this), about how he's ruined EVERYTHING so far, about how everything was so nice before he got here, and how he is worse than Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, and pretty much every villain you've faced so far. All the while, don't forget to keep hickuping where comedically appropriate.
Sure you are an uptight control freak, sure you have a rather severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder that means that you have to quadruple check everything to make sure that everything is the way YOU want it, sure you place more priority on what your overlord/mentor figure/princess thinks of you than most other things (making things questionable to a degree), sure really most of your failings are really nopony's fault other than your own cause of your ignorance and the fact that you ALWAYS have to be right...
BUT CELESTIA DAMNIT! SNOWFLAME RUINED YOUR LIFE!!!!
However, since it is you, and you are angry and drunk out of your mind, at the end of your tirade, accidentally, and without realizing it, or without caring mind you, let it slip that you jealous of all of your friends because everypony is getting shipped with somepony and they all have somepony to love. It's happening everywhere, even with Celestia, and yet you.... no Colt will even look at you.... WHY DON'T COLTS EVER NOTICE YOU!!!!????? (scream that). Really, all you want is:And at this point fall to the ground and start crying cause now you're sad.
Twilight:
On top of your ranting, when you talk about how you’re the only one alone, the few single ones speak up
Applejack: Twilight! Out of the six of us, only Rarity has hooked up with someone…
Spike: Oh yeah (Said Smoothly)
Applejack: so there’s no reason to
Twilight: NO ONE LOVES MEEEEEE!!!! (Crying)
Twilight: Go drunk, you're at a party. +Magic +random ranting
Twilight looks right at Snowflame and says, "Snowflame you bucking *hic* bastard! My life *hic* was *hic* so perfect before you *hic* showed up! You're worst than *hic*, Discord, Queen *hic* Chrysalis, King Sombra, or *hic* any of the *hic* things my friends and *hic* I have faced off *hic* against *hic* combined! Because of *hic* you it's hard for me to *hic* make sure things are *hic* how I *hic* want! Celestia Damnit *hic* YOU RUINED MY *his* LIFE! Now all my friends are *hic* hooking up with *hic* other ponies and *hic* and I'm *hic* not! Why don't colts ever *hic* notice me?!" Thats when Twilight feel to the ground and started to cry.
"Eh, Twilight? Out of the seven of us Rarity and Spike are the only ones that hooked up with somepony, and it's with each other." Applejack says.
"Yeah." Spike said, grinning at Rarity.
"Nopony loves me!" Twilight shouts before going back to the crying.
Spike
Suddenly realize that you're still carrying Twilight's diary. Quickly, while she's ranting to Snowflame, blow it out with your green flames and send it to Discord. You could send a message to Luna, you can send this to Discord. With that out of the way, after Twilight finishes her rant, walk up to her and tell Snowflame that you're gonna take her back to the library, cause well.... yeah.... Snowflame understands and you leave to take Twilight home, leaving Obito and Pinkie Pie in charge of the veggie burgers/hot dogs (and she wants to work with him on this).
Spike: (Sighs and picks her up and carries her home) Alright, time for bed!
Twilight: But I’m not tired!!!! (Whining)
Snowflame: Huh, well that was weird. Who wants a hot dog?
Spike realizes that he still has Twilight's diary and sends it over to Discord while Twilight was too busy crying to look. Then Spike walked over to his crying sister/mother/boss/owner figure and picked her up, "Alright, time for bed."
"But I'm not tired!" Twilight whined, but Spike just went on and walked away.
"Huh, that was weird, now who wants a dragon hot dog? If not their are wimpy hay dogs for you herbivores." Snowflame said.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders
All of you discover the wonders of meat.
CMC
The CMC each get Dragon Dogs, and their eyes light up as if they have eaten the greatest thing of all time.
Scootaloo: This is awesome
Applebloom: It’s the best hay hot dog ever
Sweetie Belle: What’s in it?
Snowflame: Dragon Meat.
CMC:…What?!
Snowflame: A big green dragon, we feast on his corpse to gain his power!
CMC: ...(They are conflicted, yes they ate another creature, but at the same time, it was delicious)
Scootaloo: So meat always tastes this good?
Snowflame: Eyup!
Applebloom: What else can we eat?
Sweetie Belle: Yeah, what else has good meat taste?
Snowflame: Hmm…Cows and Chickens and Pigs, (Fluttershy in the crowd at that moment says Oh My, for some reason) stuff like that
Applebloom: You thinking what I’m thinking girls?
Scootaloo: Yup
Sweetie Belle: Mmhmm
CMC: CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CARNIVORES YAY!!!
They run off.
Spike: That’s really messed up
Warrior: But no less adorable!!!
Snowflame: Meh, Snowflame thinks it will be funny (Smiles)
"Wait, did he just say dragon hot dogs?" Apple Bloom asked.
"I think he did." Sweetie Belle answered.
"I kinda want to try it." Scootaloo said.
"What?!" Apple Bloom shouted.
"Eww why?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"I don't know, maybe it taste good. Who knows maybe we could get our cutie marks." Scootaloo suggested
The other two crusaders thought about this before smiling and all three of them shouting, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CARNIVORES YAY!"
Applejack and Rarity look at Snowflame with a mix concern and anger.
"What?" Snowflame asked.
"Y'all ain't gonna give out sisters dragon meat right?" Applejack asked.
"He better not, that's disgusting." Rarity says.
"Snowflame doesn't see the big deal. If they want to try something let them. You should be glad they're not being picky. Also, Marshmallow Pony what you said seem's kinda hypocritical. From what Snowflame heard you had a lot of dragon meat last night."
Rarity blushes and says, "Touche."
"All right fine. They can have some dragon dogs, but if y'all fillies get sick or something it's y'all own fault." Applejack says to the crusaders.
"Alright, anyone else?" Snowflame asked.
Trixie and Iron Will: Were you even there when it was revealed that these two are getting married? If so, congratulate them again. If not, your thoughts on this sudden new development.
"Iron Will wouldn't mind trying the dragon meat." The blue minotaur said.
"Willy?!" Trixie said shocked.
"What? Minotaurs are omnivores, so it's fine."
"Just seems weird to me. So don't expect Trixie to kiss you later."
Iron Will laughed, and said, "So Iron Will will just take on now.", and he picks her on the cheek.
Snowflame just looks at this in confusion, "Uhh... did Snowflame miss something?"
"Oh, Trixie and Iron Will moved to Ponyville to settle down and get married. Hey you did say they should kiss back in 'Snowflame Goes into Ponyville and Does Stuff', didn't you?" Pinkie Pie explained.
"Snowflame was joking when Snowflame said that."
"Even if you were, they seem happy now."
Snowflame shrugged and went back to cooking.
Obito
Claws.... as in multiple claws..... You only had one claw for one of your hooves. What is Snowflame talking about two claws? Either way though, you don't have them right now so...
Suddenly, at that point, Pinkie Pie suddenly appears and gives you your claws back. Confused for a moment, you double check and see that there's now two.
