When a human named derek wakes up to find himself in equestria, he struggles to find the truth about who he is, when he tries to find help, the corruption is discovered...
Chapters (5)
Derk396
Joined 10th Feb, 2012 ·
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Self-insert, alicorn. Calling Mary Sue early.
um....this is getting all confusing....
Aurora Dimmet explains the story in just a few words.
I love these so much! I can't get enough of these stories!
(Is a complement)
The reason people are rating this low is because:
1. Self-inserted alicorn. Gary Stu
2. Some capitalization and spelling errors
3. Derek's reaction to the pony world at first sight seems a little bland...
This is not a criticization just yet, as I have just read the first chapter. I like your work and the concept, but all it needs is a good push ahead.
224002
1. Yeah, i really had no choice with the self-insert... the guy is paying me 5k so i kind of need to follow his outline, even if i don't 100% agree.
2. The chapters are basically rough drafts right now, writing on an ipod has it's disadvantages and i would LOVE some editors and such, it may take some time but i promise, no... i pinky pie promise, that i will get that fixed
3. Ideas and criticism are always helpful, if you, or anybody would like to help me out, that would be fantastic!
Thanks for the criticism and i hope that you and others will stick around until things kick off, it will get better.
224146
1. Is there really someone paying you to do this?
2. Why can't you use a computer?
3. You might as well go to the Ponychan training grounds for help on that.
225791
1. Yeah, when I was in a party on Xbox, my brony friends and I were talking about MLP and my friend (non-brony) joined, he knew I wrote fanfics, but he didn't know I liked MLP, he called up an old friend of his, and we struck a deal. The self insert is why I'm getting paid so well, quite a bit of fanfic writers are stuck on stage four, and can't put themselves in, (Although Derek is me, it actually symbolizes him (to a point) which is why Derek and I are really nothing alike) but yes, I am getting paid a total of 5k
2. I write during school, on the bus, and after school, computers are something I can't really get to.
3. Ponychan training grounds? Never heard of it... Might be worh a visit.
226126
1, Even if you have to follow the outline, make sure you constantly give him advantages/disadvantages so that he won't become a "too perfect character".
2. Oh, ok.
3. The Ponychan Training Grounds are where fics can get reviewers and improve their fics. The reviewers will give you a much better criticization than me.
227126
1. Trust the writer, he is anything but perfect, just give it time.
2. yeah... trying to set aside some writing time at home. seems possible
3. link?
227586 5k for a fanfic... I bow down to you good sir..... The story seems good so far to me.... even if he is a alicorn, he isn't really a gary stu yet... lets see spell wise I guess we could tell he has levitation, sleep, mind wipe, and made some others.... its not like his powers are going to make a large increase in power after only a couple of days.