Snowflame's Cocaine and/or Coffee Fueled Misadventures in Equestria (Comment Driven Story)

by KenSES64

Epic Pizza Time (4)

1.) Snowflame, now in possession of a Hot Sauce base, looks to the market to find more spices to add to the already potent substance.
2.) Entering the Market place, he then ponders what Ponies would put hot sauce on, since they don't eat meat.
3.) The answer of course comes to him, PIZZA!! Snowflame then seeks among the stalls any mention of the circular food.
4.) After checking with numerous ponies, including a rather oddly tempered pony names Rose Luck, Snowflame is aware pizza exists here, and so do the ingredients...but there are no Pizza Places in Ponyville!!
5.) Realizing the untapped Market, Snowflame resolves to open Ponyville's first Pizza Joint, though he now needs other ponies interested in helping him, as he'd never made a Pizza in his life.
6.) Looking to the Cakes, he finds Pinkie, who while able to make Pizza, declines his offer to start a new business, as she's quite happy with the Cakes.
7.) On her recommendation, Snowflame seeks out another pony who might be interested, or rather, a Dragon.
8.) Snowflame finds himself in Golden Oaks/Books and Branches Library, where he finds Spike, and asks if he would like to be partners in the venture.
9.) Spike, both knowing how to make Pizza, and having grown rather tired of Twilight not being home a lot due to princess duties, agrees on the stipulation they hire other ponies to learn from him and become the normal staff. Spike still wants to be able to be home often, in case Twilight does come home.
10.) With the deal struck, the two seek out other ponies (With or without talents) to staff their new store, while they argue about being called either "Spike's Place" or "Cocaine Paradise".

Snowflame travels to the Ponyville market, finding other spices to use for his hot sauce, but he had a question on his mind. What exactly do ponies put hot sauce on? He knew that Pinkie Pie puts in on cupcakes on sometimes, but they have to put it on something other than that. Then the answer comes to him, pizza! Hot sauce is great on pizza. Wait is there any pizza places in Ponyville?

Snowflame turns to the nearest pony, a cream colored earth pony mare with a red mane, and asked, "Excuse me, but is there any pizza places in this town?"

The mare shrugged and said, "I don't think so."

"Good enough for Snowflame." Snowflame says as he runs off to the first pony he thought of that could help him make some pizza, Pinkie Pie.
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Five Minutes Later...

Snowflame arrived at Sugarcube Corner seeing the pink mare he was lookin for behind the counter.

Pinkie smiled and said, "Oh hello Snowfy, how are you doing?"

"Snowflame is good."

"Let me guess you want your usual. Okay, five dozen cupcakes coming right up."

"Actually, Snowflame is here to make an offer."

"Oh really? What kind of offer?" Pinkie asked.

"Snowflame wants to make some hot sauce and pizza. Snowflame figured you would be able to help Snowflame."

"Well, I would love to help, but I have to run the shop while Mr. and Mrs. Cake are out. Maybe Spike can help you. I'm sure he knows how to make pizza."

"Okay, thanks anyways." Snowflame says as he walks out of the bakery. His next destination, Golden Oaks Library.
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Five More Minutes Later...

Snowflame kicked open the door of the tree library and walked in only to find the purple baby dragon he was looking for, putting some books back onto a shelf.

"You, male main character, Snowflame needs your help."

"Whu?" Spike asked the human, while still putting away books.

"The pink pony said you may know how to make pizza."

"Yeah I do. Why do you want to make some?"

"Indeed Snowflame does."

Spike put the last book away and says, "Okay, but if its a business you want to start we'll need to hire some ponies."

"Business? Snowflame has no time for a business. Snowflame just wants some pizza to put this rainbow hot sauce on." Snowflame lifts the jar of liquid rainbow for Spike to see.

"Ah okay. Let's do this."

So they gather all the ingredients. Dough, flour, tomato sauce, cheese, peppers, onions, and something a little extra.

"Epic pizza time!" Snowflame exclaims, "I am Snowflame, this is Spike and today we're going to show you how to make pizza, pony style!"

"Um... Snowflame wno are you talking to?" Spike asked only to be ignored.

"We got here our dough, and we're going to roll the bitch out." Snowflame says while rolling the dough into a less than perfect circle. He pops the top off of a jar of sauce. "Now we need some sauce on this er!" He then dumps the sauce onto the dough. "Now the cheese!" Snowflame lifts up a bag of pre-shredded cheese,and dumps it on as well. "More cheese. More Cheese. More cheese!"

