Chapter Two
Scootaloo whistled cheerfully to herself as she walked through the door of her home. Sliding the saddlebags from her sides, she said “Anyone here?”
A voice sounded from the living room “In here squirt.”
Walking into the room, Scootaloo right brow quirked. Rainbow Dash lay in a similar fashion to that of the fillies other surrogate Lero, and from time to time for some odd reason, Lyra. Hind legs hanging slightly down, though the way they were jointed made it impossible for them to touch the ground, wings hung limply against the back of their couch. One hoof holding an ice pac, which the mare pressed with a groan to her forehead, Dash didn’t open her eyes as the filly sat next to her.
“Sheesh, who died?”
Open one eye blearily, Rainbow Dash gave Scootaloo an exhausted glare, and grunted “You, if you don’t watch it twerp. Don’t test me kid, I’ve had a long day…”
“Ah geez you too? Twilight and Lyra are acting weird too. Twilights got that frizz on her mane when her screws are loosening, and Lyra almost bit my head off!”
Nickering in annoyance, Dash closed her eye again.
“So where’s Tweedle Dee?”
Brow furrowing in confusion, Dash rumbled “Tweedle… Oh, Lero!”
Sighing, Dash pulled the ice pack away, and putting a foreleg around Scootaloo, drew her close.
“Look Scoots… Lero… well, me and him won’t be around much for a bit…”
“Cause he fucked Cloud?”
Dash scowled, her wing jerking up slightly to smack the filly on the back of the head, who yelped and glared at her parent. Glaring back, Dash said “Me and Lero are fine with swearing, but your lucky Lyra’s not here, she hits harder then I do. And Twilight…”
Eyes widening, Dash’s brain temporarily shut down.
“Wait… what?”
Scootaloo’s scowl softened as she shrugged her shoulders.
“Alula told me.”
Right eye twitching, Rainbow Dash hissed “And she knows this how?”
“Well, she sort off… guessed, or at least that’s what she said. When she got home, she looked all depressed. Apparently a few of their clan is in town for a visit, and one of her aunts said she looked like she had gotten plugged by her best friends stallion. When Alula saw the blush, she knew.”
Rainbow groaned, and flopped her head back against the couch, rubbing her temple.
“Damn it all! That loud mouth found out?”
Scootaloo frowned, and jabbed Dash gently in the side.
“Hey! Leave her alone, Dash. She’s gotten a lot better since her mom… umm…”
Scootaloo looked down, gently rubbing her right hoof against her left leg and muttered “Well… she’s just not like that anymore. She said Cloud was really upset though.”
Dash leaned forward to got onto all fours, and began to pace in a similar fashion to her mate. Laying out across the couch, Scootaloo asked “So, why won’t I see you guys for a bit?”
Rainbow sighed, and sat on her haunches.
“Squirt... You gotta understand. Lero… he did a bad thing.”
At this Scootaloo’s eyes widened.
“But Lero never does anything bad!”
Shaking her head, Dash rose and with a slight smile, sat next to the couch, and nuzzled the top of the filly’s head.
“True. My bad, its more like…. He and Cloud….”
Scootaloo tilted her head, ears flattening against her skull.
“Dash… I thought what you guys did was a good thing…”
“It is…”
“Then why is it bad for him and Cloud?”
“Because Scoots, she’s not part of our herd…”
“Well… just make her one then…”
At this, Rainbow jaw dropped, then with a snort and her jaw closed once more, the mare rolled her eyes.
“That’s… not gonna happen kiddo…”
“Why not?”
“Well, for one you need a physical attracti…” Dash paused, then cleared her throat, considering her next words.
“She’s just not that kind of pony, Scoots.”
“So…. Why do you have to leave?”
“Cause Lyra and Twi… their both pretty at Lero right now.”
Scootaloo shrugged her wings.
“You seem okay with it…”
“I’m…. disappointed in him, Scoots. Lyra and Twilight just need to be away from him for a few days while they cool down.”
“And again, your going because…?”
“So he won’t be alone. You understand, don’t you Scoots?”
“I guess….”
…………………………………………………………………..
