After letting Zecora tire herself Snowflame stands up
Snowflame: Are you done?
Zecora nods her head since she is panting
Snowflame: Good, listen, Snowflame is pretty sorry about blowing up your house, but Snowflame has to ask, do you still have the Cocaine plant with you?
Zecora: Are you still obsessing about that, you property destroying ass hat?
Discord: Haaaaa…She said hat
Warrior: She did say hat, ha ha ha
Snowflame: Of course Snowflame is, how can Snowflame not?
Zecora: I do have your stupid plant, but I have no home, can you not get that through your thick dome?
Snowflame: Don’t worry Rhyming Zebra, Snowflame will get you a new home, Snowflame Pinkie Promises.
Zecora: You better if you know what’s good for you, otherwise I might just have to sue
Snowflame: You won’t have to, Snowflame and his friends are going to kill a dragon and take his treasure, Snowflame will give you half of his.
Spike: Wow, that’s pretty generous of you Snow…
Snowflame: and you can use that half to start manufacturing and distributing Snowflame’s precious god.
Spike:...Ah, there it is.
Zecora: That is all good and well, but how do you expect me to do that pray tell?
Snowflame: You can stay with the purple pony, she has science stuff in the basement and that can help you make cocaine, right Spike?
Spike: Not sure if Twilight would want her lab equipment being used, but ya you can stay. (Spike thinks for a second) Also why didn’t you come into town yesterday if your house blew up?
Zecora: I was going to, as you can see (She points to the saddlebags on her back) but then those mutts chased me up that tree. And wait, how can you be Spike, he is usually a small little tyke?
Spike: Well I’m awesome now, deal with it.
Warrior: Can we hurry this along? I’ve got a boner for dragon murder, and it must be indulged!
Snowflame: Right, Q, do your magic, bye bye Zebra
Zecora: Wha.. (Discord Snaps and she is teleported to the library)
Warrior: Yay, let’s go now, lead the way Road Warrior Barney (yelling at Spike)
Spike looks around.
Spike: Well if this is the path that normally leads to Zecora’s hut, then the cave should be somewhere over there (He points in a direction).
Discord: Good enough for me, I’m tired of running (He snaps and they are transported right to the cave)
Snowflame: Well that was lucky
Spike: This is the place alright, so how we gonna do this?
Warrior: We rush in playing our theme music shouting at the top of our lungs to hype everyone up, then we beat him to death in a glorious blood bath!
Snowflame: Snowflame likes that idea
Spike: Seriously?
Snowflame: Yes! Screw Subtlety! (He turns to Discord) but before we go in, Snowflame needs you to take this limiter off his cocaine bracelet.
Discord: I didn’t put any inhibitors on it
Snowflame: No, but the Time Machine Pony did, now take it off
Discord: (Snaps) There, now go in there and have fun
Spike: You’re not coming?
Discord: Tartarus no, I don’t kill, it’s not my style. Besides, what do I need with jewels?
Warrior: Then why did you tag along Slender Chinchilla?
Discord: Just because I don’t kill doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy seeing holy retribution to those who deserve it.
Snowflame: Wimp
Discord: Fine I’ll come in, I’ll lend a hand if things get out of control, and I can also provide the awesome background fighting music.
Snowflame: Snowflame knows which song to use (Smiling).
Inside the Cave the Green Dragon lay on his bed of Gems, resting peacefully, until he heard what sounded like an accapella groupDiscord: Ha, Hua, Huh! Ha, Hua, Huh!
The dragon lifts his head in confusion
Discord: Ha, Hua, Huh!
The dragon looks trying to find the source, as the music rises he spots four figures in the dark as one at a time they sing
Discord: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Snowflame: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh
Warrior: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
Spike: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh
The dragon is confused as one by one each jumps out of the shadows and sings a line
Snowflame: Dovahkiin!
Warrior: Dovahkiin!
Spike/Discord: naal ok zin los vahriin
Spike: wah dein
Discord: vokul
Snowflame/Warrior: mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
All Singing: Ahrk fin norok paal graan
fod nust hon zindro zaan
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
Discord starts doing accapella seeming to have his voice in multiple parts doing the tune of the song. The dragon sees Spike and he recognizes his features and scent, he is getting up to attack him and the hairless apes when Discord begins singing the rest of Dovahkiin as they attack
Snowflame, the Ultimate Warrior and Spike all punch the dragon in the face at the same time knocking him back into the cave wall and breaking some of his teeth.
The Dragon is furious and charges them.
They all dodge out of the way, and the Ultimate Warrior grabs the tail of the dragon and begins spinning him
Warrior: Spin you right round, Right Round like a record Baby!
He lets go and he hits another wall and is dazed. Snowflame and Spike take this opportunity to attack.