"Umm... Snowflame, that's a lot of cheese." Spike comments

"Now we add the mothering vegies for all the ponies who can't eat meat out there." Snowflame literally throws the peppers and onions onto the pizza. "But trust Snowflame, we got some more to put on this bitch. Hay bacon strips! Hay bacon stripes! Hay bacon stripes! Hay bacon stripes!" Snowflame says as he places said hay bacon stripes onto the pizza, "Now we add this mothering rainbow hot sauce onto this er!" Snowflame pours about a fourth of the liquid rainbow onto the pizza. "Now Spike cook this bitch!"

Spike took a deep breath before exhaling green flames onto the pizza. When he was done the crust was brown, the cheese had melted and the hay bacon was nice and crispy.

"And that's how you make a ing pizza!" Snowflame exclaims, "Now we eat."

Snowflame cut the pizza, picked up a slice and took his first bite. It was amazing, the peppers and onions complemented each other well, but the hay bacon, which did taste exactly like regular bacon to Snowflame's surprise, was nice and juicy. Finally the rainbow hot sauce gave it a nice spiciness.
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20 Minutes and One Pizza Later...

"Wow that was good." Spike said patting his stomach.

"Indeed." Snowflame said, standing up, "Do you need Snowflame's help cleaning up?"

"Nah, I got it."

"Okay."

So after a well deserved lunch Snowflame lest the library with the rest of his hot sauce, off to whatever would happen to him next.
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Name: Spike

Stats

Strenght: 4

Speed: 5

Intelligence: 6

Cooking: 8

Likeliness to be shipped with any female character: 10
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Meanwhile in Canterlot...

Prince Blueblood manages to escape with no more than a few dozen bruises, and decides to just go to the train station, only to forget where Snowflame lives.

Prince Blueblood Wakes up finding himself In a roof of a train with a masked guy calling himself Obito.

Also, find a rival. It's been ages since you've had a good battle

Prince Blueblood, limping a little from the attack he received at the hooves of Miss Octavia, made his way to the train station. Not where he wanted to go.

"Oh great I'm lost. No of this would have happened if it wasn't for Snowflame." Blueblood said to himself.

"So, this Snowflame is causing you some problems?" a voice asked.

"W-Who said that?" Blueblood asked.

Seemingly out of the shadows came a purple unicorn stallion with a blond mane, what looked like three golden claws for a cutie mark, and he was wearing a white mask over his face. "Greetings I am Obito. Are you lookin for some special help with this Snowflame pony?"

"Wait, are you a hitpony?"

"You can say that. Still answer my question."

"Why yes I would like some help, but he's not a pony. He's an ape creature know as a human. Basically coatless, but has a long white mane, and he stands on two legs. Can't miss him. I think he lives in Ponyville."

"Very well. I can take care of him, but be warned, my work doesn't come cheep."

"Oh, don't worry, I can pay. Only as long as you complete your goal."

"Of course. Handsome fighters never lose battles."

So after Obito boarded the next train to Ponyville, Blueblood began to walk back to the castle.

12.) Attempting to make his way back to his mansion, he is accosted by several royal guards, who see him and 'believe' him to be an intruder.
13.) Insulting the guards intelligence, they see him as "Assaulting an officer", and have him hauled away from questioning.
14.) Upon arrival, he is charged with being a changeling and having replaced the real Blueblood, with false facts such as "the prince's Kindness, integrity, and generosity" being used to describe the "real Blueblood", which anypony nearby is just an excuse to hold him, while Blueblood eats the praise up, despite himself. Since the "Fake Prince" exhibits none of these traits, he is obviously a changeling doing a bad job at replacing him.

Blueblood got back to Canterlot Castle about ten minutes later, and began to walk up to it only to be stopped by the wings of two pegasus guards.

"Stop right there!" One of them ordered.

"Who are you?" The other asked.

"Are you two idiots? I'm Prince Blueblood." Blueblood stated.

"Oh yeah than prove it."

Blueblood sighed and pulled down his hood, showing them his patchy coat. "Is this proof enough for you?"

"No it is not. Due to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza being replaced by the changeling queen well over a year ago, we can't take the chance of you being a changeling spy."

"You two think I'm one of those vile bugs?! How dare you?! I'll have my aunt Celestia court martial both of you for this."

"Well, you made it too obvious, the real Prince Blueblood is described from his kindness, integrity, and generosity. Which you are showing none of."

"Well I can't argue with those statements used to describe me, I've had a bad day, and I just want to go home."

Blueblood tried to walk past them only for the two guards to knock him to the ground, and place a metal ring with some purple gem on it around his neck.

"What is this?" The prince asked.

"Anti-magic collar." One of the guards said.

