Snowflame's Cocaine and/or Coffee Fueled Misadventures in Equestria (Comment Driven Story)

by KenSES64

Muffin Button (5)

1.) Snowflame, full from the delicious (And nutritious) pizza, seeks out more things to do.
2.) Having already been to the town Square, Snowflame decides to wander randomly, and near the edge of town, sees a house with an odd Blue Barn/Blue Police Box next to it. Snowflame is quite certain either is rather unusual in Equestria.
3.) Deciding to ask about it, Snowflame knocks on the door, and is greeted by the local Mail-Mare Ditsy Derpina Hooves ne Doo. Knowing the bubbly mare from random encounters around town he greets her warmly, and asks how things have been.
4.) After a few minutes of happy chatting, Snowflame asks about the odd blue structure next to her house. She mentions it belongs to the local stallion most know as Time Turner.
5.) Snowflame further asks why said stallion has such an odd object, and she says he mentioned something about, ""Making sure the old girl is taken care of. Her last outing certainly left her tuckered out.""
6.) Snowflame, now even more curious, and a touch frustrated, asks if he can go inside.
7.) Derpy isn't sure if he should, but then remembers the "Muffin Button" that is inside, and says they can go long enough to get a few muffins.
8.) Now near the level of terminal confusion, Snowflame agrees, and once Derpy opens the door and enters, Snowflame follows.
9.) When Snowflame looks around, he falls to his knees and says, "COCAINE!!! MY GOD, YOU HAVE RETURNED TO ME! THIS PLACE DOESN'T LOOK A THING LIKE IT SHOULD FROM THE OUTSIDE!!"
10.) Derpy, munching on a muffin that's been produced, says, "Of course not silly, Time Turner never does anything that predictable. Though usually when somepony goes in here they say it's bigger on the inside for some strange reason."

Snowflame, walking randomly around town makes his way to what at first would seem like a normal house, well actually it was, the strange part about it was something right next to it. It was a blue phone booth like thing with the words "Police Box" on it.

Snowflame got closer up to it, still unsure what it was, but his attention was quickly grabbed away from it by a certain grey pegasus mare with a blond mane, crossed yellow eyes, and a bunch of bubbles for a cutie mark.

"Hi there!" she greeted, "I'm..."

"Snowflame know who you are." Snowflame said,

"You do?"

"Yes, you are Derpy Hooves. You're quite famous where Snowflame is from."

"I am?"

"Yes, people like you to the point that they'll got nuts if your voice changes."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Okay, so I see that you're looking at the TARDIS. It belongs to The Doctor, I think he said he's 'letting the old girl rest after her last trip'."

"Trip? What's this even used for?"

"Well, I can show you the inside, as long as we can use the muffin button."

"There's a muffin button?"

"Yup, it took me a while to talk The Doctor into adding it. Though he doesn't use it much, he eats butter more than anything. That can't be good for him."

"Bah, that's nothing. Do you know what Snowflame used to have for breakfast? Cocaine! Lunch? Cocaine! And Dinner?"

"Cocaine?"

"Exactly! Anyways, how will both of use fit in this thing?"

"Oh, you'll see." The grey mare says, unlocking the door with a key in her mouth. She opens lit, letting Snowflame step inside.

Snowflame looked at the large room in awe. "COCAINE!!! MY GOD, YOU HAVE RETURNED TO ME! THIS PLACE DOESN'T LOOK A THING LIKE IT SHOULD FROM THE OUTSIDE!!" He exclaimed.

"Of course not silly, The Doctor never does anything that predictable. Though usually when somepony goes in here they say it's bigger on the inside for some strange reason." Derpy said, walking to the muffin button, "So, uh... Snowflame was it, what kind of muffin do you want?"

Snowflame tapped his chin and said, "Snowflame is not sure. Snowflame is trying to chose between chocolate chip or blueberry."

"Why not one of each? Or even better, one with both chocolate chips and blueberries."

Snowflame stood there for a few seconds to take that suggestion in before exclaiming, "You are a genius! One chocolate chip and blueberry muffin please."

Derpy pressed down on the muffin button a few times to make a fresh batch of nice warm muffins appear out of thin air.

The two ate there muffins as Derpy explained what the TARDIS was.
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One explanation and a batch of muffins later...

"So this is a time machine?" Snowflame asked.

"Yup, The Doctor has taken me all over time and space."

"Maybe you two can take Snowflame one day." Snowflame suggested.

"Maybe, but I'll have to ask The Doctor first."

"Ask me what?" A British sounding voice asked.

Snowflame turned to see a light brown earth pony with a darker brown mane, blue eyes and an hourglass for a cutie mark.

What does he do now?
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Name: Ditzy "Derpy Hooves" Doo

Stats

Strenght: 5

Speed: 5

Intelligence: 5

Cuteness: 8

Lovableness: 9
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11.) Blueblood, now in prison, begins to think about his life, all the events that lead him here. In a moment of extreme clarity, he questions if it was...in fact...all his own fault?
12.) The moment passes quickly and he determines that Square are to blame here, "After all, circles betrayed that other mare, what's her name...the blue one who defeated an Ursa Major...eh, not important."
13.) Upon this revelation, he calls the guards demanding they round out all the edges and points in his cell, and demanding that all his meal trays be either plates or triangles.