When you ask where the other one came from, Pinkie Pie just giggles for a moment and then spontaneously hugs you. Giving a typical "pinkie pie" response. Also, she says she made it for you herself. You want to question why, but figure it's best not to.
Either way, accept her gift, cause two claws are BETTER THAN ONE!Pinkie Pie
Offer to cook the veggie meat with Obito, oh, and don't forget to give him his claws, including the second one that you made for him so that he can flip the burgers with them.
Pinkie Pie hops over to Obito, who was cooking the hay dogs, and said, "Hiya Obie!"
"Oh, hello Miss Pie." The former assassin responded.
Pinkie giggles and says, "Oh you know you can call me Pinkie, even if I'll probably be one of your bosses if Mr. and Mrs. Cake hire you. Which I guess well just have to see later when they come back to Ponyville tonight. Anyways since you're going to help Snowfy with beating up Blueblood I thought that you might want these.", Pinkie then pulled two sets for claws seemingly out of nowhere.
Obito looked at them and asked, "Wait two? I only had one."
"Yuppers I made a second one for you."
Obito picked them up with his magic and said, "Thanks."
"You're welsome." Pinkie says before bouncing off.
Luna
You want to speak to Snowflame, but suddenly you notice Obito, and you can't help but notice him, and now.... nice... let looks... with that mane... and that muscle structure... and his gorgeous face..... Suddenly you blush a little at this.
You suppose Snowflame can wait a moment.
You walk over to talk to Obito and comment to him about how nice he looks. He seems a bit nervous talking to you, but you're a princess so you're kind of used to that. Tell him that he does not need to be nervous around her and there is no need to be so formal. You also kind of like the way he complements you when you say that, and giggle a little. Ask him if he is doing anything later. He says that he really isn't, but he mentions something about being a part of Team Snowflame, so he might be doing something with them, and you mention to him about how Snowflame wanted you to be part of his team as well, and if that's the case, then there really is noting to worry about, and tell him that you certainly wouldn't mind being a member of the team if he's a part of it.
Suddenly, before this conversation can go ANY further. Pinkie Pie suddenly shows up and grabs Obito by the neck telling him that they have to make the veggie burgers. Obito politely tells you that he probably should get on that, and you understand so you let him go with Pinkie Pie where that scene I wrote with him earlier plays out. Meaning that all of this ideally happens before that.
As you watch him walk away however
(in your head)So with that out of the way, go talk to Snowflame, where he tells you all about his new Team Snowflame and how he wants you to be a part of it. He also serves you a dragon hot dog and some coffee, both of which you politely take.
As you talk to him, you take a sip of the coffee..... IT IS THE MOST DELICIOUS THING YOU'VE EVER TASTED!!! DEMAND SOME MORE!!! Which Snowflame promptly gives.
The result:
IF THIS IS WHAT JOINING TEAM SNOWFLAME IS ALL ABOUT! TELL HIM THAT OF COURSE YOU'LL JOIN HIM!!!
Obito sees what you're like on Coffee and really isn't sure what to think now.
Snowflame:
You serve the dragon dogs to The Warrior, and Luna since she can eat meat being an Alicorn and all.
When you talk to Luna, you tell her how much of a fan favorite she is and tell her that through the power of cocaine, she can achieve greatness. You only have coffee, but it will do.
You, the Warrior, and her get into a Coffee chugging contest, and the result is an extreme caffeine high. Luna swears she can taste rainbows. She is in fact trying to eat Dash’s mane, which she yells to stop.
During this high, she tries to hit on Obito, who is completely terrified of her high nature, and just tries to get away from her. Which is hard, because he’s also trying to avoid Pinkie.
Luna joins the Team
Luna was about go talk to Snowflame, but then she noticed the stallion cooking the hay dogs, that purple coat, that flowing blond mane, that muscle structure, and that sexy scar on his face that made him mysterious and exotic. Luna blushed a little at the sight at him and figured that clarification on Snowflame's letter can wait for now.
The Princess of the Night walked up to this stallion sand greeted him, "Hello, I am Princess Luna."
The stallion bowed to her, hey he may be a killer, but he still has the decency to show royalty respect.
Luna giggled and said, "You don't have to bow to me, please tell me your name."
The stallion rose and nervously said said, "O-Obito."
"There's no need to be so formal. So you don't have to be nervous."
"S-Sorry I've just never met royalty, well I may have met that Blueblood guy, but he's not a princess like you."
'He's nervous because I'm a Princess? Oh my me he thinks I'm attactive! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' Luna screamed it her head, "That's very kind of you, but there's no need. So what are you doing in a place like this?"
"Well I'm part of this "Team Snowflame", so yeah, to tell the truth I don't care for the name, butI wasn't aloud to make a suggestion. Oh well."
"So you're on Team Snowflame huh? I was going to talk to him about that to see why he wanted me to join."
"Well if you do it'll be nice to fight with you I guess."
Luna gave a lustful grin and said, "Oh yes it will.", she then walked away and over to Snowflame.
"Ah hello Princess." Snowflame said, "Wanna dragon dog? Or how about a dragon burger?"
"Uhh... I'll stick with the hay dogs thank you. Anyways I wanted to ask you about your letter, why do you want me to help you assault my nephew? Also why do you want to assault my nephew?"
"Well because we need a female member of Team Snowflame, who the fans love, and as for why, well we got a lead that it was probably Prince Douchebag that hired the first assassin to kill Snowflame."
"I see. Well if you want my help I could just have the guards bring him into questioning, yet we'd have to find him first."
"So you know about his escape."
"Yes I do."
"Well Snowflame does appreciate the offer, but it's no fun if the guard just arrest him. Well if you don't want to help then we'll need someone else." Snowflame then grabs a cup of this dark brown liquid, "Coffee?"
"Ummm... sure. I've never had it, but why not." Luna said right before she took a sip and her eyes widened.
5 Minutes and about 2 dozen cups of coffee later...
Princess Luna was wide-eyed, grinning like a madmare, and was talking a mile a minute, "THIS IS AMAZING! I WANT EVEN MORE! I FEEL LIKE i CAN DO ANYTHING! I BET I COULD FLY! IF THIS IS WHAT BEING ON TEAM SNOWFLAME IS LIKE THAT I AM IN!"
Snowflame smiles and says, "Good to know."
"Ah so this sable has it's diva, now it it balanced out!" The Warrior, who was still holding on to Rainbow Dash shouted.
Rainbow Dash:
You finally get the Warrior to put you down through the most unlikeliest of ways
Dash: You’ve been holding me for over four hours, will you please, please, PLEASE let me go?
Warrior: OK!!! (Lets Dash Go)
Dash: What? You’re actually listening to me this time? Why?
Warrior: You said the magic word, the word that opens up all routes into the souls of mothers, the magic word that gets you the cookie jar before dinner!(SKRONK)
Dash: Oh…Well…(Dashes off, Pun intended)
"You’ve been holding me for over four hours, will you please, please, PLEASE let me go?" Rainbow Dash begged.
"OK!" The Warrior says letting her go.
