Snowflame's Cocaine and/or Coffee Fueled Misadventures in Equestria (Comment Driven Story)

by KenSES64

Behold the Power of The Warrior(14)

Somewhere in a black hole where time is meaningless, The Ultimate Warrior stands in front of a black gate.
Ultimate Warrior: Groosfabba, Groosfabba. I CALL UPON THE POWER OF THE GODS!!!
Mysterious Evil Voice: Welcome Warrior, we have been expecting you.
Ultimate Warrior: Like Scissors in my brain, your voices called, will you help me defeat Hoke Hogan?
Mysterious Evil Voice: In due time child, in due time, but first you must prove yourself worthy.
Ultimate Warrior: How shall the Ultimate Warrior prove himself, shall I swim the mighty seas of Destrucity, shall I force the light of the sun into the monsters of the soul?
Mysterious Evil Voice: No, you must defeat a rival equal and similar to you in many ways. Once you have defeated this inverse representation of yourself, then you will be able to conquer Hulk Hogan.
Ultimate Warrior: Tell me where this rolling stone lays his head that he calls home, and it shall be done!
Mysterious Evil Voice: You will find him, in the land of Equestria!
So he loads his spaceship with the rocket fuel and flies to Equestria in search of this foe. The evil voice laughs menacingly and says "Fool."

Somewhere in a black hole where time is meaningless...

A musclebound man wearing blue wrestling trunk, arm and wrist band, wrestling boots and blue, white and black face paint, know as The Ultimate Warrior stands in front of a black gate.

"Groosfabba, Groosfabba. I CALL UPON THE POWER OF THE GODS!!!" He shouts at the gate.

"Welcome Warrior, we have been expecting you." A mysterious voice says.

"Like Scissors in my brain, your voices called, will you help me defeat Hoke Hogan?"

"In due time child, in due time, but first you must prove yourself worthy."

"How shall the Ultimate Warrior prove himself, shall I swim the mighty seas of Destrucity, shall I force the light of the sun into the monsters of the soul?"

"No, you must defeat a rival equal and similar to you in many ways. Once you have defeated this inverse representation of yourself, then you will be able to conquer Hulk Hogan."

"Tell me where this rolling stone lays his head that he calls home, and it shall be done!"

"You will find him, in the land of Equestria!" some lightning strikes revealing a rocket ship. "Step aboard this ship and it shall take you to Equestria."

"Prepare yourself unknown rival, for The Warrior is going to get foked and use that fokness to take you down, and you will feel the power of Destrucity come down upon your face! *SKRONK*" The Ultimate Warrior got into the ship and it soon took off.

The voice laughed and said, "Fool."
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Meanwhile in Ponyville...

Time Turner and Iron Will reach their destination, when Twilight Sparkle notices the two. Conversation ensues.

While walking toward Iron Will's house, he and "Time Turner" hear Twilight shouting "OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS..." at the top of her lungs, and they think something is wrong, so they run into the library where she is at her telescope and excitedly scribbling notes.
"Time Turner": Are you alright miss?
Iron Will: We heard screaming.
Twilight: Oh I'm fine, I'm great actually, I've just spotted what looks like an alien ship entering the atmosphere!
"Time Turner": Aliens? Please, everypony knows their's no such thing. (IRONY TO THE MAX)
Twilight: It's true, it looks like it's headed...Straight for Canterlot! Oh my Goodness, I need to get the girls and get there immediately. The Princess might need help greeting them.
She rushes out the door, and Iron Will looks at "Time Turner" and they both shrug.

"Time Turner" and Iron Will reached their destination of Iron Will and Trixie's new house when they heard shouting coming from the library.

"OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS!"

Unsure what was going on the two rushed over to see what was happening. They enter the library to see a purple unicorn mare with a violet mane with two stripes, one purple, one pink, purple eyes, and a pink six-sided star for a cutie mark, and she was looking though a telescope.

"Is something wrong miss?" "Time Turner" asked.

"I'm fine, but I see some strange ship in the sky." Twilight said, not looking away from her microscope. "It looks like it's heading to Canterlot. I need to get the girls. For all we know this can be some unknown life form."

