Spike was taking a walk when he noticed a metallic device. Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash bump into Spike, and causes the machine to activate. They are teleported into other worlds, with that device. The only problem is : The can only go clockwise in all the dimensions, and can only teleport once a day.
(Teen, just in case I decide to send our three friends to a gory world.)
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Hello, I'm a traveling lonely blog... er.. um.. story commenter (if you have blog post, soon I will be there
)
It is slightly rushed, it wouldn't have been so noticeable if there was more cohesion between the sentences on the story. "You got some problems on dialog punctuation," I said.
If this is the introduction ¬900 words is fine
(in my opinion)
Hai and see ya.
201610
Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I have to admit, it was a little rushed. I tried to squeeze it in before i decide to settle down in bed. (Using ipod to respond.
) Still, I plan to improve my writing skills, and try and work on a chapter whenever I get time.
Regarding your description: There is actually a real word for "metal like." You know, "metallic?" Even better, since your story makes clear that the box actually "is" metal, why not just say "metal?" Eschew superfluous description, my friend.
201670
Sorry, its kind of the first thing that popped into my head....
I wait to see where they go.upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/ca/Deadpool.png -"Me too!"
204406
Trust me, they are going to some exciting places.
The second chapter is coming along nicely now, it might be done before, or after the end of this weekend. Sorry I'm so slow.
>Talking horses
>The survivors are unphased
WTF?
505444
They were, but they are in a world of zombies.
I think they have seen scarier things.
Hmmmm Well I liked Sweetie Belle Traveling to diffeent dimensions so i shall give this one a go!
*Inar twirls his finger and reads the next chapter*
Huzzah! At first I thought this was gonna be like Paper Mario until Proff. E. Gadd came along! I wonder if Spike will end up anywhere that dragons are seen as enemies? ? Well ONWARDS!!!
*Inar does the Mario*
"Swing your aaaarms from side-to-side
Come-on its time go do the Mari-Aaaàh!!...."
*Inar fell down a trap door*
Fascinating! The humans are quick to trust Pegasi and a Dragon to work against the zombies! Too bad we probably woundnt do it without a zombie invasion. Dern government even zomies bring out more trust worthy people!
but than again zombies can do just about anything!
Ranking
Have a Jollyhound day!
i can imagine them in skyrim and dovahkiin attemps to absorb spikes soul, which ultimately ends in him having to fusrodah away a sonic rainboom to the face.