Allie, After escaping from the stone prison he was incased in like his father was, Decides to Pull a few Pranks, after one gose horribly wrong he gets sent to the dungeon, Now thinking over his Choices he is faced with his one fear.... Loseing the one he Loves.
My secound fan fic ;) is based off a dream i had So enjoy
NOW WITH COVER ART!!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, in terms of the story premise, it's not bad.
However, the execution is flunky.
Let's take a sentence from the ending paragraph.
Ouch. That hurts to read. You obviously don't have an actual editor, making errors like these extremely widespread and conspicuous.
Let's rework that phrase, shall we?
Better? BETTER.
Your Middle English needs work, too. Right now, it sounds like Luna's translating from a Hebrew-English dictionary that was written in 1850.
"Thine" meant "Your" in here. This looks better:
Looks better, cleaner sentence structure, fits into canon, (the "royal we") and it even translates well.
If you can't find an editor, at least run the story through Microsoft Word. That should at least fix most of your mechanics.
BR
I would write a proper review of this, but the grammar, sentence structure and homophone usage are so bad that my main advice would boil down to 'Learn to English' over and over. I cannot stress this enough. 'Dissapere', 'royle gard'... what the hell is this? I would think you were EASL, but you're not making any of the typical mistakes someone learning the language would, afaik (no word order fuckups, and your capitalisation issues aren't consistent enough). You just write like you never got out of year three English classes. Like... can I trust you with Spot The Dog? I think Thomas the Tank Engine might be just a bit too difficult for you, at the moment.
Not kidding, you need this link. One of the few authors who actually appear to need it. Go back to school. Use spellcheck. And fire your editor, they're obviously not up to snuff. Try again, by all means, but learn how to capitalise properly, at least, in the meantime. Read up on early-modern English before you attempt to write it, because by the looks of it, you can't even handle basic modern English.
Once again, the link for you. Basic English classes.
First off...This story Gets ALOT more hate then my first one
2928504
Do you think you would be interested? I mean, You seem to be good with middle English 
i have an editor i just feel bad to have him edit two stories
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AND YOU MISTER! Who do you think you are?! im only 14! I have failed all of my writing classes But im at The highest level of reading! I'm super depressed ok?! I get enough people who Tease and yell at me about it I DO NOT NEED ANYONE ELSE TO!!!!! Sorry
2930214 I mean, I would, but I'm swamped with my own work, a collab, and I'm already editing for someone else, so I can't.
Have you checked in the looking for editors group?
2931022
Ok ^^ i will use thous Pieces you have there ^^
2930214
Ah, sorry I missed your reply. Start small, work big. Here's a nice, easy one. Capitalise 'I' whenever it appears by itself. Not 'i', not 'im', use 'I' and 'I'm'. Start every sentence with a capital letter... after all, your pinkie isn't doing anything else when you touch type on a qwerty keyboard, so why not press shift on occasion? You seem to manage to capitalise random words in the middle of sentences well enough (which you shouldn't do, by the way, this isn't German), so is it really that hard to put them at the beginning of a sentence? Oh, and install a word processor. Openoffice works well, and has a built-in spellcheck that's much more reliable than Google Docs. That'll help minimise your 'royle gard' issues. All in all, it comes down to effort. How willing are you to buckle down and fix your writing style? Stop and re-read your writing after you've written it out. If you're as good at reading as you say, the mistakes will jump out at you.
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OKie dokie ^^