"You mean like aliens? Please, everypony knows their's no such thing."

"With Snowflame, there's proof of the mutiverse, so aliens aren't that far fetched." She then runs out of the library.

"Snowflame?" "Time Turner asks.

"He's some ape creature. Iron Will met him once. He punched Iron Will out. Not Iron Will's proudest moments." The Minotaur said.
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At Sugarcube Corner...

Meanwhile, Pinkie was discussing crazy marriage plans with the wives-to-be.

At the Bakery, Pinkie Pie comes up with the idea for a double wedding for Ditzy and Trixie to cut down on the costs, but also doubling the attendees and thus the fun of the party, but they say they don't know each other that well. She tells them to become friends so that they will, so they begin talking about their lives.

Pinkie Pie: Be Luna

"Why not a double wedding? The fun will be doubled!" Pinkie said to the two brides to be.

"Trixie doesn't know this mare well enough to let her share my spot light on Trixie's special day." The magical mare says.

"I was going to say the same thing about you." Ditzy mumbles.

"Well I'm sure if you two talk, you can become friends." Pinkie says.

"I guess Trixie can talk with this mare, but first The Great and Powerful Trixie needs the little filly's room."

"It's down the hall."

"Thank you."

Twilight eventually bursts into the Bakery and tells Pinkie that an alien ship has landed in Canterlot, and that she and the other Elements of Harmony need to get to Canterlot ASAP. Derpy becomes panicked when she hears the word "aliens" since that's the sort of thing the Doctor is needed for. Pinkie tells Obito to hold down the fort while she rushes out. Derpy tells Trixie that she needs to find "Time Turner" immediately so they rush out as well, after telling Dinky to go home of course. Derpy thinks (Of course Aliens have to land during the best day of my life, harumph).

Trixie walks off, and not that much long after Twilight burst though the door.

"Pinkie, Canterlot, Aliens, Come!" Twilight exclaims.

Pinkie just smiles and says, "Okay! Obito hold down the fort!"

"Okay." Obito shouts from the other room, while washing dishes.

Pinkie bounces off with Twilight.

'Did she say Aliens? Of course Aliens have to land during the best day of my life, harumph.' Ditzy turns to Dinky and says, "Go home Dinky, I'm see you in a few hours."

"Okay." Dinky says.

Ditzy rushes out to find "Time Turner".

Trixie walks out of the bathroom and looks around the empty bakery. "Were did those two go?"
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At the Crazy Club...

In the Nut House, Blueblood is forced to participate in group therapy session, with Screwloose still hugging his leg and Disco Dance eating pieces of food out of his hair, where another pony with a Limbo Stick cutie mark is introduced.
Zant: Hello, my name is Zant
Blueblood: That's nice (uninterested)
Zant: Why are you so down?
Blueblood: I am a Prince, and I'm in a nut house surrounded by insufferable fools, and I'm not insane! Not yet at least.
Zant: Oh I know how you feel, I'm not insane either.
Blueblood: Really?
Zant: Yes, I am a very emotionally stable individual...
Blueblood: Oh thank goodness, I though I was the only...
Zant: just ask my butler, Fluffy (He points to an empty seat next to him)
Blueblood: Fluffy? (Confused)
Zant: Yes, the magical winged fire breathing panda. Fluffy you don't think I'm insane right?
Fluffy:...
Zant: See, Fluffy thinks I'm fine
Blueblood: Sigh

Prince Blueblood was sitting, with that barking mare still hugging his leg and the disco dance pony eating pieces of food out of his own hair, that's when another pony, this one a white unicorn with a red mane, red eyes and a Limbo Stick cutie mark came up to him
.

"Hello, my name is Zant." He says to Blueblood.

"That's nice." Blueblood says uninterested.

"Why are you so down?"

"I am a Prince, and I'm in a nut house surrounded by insufferable fools, and I'm not insane! Not yet at least."

"Oh I know how you feel, I'm not insane either."

"Really?"

"Yes, I am a very emotionally stable individual..."

"Oh thank goodness, I though I was the only..." The Prince began to say before getting interupted.

