The Earth Beneath your Hooves
The soft light of the moon had never felt so alone.
The wind howled.
Crows scattered.
Somepony screamed.
A couple stood at the highest point in the field. The colt was tall, athletic, with light blue forelock that moved like waves in the wild wind. His name was Thunder Lane, and, despite his mask of confidence, he had never been on a real date before.
The mare had her front leg wrapped around his, her electrically yellow mane and tail whipping this way and that. She was wearing one of her old school uniforms, which she had cut the sleeves and collar off of, to make it more comfortable. Her name was Lightning Dust, and she could feel in the air that something was wrong.
Thunder Lane chuckled as another group of crows took wing. Lightning Dust pulled her feral hair away from her mouth and looked up at her 'sort-of-coltfriend.'
"Oh," Thunder Lane cleared his throat, "I was just thinking that it looks like this painting I saw when I was a foal. I can't remember it's name, though..."
The wind had torn away all of his words before they reached Lightning's ears, but she smiled and nodded politely anyway. The wind tore at everything here: words, ponies, plants, animals, and chilled you right down to the bone. But the one thing the wind didn't tear at was the sound the pair heard.
A scream. A piercing, slicing, horror-film shriek that came right through the wind from clear across the field.
And then the wind stopped. Just like that, gone. It didn't slow down, it didn't change direction, it just ended, as though something had been placed in it's way. No more crows flew. There was no sound at all.
The couple stood silently, unsure of what to do or how to react. There was no one around. No houses. No ponies. No clouds. No roads.
Lightning pulled at Thunder's leg, "We should go..." she whispered, "come on."
Thunder Lane stood perfectly still, then looked down at Lightning Dust, "Aren't you curious?" he asked, making it clear that he was, "There's no one around. We're the only ponies who heard that. What if somepony needs help?" he pried his leg away from my grasp and took three long strides down the steep hill, then turned to look at Lightning, "Coming?"
The mare shook her head vigorously, sitting down hard on the dirt with a small puff of dust , "mm-mm. I'll meet you back on the trail," She turned her head back to the forest behind her, thinking about whether she was really going to abandon her first-ever coltfriend.
Thunder shrugged, "Alright," he mumbled, and slid down to the bottom of the hill on his heels, tiny crumbles of earth following him.
Lightning made small, worried noises to herself as she watched Thunder Lane depart. She looked back and forth quickly, anxiously, appearing much like a worried wren who had just her the snap of a twig under a cat's paw.
"ohhh..." she groaned, "wait up! I'm coming, too!"
~~~~~
Lightning had to gallop to catch up, with some short bursts of aerial speed. When she skidded to a halt right behind him, she said, panting, "that scream came from the other side of the field! That's at least a mile, easily! If someone is in trouble, we'll get there to late!"
"I don't think it did."Thunder said simply
"You don't think what did what ?" Lightning asked, confused and frazzled, while still trying to catch her breath.
"I don't think the noise came from across the field. I think it echoed, and was actually a lot closer. I saw something moving here in the wheat," The colt explained.
"It was probably a bird or something," Lightning whined.
"No it was definitely bigger than a bird, and I saw a something purple-ish get pulled off the path. Doesn't that sound like another pony?" He asked almost accusingly.
"Fine," Lightning muttered, " Have a go at me just because I didn't see your imaginary mare."
Thunder stopped stock still in his tracks, "what did you say?"
"I think you're just trying to scare me or something," Lightning suggested.
"Oh, what?! You think I could fake that whole thing?" Thunder's voice rose louder than Lightning had ever her it. She flatened her ears against her head as a grimace appeared on her mint-green face.
As the teenage couple argued, a deep, guttural sound rumbled across the field toward them. The ground moved, but nothing like an earthquake. It looked more like something was moving under the dirt, something huge. It spread like a wave through the earth, and stopped right beneath the two pegasi.
They silenced their speech mid-sentence and looked down. They were standing on a mound of earth that measured about fifty feet wide. As they stood atop it, it shrunk, until there was only enough room for Thunder.
Then the ground twisted around his hooves. It pulled him in up to his knees and squeezed with all it's might.
Thunder cried out in pain and surprise, "Lightning! Help! Pull me out!"
The mare ran to him, but the earth twisted again, and he was in up to his waist. She grabbed his hooves and, with wildly flapping wings and a loud grunt of effort, pulled as hard as she could.
Thunder shrieked again as his left shoulder popped out of it's socket.
"Don't let go," Lightning murmured to him, "You'll be fine, just don't let go."
Thunder was in up to his chest.
"Don't let go. Don't let go! DON'T LET GO!"
The soft light of the moon had never felt so alone.
The wind howled.
Crows scattered.