"What? You’re actually listening to me this time? Why?"
"You said the magic word, the word that opens up all routes into the souls of mothers, the magic word that gets you the cookie jar before dinner! *SKRONK*"
"Oh…Well…" Rainbow Dash says before dashing off, thinking, 'Okay now that he let me go I can get my dress on and back to Spitfire and Soarin's wedding. Hopefully nothing will happen this time.'
Spike: Apologize for punching Spike in the gut. You know he didn't mean any offense, and really, recognize that what you did was kind of uncalled for. Explain to Spike just who the New Guardians were back in your world and how they were the ones who defeated you. At this, Spike suddenly understands and apologizes to you, but you say that it's cool. Now that that is taken care of, onto other things.
When Spike gets back, apologize and tell him who the New Warriors were and how stupid they were.
Snowflame: That didn’t take long
Spike: Yeah, Zecora gave her something to knock her out. She said it’s something she’s been working on down in the basement.
Snowflame: That sounds foreshadowy. Anyway, Snowflame is sorry he sucker punched you earlier.
Rarity: (Angrily) Why would you punch my Dragon!!!
Spike: Calm down babe, but yeah, if I had been in my old body that would’ve probably killed me
Snowflame: Sorry, It’s just that that name you came up with belongs to the stupidest team ever!!!
Spike: Oh…What’d they do?
Snowflame: They were meant to just screw each other to make a master race, but the only guys on the team were a plant monster, a gay guy, and some half robot dude. Also, they fought AIDS monsters.
Spike: That sounds stupid!
Snowflame: They were, and Snowflame lost to them. That is Snowflame’s greatest shame
Spike: Oh, OK, I understand, no worries man
Rarity: Just don’t do it again (Gives Evil Eye to Snowflame)
Snowflame: OK
Not that long after Spike got back.
"That didn't take long." Snowflame said.
"Yeah, Zecora gave her something to knock her out. She said it’s something she’s been working on down in the basement." Spike explained.
"That sounds foreshadowy. Anyway, Snowflame is sorry he sucker punched you earlier."
"Why would you punch my Dragon?!" Rarity shouted in anger.
"Calm down babe, but yeah, if I had been in my old body that would’ve probably killed me." Spike said.
"Sorry, It’s just that that name you came up with belongs to the stupidest team ever!" Snowflame explained.
"Oh…What’d they do?"
"They were meant to just screw each other to make a master race, but the only guys on the team were a plant monster, a gay guy, and some half robot dude. Also, they fought AIDS monsters."
"That sounds stupid!"
"They were, and Snowflame lost to them. That is Snowflame’s greatest shame."
"Oh, OK, I understand, no worries man."
"Just don’t do it again!" Rarity says giving a treating look to Snowflame.
"OK." Snowflame said to the white mare, he then says to everyone else "Okay the food is done lets eat."
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So all the guess were enjoying their food, the Cutie Mark Crusaders each took a bite from their dragon dogs and all got an expression that basically said that they just tasted the best thing ever, even if their faces didn't say it they did too.
"Wow this is amazing!" Sweetie Belle said.
"It's better than hay dogs!" Apple Bloom added.
"Spike you're delicious!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
That last comment made Spike gulp a little.
"Yes eat you adorable child ponies and gain the strength of the mighty best!" The Warrior shouted before shoving a whole dragon dog in his mouth.
Time Turner and Derpy (and Dinky): Think that Time Turner is still the doctor and talk to him like it's no big deal. Time Turner on the other hand, gets REALLY freaked out because of the alien talking to him. Derpy... isn't quite sure what to think of this, but she also can't help but laugh a little. Also get introduced to Dinky and notice how adorable she is.
“Time Turner" and Derpy
Derpy, you still have lingering guilt. Bury that guilt with hay hotdogs/hay burgers. “Time Turner, hang out with your new best friend Iron Will. When Snowflame comes to talk to you, Iron Will panics and runs away. “Time Turner” is still a little freaked out by Snowflame, especially since he starts talking about his Mario Jackhammer and Time Machine box. Derpy is too busy eating and talking to Trixie to notice.
Snowflame: So, do you think Snowflame can have a spare key to it in case of trouble.
“Time Turner”: You know what, you can have the blue box, I don’t really need it (Gives Tardis Key to Snowflame)
Snowflame: Wow, Thanks Matt Tennant, or is it David Smith?
“Time Turner”: It’s Time Turner.
Snowflame: Yeah, whatever (Holds up key triumphantly, cue the Zelda chest opening music)
Team Snowflame now has an HQ, the Tardis….God help us all
Snowflame walked up to "Time Turner" and said, "Hey Doctor Who!"
"Ummmmm...... Hi?" "Time Turner" says.
"So Snowflame has a question about you're blue box, if it's no trouble can Snowflame have a key for it, just in case?"
"You know, I don't really need it, so you can have it if you want." the chestnut colored earth pony says, hoofing over said key over to Snowflame.
"Really? Thanks Matt Tennant! Or is it David Smith?"
"It's Time Turner."
"Sure whatever you say." Snowflame then put the key away in his pocket. He then notices Lyra and Bon Bon still keeping there distance from each other.
Lyra and Bon Bon: Notice the way they're acting towards each other and ask them what their deal is. Bon Bon tells him about the song that Lyra started singing, Lyra mentions how it was only for fun, and then Bon Bon brings up again how she was sleeping with the Warrior (or at least she thought he was). This is when the Warrior steps in tells them that he really has no interest in Lyra in that way (obvious reasons are obvious). So really, all and all, remind them that they're really fighting over nothing. Lyra and Bon Bon finally realize this and at that moment, decide that they're gonna stop fighting, cause Snowflame's right. It really was over nothing. Marriage crisis averted.
Lyra and Bon Bon
After the two of you make up, Lyra apologizes to Bon Bon as they both eat a veggie burger (Lyra has a hot dog). Bon Bon then apologies to Lyra, and so on and so forth and this continues for a few moments, after which both of you laugh for a bit at what you're doing.
After this funny little moment, Lyra tells Bon Bon that she is going to make it up to her. Bon Bon says she don't have to, but Lyra insists that she does.
Then, at that moment, in front of Snowflame, the CMC's, and EVERYPONY THERE.
Lyra stands up and sings this song to Bon BonBon Bon doesn't know how to react to this.
"Is something wrong?" Snowflame asked.
"Oh no, just that Lyra sang an insulting song and then slept with that other human." Bon Bon said.
"I was singing that for fun, and I keep telling you that I didn't sleep with him!" Lyra exclaimed.
"Than why was he on the couch with you?!"
"Because he needed a place to sleep and Lyra was on the couch." Snowflame explained.
"It is true, I, The Ultimate Warrior, would never commit bestiality or contribute to infidelity, especially when those two are combined. It goes against Destrucity!" The Warrior says.
"See you're fighting over nothing."
The two mares think about this and Bon Bon says, "Lyra I'm sorry, I guess I was still angry for that song I wasn't thinking so clearly."
