Broken
Broken
A Vinyl Scratch and Octavia tale
By SparkBrony; Proofread by Sky Warden
Octavia gently parted the velvet curtains and peered out at the crowd filling up the theater before her. She scanned the audience yet again, still looking for the same familiar face as she had been five minutes ago. She shifted through the many diverse faces, striking them out in her mind, looking for one she already knew she could recognize at first glance. It wasn’t present, even as she double and triple checked. She slowly pulled her head back in and turned around, defeated. Her friend had failed her yet again.
Octavia slowly walked back toward the backstage door, passing the ponies that were polishing a piano she was going to play it in just ten minutes. She entered the backstage room, where other ponies were bustling around, getting ready for her big performance – light and sound ponies checking their equipment, choreographers looking over their scripts one more time. Her friend Lyra was waiting for her in the doorway. Finally, one familiar face.
Octavia shook her head once, slowly at the turquoise unicorn.
“Aww, it’s ok,” said Lyra, placing a hoof on her friend to comfort her. “She’ll be here! I know it! She just must be running late.”
“No, Lyra,” said Octavia. She trudged on toward the private back rooms of the theater as Lyra stared after her, looking almost as crestfallen as she.
Octavia entered her dressing room and closed the door. The room was filled with half-finished compositions and an abounding surplus of clean pink bow ties. Her cello laid lazily against the far wall, to be left unused in this performance. Pictures of her and her best friends were strewn across the walls.
Octavia walked to her desk and picked up her phone. She knew what she was going to do. Slowly, she dialed a number, taking care to hit each button perfectly. Then she held the phone up to her ear. She could hear her own steady breath echoing back through the receiver. The phone rang six times, and then somepony picked up.
“Yo, this is PON3,” Vinyl Scratch answered. Her voice was as energetic and boyish as ever.
“Hey Vinyl, it’s Octavia,” Octavia replied quietly, her accent standing out.
“Oh, hey Octy! What’s up?” Vinyl sounded elated that her best friend had called her.
“I was just wondering if you were still coming to my… concert, cause I’ve got a seat saved up for you.” Octavia chuckled lightly.
“Ohhh, no… that’s tonight?” Vinyl asked. “Aw, jeez, I’m SO sorry. I totally blanked on this one. I’m actually in the middle of working on a big project with Neon Lights right now, we just hit a breakthrough with the – ah, I just… I - I don’t think I can make it tonight.”
“Right,” Octavia sighed quietly.
“I SWEAR I’ll make the next one though, I - I promise. Ok?” Vinyl reassured her.
“It’s fine,” Octavia said.
“Awesome,” said Vinyl in relief. “Now, I really actually gotta get back to -”
“Actually, no, it’s not fine,” Octavia cut her off. “Vinyl, you’ve done this to me before, and this is really important to me, and you’re not here to support me.”
“Yeah, I know, I - I just-” Vinyl started.
“I just can’t believe you,” Octavia said.
“Octy, come on, you know how my schedule can get,” Vinyl tried to reason with her friend. “Look, after tonight, I swear things will be different, we can go to that restaurant that you wanted –”
“I don’t want your sorry Vinyl,” Octavia said.
“Wh-what?” The DJ seemed surprised, confused.
“Consider this friendship over.” The words rolled out of Octavia’s mouth, and she wondered for only a split second if she actually meant them.
“Octavia… come on… you don’t mean that!” Vinyl sounded horrified.
“You’ve let me down too many times,” Octavia said, reaching for the ‘End Call’ button.
“Wait! No! Please, Octavia!” Vinyl shouted, but her voice was cut off as Octavia hung up the phone. She’d gone through with it. It was done. Slowly, as if to silently seal her deed, she set the phone down on the desk. Octavia stared at herself in her mirror for several moments, her own violet eyes staring back at her.
Suddenly, the door creaked opened softly and a white mare with headphones on peeked into the room. “Octavia, you’re on in five minutes.”
“Oh… Ok,” Octavia said, smiling politely at her and straightening her bow tie.
“Good luck,” the mare told her before ducking out of the room.
“Thanks,” Octavia replied, but she was already gone.
Octavia turned back to the mirror to make sure she looked okay. Her bow tie was gleaming, her mane was perfectly combed. Even her eyelashes had straightened out for her big night. She looked beautiful.
Too bad Vinyl wouldn’t be there to see her.