Snowflame: Snowflame wants to play eye spy (He punches the dragon in the eye, caving it in)
The dragon howls in pain as Spike revs up his chainsaw
Spike: I remember these claws (He chops off half of the Dragon’s claw and it screams) TRY GUTTING ME NOW YOU BUCKING FLANKHOLE!!!
The dragon blindly flails and knocks them both back into the Ultimate Warrior. He then flairs his wings and starts flapping them and the wind drives them back. With one angry eye he looks at them and breathes fire.
He thinks he got them, but Discord is still singing. From the Smoke the three appear, Smoking, but not hurt
Snowflame: Flame proof bitch! (He activates his own flames)
The dragon roars and throws a train box car full of jewels at Snowflame.
Snowflame: Oh!
It hits him and drives him into the wall and the Dragon Smirks
Spike: Snowflame!
Warrior: He’s fine young draconian, focus on the fight
Spike: But…
Warrior: Charge!
The rush the dragon and he whips his tail at them, but they both jump over it. The warrior breaks off one of the tail spikes and rams it into the dragon’s tail pinning it. The dragon again is in pain and flares his wings to flap again but Spike has gotten onto his back and cuts one of them off at the base. His chainsaw stalls though.
The dragon slams his back into the wall knocking the wind out of Spike and he grabs him and brings him up to his mouth. The Warrior gut kicks the dragon though and this gives Spike enough time to restart the chainsaw and cut off the dragon’s thumb, freeing him.
The dragon is flailing at this point in pain, and the Warrior is grazed and thrown into a pile of gems while Spike is trying to fly out of the way.
The boxcar is suddenly lifted up and Snowflame is covered in his flames holding it
Snowflame: SNOWFLAME FEELS NO PAIN!!!
He throws the Flaming Boxcar at the dragon and it sticks through his gut into the wall.
Snowflame regroups with his friends as they stare down the dragon who is looking at them with pleading eyes as Discord hits in on the last lyrics
Discord: Paaz Keizaal fen kos stin nol bein Alduin jot,
Dragon: Please, have mercy!
Warrior: NOOOO!!!!!
Spike: Buck that, you tried to eat me!
Snowflame: Sorry, we’re all out of mercy (Snowflame Smiles)
The jump on the injured dragon and literally beat him to death as they sing with Discord the last lyrics.
All singing: Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin
naal ok zin los vahriin
wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahrk fin norok paal graan
fod nust hon zindro zaan
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
They all give the last blow of snapping his neck as the song ends.
They are all panting, even Discord since he was singing the whole time. Snowflame has a gash in his side, the Warrior has a cut on his face, and Spike is bruised, but it blends in with his scales. They then look at each other and break into cheering
Snowflame: That was awesome!
Warrior: I killed a dragon, one of my childhood dreams has come true!!!
Spike: Man, revenge is really underrated, that felt amazing!
Discord: Gentlemen, that was so needlessly violent, and I loved every minute of it.
Snowflame: Congrats purple puffy dragon, you are now a man
Discord: Well that’s debatable, he’s still a virgin
Spike: Hey!
Snowflame: Don’t worry, I’m sure the diamond butt pony will sploosh all over you when she sees your new form and jewels
Warrior: Not to mention you killed a giant monster, chicks love that
Spike: (blushing a bit) If you guys say so
Warrior: We do, now we will feast on this behemoth and gain his power!
Spike: Ya, I’m not gonna do that, (Grabs handfuls of treasure and starts eating them)
The warrior starts gnawing on the dragon’s corpse, but Snowflame stops him
Snowflame: Snowflame doesn’t want to eat raw meat, so instead we will have a BBQ tomorrow.
Discord: What do you want? Steaks, hamburgers or hotdogs?
Snowflame: Yes!
Discord: Alrighty then. (He snaps his fingers and the dragon’s meat disappears leaving only a skeleton)
Warrior: Hey! Where’s the Beef?
Discord: An industrial freezer in my room, that way it won’t spoil
Snowflame: Good thinking, now divide all our treasure up into threes
Discord: I’m starting to feel like I’m just your guy’s convenient errand boy (Snaps his fingers and carts full of the treasure appear)
Snowflame: Yes, Yes you are. Now take us back to Ponyville sidekick!
Discord: *Sigh* Fine (Snap)
After letting Zecora tire herself Snowflame stands up and says, "Are you done?"
Zecora nods her head since she is panting.
"Good, listen, Snowflame is pretty sorry about blowing up your house, but Snowflame has to ask, do you still have the Cocaine plant with you?"
"Are you still obsessing about that, you property destroying ass hat?" Zecora asks.
"Haaaaa…She said hat." Discord says.
"She did say hat." The Warrior laughs.
"Of course Snowflame is, how can Snowflame not?" Snowflame asks.