"Just ask my butler, Fluffy." Zant then points to an empty seat next to him.

"Fluffy?" Blueblood asked confused.

" Yes, the magical winged fire breathing panda. Fluffy you don't think I'm insane right?" There is silence for a few seconds, "See, Fluffy thinks I'm fine."

Blueblood sighs again.
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In Discord's room at Caterlot Castle...

Before anything though, a rocket ship crashes into Discord's room and knocks him out, causing the room to become trippy like Willy Wonka's tunnel from hell. The Ultimate Warrior steps out and yells
"The gods tell me you are the buttery goodness to my lobster bisque and that once you are drained of the garlic salt, then I will be able to fulfill my destiny and defeat Hoke Hogan (SKRONK)!!!"
Snowflame understands this insane rambling and joyfully says.
"Snowflame sees you are a worshipper of my god, and you look like my long lost brother. I would love to fight you, but first let's wait till the next chapter to actually fight just to hype up the readers!"
The Ultimate Warrior shouts: "AGREED!!!"
TO BE CONTINUED

And now
COMMENCE MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!

Snowflame was about to ask Discord for help when suddenly what looked like a rocketship crashed though the wall, crashing into Discord.

The ships door opens, revealing another human.

"The gods tell me you are the buttery goodness to my lobster bisque and that once you are drained of the garlic salt, then I will be able to fulfill my destiny and defeat Hoke Hogan *SKRONK*!!!" The Ultimate Warrior shouts.

Snowflame smiles and says, "Snowflame can see you're a follower of my god. What are you here for?"

"I am here to destroy the one who stands in the way of Hoke Hogan! And there will be no honey-baked ham for you, once the Warrior takes you down like a blind goldfish. Buttons! Buttons! Who's got the buttons?!"

"Okay, Snowflame will fight you, but lets find a better battlefield."

"That is fine for The Warrior!" The Ultimate Warrior says, pumping his arms.

Snowflame's smile grows, "Oh this will be fun."

Comments

[RazortheAwesome]

OH THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!

Snowflame: You have the power of cocaine on your side. So this should be easy.
Either way.
Punch Warrior in the face, establish superiority.

Luna: Be Pinkie Pie

Zant: Aren't your meds wearing off right about.... now.

[Awesomedude17]

Another alien ship appears out of nowhere? How? Oh wait! It is...
cdn-sr3.saintsrow.com/profile/avatar/JOHNNY%20GAT%20.jpg
Snowflame is like, "HELL YEAH!!! Did you bring the cocaine?"
"Fuck yeah I did."
"Snowflame remembers you from video game."
"Cool story bro."
"Oh, and this guy named The Ultimate Warrior wants to fight SNOWFLAME!!!"
"Pff, amature."
"Who are you calling an amature?"

[BrownDog77]

Snowflame and the Ultimate Warrior have a "Calm" Discussion while they walk to the Canterlot Gardens. They are still shouting, but they talk about their lives.

Snowflame: So then Snowflame was thrown into his tool shed which exploded, and those stupid people who thought they were heroes thought I was dead, but instead I escaped and rented a room with some comic nerd before coming here.

Ultimate Warrior: I had to travel the plains of Destrucity to take back my body or something, It wasn't very clear. I have defeated the Iron Sheik and Macho Man Randy Savage, but I have yet to take out the main entre on the menu of life's kitchen, HOKE HOGAN!!!!

Snowflame: Snowflame gets the feeling that you really hate that guy

Ultimate Warrior: The Warrior loathes every fiber of his balding being. He is the salt to my pepper, the Splenda to my Sugar, the Yoko to my Ono, and I will defeat him once I am worthy.

Snowflame: Snowflame wishes he had an arch enemy, but all Snowflame got was D list hackers (Sigh)

Ultimate Warrior: Do not worry, the Warrior will make you feel needed once he rip and tears, RIP AND TEARS YOUR GUTS!!!

Snowflame: (Smiles) Thanks, I needed to hear that

Ultimate Warrior: No problem!