Don’t think about Vinyl, she told herself. It’s not like you’re friends anymore anyway.
Satisfied with her appearance, Octavia exited her dressing room and walked across the still-busy backstage area. The same mare with the headphones was standing next to the stage entrance, holding the curtain open for her. Octavia looked past her out onto the stage, where the curtain had been lifted and the audience was waiting for their promised performance. The glossy black piano sat waiting for her as well, beckoning her to come onto the stage. Octavia closed her eyes for a moment, composed herself, and opened them again.
“Thanks again,” Octavia told the mare as she walked steadily onstage. She stepped across the floorboards and didn’t even glance at her audience until she sat down at the piano bench. Hundreds of ponies had come to see her big number, and now they packed the sea of seats before her. She spotted her best friends – Lyra, BonBon, and Derpy sitting in the front row. Next to a single empty seat. A paper proclaiming “RESERVED” was tacked to the back of it. Her so-called “friend” was supposed to be sitting there now.
Octavia quickly pushed all these scattered thoughts out of her mind, and cleared her throat.
“My name is Octavia,” she announced to the crowd. “I hope you enjoy my song.”
The lights dimmed, the spotlight switched on and she began. She hit the first key and sang, her somber voice ringing out across the auditorium. According to the song, an unnamed pony had let her down, crushed her feelings, and left her in an emotional wreck, but she was determined to stay strong. Her beautiful voice rose and fell to each note perfectly as she progressed through the song, and her audience watched in awe, transfixed by her performance.
Her hooves landed on the last few keys as she stretched and flourished the last note, a beautiful melodic ending to her song. A single tear trailed down her cheek, leaving a wet path after itself, and fell from her face, landing on one of the keys, staying there like a bubble. She’d forgotten how much this song reminded her of… the events that had just taken place. She forced herself not to break down, not to cry. Meanwhile, she received a standing ovation. Every pony in the whole crowd rose and clapped loudly, cheering for her. But Octavia’s heart was blocked, and the praise she was getting for her song didn’t quite touch her as it usually did. She bowed several times, trying not to let anypony see the tears that were running down her face. Then she walked offstage, leaving the still-cheering crowd behind her.
“Congratulations, Octavia!” said the mare with the headphones. “You did very well.”
“Thank you,” Octavia replied. Just as the mare walked off to gather the performers for the next act, a turquoise blur tackled her in a hug.
“That was AMAZING, Octavia!” Lyra cried. “You totally brought down the house!”
“Best performance yet, I’d say!” declared Derpy.
“It almost made me cry,” BonBon said, dabbing at her eyes. “Almost.”
“Thanks guys,” Octavia told them quietly. “I better go get my things together, I’ll meet you outside.” She turned around and walked off toward her dressing room, hanging her head as she went.
“Is something wrong with her?” she heard BonBon whisper behind her.
“She’s just disappointed that Vinyl didn’t come,” Lyra whispered back. “Well, more like torn apart, actually.”
“Oh, the poor dear,” BonBon sympathized. Their conversation descended into incoherent whispers safe from Octavia’s hearing.
Octavia could have turned around then. She could have denied that she was missing Vinyl and claimed that she was just tired or something (which she was, come to think of it). Vinyl Scratch was supposed to be a nopony to her now. They weren’t friends anymore. They never would be.
Octavia didn’t need to be friends with a letdown.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Several hours and many congratulations and compliments later, Octavia entered her hotel room and shut the door quietly. The room was exactly how she had left it right before leaving for her big performance. It was a decent space, with two beds, a bedside table between them, and a dresser against the wall opposite these. A window framed with beautiful, beige curtains dominated the far wall. Several exceptional abstract paintings adorned the walls.
Octavia tossed several of her half-finished music sheets onto the dresser and collapsed on the bed nearest to her, exhausted. After several seconds of the soft fluff of her pillow against her cheek, Octavia saw some of her papers hadn’t quite made it to the dresser. Not wanting to leave them on the floor, she slid out of the bed, picked them up, and set them back in their regular place with the others.
Right next to a picture of her and Vinyl.
It caught Octavia’s eye and she remembered. The photo had been taken a few months ago, on their Equestria tour, in front of the SugarCube Corner building in Ponyville. Octavia remembered their day there - a day filled with cake, candies, laughter… and Vinyl. Her so-called friend. The big letdown. The-
“Why do I keep thinking about Vinyl?!” Suddenly enraged at her own stupid mind, she swiped the picture from its frame, tore it in half, crumpled it up, and threw the half with Vinyl into the trash can, proceeding then to kick the thing across the room. It rolled into the far wall with a thud, its contents falling out along its path there.