Somepony screamed.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- 8_Bit · 91k words · 122 14 · 3.2k views
- CivilWarPony · 20k words · 34 7 · 1.8k views
- Charade · 4.1k words · 38 2 · 2.8k views
- DarkAura89 · 7.2k words · 59 3 · 2.1k views
- Beakwood · 65k words · 37 1 · 1k views
- Dark Enigma · 9.7k words · 17 1 · 885 views
- Flint Sparks · 3k words · 151 2 · 3k views
- Magenta Cat · 120k words · 774 41 · 14k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.027 seconds
Total duration
714 users online
929,008 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ponies don't have hands and you just changed tense there, did you not?
Regardless, a chill-inducing chapter. Definitely an enjoyable read. I'd watch your punctuation in certain parts but I suppose that may be nit-picking. I await the next!
2522178
Oops.
Sorry about that. I'll fix it right away! And, by the way, this is meant to be a one-shot. That's all, folks!
2522235
His glance would ascend slightly, gesturing towards the 'incomplete' status, disappointment causing his lips to quiver in a rather dramatic manner
Das okai... but to avoid feel-deflation I would change it to 'complete', pweaze?
2522333
Whoops! My bad!
2522333
Sorry, had to delete it, I dislike profanity of any kind
What the hell got them/him?
Sweet Celestia what got him?!?
hmm certainly a very creepy chapter, though I think it's a tad short. it escalates too quickly at the end, and too much information is shot at us in a very small amount of time. the begining was nice but then it jumped too fast when they start arguing. the thing popping up and Lane getting trapped was well paced, but then it felt rushed when he was pulled down. it was too quick and too many things happened at once. however I do like the intro and the ending stanzas, they give us an ominous feeling and I have to say is very similar to Edgar Allen Poe's style; I have a feeling you were trying for a gothic themed piece. you know other than a few things, like throwing out a LanexDust ship, this piece was well done, it's suspenseful to a degree and that cut ending effectively gives chills. like that you know what happens but you don't kinda feeling, very good, I enjoyed it
2629628
D'awwww, thanks
Actually, this was an art project based on the piece 'Wheat field with Crows' by Van Gogh. I had it sitting on a blog that no one looks at, and decided to basically do a copy-paste. The LaneXDust thing just kind of happened, since they were minor characters. Yeah, I cheated big-time.
Anywho, there was a word limit on the story of one thousand. The extra 32+ words came from pony descriptions.
Thanks for the input!
2522902
I honestly don't know. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
2629660
)
aw, you're welcome ^^
an art project huh? that sounds cool, was the assignment to like write something to do with the picture. (I knew I recognized that picture from somewhere lol). Ah, I see so something just quickly slapped together, I think maybe just making them friends would work even better. cuz relationships you don't exactly completely know the pony so if they were like good friends it would make Thunderlane flipping out that Dust didn't believe him more understandable, plus it would make Dust losing Thunderlane a lot more dramatic and emotional if they were like BFF. and nah its not really cheating, its just kinda sudden lol. perhaps you could cut down the +32 words by making them friends, since describing their relationship does seem to take up a few lines. oh and it was no trouble :) anyway to help a fellow writer (even though I technically haven't published anything
2629745
Yeah, my art teacher is the coolest person on the planet. She always has creative ideas, and we were supposed to write a story that had characters, plot, and setting inspired by art.
2629760
yeah that's like the coolest type of assignment. it really lets your imagination run and leaves you open to anything. art inspiring art lol.
She def seems like it
A rather chilling little story here. There were a couple instances where you changed tense and changed the point of view, but nothing too major. Thunderlane and Lightning Dust are used far too little in stories. And as I wrote that very sentence, I had a story idea come into my mind. Best of luck with any future stories!
~SolidFire
I was gonna compliment you on this story because it's amazing, but then I saw this.
And I deemed you as a person who desperately needs to grow up.
And this is coming from someone with the maturity of a 12-year-old ADHD Pewdiepie fan on some sort of illegal substance.
Please. I'm begging you.
Grow up.
Nice story though.
5478200
Wow. You're right, that was pretty immature of me.
I'm sorry that it bothered you. This site was really my first venture into the internet, back when my parents watched me like fucking hawks, so I was wary about what ended up on my personal pages. But at this point... yeah, I wouldn't think of pulling crap like that. It was probably just some slightly rude comment that I went overboard with, lol. (Also, checking dates on issues you react to might behoove you. Almost two years ago, man.)
5481314 I know the date, but it's hard to let go of your morals and whatnot. So I thought you were still offended by swears.
It's not so much that, either, as the fact that you deleted the comment. I mean, if you politely ask me to stop swearing on your page or something, I'm not gonna pull a Kevin Weinberg. I'll restrain myself around you.
But deleting the comment?
But meh. The past is (usually) the past.
SRS tho, this story stopped just short of my Faves list.
5481758
Thx mayn. Not my proudest work, but thanks.
5488441 #TinySweg
5489296
#tinier swag
5489690 YASS.
There's a horror tag now.