"And I'm sorry too for that song. You know what? I'll make it up to you." Lyra tells her.
"You don't have to do that."
"Oh I insist."
Then some music starts and Lyra stands up.
You've been counting all the days off
Of your calendar for weeks now
You can't wait for Saturday cause
That's the night that it all goes down
From 7:45 to 7:48 PM in particular
Cause that is when I'll give you what you need
Three minutes of ecstasy several nights a month
You just tell me baby if that is too much
When my stuff is on your stuff
Our souls become entwined
For 180 seconds
My sex has blown your mind
Go ahead and call all your girlfriends
And give them the details of how it went down
I know you can't wait, to brag to all of them
About how I took your ass to Vagtown
I'll get my captain's hat, put on my floaties
And we'll set for sexy seas, for at least...
Three minutes of ecstasy
Any more and this house would burn
That's why I don't last longer
Your safety is my main concern
If you haven't finished
Well baby that's just fine
You know that I'm here for you
Oh shit, look at the time
1 one thousand, 2 one thousand
3 one thousand, 4 one thousand
5 one thousand, 6 one thousand
7 one thousand, 8 one thousand
9 one thousand, 10 one thousand
11 one thousand, 12 one thousand
13 one thousand, 14 one thousand
15 one thousand, 16 one thousand
Maybe it's starting to sink in, just how long three minutes really is. Let's skip to the end...
179 one thousand, 180 one thousand
Three minutes of ecstasy
Several nights a month
But not more than four times a month
That would be ridiculous
I'm sure I left you happy
But in case that's not enough
Here's a copy of my headshot
And a drawing of my teats
A drawing of my teats
A drawing of my teats
The music dies down and everyone there just looks at Lyra like they don't have any response to what just happened.
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Meanwhile in Canterlot...
Light Arrow
Suddenly get the feeling like you totally had a chance to get lucky with Princess Luna but you totally missed it. His friend Steel Wall just calls him and idiot and they go bak to what they're doing. Light doesn't think much of it afterwards.
Light Arrow, a pegasus guard with a dark blue coat and a light purple mane, turned to his fellow guard and friend Steel Wall, a grey unicorn with a light grey mane, and asked, "Huh, hey Steel I just got a weird feeling."
"Of what?" The unicorn asked.
"I feel like I could of gotten laid, but misses out somehow. You ever get that."
"No. Besides even if I did it wouldn't matter, I'm a married stallion."
"Yeah, I see your point." Light says dropping the whole discussion.
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Meanwhile in The Crystal Empire...
Zant
Mistake the crystal heart for candy and try to eat it.
At the Crystal Empire
Blueblood cries himself to sleep in his cell
Zant talks to Empress Cadance as they walk to go see the Crystal Heart
.
Cadance: So tell me about this Twilight Realm, I know someone who would love to learn about a place with their name in it.
Zant: Well it’s all shadowy, in a different dimension, and the light has a sepia tone to it. Also it turns you into a wolf sometimes if you wear green spandex.
Disco Dance: (Humming Saria’s Song)
Cadance: Interesting, and who are your friends?
Zant: This is Joey and Screwloose, they handle the busy work that I can’t or don’t want to do
Disco Dance: I WANTED TO BE A DOCTOR, WHERE’S MY STETHOSCOPE?!!!
Screwloose: Bark!
Cadance: (Giggles) well if you’re from this other plain of existence have you yet to visit Canterlot where my aunt Princess Celestia rules?
Zant: Oh I’ve been there, the nobles are so uptight. They judge you and call you crazy just for performing a one man flash mob at a funeral.
Cadance: Oh…Well, um…
Zant: It’s not like the dead pony was doing anything else, why couldn’t I use him as a ventriloquist dummy? And don’t get me started on the cat and the blender.
Cadance just laughs because she thinks it’s a joke.
Zant: But anyway, I didn’t like it there much so then we traveled here and everything was so shiny! But we seem to have lost our god along the way.
Cadance: Your god?
Zant: Oh yes, I met him inside a big happy white house. He turned me into a unicorn and took us to a wonderful party
(Inside Zant’s Head): And the blood, don’t forget about the blood!!! NYEH!!!
Cadance: A god, as in an Alicorn?
Zant: What the hell is an Alicorn, is that like my butler Fluffy?
Cadance: Fluffy?
Zant: Yes, he is a magical winged fire breathing panda, he is a great dancer
Cadance: uhhh no…like me, I’m an Alicorn.
Zant: I’m pretty sure my god is a guy.
Cadance: No, I have both wings and a horn, only I’m not a god like my aunts.
Zant: Oh, no my god is not a pegacorn, he doesn’t have wings, he does have a very tiny penis though, and it drives him to overcompensate in his overall goals through life. That’s actually the same situation that my previous god was in as well.
Disco Dance: (Singing Itsy Bitsy Spider)
Cadance: (A bit disturbed) Oh…well…that’s nice? Well we will look for him as we take the tour.
They come up to the where the Crystal Heart is, and Shining Armor is there
Shining: Hey Honey, what’s with the tour group?
Cadance: Oh these are foreign dignitaries from another dimension called the Twilight Realm
Shining: Really? Wow, Twiley is gonna love to hear about this
Cadance: That’s what I thought, anyway, Zant, Joey, Screwloose, this is my husband, Emperor Shining Armor.
Zant: Hello
Disco Dance: Et Tu Brute?
Screwloose: Bark!
Shining: (to Cadance) Emperor?
Cadance: Of course, Zant here pointed out that we both rule an empire together, so we should take the title that comes with it.
Shining: Hmm…I love it (Smiles)
Cadance: (Turns back to Team Crazy) Anyway, dignitaries, this is the Crystal Heart, the greatest defense in the entire empire. It is powered by the emotions of the Crystal Ponies, and in turn, it powers them.
Zant: Oh Wow, A spinning heart on a pedestal, I haven’t seen one of those since my last birthday!!!
Team Crazy goes to look at it, while Shining Armor talks to his wife
Shining: Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
Cadance: Sure.
Shining: Guess who the guard’s caught running around drunk today.
Cadance: I don’t know, just tell me.
Shining: Prince Blueblood himself (Smirks)
Cadance: Really? That pompous jerk is here? And drunk no less?
Shining: It’s alright, they threw him in a cell, I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I wake him up tomorrow.
Cadance: Hmmph (smirks) well I guess I’ll join as…(CLINK)
They look up to see that Zant has the Crystal Heart in his mouth
Cadance/Shining: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!
Zant: (Takes his teeth off the heart) I thought it was candy
The Crystal Heart starts turning a shade of brown after Zant bites it. It starts humming loudly, and spins faster and faster until a big wave of energy washes over the entire Empire. Every single Crystal Pony turns a shade darker. They all start laughing crazily and saying crazy things.
Cadance: What just happened?
The Crystal Ponies all make their way to the center of the palace and surround Team Crazy and Shining and Cadence
Crystal Ponies:
The kidneys don’t match the drapes!
The Blood! So Warm and Tasty, like Butterscotch!!!