"I do have your stupid plant, but I have no home, can you not get that through your thick dome?" Zecora asks.
"Don’t worry Rhyming Zebra, Snowflame will get you a new home, Snowflame Pinkie Promises."
"You better if you know what’s good for you, otherwise I might just have to sue."
"You won’t have to, Snowflame and his friends are going to kill a dragon and take his treasure, Snowflame will give you half of his."
"Wow, that’s pretty generous of you Snow…" Spike begins to say.
"and you can use that half to start manufacturing and distributing Snowflame’s precious god."
"...Ah, there it is."
"That is all good and well, but how do you expect me to do that pray tell?" Zecora asks.
"You can stay with the purple pony, she has science stuff in the basement and that can help you make cocaine, right Spike?"
"Not sure if Twilight would want her lab equipment being used, but ya you can stay. Also why didn’t you come into town yesterday if your house blew up?" Spike asks.
"I was going to, as you can see," Zecora says as she points to the saddlebags on her back, "but then those mutts chased me up that tree. And wait, how can you be Spike, he is usually a small little tyke?"
"Well I’m awesome now, deal with it."
"Can we hurry this along? I’ve got a boner for dragon murder, and it must be indulged!" The Warrior shouts.
"Didn't need to know that." Snowflame says, "Right, Q, do your magic, bye bye Zebra."
Zecora is only able to say "Wha..." before Discord snaps his fingures and teleports her to the library.
"Yay, let’s go now, lead the way Road Warrior Barney!" The Warriot yells at Spike.
Spike looks around and says, "Well if this is the path that normally leads to Zecora’s hut, then the cave should be somewhere over there. He points to the left of the dirt path..
"Good enough for me, I’m tired of running." Discord says as he snaps and they are transported right to the cave.
"Well that was lucky." Snowflame says.
"This is the place alright, so how we gonna do this?" Spike asked.
"We rush in playing our theme music shouting at the top of our lungs to hype everyone up, then we beat him to death in a glorious blood bath!" The Warrior suggests.
"Snowflame likes that idea." Snowflame says.
"Seriously?" Spike deadpans.
"Yes! Screw Subtlety!" Snowflame turns to Discord, "but before we go in, Snowflame needs you to take this limiter off his cocaine bracelet."
"I didn’t put any inhibitors on it." Discord points out.
:"No, but the Time Machine Pony did, now take it off."
Discord snaps his figures, "There, now go in there and have fun.
"You’re not coming?" Spike asks.
"Tartarus no, I don’t kill, it’s not my style. Besides, what do I need with jewels?"
"Then why did you tag along Slender Chinchilla?" The Warrior asks.
"Just because I don’t kill doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy seeing holy retribution to those who deserve it."
Snowflame rolls his eyes and says, "Wimp."
"Fine I’ll come in, I’ll lend a hand if things get out of control, and I can also provide the awesome background fighting music."
"Snowflame knows which song to use." The cocaine fuel villain says smiling.
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Inside the Cave a Green Dragon lay on his bed of Gems, resting peacefully, until he heard what sounded like an accapella group.
(Snowflame=red, Warrior=blue, Spike=purple, Discord=green, All=bolded)
Ha, Hua, Huh! Ha, Hua, Huh!
The dragon lifts his head in confusion.
Ha, Hua, Huh!
The dragon looks trying to find the source, as the music rises he spots four figures in the dark as one at a time they sing.
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Aaaaaaahhhhhhh
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh
The dragon is confused as one by one each jumps out of the shadows and sings a line.
Dovahkiin!
Dovahkiin!
naal ok zin los vahriin
wah dein
vokul
mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahrk fin norok paal graan
fod nust hon zindro zaan
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
The dragon sees and he recognizes Spike by his features and scent, he is stands up to ready to attack him and the hairless apes, while Discord begins singing the rest of Dovahkiin by himself.
"Snowflame, the Ultimate Warrior and Spike all run up and jump at the dragon to punch him in the face at the same time knocking him back into the cave wall.
The Dragon gets up and charges at them ferociously.
They each avoid the Dragon, and the Ultimate Warrior ends up grabing the tail of the dragon and using as much power as he can, begins to spin him.
"Spin you right round, Right Round like a record Baby!" The Warrior shouts before he lets go, sending the dragon into another wall.
Seeing it be dazed by this, Snowflame and Spike take this opportunity to attack.
"Snowflame wants to play eye spy." Snowflame says as he rushes up to the dragon, but he stops, only to raise one of his hads up and making it cover itself in flames, "THIS HAND OF SNOWFLAME'S IS BURNING WHITE! IT'S LOUD ROAR TELLS SNOWFLAME TO GRASP VICTORY! ERUPTING BURNING FINGER!" He then makes a fist and punches the dragon in the eye, caving it in.
