...The End
Morning sunshine came through the windows of the bus rather quickly as Poncho woke up due to the luster of the sunshine. At first, it seemed like an ordinary day, but he remembered about the staff and Charles and everything else associated to them. He looked over his seat and cried. There, in their own seats, was Cannon, Clyde, Patel, Jeb, Sticky, Rivs, and Wahlburn sleeping. His crying became so loud it woke everyone else up.
“Poncho! I’m trying to sleep!” said Clyde looking at him. He then froze and looked at his hooves. “Wait a second, I’m not dead!”
Upon hearing Clyde speak, Rarity got out of her seat and dove at Clyde, hugging him tightly. “You’re alive!!” She began to cry and kept hugging him tightly, not caring about anything else at that moment. Clyde smiled at her and returned the hug.
As with the others, chaos erupted as everyone who died was excited and scared on being alive again. The bus was soon filled with tears and crying as everyone was back. Twilight and Poncho gave everyone a quick recap on how everyone was alive and the aftermath of Charles.
“We should have a PARTY!!” yelled Pinkie and everyone else cheered.
“That’s fine and all, but why are we still on a bus in the middle of the forest?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Before anyone could answer, the bus door slid open. Quantico stepped on the bus, “Sorry I’m late. Apparently I fell asleep on the road walking back to the bus. I got the parts we needed from a small town about a mile north of here. We can get back on course and be back in no time.” Everyone cheered again.
After traveling on the road for a majority of the day, night quickly fell. Everyone was in high excitement and joy during the travel. that when night came, they all settled back into seats and either passed out of being tired or just sat and quietly talked between the seats.
“This was the first night we’ve talked to each other up on that hill,” said Clyde to Rarity as he looked out the window. He saw Altair and Vega shining brightly in the sky, just like that night, which seemed like a month ago. They both were sitting in the back seat of the bus. Beside them, across the aisle, was Patel who has been sleeping since noon that day.
“Yeah, and it’s most definitely not the last.” She snuggled her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. Clyde noticed she still had his jacket on from that night on the hill. He remembered even when they were in the cells and as he was dying, she still had it on. Clyde smiled and quickly fell asleep too.
In the front of the bus, Cannon noticed Tyrone with a mini-fridge beside him in the seat. Tyrone was drinking a grape soda that he pulled out from the fridge. “How the hell did you get that?”
Tyrone looked over at him and laughed. He hit the fridge and the fridge transformed into a small chihuahua.
“You’re kidding!” They both laughed.
After a few days on the road, Quantico stopped the bus and woke everyone up. “Hate to break it to you, but my GPS was giving me the wrong directions to Ponyville the whole time.”
Alarmed, Twilight spoke up, “Where are we now?”
Quantico looked at her. “It looks like the GPS took us to South Beach.”
TBC
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Lookin' like I am gonna be your first read. Mighty interesting plot you got cookin' up here. I have to say that I still have a lot of readin' to do though, pardner!
3153116 Take your time! I know it might be long, but bear with us. I just want to hear honest thoughts to make our series better.
I haven't read it, but might I give you some suggestions to make your story more noticed? For one, it looks like you posted your entire story over the course of two days. Even if you had it all the way finished, you should span it over a longer period of time with regular updates to get more views and not overwhelm potential readers.
Also, maybe you should consider putting a summary in the summary box? One that draws the eye, rather than telling us what it is. "This story is about..." are not the type of summaries you want to put here on FiMfiction. There's a lot of stories with a similar premise, and unless you make this one stand out from the rest it won't get many views, whether or not the writing's any good.
Thirdly, the chapters do look a little short, but I won't say anything until I actually read it. I'm not sure if I'm interested or not, but I'll try to help you out some more.
Though, a glance over the first chapter proves that you and your friends' writing isn't bad at all. However, it's not something I would normally read. I'll see if I can get through it and give you some more tips, though.
(Don't forget to look for more groups to post your story in. As many as you can fit in, do it.)
At the moment, though, I hope my advice helps you for future endeavors.
3191578 Thanks for your input. I'll take your words into consideration and redo the summary and span out the future installments. If you can think of anything else in the future, please let us know.
Is it wrong I read this as The Potato Chronicles at first glance?
3200220
Lol. Not at all actually.
Poor Jeb
The beginning is quite good! I am being overwhelmed by the amount of text though, try spreading it out over a longer period of time, that way the story is on the Recent updates file for a longer period of time. Will keep reading tomorrow though!
3962614 Yeah, I realized this so I made sure with my newer stories to span out the chapters. Let me know what you think! I love feedback!
4029404 Thank you so much for review of the first chapter.
I looked over at what you said, and I will work on fixing and reworking it. To be honest, I had troubles with the introduction as I couldn't seem to make it sound interesting enough.
For the tags for the story, the cult isn't really all that evil, but they do have some dark motives that involve the characters and what they do to some. Would that be considered a 'Dark' tag?
You can continue with the story if you would like, but I think I understand what I can do to improve it by your review so far. The plot may seem really random with no sense of direction, but it does get more serious as it goes on. It does for later stories anyway.
Thanks for the advice.
4498904 Are you talking about the overload of drugs/cussing?
It's just the way they are, unfortunately. Most of the characters are based off certain people I know so the story could have more meaning to us as a group of friends. They're the only ones to really cuss and reference drugs throughout it so it's not like the M6 and everyone else does it.
I'm surprised I got a comment on this story. I'm glad some people are still checking out my first fic.
Well, other than some grammar problems and more than a little OOCness on Spike's part, this was a fantastic story. Hell, even the OOC Spike can be forgiven to some degree, since drugs can really fuck with your head if you have too many. I can't believe it's taken me as along as it has to read this, but I'm glad I finally got round to it. I'll be checking out the sequels pretty damn soon (plus your stories set in the Equestria Girls universe, which I am very much looking forward to reading).
Rating:
Three Pinkies out of five!
6531582 Wow. I honestly never expected anyone to read these anymore. Plus, I'm really surprised and happy someone actually liked it!
This series was my first stories on here, and I believe I improved as each one was made. My friends and I never really wanted to make a serious story, but we came up with this idea of the Poncho Chronicles and yeah...
Thanks for reading and commenting and I hope you stick around to read my EG stories. Those are personally my best stories, I would say.
Thanks again! :)