"Until we have more proof that you're to real Prince Blueblood we have to keep you within a cell.
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About 15 minutes later Blueblood was sitting in the middle of a room with just four walls, three stone, one of metal bars, and he exclaims, "Why does the universe hate me?"

Author's Note:

Okay so it turns out Obito is the name of a Naruto character. Since I don't know much about Naruto after Toonami went off the air a few years ago, I'm going to treat this guy as ponified version of Vega from Street Fighter, just with that name.

Comments

[awesome brony]

A gorrila walks torward Snowflame. tells him "No tears, only dreams now" and steals his Hot Sauce and Kicks Snowflame in his D and throws him into Fluttershys house.

a New prisoner comes to the cell Blueblood is in, Its a griffons called Gilda, She grabs a Soup from her pocket and drops it on the floor and tells Blueblood to pick it up.

[BrownDog77]

Snowflame had too much Rainbow Sauce and has atomic heartburn the likes of which have never been felt before.

He needs an ultra strength anti-acid or lots of milk. If it's milk he needs, then go to the Apple's cows and MILK THEM ALL.

In Jail, Blueblood meets his cellmate Bubba, who forces him to sing "I Feel Pretty" or else he gets beaten more. The guards view and record this as they laugh their asses off.

[Awesomedude17]

Snowflame will have fire farts.

Blueblood is soon discovered by Celestia, who basically decided to take him out and hear his entire story. At the hitman part, she knows that s will go down.

[Isumo1489]

EPIC PIZZA TIME!!! Why didn't I think of that? It's perfect!! I bow before your superior vision!

That said...hmmmm, what further madness can I unleash? ...hmmmm...I HAVE IT!!

1.) Snowflame, full from the delicious (And nutritious) pizza, seeks out more things to do.

2.) Having already been to the town Square, Snowflame decides to wander randomly, and near the edge of town, sees a house with an odd Blue Barn/Blue Police Box next to it. Snowflame is quite certain either is rather unusual in Equestria.

3.) Deciding to ask about it, Snowflame knocks on the door, and is greeted by the local Mail-Mare Ditsy Derpina Hooves ne Doo. Knowing the bubbly mare from random encounters around town he greets her warmly, and asks how things have been.

4.) After a few minutes of happy chatting, Snowflame asks about the odd blue structure next to her house. She mentions it belongs to the local stallion most know as Time Turner.

5.) Snowflame further asks why said stallion has such an odd object, and she says he mentioned something about, ""Making sure the old girl is taken care of. Her last outing certainly left her tuckered out.""

6.) Snowflame, now even more curious, and a touch frustrated, asks if he can go inside.

7.) Derpy isn't sure if he should, but then remembers the "Muffin Button" that is inside, and says they can go long enough to get a few muffins.

8.) Now near the level of terminal confusion, Snowflame agrees, and once Derpy opens the door and enters, Snowflame follows.

9.) When Snowflame looks around, he falls to his knees and says, "COCAINE!!! MY GOD, YOU HAVE RETURNED TO ME! THIS PLACE DOESN'T LOOK A THING LIKE IT SHOULD FROM THE OUTSIDE!!"

10.) Derpy, munching on a muffin that's been produced, says, "Of course not silly, Time Turner never does anything that predictable. Though usually when somepony goes in here they say it's bigger on the inside for some strange reason."

11.) Blueblood, now in prison, begins to think about his life, all the events that lead him here. In a moment of extreme clarity, he questions if it was...in fact...all his own fault?

12.) The moment passes quickly and he determines that Square are to blame here, "After all, circles betrayed that other mare, what's her name...the blue one who defeated an Ursa Major...eh, not important."

13.) Upon this revelation, he calls the guards demanding they round out all the edges and points in his cell, and demanding that all his meal trays be either plates or triangles.

14.) Celestia, having come down to see how her dear nephew could have been imprisoned, hears this from a few cells down, and looks to the guard on duty.

15.) "I'm sorry, your majesty. But he had been rather off, if you recall in his assumptions of the world. I suppose this result was inevitable." The guard says, using this fortuitous turn of random as justification for the arrest. "He's a danger to himself and others, I propose he be moved to a private facility where he can have the best of care."

16.) Celestia, now confronted with this idea, asks for some time to speak with her sister. The guard, seeing her leave, calls one of his Pegasus fellows and tells him to find princess Luna and get her in on this.

17.) The other guard grins widely, speeding off, knowing of the Lunar Mare's disdain for the pompous prince, he had every confidence that the blowhard would finally meet a justified end.

[Charzoid]

I like Awesomedude17's idea for prince blueblood.