The dragon howls in pain as Spike revs up his chainsaw, "I remember these claws," Spike says before he chops off half of the Dragon’s claw with on quick swipe of the chainsaw, it scream. "TRY GUTTING ME NOW YOU BUCKING FLANKHOLE!!!"
The dragon blindly flails and knocks them both back into the Ultimate Warrior. He then flairs his wings and starts flapping them and the wind drives them back. With one angry eye he looks at them, he then takes a deep breath and breathes fire right at them. He thinks he got them, but he still hears Discord singing and from the smoke the three appear not hurt.
"Flame proof bitch!" Snowflame shouts as he activates his own flames.
The dragon roars as he picks up a nearby train box car full of jewels and throws it at Snowflame, and it hits him, driving him into the wall and the Dragon Smirks
"Snowflame!" Spike shouts.
"He’s fine young draconian, focus on the fight!" The Warrior says.
"But…"
"Charge!"
They rush at the dragon, who whips his tail at them, but they both jump over it.
The Warrior grabs one of the tail spikes, breaking it off, and rams it into the dragon’s tail pinning it. The dragon again shouts in pain and flares his wings to flap again but during this time Spike has gotten onto his back and brings down his chainsaw, cutting one of the wings off at the base.
The dragon slams his back into the wall knocking the wind out of Spike and he quickly grabs him and brings him up to his mouth.
The Warrior runs up and dropkicks the dragon in the gut, and this gives Spike enough time to restart the chainsaw and cut off the dragon’s thumb, freeing himself.
The dragon is flailing at this point in pain, and the Warrior is grazed and thrown into a pile of gems while Spike is trying to fly out of the way.
The boxcar is suddenly lifted up by Snowflame, who is covered in his flames, "SNOWFLAME FEELS NO PAIN!!!", He throws the Flaming Boxcar at the dragon and it sticks through his gut into the wall.
Snowflame regroups with his friends as they stare down the dragon who is looking at them with pleading eyes as Discord hits in on the last lyrics
Paaz Keizaal fen kos stin nol bein Alduin jot,
"Please, have mercy!" The dragon pleads.
"NOOOO!!!!!" The Warrior shouts.
"Buck that, you tried to eat me!" Spike says
"Sorry, we’re all out of mercy." Snowflame says as he smiles.
They jump onto the injured dragon and start beat him to death as they sing with Discord the last lyrics.
Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin
naal ok zin los vahriin
wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahrk fin norok paal graan
fod nust hon zindro zaan
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal!
The two humans and dragon give the last blow of snapping his neck as the song ends.
They all land on the ground panting, even Discord since he was singing the whole time. Snowflame has a gash in his side, the Warrior has a cut on his face, and Spike is bruised, but it blends in with his scales. They then look at each other and break into cheering.
"That was awesome!" Snowflame exclaims.
"I killed a dragon, one of my childhood dreams has come true!!!" The Warrior shouts.
"Man, revenge is really underrated, that felt amazing!" Spike adds.
"Gentlemen, that was so needlessly violent, and I loved every minute of it." Discord says smirking.
"Congrats purple puffy dragon, you are now a man." Snowflame says to Spike.
"Well that’s debatable, he’s still a virgin." Discord says.
"Hey!" Spike shouts.
"Don’t worry, I’m sure the diamond butt pony will sploosh all over you when she sees your new form and jewels." Snowflame says.
"Not to mention you killed a giant monster, chicks love that." The Warrior adds.
Spike blushes a bit and says, "If you guys say so."
"We do, now we will feast on this behemoth and gain his power!" Snowflame shouts.
"Ya, I’m not gonna do that." Spike says grabing handfuls of gems and stuffing his face with them.
The Warrior starts gnawing on the dragon’s corpse, but Snowflame stops him, "Snowflame doesn’t want to eat raw meat, so instead we will have a BBQ tomorrow.".
"What do you want? Steaks, hamburgers or hotdogs?" Discord asks.
"Yes."
"Alrighty then." Discord snaps his fingers and the dragon’s meat disappears leaving only a skeleton.
"Hey! Where’s the Beef?" The Warrior asks.
"An industrial freezer in my room, that way it won’t spoil."
"Good thinking, now divide all our treasure up into threes." Snowflame says.
"I’m starting to feel like I’m just your guy’s convenient errand boy." Discord snaps his fingers again this time three carts full of the treasure appear.
"Yes, Yes you are. Now take us back to Ponyville sidekick!"
"*Sigh* Fine."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snowflame got up after getting his hand assed to him, so he just continues the adventure. Then, they somehow end up at the train station. Snowflame is then ran over by a train, that had the mane six, and shrugs it off. Why? He's fucking Snowflame!