Cloud paused outside her fathers room, one hoof raised. Usually, when in their clouds, pegasi simply went through doors and walls, the two being more a matter of preference then anything. But one the ground, form demanded on knocked before entering a room. If only….
“Come in Cloud.”
Cloud Kicker jumped slightly, then ears flattening too her skull, she pushed open the door. Tornado kicker smiled as he walked up to her, and snugged her with a wing. Cloud jumped again, and looked at her father. Kicker’s were notorious for hugging, or more precisely lack there off, and this was no less true for Cloud's parents. Smiling gently, Tornado said “Wanna talk about it?”
Cloud sighed, then nodded. Sitting down on the floor at the end of Tornado’s bed. Cloud relayed the last few days to Tornado. Through it, the stallion remained silent, then when Cloud finally stopped, he chuckled.
“Finally caught up with you huh?”
Cloud face hoofed. Her father was one of the greatest critics of her… proclivities, so his response was no surprise. Smile fading, Tornado snugged her and nuzzled the top of her head.
“Oh Cloud… I love you, but… I feel bad for you, but I feel worse for those mares.”
Looking up, Tornado regarded the ceiling.
“I know how this sort of thing feels.”
Cloud gasped.
“You mean…”
Tornado sighed.
“Cloud… please don’t be mad at her. Back then, she and the rest of the clan… it was hard. Because we were happy with just us, we never took anyone else in. I was regarded as weak, and your mother selfish. It was never anything overt… just ignoring us when we spoke, serving us last at meals, that sort of thing. She…. Was part of a herd for a bit.”
“Does that mean…”
Tornado shook his head, and gave a half smile.
“You and Alula are both blood, don’t doubt that for a moment.”
Cloud sniffed, and buried her face into her fathers neck.
“Damn it…”
“Its okay… Daddies here…”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- archonix · 40k words · 1,665 67 · 19k views
- TheQuietMan · 397k words · 1,524 133 · 22k views
- SpinelStride · 30k words · 576 29 · 9.3k views
- Shire Folk · 5.1k words · 328 9 · 14k views
- archonix · 5.6k words · 378 16 · 6.6k views
- billymorph · 14k words · 289 10 · 4.2k views
- Quill Scratch · 30k words · 124 4 · 2.8k views
- SpinelStride · 28k words · 644 26 · 10k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.101 seconds
Total duration
761 users online
1,427,586 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm going to be blunt: This needs editing. Badly. You've got wrong homophones, a total disregard for possessive apostrophes, and enough ellipses for JRPG dialogue.
Also, bringing in Cloud's family is bringing a lot more attention to the contrasts between the respective societies of the two involved universes than you want.
Also also, this chapter really didn't do much beyond establishing that ponies are sad, and many ponies know why those ponies are sad. Rather transparent attempt at feels induction there. Oh, and the Scootadaption, that's fairly important, given the canon crapshoot that the Shotglasses have become...
All that aside, I'm still looking forward to more. Just don't rush it out half-baked.
2914568
I know>.<
Hmm? How do you mean?
Well... yeah. This isn't an easy thing for anyone, and I kinda want to show more of the process one goes through. And... this is a Dash fic. Dash and Scoots are part and parcel in my experience. Of course, Rainbows not really the maternal sort... luckily, they have Lyra and Twilight to pick up her considerable slack
Considering this is a crossover, it should probably get put into the 'Alternate universe' folder instead of the 'side stories' folder.
It's really not possible to reconcile the Winningverse with the Leroverse, at least given the extremely different depictions of Rainbow Dash and Dash's history. Winningverse Dash is an untrained brawler who relies on raw speed to fight and goes on violent psychotic breaks at least twice. Leroverse Dash is a master of multiple martial arts styles and has worked on self-control because she knows she's physically strong enough to hurt other ponies. With that in mind, a combination of the two has to take place outside of main continuity for either source universe.
2914835
Again, I'm a fan of both. I'd like to pay homage to both, and if possible, remain true to both canon's. And its not a crossover, or at least I don't think it is
This is a 'what-if' story you're writing, so it should be in the 'alternate universe' folder instead of 'side stories. For organization's sake, could you move it?