The Future is in the Past!!!
Stop Staring at Me!
Shut Up, I have a Giant Chair!!!
The Hokey Pokey is a Lie!!!
This place is named after the devil, because kid’s love the devil!
Welcome to Kentucky Fried Taco Hut, can I take your order?
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?!
Shining: It’s like they’ve all gone insane!
Cadance: Or gotten brain damage
Zant: Well that can’t be right, they’re not singing about muffins
As soon as Zant speaks, all the crystal ponies stop talking and look to him.
Crystal Ponies: ALL HAIL KING ZANT!!!
Zant: …Well that was unexpected….LIMBO TIME!!!
Every Crystal Pony and the members of Team Crazy start doing the limbo while singing “It’s a Small World After All” While Shining and Cadence have their jaws dropped in bewilderment.
"So tell me about this Twilight Realm, I know someone who would love to learn about a place with their name in it." Empress Cadence says to the trio.
"Well it’s all shadowy, in a different dimension, and the light has a sepia tone to it. Also it turns you into a wolf sometimes if you wear green spandex." Zant explains.
"Interesting, and who are your friends?"
"This is Joey and Screwloose, they handle the busy work that I can’t or don’t want to do."
"I WANTED TO BE A DOCTOR, WHERE’S MY STETHOSCOPE?!" Disco Dance shouts.
Screwloose barks.
Cadence gigglesand says, "Well if you’re from this other plain of existence have you yet to visit Canterlot where my aunt Princess Celestia rules?"
"Oh I’ve been there, the nobles are so uptight. They judge you and call you crazy just for performing a one man flash mob at a funeral." Zant says.
"Oh…Well, um…"
"It’s not like the dead pony was doing anything else, why couldn’t I use him as a ventriloquist dummy? And don’t get me started on the cat and the blender."
Cadance laughs thinking it’s a joke.
"But anyway, I didn’t like it there much so then we traveled here and everything was so shiny! But we seem to have lost our god along the way."
"Your god?"
"Oh yes, I met him inside a big happy white house. He turned me into a unicorn and took us to a wonderful party."
"A god, as in an Alicorn?"
"What the hell is an Alicorn, is that like my butler Fluffy?"
"Fluffy?"
"Yes, he is a magical winged fire breathing panda, he is a great dancer."
"Uhhh no…like me, I’m an Alicorn."
"I’m pretty sure my god is a guy."
"No, I have both wings and a horn, only I’m not a god like my aunts."
"Oh, no my god is not a pegacorn, he doesn’t have wings, he does have a very tiny penis though, and it drives him to overcompensate in his overall goals through life. That’s actually the same situation that my previous god was in as well."
"Oh…well…that’s nice? Well we will look for him as we take the tour."
That's when they come up to the where the Crystal Heart is, and Shining Armor is there, "Hey Honey, what’s with the tour group?"
"Oh these are foreign dignitaries from another dimension called the Twilight Realm."
"Really? Wow, Twiley is gonna love to hear about this."
"That’s what I thought, anyway, Zant, Joey, Screwloose, this is my husband, Emperor Shining Armor."
"Hello." Zant greets.
"Et Tu Brute?" Disco Dance says.
Screwloose barks.
Shining turns to Cadance and asks, "Emperor?"
"Of course, Zant here pointed out that we both rule an empire together, so we should take the titles that comes with it."
"Hmm…I love it." He says smiling.
Cadance turns back to the trio and says, "Anyway, dignitaries, this is the Crystal Heart, the greatest defense in the entire empire. It is powered by the emotions of the Crystal Ponies, and in turn, it powers them."
"Oh Wow, A spinning heart on a pedestal, I haven’t seen one of those since my last birthday!" Zant says as he and the rest of his group go to look at it.
While this is going onShining Armor talks to his wife, "Hey, you wanna hear something funny?"
"Sure." Cadence says.
"Guess who the guard’s caught running around drunk today."
"I don’t know, just tell me."
"Prince Blueblood himself."
"Really? That pompous jerk is here? And drunk no less?"
"It’s alright, they threw him in a cell, I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I wake him up tomorrow."
"Hmmph... Well I guess I’ll join as…"
*CLINK*
They look up to see that Zant has the Crystal Heart in his mouth
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" The royal couple shout simultaneously.
Zant takes his teeth off the heart and says, "I thought it was candy."
The Crystal Heart starts turning a shade of brown and it starts humming loudly, and spins faster and faster until a big wave of energy washes over the entire Empire. Even Crystal Ponies turn a shade darker and they all start laughing crazily and saying crazy things.
"The kidneys don’t match the drapes!"
"The Blood! So Warm and Tasty, like Butterscotch!"
"The goggles they do nothing!"
"The Future is in the Past!"
"I am the walrus! Coo Coo Cachoo!"
"Stop Staring at Me!"
"Jason!"
"Shut Up, I have a Giant Chair!"
"SVMWVIHLM RH ZOSEV, ELRXV GDL!"
"The Hokey Pokey is a Lie!"
"Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur."
"This place is named after the devil, because kid’s love the devil!"
"Welcome to Kentucky Fried Taco Hut, can I take your order?"
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
"Everyone expects Viscera!"
"Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?!"
"I'll kill you! I'll kill you to death!"
"Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing On Rainbows!"
"It’s like they’ve all gone insane." Shining says
"Or gotten brain damage." Cadence adds.
"Well that can’t be right, they’re not singing about muffins." Zant says, all the crystal ponies stop talking and look to him.
"ALL HAIL KING ZANT!" All the crystal ponies shout.
"Well that was unexpected….LIMBO TIME!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside the cell, about a minute or so ago...
Meanwhile, in a jail cell with Blueblood(the douchebag of douchebags!)...
Ponder. Ponder why this happens to you. Look back on what happened so far, and come to a conclusion. It's all his fault, isn't it...
That's right... Give in to those dark tendencies...Embrace your hatred...TRANSFORM INTO A DARK REFLECTION OF YOUR SO-
Cue a flash of brown light going through the room. The guard on duty seemed to grow duller in color.
"Bazinga!" the guard shouted. "I must construct additional Pylons!" He runs away, but not before unlocking the cell door, dragging Blueblood (the douchebag of douchebags) out. "Come, we must hail the king of all the internets!" Blueblood(the douchebag of douchebags!) immediately assumes that one of his group members did something stupid, as he is dragged against his will. He sighs in acceptance, no longer giving a fuck about anything. Seriously, he level of not giving a fuck is equilivant to 60's era Spiderman.
Prince Blueblood is sitting in his cell when though it's barred window he sees this wave of brown in the sky and the crystal guard that threw him in there turns darker and shouts, "Bazinga! I must construct additional Pylons!" He then unlocks Blueblood celland opens the door, "Come, we must hail the king of all the internets!", he then runs off.
Blueblood is not sure what just happened, but really at this point he doesn't care.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Name: Zant
Stats
Error 404 File Not Found
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside the black hole...
Meanwhile in the League of Super-evil- NO.
"What?" said voice #3.