They teleport at the train station, and Snowflame is on the tracks as the train comes in for a stop.
Snowflame: Oh son of a…(Gets hit and he goes flying) Why do Trains Hate Snowflame?!!!!
Discord: Sidekick my ass, ha ha ha
The Mane 6 rush off the train determined.
Rarity: We have to get to Spike before it’s too late! It may take all night, but we must search girls.
Twilight: Yes, who knows where they could be
Pinkie: Hey there they are (Pinkie Points)
Spike, The Ultimate Warrior, Discord and Snowflame who just limped back are not 5 feet from them
Spike: Hey girls (Spike waves)
They are all shocked at his appearance and the countless jewels behind them and how they are all covered in blood. Except Pinkie of course
Pinkie: Hi Spike, Hi Snowfy, Hi Mr. Warrior, Hi Discord! Looks like you had fun.
Snowflame: Eyup, ha, Snowflame always wanted to say that.
With a snap of Discord's figures they teleport at the train station, but Snowflame appears on the tracks as the train comes in for a stop.
"Oh son of a…" Snowflame says right before he gets hit and is sent flying, "Why do Trains Hate Snowflame?!!!!"
"Sidekick my ass." Discord says, laughing.
Right then the wielders of the Elements of Harmony rush off the train looking determined.
"We have to get to Spike before it’s too late! It may take all night, but we must search girls." Rarity says.
"Yes, who knows where they could be." Twilight adds.
"Hey there they are." Pinkie says pointing at Spike, The Ultimate Warrior, Discord and Snowflame who is just walking back over to them, are not 5 feet from them.
"Hey girls." Spike says in his still new Cambelle voice while he waves at them.
Their mouths drop in shock at both his appearance and the countless jewels behind them and how they are all covered in blood. Except Pinkie of course.
"Hi Spike, Hi Snowfy, Hi Mr. Warrior, Hi Discord! Looks like you had fun." Pinkie greets.
"Eeyup, ha, Snowflame always wanted to say that." Snowflame says.
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Meanwhile at Fancy Pants Manor...
At a spiraling out of control Hostage Crisis
The gardeners have been brought in and tied up with the rest of the scared staff while Screwloose cleans and bandages the butler’s legs. Disco Dance is busy messing with the main of one of the maids. Blueblood is yelling at Zant, having taken the knife away.
Blueblood: No more stabbing Zant!
Zant: Oh come now, that’s not fair! How else are we supposed to keep hostages in line?
Blueblood: NOT BY STABBING THEM!!! I didn’t want to take hostages in the first place.
Zant: Well you can blame Fluffy for that!
Blueblood: NO I’M NOT BLAMING FLUFFY! You got us into this mess!
Zant: Alright fine, I’ll admit, I didn’t know Mom moved OK, I’ll give her a call now.
Holds hoof up to ear and makes ringing noises
Blueblood: What are you…
Zant: Hello Mom, I’m serving a new deity right now and apparently you moved and we entered the wrong house. So I’m going to stay here until the morning.
Zant in Different Voice: That’s fine dear, just be in bed by 11
Zant: Will do, love you, bye bye. (“Hangs Up”)
Blueblood is just perplexed by what he saw
Zant: There, now she won’t be up all night worrying
Blueblood shakes his head to clear the crazy out
Blueblood: Zant! We need to do something about these hostages and get out of here
Zant: Oh well why didn’t you say so
An Axe appears out of nowhere in his magic and he rushes at one of the maids
Blueblood holds him back
Blueblood: What? NO!!! Not Like That!
Zant: But it wouldn’t be stabbing, it would be hacking
Blueblood: No killing the hostages!
Zant: How about maiming?
Blueblood: NO!
Zant: Bludgeoning?
Blueblood: For Celestia's Sake NO!!!
Zant: Fine, how about I entertain them with one my stories?
Blueblood:..Yes, do that!
Zant: Oh goody, aren’t you all in for a treat. Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I’d like to take a minute, I won’t overwhelm, and I’ll tell you how I became king of the Twilight Realm!
Blueblood: You’re not gonna sing the whole story are you?
Zant: No of course not, that would be insane.
Blueblood blinks at that statement.
The gardeners have been brought in and tied up with the rest of the scared staff.
Screwloose has cleaned and bandaged the butler’s legs, while Disco Dance is busy messing with the mane of one of the maids.
"No more stabbing Zant!" Blueblood shouts.
"Oh come now, that’s not fair! How else are we supposed to keep hostages in line?" Zant asks.
"NOT BY STABBING THEM!!! I didn’t want to take hostages in the first place!"
"Well you can blame Fluffy for that!"
"NO I’M NOT BLAMING FLUFFY! You got us into this mess!"