Blueblood sat in his cell thinking of who was a fault here, since it surely wasn't his own fault.

Other than Snowflame the only other thin that could be fault here are squares.

"I knew I should have never trusted squares, with there corners that you can get your suit caught on or even worse the corners actually cutting you." Blueblood said to himself before standing up, "Guards! If you insist of keeping me in here the I demand that you put all my meals on round plates, or if the are squares then make sure they have rounded edges!"

"You're in no place to demand anything chaneling!" A guard says back.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I AM THE REAL BUCKING PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!"

"Sure you are and I'm a 50 foot tall purple manticore with pink spots and a rainbow colored mane." The guard said sarcastically.

Blueblood is soon discovered by Celestia, who basically decided to take him out and hear his entire story. At the hitman part, she knows that s will go down.

14.) Celestia, having come down to see how her dear nephew could have been imprisoned, hears this from a few cells down, and looks to the guard on duty.
15.) "I'm sorry, your majesty. But he had been rather off, if you recall in his assumptions of the world. I suppose this result was inevitable." The guard says, using this fortuitous turn of random as justification for the arrest. "He's a danger to himself and others, I propose he be moved to a private facility where he can have the best of care."
16.) Celestia, now confronted with this idea, asks for some time to speak with her sister. The guard, seeing her leave, calls one of his Pegasus fellows and tells him to find princess Luna and get her in on this.
17.) The other guard grins widely, speeding off, knowing of the Lunar Mare's disdain for the pompous prince, he had every confidence that the blowhard would finally meet a justified end.

That's when a white alicorn mare came up to the cell, "Excuse me sir, but why is my nephew imprisoned?" she asked the pegasus stallion.

"Your majesty, we aren't sure that this is the real Blueblood. We beleave of him to be a changeling spy, who's taken the place of the Prince for whatever reason." The guard stated. "We we're looking out for your safety."

"Well I thank you for doing your job, but there's already proof against your theory."

"Oh and what's that Princess? With all due respect."

"You put an anti-magic collar on him, which if he was indeed a changeling, the collar would of reverted him back to his true form. We did design them to do so."

The guard looked at Princess Celestia, then at Prince Blueblood, "I'm sorry, your majesty. But he had been rather off, if you recall in his assumptions of the world. I suppose this result was inevitable." The guard says, using this fortuitous turn of random as justification for the arrest. "He's a danger to himself and others, I propose he be moved to a private facility where he can have the best of care."

"What?!" Blueblood exclaims, "How dare you try to justify this! You and the other guards who put me in here will be lucky to be reassigned to the dragon badlands after all this is over!"

"Maybe he has a point dear nephew." Celestia said, "You seem a bit off, tell me what happened while we get a guard to tell Luna about this to see what she thinks."

The guard nodded and pointed to the nearest guard, another pegasus, this one dark blue with a light purple mane, "You! Go get Princess Luna!"

"What? I'm no my break." The blue pegasus complained.

"Are you questioning an order form a superior officer?"

"Superior? I'm Lt. Arrow, the head of the archery squad. What's your rank?"

"I-I started last month."

"Now why don't you go get Princess Luna?"

"Y-Yes sir." The newer guard said before flying off.

Celestia turned back to Blueblood and said, "Now, tell me what happened."
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Name: Princess Celestia

Stats

Strenght: 7

Speed: 8

Intelligence: 9

Political Power: 10

Trollness: 8

Author's Note:

For those of you who know my other works you may recall Lt. Light Arrow as a character from my stories, Spawn of Disharmony and The Supernumeraries. And if you haven't read those stories, check them out.

Does promoting my own stuff make me an attention whore?

Comments

[Eternal Infernape]

(In the Tardis)
Snowflame tries to convince the Doctor to get cocaine for him. Discussion ensues. Timey-whimey shenanigans happen. Alternate reality where it snows cocaine. Snowflames gets as much as he could, and etcetera.
(In the jail where Blueblood is)
After telling his story to Celestia, Celestia throws in her two bits. Luna arrives, and embarrassing actions ensue against Blueblood, which we call being trolled. Blueblood runs away in tears, and swears vengeance on those who 'wronged' him.

[BrownDog77]

Snowflame has hung around Linkara a lot, so he knows what the sonic screwdriver looks like and a Cybermat, he should bring those up in discussion with the Doctor.

Snowflame should also ask for a cocaine button from the Doctor.

In the Jailhouse, Luna enters and is clearly peeved about something, which makes Blueblood nervous to the point of hiccuping.

[Awesomedude17]

Upon time travel, they come across two people, Captain Jack Harkness, who then hits on SNOWFLAME, and then Deadpool, who then wonders why he is here, and then goes out into space without a spacesuit.

