Voracious Dash

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DbzOrDie

DbzOrDie #1 · Aug 5th, 2013 · · · Day Seven - AppleDash ·

So, Rainbow was tied up when AJ assaulted her with the drum stick and then suddenly she wasn't?
Also, you use the word 'plot hole' a lot. There are other words for that, you know :)

Despite my criticism, I still very much enjoyed this chapter

Hipster Cloudchaser

Hipster Cloudchaser #2 · Aug 5th, 2013 · · · Day Seven - AppleDash ·

2995724 I know. I just like to use it because reasons. And I never said it was a strong knot.

DbzOrDie

DbzOrDie #3 · Aug 5th, 2013 · · · Day Seven - AppleDash ·

2996883
I'm sure you have your reasons but reading the same word over and over again can make your fic look bland. Wabbajack has a blog post where he compiled loads of synonims for naughty stuff. It could be useful if you want it.

And it being a loose knot is plausible but the audience doesn't know that. Adressing it in something like 'Dash's hooves wriggled free from the lasso' could help

Hipster Cloudchaser

Hipster Cloudchaser #4 · Aug 5th, 2013 · · · Day Seven - AppleDash ·

2996983 Hm, fair enough, I suppose. I tend to gloss over quite a lot of small movements and stuff, though. Perhaps I should work that in a bit more. Also the usage of the term over and over might be due to the fact that I think I wrote the scene in multiple sittings.

Hipster Cloudchaser

Hipster Cloudchaser #5 · Aug 6th, 2013 · 1 · · Day Seven - AppleDash ·

You know, I didn't even notice it was that pronounced . Far fewer plot holes now.

JetstreamGW

JetstreamGW #6 · Sep 4th, 2013 · 1 · 1 · Day Eight - RariMac ·

Y'know... water is a really bad lubricant if you're not a tectonic plate... I think what you wrote here would actually have been super, super painful.

The Yaoi Mistress