"Alright fine, I’ll admit, I didn’t know Mom moved OK, I’ll give her a call now.", Zant holds one of his hooves up to ear and makes ringing noises.
"What are you…"
"Hello Mom, I’m serving a new deity right now and apparently you moved and we entered the wrong house. So I’m going to stay here until the morning." Zant then puts down his hoof, bringing the other one up to his other ear and beings talking in a slightly female voice, "That’s fine dear, just be in bed by 11." He brings up his first hoof and says in his normal voice, "Will do, love you, bye bye."
Blueblood just stares at him, perplexed by what he saw.
"There, now she won’t be up all night worrying."
Blueblood shakes his head to try to clear the crazy out "Zant! We need to do something about these hostages and get out of here"
"Oh well why didn’t you say so?" Zant asks, pulling an axe out of nowhere in his magic and he rushes at one of the maids, but Blueblood holds him back
"What? NO!!! Not Like That!"
"But it wouldn’t be stabbing, it would be hacking."
"No killing the hostages!"
"How about maiming?"
"NO!"
"Bludgeoning?"
"For Celestia's Sake NO!!!"
"Fine, how about I entertain them with one my stories?"
"Yes, do that!"
"Oh goody, aren’t you all in for a treat." Zant says before he starts singing, "Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I’d like to take a minute, I won’t overwhelm, and I’ll tell you how I became king of the Twilight Realm!"
"You’re not gonna sing the whole story are you?"
"No of course not, that would be insane."
Blueblood blinks at that statement.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And Now A Public Service Announcement from SNOWFLAME!
Snowflame sits on a couch with a blue Nintendo 3DS looks up from the screen and says, "Pokemon X and Y come out this Saturday, buy at least one of them!" He then points at the 3DS and says, "Don't tell KenSES64 that Snowflame stole this from him." He looks back at the screen and shouts, "Isabelle why are you so cute?!"
This Has Been A Public Service Announcement from SNOWFLAME!
Snowflame tells the story of Spike new manliness, but rather than be impressed, they're shocked. They are peace lovers, what did you expect, a hug?
"So, does this mean that Snowflame is in trouble?"
"In a nutshell, yeah." Applejack would finish bluntly. Spike on the other hand would get smothered, and protected ridiculously, and then blame Discord, Snowflame and the Warrior.
Oh, and meanwhile, Blueblood smacks his head against the wall because of how ridiculous his situation was.
I have preordered Pokémon X and am now waiting with excitement. So...much...excitement...contained...
Meanwhile, at the train station....
Twilight: (Realizing the new Spike and the presence of blood) What happened!? Are you okay!? Where did you get those!? (She bombards Spike with so many questions. Spike is now becoming a bit significantly awkward with Twilight going all over him.)
Rarity is enamoured by the treasure, yet slightly put off by the blood. She asks the group where those came from.
The Warrior: It t'was an awesome achievement; a childhood dream of DRAGON SLAYING.
And then the group goes all WHAT! Twilight begins to fret, Spike reminds her of his maturity, Rarity faints on her fainting sofa, which she brought with her, Applejack and Rainbow is stunned, with Rainbow muttering "So...Awesome..." Pinkie... MIGHT get depressed, excited, or want to throw a "Dragon Slayers" or a "Hooray-you're-alive" party; maybe both. Fluttershy is torn between fear of Dragons, killing of animals, relief that they're ok, and the sheer manliness of most of the party. Her mind opts for the default option after a while, and faints as well.
Meanwhile, at Fancy Pants manor...
*Outside, a stallions voice is heard through a megaphone* This is the police! If you do not release the hostages, we will storm the building and kill you on sight!
Blueblood: (sweating) Oh no, no no no no no no... this is a disaster...
Disco Dance is now dancing the Macarana, with some hostages.
Zant is rambling on a tale of how he conquered the Twilight realm through mind fuckery and reverse psychology taken up to eleven.
Screwball is now licking Blueblood's face. He seems too worried and scared to notice, though.
(And that's when our mysterious big bads appear. I can't really think of anything, but I was thinking Blueblood to learn the art of Hajike: the act of fighting using ridiculous, insanity, and sheer audacity. I want the gang to fly off into the sunset in the manor, effectively stealing their new home base.)
At the Train Station
The Girl’s are shocked because all the guys are covered in blood, have cart loads of treasure, and Spike now has the badassnes of Bruce Campbell.
Twilight: Wh..Wha…WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED?!!!
Snowflame: Not much, typical guy’s night out sort of thing
Twilight: YOU’RE ALL COVERED IN BLOOD!!! (Fluttershy is a bit woozy seeing this)
Discord realizes this and thinks ‘Oops, I knew there was something I forgot to do’
Discord: No we’re not (Snap and all blood is gone) see?
Twilight: What did you do?!