"We are not calling this group that." replied the second voice.
"But-"
"No. We are better than some petty name."
"...Fine. Can we at least-"
"No. Whatever you were about to say, no."
Voice #2 grumbles.
"Hey," said a 5th voice, walking up to the four.
"What the- how did you-" the first voice started to say, but was interrupted by the flaming monkey.
"Yes, hi, is this the league of super-evil?"
"Ye-"
"No.
"Darn."
"State your business here, or you shall be no more."
"Ahem, I was asked by one of you to come to teach you how to laugh maniacaly."
"What?" said the first voice. He looked to the owner of the second voice. "I have no idea about this."
"Err..." the fourth voice began to say. All eyes were locked on it's owner. "My bad?"
The rest just groaned. "Err, am I missing something?" said the fire monkey.
"No no, it's just... You know what? F*ck it, you're not," said the first voice. "It's not like we have anything to do like this..."
"I'll take that as a yes," said the monkey. "Alright, lesson one, what is a maniacal laugh..."
But yes, shenanigans for Evil Mysterious Voices, until the flaming monkey is captured in a pokeball
"Hey guys!" an Infernape shouts.
"Umm... Who and what are you?" Voice #4 asks.
"And how did you get here?" Voice #3 asks.
"Don't worry I'm just here to teach you how to do an evil laugh. I promise I won't revile who you are. Oh hi De..." the Infernape says before Voice #1 throws a Pokeball at him and capturing it.
"Whatcha just do lad?" Voice #2 asks Voice #1.
"What it was Infernape. You can't catch staters in the wild let alone it's fully evolved form, well fully evolved as long as they don't make a Mega Infernape, which would be awesome." Voice #1 explains.
"Alright... back to business." Voice #4 says
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... best chapter ever. Haven't laugh this hard in a long time! Thank you, and happy new years!
... God dammit.
Oh.... my..... god..........
BEST CHAPTER EVER!!!!!
I'm gonna write my actual comment tomorrow because it's 12:30 am, I didn't sleep last night, and I got work tomorrow, and I AM TIRED!!! So yeah.
Also Browndogg if you are reading this, you can go first.
At the BBQ
The Ultimate Warrior speaks with Lyra and Bon Bon directly
Lyra: Hello, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself, I am Lyra and this is Bon Bon. So, tell me about yourself, I didn’t get a chance to talk with you after all the drama this morning. You said you were the Ultimate Warrior?
Warrior: Yes, I am the disciple of Destrucity, I walk the planes of death and brutality in pursuit of my one golden ticket of a wish, to become Heavy Weight Champion of the World!!!!
Bon Bon: ….Okaaayyy…..What does that mean?
Warrior: I will defeat my limp noodle opponents, breaking them over my knee like pelican necks. One by one they will fall, until only HE remains. Once I defeat Hoke Hogan, I will use duct tape to rip his moustache off and jam it down his throat with sweet burning Cinamony vengeance!!!! SKRONK
Lyra: Really? That’s interesting, how did you get here?
Warrior: I pierced the veil of time and space and reality in a vessel that was a gift from the dark mysterious gods. I failed to defeat my new friend, so now I am learning what being friends mean. It is like a swirling vortex of never ending chocolate, I love it!
Bon Bon: (So Confused, looks to Lyra) How is it that there is someone else more confusing than Snowflame?
Lyra: What? I understood him, He’s a wrestler that can’t quite beat one opponent so he made a pact with some gods that sent him here to defeat Snowflame.
Warrior: Correctumundo sea foam blanket!
Bon Bon: …How did you get that out of what he just said?
Lyra: I listened, duh…try it sometime
Bon Bon gives her a dirty look.
Snowflame gathers up his new team, and they take center stage in front of all the attending Ponies.
Snowflame: Team Snowflame thanks you for coming to our party. It was hard work killing this dragon, but in the end, the only hole big enough for his corpse, was our stomachs. Thank you.
Ponies look kind of put off about what he said, and Fluttershy just faints.
Snowflame: Stop fainting shy one! Snowflame swears to cocaine, that’s all you do in this story!
The CMC take this opportunity to talk while she is passed out
Applebloom: If dragons taste this good, imagine how good other critters must taste.
Sweetie Belle: Yeah, Fluttershy has lots of different kinds, we can sample everything
Scootaloo: To the Buffet, let’s start with the chickens
They leave on her Scooter to go to Fluttershy’s house
Snowflame calls upon Team Snowflame to meet up.
Snowflame: Now we have to go to our new HQ and talk about stuff
Spike: HQ?
Snowflame: Yep, it’s a tiny blue box that is actually a time machine space ship
Luna: (Still High) THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC , LET’S GO THERE!!!!
The Tardis is currently in Ponyville, and if Snowflame hasn't seen it before, there is a simple solution to that
Snowflame: Hey Tennant Smith
"Time Turner": Huh?
Snowflame: Where's the blue box at?
"Time Turner" tells him where he and Derpy left it after being teleported in yesterday
They make their way to the TARDIS and Luna recognizes it.
Luna: THIS IS THE DOCTOR’S
Snowflame: Snowflame knows, he said we could have it.
Obito: It’s just a box though
Snowflame (uses the key and opens it up) Oh Really?
Spike: whoah
Obito: (Jaw Drop)
Warrior: It is Bigger on the Inside!!!!
Back at the BBQ, “Time Turner” shivers
Derpy: What’s wrong honey?
“Time Turner”: I don’t know, just felt like someone walked over my grave
They go inside the TARDIS and Snowflame keeps hitting the Muffin Button, while Luna chugs more Coffee and tries to hit on Obito in her high state.
Spike: So wait, if this is a time machine, why can’t we go back in time and beat up Blueblood before he escapes?
Snowflame: Snowflame doesn’t know how to work this machine, Snowflame only wanted it for the Muffin Button.
Luna: I’VE BEEN IN HERE BEFORE!!!! YOU JUST PRESS BUTTONS!!!!
Warrior: BUTTONS, BUTTONS, WHO’S GOT THE BUTTONS?!!!!
The Warrior and Luna start pressing random buttons on the console. The Tardis activates but lurches around like it is crashing
Spike: What the buck are you guys doing?
Obito: Stop!
Snowflame: Looks like Team Snowflame is blasting off again
Outside, the Tardis is just flying around crashing into buildings and flying crookedly.
Derpy sees this and wonders
Derpy: What the Buck?
They then fly up into the air, going South of the Everfree Forest.
Meanwhile in Canterlot,
Discord Walks out of Celestia’s room, tired out
He makes it back to his room where he all but falls in his chair from Exhaustion.
Discord: Damn, I believe this side of Celestia is gonna kill me….(becomes horrified) Oh Buck My Life, I’m in some sort of relationship aren’t I?
Sees Diary on his table. He smirks and looks at some passages.
He reads like 3 or 4 and becomes disturbed by what Twilight has written.
Discord: And here I thought my mind was twisted, I mean…damn, what is wrong with this girl?