Back in Discord's Room, Celestia is trying to revive Discord with mouth to mouth while Luna and her guards stare slack jawed at the Space Ship. Eventually Discord awakens and pulls Celestia into a cheap kiss with tongue, like Squints from the Sandlot and she gets pissed.
Discord: Why Tia, I didn't know you cared? (Shit eating Grin)
Celestia: You Pervet!!!
She slaps him then asks what happened before there is what sounds like extremely loud thunder...

They make it to the gardens where they face each other.
Snowflame: Alright, who goes first?

Ultimate Warrior: The Warrior usually lets the fates of Destrucity decide and just rides the waves like chocolate pudding in the chill freezer of life

Snowflame: That sounds delicious, but I really want to fight now, soooo....

He Punches the Warrior in the face hard and sends him flying into the hedge maze, Snowflame feels disappointed because he expected more but the Warrior rushes out quickly and busts Snowflame in the jaw and sends him flying back.

Ultimate Warrior: YOU WILL NEED MORE THAN THAT TO BRING DOWN THIS PARADE OF PINK ELEPHANTS.

Snowflame wipes blood from his lip and smiles. This is gonna be a good fight

Snowflame: FEEL THE BURN OF THE WHITE GOD OF ECSTACY!!!!

They Rush each other and begin an epic fight which consist of Wrestling Moves on steroids, including pile drivers, Irish Whips, and hitting eachother with outdoor equipment. Their punches cause shockwaves that break the glass in the palace and keep the gaurds or the Princesses from stopping them. Discord Just watches with 3D glasses and a bowl of popcorn.

Their blows force them into the air past the outskirts of Cloudsdale where Spitfire and Soarin are getting married. Snowflame see's Rainbow Dash and yells
"Hi Rainbow Pony" before he and the Warrior fall back through the clouds punching each other the whole way down.
Rainbow Dash (Still in her Red Dress) is like "What the Hay?" and flies down to see whats going on.

The combatants land in the middle of Canterlot where they crash into Vinyl Scratch's party and fight in the neon lights. They also crash into Donut Joes and other places with Rainbow Dash, Celestia, and Luna trying to get them to stop the whole time. Eventually they crash into train station where the rest of the Mane 6, along with Derpy and "Time Turner" arrive and witness their battle.

Celestia: Oh thank goodness you girls are here, I can't get them to stop
The Girl's are speechless on two accounts, 1. The titanic fight occurring and 2....
Twilight: Rainbow Dash, are you wearing a dress?
She Blushes Immensely
Pinkie Pie: Of course, Rainbow Dash always dresses in style
Rainbow Dash: Shut up, we have to stop them
Luna: Yes, make fun of your friend later
Twilight: Oh, right!
They rush after the fighters leaving "Time Turner" and Derpy behind

"Time Turner": Why are we hear again? (Afraid)
Derpy: Ummm, we have to pick up a blue box that belongs to us and bring it back before anything happens.
"Time Turner": What you mean that one (He points at the TARDIS that is five feet away)
Derpy: Well that's convenient
They load it on the train and get out of their because neither want to be around for the conclusion to the fight.

Eventually the fight crashes back right to where it started at the Castle. Both Snowflame and the Warrior are exhausted since they are equally matched, and they go for one final punch each

Snowflame: COCAINE!!!!
Ultimate Warrior: DESTRUCITY!!!!

They each punch each other right between the eyes at the same time, causing a gigantic crater to form in the middle of the throne room, and both are K.O.'D
Everypony is speechless, except Discord who calls for an encore. Luckily during the whole fight, nopony was hurt.

While all that was going on, Trixie was making conversation with Obito before explosive sounds could be heard from Canterlot and everypony and Iron Will were standing in the streets looking at the mountain.
Lyra and Bon Bon knew that somehow, it involved Snowflame.

And Back at the Loony Bin, Blueblood saw the Hairless Ape battling another one and the destruction it was causing and felt his blood chill. He also tried to get the staff and others to look out the window and see, but Zant went off his medication and was causing a crazy distraction with multiple moodswings. So they ignored him.

[BrownDog77]

Also, Raining Blood by Slayer should be playing while they fight