Celestia is very displeased at the hitman and decides to just leave Blueblood there to teach him some manners. Blueblood's douchebag levels rise by two points.

[RazortheAwesome]

Wow... two references since I last looked. Oh well.

Snowflame:
Go on a journey with the Doctor and Derpy to find the pony equivalent of this character.

(nice use of the line there by the way)

Take her under your wing as your first disciple on your journey to bring cocaine to Equestria, or have you forgotten about that already?
It's okay if you have.

Blueblood:
Do what you always do. Be wrong.

Doctor:
Don't trust Snowflame for obvious reasons, but then go "screw that" and take him on a time travel journey anyway, cause YOU ARE THE DOCTOR WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!?

[Isumo1489]

3079278>>3079025

Hmmm, I see more potential here, let me break it down for ya!

1.) Snowflame, having lived with Linkara, knows a little about the Doctor, like his Sonic Screwdrivers and the Cybermats being from his universe. He then discuses with the Doctor how he could be real in this world, as his show belongs to what seems to be an entirely different universe.

2.) Mild to short discussion begins, punctuated by eating of muffins. The topic of Cocaine is raised, and the Doctor sees how it benefits Snowflame and admits he's not certain how it would effect Ponies at all.

3.) Snowflame asks for a Cocaine button, but the Doctor says he hardly knows the fellow, and doesn't yet trust him with full access to the TARDIS. When questioned how the Doctor will trust him, said Time Lord says, "Why, by sharing proper adventures of course!"

4.) Cue Snowflame's first Doctor themed adventure, to the distant past where Equestria was still under Discord's rule, and Snowflame gets to see the Mighty Mad God at his peek...which really wasn't all that horrible. Yeah, he's majorly making things inconvenient for ponies, but no-pony is actually getting hurt, no pony is going hungry, committing crime, nor are they without safe havens like their homes. In fact, some ponies and foals LIKE how things are, and while not fanatics to Discord, they certainly regard him warmly.

5.) This puzzles the Doctor and Derpy, who've been there before, but a bit forward in time, and see this Discord as a vast, if quirky improvement. Snowflame decides to ask said god for help in his quest for Cocaine.

6.) After hearing what the substance is, and what it can do, Discord decides to make 2 items that can summon unlimited amounts of Cocaine. Snowflame gets one, rejoices, and promptly uses his to get a few hits, going "White Super Sayin" before rampaging a few seconds before passing out.

7.) Discord, seeing this, promptly eats his, activating it inside his stomach, and commenting on it tasting like yellow before his eyes become blood-shot, his demeanor far more sinister, and his powers begin to bring everything to a much darker, and more dangerous state.

8.) Horrified, Derpy and the Doctor leave with Snowflame, heading back to the present where they discuss that it was Snowflame's fault everything went wrong and the Princesses had to seal Discord. Also, given the history of Equestria, the time they were in is now a fixed point, and they cannot undo it.

9.) The Doctor tries to remove the band from Snowflame, but can't. Instead, he creates a limit on it, only allowing for a certain amount to be gained a day. He isn't sure what amount it's limited to, but hopefully not enough to cause this level of trouble again.

10.) Arriving back, Snowflame is tossed out of the TARDIS, and the two time Travelers seek out Discord. Derpy distracts him, while the Doctor makes him throw up via Sonic Screwdriver, many...many things come up, until the now infamous band shows itself. Instantly, Discord is less out of his mind, and in fact, thanks the Doctor, before going into massive, even crippling withdrawal. To the point he can't move or think, let alone summon more or gain back the band.

11.) Derpy and the Doctor look to each other, before resolving to contact Celestia, who will want to know about this.

12.) With Blueblood, he now paces his room in circles, muttering how it's not his fault, and that he won't let the 'squares' have their way.

13.) When he looks up, he sees Celestia outside his cell, asking what has happened.

14.) "It was horrible Aunty Celestia!! Those brutes roughed me up outside my own home, after I spent so much time trying to dig up dirt on that dirty Ape-fellow Snowflame! And even the masked pony that was supposed to make him pay doesn't seem to be reliable! Worse yet, I've been stuck here, dirty, with all these four-by-four objects and CORNERS! They're out to get me Aunty, you won't let them get me, will you?"

15.) Luna soon walks in, having heard the ranting from just outside the cell-block. Her poker face is on, but inside she's clapping her hooves like a foal at the chance to give the 'prince' some justice.

16.) Luna calls over Celestia, whispering that clearly the stallion had gone quite mad, and that she'd heard of these new Mind medicine (Psychiatrist) ponies that might be able to help him. Moreover, he should at least be examined by those professionals before being released back into the world.

17.) Reluctantly, Celestia agrees, for Blueblood's own safety, and orders him brought to the nearest hospital for evaluation.

18.) Celestia then receives a letter from the Doctor, which she skims briefly before rushing out the door, hurriedly leaving Luna in charge of things.

19.) Luna smirks evil as Blueblood continues ranting to himself, thinking of which professionals the Prince had offended in the past, and how many she could call upon short-notice.