Warrior: We fulfilled the the prophecy of the Elder Scrolls, and brought down Alduin the world eater, thus saving all of Tamriel!!!
Twilight:…WHAT THE BUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!!!
Spike: We killed a dragon and stole his treasure, and It Was Awesome!!!
The girls gasp at this, Fluttershy doesn’t like killing, but she really hates dragons so her mood is conflicted as is Applejack, Rainbow Dash thinks it’s cool what they did as does Pinkie while Rarity does one of her 3 second faints onto her couch, Twilight is shocked and furious
Twilight: You Did WHAT?!!! Spike how could you?!!!... Also, WHAT IN THE TARTARUS HAPPENED TO SPIKE?!!!
Snowflame: He got turned into a badass is what happened, all thanks to the monkey fish man thing here (Points to Discord)
Discord: Guilty as charged
Twilight looks at Discord with a look that would’ve obliterated him if her eyes had lasers.
Spike: Hey Twilight calm down
Twilight: CALM DOWN?!!! CALM DOWN?!!! How can I calm down, look what he did to you!
Rarity gets up from her short faint
Rarity: Yes, look what you did to poor Spikey Wikey (she grabs his arm), you made him tall and fit and (Voice turns from scolding to dreamy)…muscular… with a strong chin and…(inhales) musky (eyes half lidded) Spike is blushing a lot
Twilight: RARITY!!!
Rarity: Huh?...(comes out of daze then half heartedly says) Ya, that, you did that.
Snowflame whispers into Spike’s ear
Snowflame: See? Snowflame told you, Sploosh.
Spike: Heh heh, ya, but Come on Twilight, I like being like this, what’s the big deal?
Twilight: The big deal is that you ran off with two aliens who only hours ago destroyed half of downtown Canterlot, and the god of chaos himself and you murdered one of your own kind!
Spike: Hey it was the green one that tried to eat you and me, he deserved it!
Twilight: That is not how we do things Mister!
Fluttershy: Killing is wrong
AJ: Ya, you’re all in big trouble, especially you Snowflame, how could you let little ol Spike do that.
Snowflame throws his hands up in the air, since he’s had enough
Snowflame: Alright, first off, Shut the Hell up! Secondly, SHUT THE HELL UP, and Thirdly Snowflame is tired of you little hypocrites and your bitching!
AJ: Excuse me?!
Snowflame: The farmer pony kills wood dogs all the time!
AJ: Well they’re dangerous and…
Snowflame: And you (He points to Twilight) You massacred an entire room full of innocent Pink Ponies
Twilight: But those were copies that didn’t belong and…
Snowflame: You enjoyed killing them too, Snowflame saw the smirk on your face, and you all helped (Pointing at all the Mane 6)
Twilight: (In her head “ How does he know all this?”) But…
Snowflame: And you also killed that Sombrero Pony in the snow.
Spike: It’s Sombra, and I helped.
Snowflame: Ya him, and none of you were sad. So shut your pie holes!
Warrior: Yes, get off your high horses you incredible small horses, horses riding metaphorical horses is a crime against nature!
The Mane 6 put their heads down for being so hypocritical
Twilight: OK, fine, maybe we did act a little too harshly.
Spike: It’s ok Twilight, oh and I’m not changing back into that wimpy form so don’t even ask
Discord: Oh I wouldn’t change you back, bros before hoes man (Fist Bumps Spike)
Twilight: Fine…
Snowflame: Alright then, Snowflame is sorry he yelled, but it had to be done. Now if you want to talk more, Snowflame will be having a BBQ tomorrow and you’re all invited
Pinkie: Oh, oh, do you need help with the party planning, because I know a great spot
Warrior: Yes cotton candy pony, you bring the buns, we’ll bring the dragon beef
Fluttershy finally faints due to the mention of beef, luckily Rarity’s couch is still there.
Pinkie: Sounds like fun
Snowflame: It will be, now if you don’t mind, Snowflame has had a busy day and is going to bed
Warrior: Where am I sleeping? I do not know these colorful horses all that much
Snowflame: You can stay with Snowflame and the lesbian ponies, Lyra won’t mind, she’s obsessed with humans
Warrior: OK
Snowflame: But before Snowflame leaves, Rainbow Pony! (Points at Dash) What is the Purple Dragon now?
Dash: Huh?
Snowflame: He’s big and awesome, so that makes him….
Dash: uhhhh…more awesome?
Snowflame: No, your catchphrase!
Dash: I have a catchphrase?
Snowflame: Yes, it’s on shirts and posters and backbacks…it deals with percentages
Dash: 20% Cooler?
Snowflame: There you go!
Dash: How is that my catchphrase? I’ve only said that like 2 or 3 times
Snowflame: Because!
Dash: okaaay..