Meanwhile at the Wedding
Rainbow Dash is denied entrance. She makes such a fuss yelling and cursing about the day she had being man handled by a hairless ape and that she just wants in because she was there yesterday. When she is still refused, she makes a scene and is taken away by guards, and Spitfire and Soarin see this.
Soarin: Yeesh
Spitfire: Is that really what we want on our team?
Soarin: Nope
Spitfire: Well that’s twice she’s interrupted our big day, ground her and put her on probation.
Meanwhile in the now Insane Crystal Empire
Cadance: What have you done?!
Zant: I did the limbo stick dance Charlie, it’s now time to go to candy mountain! Nyeh!!!
Crystal Ponies: NYEH!!!
Zant: And now it’s time for the Macarena (Music Starts and they all start dancing)
Shining: This is weird, change them back change them back (talking to his wife)
Blueblood walks through the crowd and is just flabbergasted, he sees Zant and yells
Blueblood: Oh My Celestia Zant, what did you do?!
The sea of crazy ponies silences and parts around Blueblood giving him a path to team crazy
Zant: My Lord! There you are, I have conquered an entire nation in my quest for candy!
Crystal Ponies: ALL HAIL THE LORD AND SAVIOR PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!!!!
They raise Blueblood on their shoulders
Blueblood: I…uh….
Cadance: Blueblood?! You brought these ponies here? What’s your game?! (Angrily)
Blueblood: I….Wha….?
Zant: Yes, praise his overcompensation!
Crystal Ponies: HAIL THE BELOW AVERAGE LENGTH OF OUR GOD’S PENIS!!!
Blueblood is embarrassed and confused while Shining snickers. Cadance on the other hand is pissed.
Cadance: Enough of this (She uses her magic on the heart, but the insanity is too strong)
Cadance: (Struggling to speak) How…can…there…be…so much…Insanity?!
The brown energy goes down her own magic stream and enters her horn. She opens her eyes and begins laughing.
Shining: Cadance? (Worriedly)
Cadance starts bouncing around like Pinkie Pie
Cadance: NINJA! NINJA! NINJA! PIRATE…WAIT NO, DAMNIT!!!
Shining: Cadance? (Scared)
Cadance: OH Hello, Sir Bedeviere, will you make me a large wooden badger?!!!
Shining: (to Blueblood) WHAT DID YOU DO?!!!
Blueblood: I don’t know (confused/worried)
Zant: Oh goody, now we have a uni-sus on our team. How exciting. Fluffy! Do the dance of joy!
The Crystal Ponies, Team Crazy and Cadance all make a circle around nothing and comment on how great a dancer Fluffy is.
The only two sane mind’s left (Blueblood and Shining) are just mesmerized by the insanity.
Shining snaps at Zant
Shining: Turn my wife back to normal now!
Zant: Oh alright, every party needs a pooper, that’s why we invited you
Zant’s magic begins and Blueblood tries to stop it
Blueblood: No wait, don’t…
Zant’s magic teleports Shining Armor away.
Zant: Whoops
Blueblood: Oh Celestia, did you kill him?
Zant: I don’t think so, I wonder where he went
Somewhere in Mexicolt
Shining lands in the middle of the living room where the Fancy Pant’s Staff is cleaning.
Shining: What the, where am I?
Maid: You need to clean…clean now
Shining: What? No, I need to get back to the Crystal Empire and save my wife!
Maid: No, no…you clean (hands him apron and sponge)
Shining: What the buck is going on?!
Back at the Crystal Empire
Shining Armor get's teleported back to the Empire with his Apron on. He's had enough, he grabs his still babbling wife and runs off towards the train station with her.
Cadance: I need a thousand pounds of shrimp! I don’t know why yet!
Shining: Don't worry baby, I'll get you back to normal, we're going to Canterlot
Cadance: Yay! Maybe Aunt Celestia will want to engage in a threesome with us!
Shining: What?!
Cadance: Or Tartarus, throw Discord or Luna or your sister in there as well, we'll make it a foursome or a fivesome or even a Sixsome!
Shining: Babe, I know you're insane right now, but no, I don't want to do that!
Cadance: Spoilsport! (sticks her tongue out at him as he carries her)
Blueblood: (Sighs) Oh sure they get to get away from the madness, and I'm stuck dead center.
Zant: Cheer up my lord, we own an empire now, I call the big freaking chair
Disco Dance: I WANT THE MILK CRATES!!!
Screwloose: Bark
Blueblood sighs again
Blueblood: Great, I’m the god of the insane (Puts head down)
He then thinks for a second
Blueblood: Wait a minute, I'm the god of thousands of loyal, insane, violent psychopaths. That hairless monkey has no chance (Smiles Evily) Now all I have to do is reign Zant in.
Zant is talking on his "phone"
Zant: Hello mom, I have an empire now
Zant's Mom: That's nice dear
Blueblood: (Sigh) If only it were that easy
Also, I like the idea of that in-between Trixie/Iron Will story
3697916 Your move Razor
Meanwhile in the mysterious void.
Voice 1: We need to get Blueblood on our side now, before the power gets to his head.
All others: Agreed.
Inside the pokeball: You gonna let me out soon?
Voice 1: No. I have plans for you... mwehehehehe...
Inside the pokeball: See, that laugh is horrible for a villain! (sighs) Why did I even come here?
3700691
Huh... now I feel like I'm being put on the spot..... Very well, if that's how it's going to be.
Oh, and before I forget, I'm all for the Trixie/Iron Will story too. I am actually kind of curious as to how that happened.
Anyway, on with my actual comment.
You know, I was going to suggest that Caedence and Shining Armor get the hell out of the Crystal Empire by teleporting into Celestia's room.... only to catch her in the act with Discord and then get invited into an EPIC foursome, which Caedence seems into for some reason......
AH SCREW IT. I'll suggest it anyway and we'll leave it up to fate. Whichever one Ken chooses is the one Ken chooses.
Anyway, now on with my comment, for realsies this time.
Lyra and Bon Bon
BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!
Everyone and everypony just keeps staring at Lyra for several moments in complete silence. Nopony speaks, and there might even be the sound of crickets in the background, which makes no sense cause it's not really nighttime, but for comedic effect, we can let it slide. Even the CMC's aren't sure at all what they just watched.
After several moments of silence though, Bon Bon just sighs loudly, and to take a cue from Browndogg, this conversation happens.
Bon Bon: You know what, I'm not even gonna get mad at you right now. I'm just not.
Lyra: So.............. are we cool?
BB: Yeah.... we're cool.
Then at that they hug.
BB: Just promise me one thing Lyra.
L: What.
BB: Please never ever ever ever ever ever ever..... ever ever ever..... ever ever ever ever...... *add as many "ever"s as you want* EVER EVER..... EVER. Sing again.
L: Noted.
Then at that things go back to the way they were before with them.
