That was Flitters idea! Bake a cake and when Cloudchaser came home after trying out at the Wonderbolts Academy she'd be happy! She was partially right...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not really well written. Could be a lot better.
But you get a Favorite and an Upvote cause I'm a sucker for Futa.
Espacially anal Futa...
2878322 Heh yeah its not in the format I usually write in... So that threw me off heavily, I'll probably go back through it tomorrow and make some changes.
Even though I knew that they were gonna start making love, I couldn't help but laugh a bit on how sudden it was. This alright, not the best but still deserves more views good job :D
herm on herm, awesome!
You had me at twins + futa, but lost me at second person present tense.
2882877 I know I have a problem with going from past to present tense ALOT...but why are people liking this XD its so bad :<
Also i only posted this because theres like 3(?) or 4 flitter x cloudchaser fics...
2886500 I can only assume the aforementioned combination of twincest and futa to be the culprit.
2878354 I suggest putting it into third-person, past tense omniscient.
2887837 Alright...here goes rewriting 60% of it T^T
You know just how to get me to flock to a story. Slap futanari on it and you got me going! GOOD JOB! When I read this, believe me, you'll deserve a medal!
2887837 Did it... took quite awhile but yeah... what do you think about it now? Better? Worse? Meh?
2913184 I'll look again later.
Just a note, started reading it but a BIG thing you would want to fix; Each time it switches speaker, start a new paragraph. Eg.
A little hard to read. Try. . .
I dont know if it was just at the beginning or not, but just so you are aware.
2923662 Hmm... Thanks! That's actually a quick change I can make and as long as it makes it better to read I don't mind at all ^.^
2923669
No problem! If I happen to see a few things that require a quick fix while I read, I will message them to you.
Considering ive helped others, id say you did a pretty good job. Not hard to read at all. :D Also, do you like the profile pic?
2932195 Heh...
Not bad. Not bad at all. Could've been better, but this is better than about 85% of the stories on this site that I've read, so +1 for that.