2914878
My other story was a what if story. This ones more in sync with the main canon and has as much as I am able to under the circumstances remained true to both canons. Ergo, is a side story
2914568
This.
Especially
>This needs editing. Badly.
this and
>All that aside, I'm still looking forward to more. Just don't rush it out half-baked.
this.
I'm not going to thumb up/down yet, but I am interested in where you will go with this story.
2915691
Probably not that much further. Two chapters, maybe three
This is good so far, although I would kind of like to see more reflection on how Cloud Kicker fits into a herd-based society.
2932501
Lero was there too you know
2932441
Its really not going to come up in the story, so I may as well bring it up here: the clan are one of the few groups that actively practice monogamy. The reason isn't on moral, but practical and functional grounds: in times of war, its much simpler to keep track of a single mate and a foal or two or three, as opposed to three mares and heaven knows how many offspring
2947584 That does make some sense, and I would guess that polygamous relationships are not unknown, especially in times of war when widows would form herds with other family members because the whole clan could be viewed as an exceptionally large herd. It also helps that there are a disproportionate number of stallions in the guard according to Xenophilia (it is probably the best option for stallions that want to get a bit rougher than the social norm), and I can definitely see the rougher stallions in the guard being more inclined to form relationships with other guardsponies which would make the Kicker dating pool very heavy on stallions and further encourage monogamy.
That said, it seems like polygamy would still make sense with most combat being shouldered by the mares so you would want a family structure that could absorb a few losses, although with the way the Clan sticks together this is already in place on a larger scale.
2947743
Exactly.
As for the second part, monogamy is more of a matter of course. Most practice it, but by no means do all. Also keep in mind the clan "adopts" other ponies of the guard into their clan, both to broker influence and shore up their numbers.
Still hammering out the details on this, so forgive the rough edges>.<
2947897 That makes sense, and let me know if you run into any issues. It frequently helps to get another perspective on a thorny problem like this.
2947897 hmmm what happens next
2914862
No, by definition, including the Winningverse take on Cloudkicker makes it a crossover, as does the effort to "be true to both". So this is, by its very nature, a crossover, and therefore impossible to be considered anything but an AU.
If you want something to not be an AU, write something that doesn't radically break from established canon nor include elements from other canons.
-Reads description. Checks likes and dislikes-
Oh boy.
-slips on rubber gloves and starts reading-
3225273
Oh God... as the chorus girl said to the archbishop "be gentle with me"
3225258
Hmm...
Yeah, this is in crossover territory. Needs editing, but it's still interesting.
3225391
I'll try, but am still wounded from the rage quit of one of the latter did to me recently
3225423
Hmm... also, I was kind of going for that. Too much?
3225434
Look up the Editor's Dreamland group. They are good people. Yeah, the middle drop is a bit confusing, but you've written it to where the reader can get their bearing quickly; so that's good. The only really glaring issue, in my opinion, is the editing.
3225474
I know>.< Its inexcusable, but in my excitement, I sometimes get ahead of myself, and will miss words. Nothing big, nothing you'd think would make all that much a difference, but... well, you've read it.
Oh, and you came back with actual helpful commentary, rather then pitching a major hissy fit over canon, and telling me to hop of the original authors coat tails and into a boiling demon cum jacuzzi in the deepest pits of Tarturus. That always a plus, and much appreciated^^ A moustache for you good sir
3225501
Trust me, I've seen far far far worse fanfics than this. The canon vs alt./crossover is a bit of an issue, but I'd go with what our groups major contributors say. Just my opinion.
3225339
Just calling them as I see them. If you like, I can explain in a bit more detail over PMs.
3204461
No kidding. Lets go off the checklist: a mare who studied at West Hoof, A Still Way master, a very tempermental mare who is the master of three martial arts, and a mare who first day of school had enough power to turn a classroom of much older and more experienced unicorns into potted plants, and on the same day, became the personal student of Celestia herself.
Lero certainly attracts a lot of very dangerous females
3204461 Its part of being an idiot. It has nothing to do with being human.
3582717
Exactly. Well said
3583742 when I saw this story's name first thing that popped in to my name volts war david2therobert