Snowflame
While you do have access to the TARDIS now, there are several problems with going to get it. The first if which is that it is currently in Canterlot somewhere, and you are in Ponyville. The second being that even if you were to have Luna teleport you all the way back to Canterlot, you have no idea where it's parked, and since it's the Doctor, he's probably parked it where nobody (or pony) is gonna look at it, cause how often do people find his TARDIS in the show
(quite a lot actually but that's beside the point), even if somepony did happen across it, they'd more than likely just ignore it, and if on the off chance the guards found it, then they more than likely took it away and it's safe in storage in the castle somewhere, assuming they ever found it at all of course. You do suppose you could just get Derpy to tell you where it is, but for obvious reason she's probably not about to tell you.
Also there is the fact that the TARDIS is kind of sentient to a rather significant degree and probably would have problems with being operated by anyone other than the Doctor, especially SNOWFLAME!!!
So yeah, while you do have access to the TARDIS right now, you still do not know where it is, so yeah, still no HQ for right now. Still, good job though, you managed to get the TARDIS key from the Doctor, not an easy thing to accomplish. Then again, since this is the TARDIS, it will more than likely appear when it is needed, so there is no need to worry about not having it right now.
But anyway, on to other shenanigans.
So Team Snowflame is now full formed, but something still doesn't quite feel right. You're a team, and you've got everything, but something is still missing.... Then, suddenly, the memory of Lyra singing a few seconds ago comes back to bite you in the face, and suddenly you know what it is you are missing. You need a kick ass theme song. A song that basically screams out "WE ARE HERE TO KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLEGUM! AND WE'RE ALL OUT OF GUM!!!"
Warrior suggests his theme song
But you and the other's really don't think that'll work cause that song is just the Warrior's theme, for just him. You are a team, you need a team theme song.... and EPIC team theme song.
SUDDENLY!
Snowflame: HIT THE MUSIC!!!
Obito: Who are you talking t- *Is cut off by the music*
SUDDENLY, EPIC TEAM INTRO MONTAGE SET TO THIS MUSIC!!!
Blueblood: Oh yes Mr. Snowflame you will pay for your attack on my coat, I will assure you that. You will pay.
Snowflame: Snowflame actually has a team to lead... Snowflame feels so happy.
*EPIC FLASHES OF AWESOMENESS AS THE TEAM'S LOGO APEARS ON THE SCREEN, WHICH SINCE THE DON'T HAVE A LOGO, THEY JUST USE A STAND-IN FOR NOW*
*ONE BY ONE IT CUTS TO SCENES OF THEM BEING AWESOME AND KICKING ASS AS IT INTRODUCES THEM*
Will Wolfgram as Snowflame
James Hellwig as The Ultimate Warrior
Bruce Campbell as Spike
Richard Cansino as Obito
(Note: This is Vega's voice actor for the Street Fighter anime movies, I'm assuming that that is what he is supposed to sound like)
Tabitha St. Germain as Princess Luna
*Random flashes of all of them before they do an epic pose*
Tara Strong and Nicole Oliver as Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia
(I wanted to do Lyra and Bon Bon originally but they don't have set voice actresses so yeah)
John De Lancie as Discord
Producer
Sarah Wall
Executive Producers
Meghan McCarthy
Jayson Thiessen
My Little Pony, Snowflame, and Warrior are all properties of Hasbro, DC Comics, and WWE respectively. No copyright infringement is intended please support the official release.
*AND END SCENE!!!*
Obito: The bloody Tartarus was that?
Snowflame: That my masked clawed still on probation friend, is what my god cocaine would call.... awesomeness.
Luna: I LIKE IT!!!
Twilight Sparkle
In Twilight Sparkle's dreams:
*Twilight is standing in front of all her friends*
*Rarity then speaks up*
*Pinkie Pie then speaks up*
*Rainbow Dash then speaks up*
Luna
), as well as many other things.
Now that you are on an as of this moment, infinite coffee high, go talk to Obito again and be VERY unsubtle about how you want to take him behind one of those houses and pretend to be bunnies (you know what I mean
Use this for reference (7:53 onwards)
Obito
Luna is telling you... things... React appropriately.
Pinkie Pie
Look over and see Luna talking to Obito, and hear very clearly what she is telling him.... is that... jealousy... you're feeling... if so, react appropriately.
Zant
Biting the crystal heart has cured Zant of his need for meds because all 37 of his split personalities as well as some of the disorders he was suffering from have been dispersed randomly among the crystal ponies. Turns out that Zant had enough crazy for everypony.
This does not change anything about him or how he acts, oh no, he just no longer needs meds to maintain this...... level of stability (HA!!!!)
React appropriately.
Blueblood
As he walks up to where the Crystal heart is, he accidentally bumps into somepony... again. At that, every SINGLE crystal pony turns to look at him.
Blueblood: Um....
Suddenly
All the Crystal Ponies: ALL HAIL OUR LORD AND SAVIOR PRINCE BLUEBLOOD! ALL HAIL HIM AND HIS TINY PENIS!!!
Cadence and Shining Armor
And now it's time to get out of here. Yeah, whatever's just happened, you're gonna need some help with this. Quickly, while everypony is distracted by limboing and Blueblood (which shocks the hell out of both of you) quickly get on the train and head back to Canterlot to warn Celestia.
Or you could just have Cadence teleport you there, her being an alicorn and all.
If you choose the latter, have her teleport both of them into Celestia's room where Cadence and Shining Armor catch her doing.... things.... with Discord. There is an uncomfortable silence for a moment..... until.....
Celestia: You wanna join?
Cadence: Sure.
Shining Armor and Discord: WHAT!?
Aaaaaaaand done.
Now I'm going to go play Dead Space 3 cause I am more than halfway through chapter 18 AND I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS GAME THIS WEEKEND!!!!
3701852 I wasn't putting you on the spot, but nice, I love their theme song
Actually the TARDIS got teleported to the middle of Ponyville by Celestia back in Chapter 18, so they do have access to it seeing as how it's out in the open on the way to the Library and all. Also, since Snowflame knows what it looks like, he wouldn't just glance over it like other ponies. And even with the TARDIS's sentience, she just might be in the mood for shenanigans, she let Snowflame on board the first time. She let that one lady semi-evil lady pilot her in the last Christmas episode. Also, "Time Turner" still doesn't know what it is, he'll let them know and Derpy will be none the wiser
Also, Spike at this point would be voiced by Bruce Campbell in the credits, might want to change that
Also, I like your Cadance idea. Reread my comment, I have altered/combined them. Because Crazy Cadance is best Cadance for that type of situation. Also added in asking directions for TARDIS
3700849 He kind of is on their side now that he commands an army of Psychopaths and is planning on attacking Snowflame
Wait wait wait... The Warrior want the power to defeat Hulk Hogan, right? But wasn't The Warrior the first wrestler to take the Championship-belt from Hulk Hogan? Why the need to defeat him again?
3770577 This Warrior has yet to defeat Hulk Hogan, and travelers to Equestria don't adhere to a certain time or space. So this is the obsessed defeated Warrior. Also, look up Atop the Fourth Wall Warrior comics review, that's the version of the Warrior we brought in
3770577 3772713
In other words, to quote MST3K, Space is warped and time is bendable.