Snowflame: See you main characters tomorrow maybe. Night!
Warrior: Farewell for now big eyed cartoon horses, the call of the whore that is sleep is calling!
(He and Snowflame walk away dragging their gems behind them)
Applejack: Did he just call Luna a whore?
Discord: Meh, wouldn’t surprise me, what with being in solitude on the moon for a thousand years
Twilight: Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you mister, Even if Spike is in a more capable form, that was still reckless and dangerous to take him….
Discord: Oh look (Points behind them) somepony who gives a crap (Snap and Teleports away)
Twilight: Ughhh. Well girls, let’s go home, we’ll figure this out in the morning
Spike: where am I gonna sleep?
Twilight: The guest bed, I think you’ve outgrown your basket
Spike: Actually Zecora is using that, she’s kind of homeless now.
Twilight: What? How?
Spike: Snowflame blew up her house
Twilight: Of course he did (Sigh) well maybe one of the girls can…
Rarity: MINE!!! (Grabs hold of Spike’s leg)…*ahem* I mean Spike is more than welcome to stay at my place, my bed is more than big enough.
Twilight: But…
Rarity: I won’t take no for an answer, come along darling, (Starts dragging the dragon while he carries his gems)
Spike: Umm…OK (Thinking ‘Oh Thank you Discord, I owe you one buddy’)
Twilight *Sigh* Nothing’s been the same since that hairless ape showed up
At Lyra and Bon Bon’s
Warrior: I thought you said I would own this couch, but this seaweed pony is taking my spot
Snowflame: Hmm, she must have done something stupid again. Well you can share Snowflame’s bed
Warrior: Do I look like Goldust to you?
The Warrior picks up Lyra, lays down on the couch and sets her atop his chest like a blanket. She doesn’t wake up.
Snowflame: Well that works
Warrior: Good night my first and only friend, The Warrior will now travel the Destrucity plains of his mind till morning *Skronk* (Falls asleep instantly, though his hands are petting Lyra who smiles in her sleep)
Snowflame goes up to his room and lays down in bed.
Snowflame; Huh, these past two days have been eventful for Snowflame. Snowflame feels like they’ve lasted months though.
He Shrugs and falls asleep.
At the Castle
Celestia is in the tub trying to get the ashes off of herself.
Celestia: ahhh, finally, I am relaxed
Discord appears in the other side of the tub
Discord: Hi Tia, room for one more?
Celestia facehooves (Thinking ‘Buck My Life’)
At Fancy Pant’s House
Zant: And then he came out of the water temple with the stupidest expression on his face and I blasted him across the room without even moving.
Butler and the others are bored out of their minds
Zant: Oh, I forgot about how I got these powers, so there I was, being rejected by the Church of Scientology…
(Ding Dong)
Disco Dance: Pizza!
Zant: We didn’t order any Joey
Blueblood: OH NO! Someone’s at the door, you all sit still, I’ll check it out
Blueblood looks through the peephole and sees two guards.
Blueblood: Buck!
He runs back into the room
Blueblood: The Law is here, what do we do?
Zant: Well, we can open the door and stab them each in the chest thirty seven times
Blueblood: No!
Screwloose: Bark!
Blueblood: No!
Disco Dance: Sprinkles and Fudge Toppings!
Blueblood: (Banging head against wall) No, No, NO, NO!!!
(Ding Dong)
Blueblood: Alright, act natural. Try to hide them or something, and I’ll try to stall them.
Blueblood answers the door
Blueblood: Hello good sirs, may I help you
Guard: Yes, we’ve had reports that some sort of high pitched noise was heard in this area that caused the neighborhood’s dog’s to start barking. The neighbors think it came from here.
Blueblood: Oh, well…That must have been our gramophone (Smiles Awkwardly) It’s been acting up.
Guard: Mind if we check it out just to be sure?
Blueblood: Well I uh…
Guard’s walk past him
Guard: Thanks
They hear noises coming from the living room and they make their way there while Blueblood tries and fails to stop them. They walk in and Blueblood is about to run when he sees that there is music playing and Disco Dance is doing the Macarena with members of the help, Zant is sitting with the Butler, the gardeners and some maids and they have drinks, Screwloose licks Blueblood’s shocked face.
Guard: Oh, seems like you’re all just having some fun, there’s nothing illegal about this. Just make sure your music doesn’t hit that high note again. Good night Sir.
The guards walk out and shut the door.
Blueblood: How…How?
Zant: I threatened to burn them with this flamethrower (Appears out of Nowhere)
Blueblood: Zant!!!
Zant: What, you never said I couldn’t burn them.
Blueblood: Well you can make them stop, the Fuzz is gone
Zant: But the party is just getting started!
Dancing Maid: Can we please stop dancing?
Disco Dance: NO!