Octavia breathed heavily for a few seconds, calming her anger and suppressing another fit of rage. She looked at the half of a photo in her hooves - her smiling face with her arm trailing off the jagged, newly torn edge. She slowly set it down on the dresser, resisting the urge to hurl that across at the wall as well. Ignoring the throbbing in her lower hoof (that trash can was harder than it looked), she walked over and lay down on her back on the soft, welcoming bed. She stared at the contours of the ceiling. It was roughly textured, a spontaneous display of bumpy paint hills. Possible lyrics for her next composition ran randomly through her mind. A potential chorus was presenting itself when Octavia heard the door creak open.
“Octavia?” A shy voice called in.
“Come on in,” Octavia called.
Derpy entered the room. Her mismatched eyes had a look of… distress in them.
“Is everything ok?” Octavia asked, quickly penning down the chorus idea on paper while she listened to her friend.
“Umm, it’s Vinyl,” Derpy reported.
Octavia stopped writing and scoffed. “I frankly don’t care about that no-show.”
“It’s important! She disappeared from the Neon Lights’s set while nopony was looking and now nopony can find her! They’re gonna officially declare her missing if she doesn’t show up in about an hour,” Derpy told her anxiously.
“Hmmph. I told you she was a no-show,” said Octavia, although this news of Vinyl missing did seem to worry her a little.
“Lyra and BonBon are really worried about her!”
“I still don’t care,” Octavia said. “She’s not my friend anymore, why don’t you take care of it?”
“Come on Octy! You don’t mean that!” Derpy was shocked. “Vinyl is still your friend, it’s not like she did anything wrong! She just didn’t show up at a few of your shows - what’s so bad about that?”
“Listen, Derpy.” Octavia was thinned out. “I don’t want to talk about Vinyl anymore, so please get out of my room.”
“But-”
“Get OUT!” Octavia shouted. Immediately she felt horrible. She hadn’t meant to shout at Derpy. But now the pegasus slunk out of Octavia’s room, head down, tail between her legs, golden eyes filled with tears. Before Octavia could say anything more Derpy was down the hall and back to the room she shared with Lyra and BonBon.
Great, Octavia thought, flopping back down on her bed for the third time that night. Now Derpy’s mad at me too! This was supposed to be the best night of my life. I should feel great right now, but… I feel horrible!
She turned her head and stared at the invitingly soft pillow at the head of the bed, pre-fluffed to her standards by the maids.
I’ll deal with Derpy in the morning, Octavia thought. Maybe by then she’ll have forgotten about all this Vinyl mess.
The grey mare untied the pink bow from around her neck and set it on her bedside table. She was much too exhausted to take a bath or anything before bed (plus it was already after midnight) so she quickly turned off the light, plopped down in the bed, pulled up the sheets, and closed her eyes.
She fell asleep before she knew anything more.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Octavia’s thoughts drifted aimlessly as she floated through blackness. She felt lightweight, and her stomach felt odd too. She suddenly realized she was falling. Panicked, she thrashed wildly around in midair.
Wait - I must be dreaming, Octavia thought. It felt quite real and vivid though. But how else could she be falling down a never-ending pit of blackness? She vaguely wondered if anything else was going to happen in this peculiar dream when suddenly a circle of light appeared below her. It became bigger and bigger. She was falling toward something - but what?
As the odd hole got clearer to her eyes, she could see the ground through it, as if it was some kind of portal. It was rushing up at her now, faster than a speeding wonderbolt-
Octavia squeezed her eyes shut and tensed her body, preparing for the pain of hitting the ground after falling for five minutes. Surprisingly, when she finally made contact with the ground, she felt nothing. Her body didn’t shatter into a million pieces either. In fact, she had landed as gracefully as a Pegasus touching down.
Reluctantly, Octavia opened one eye, then the other, and cautiously rose to her hooves. The room slowly came into focus. Octavia was astounded to see that she was surrounded by goodies of all kinds - cakes, cookies, candy, sugar pops, muffins, crystal cupcakes, and so many more brightly colored sweets that made the room she was in look almost like a rainbow. The place was mostly empty save for a few random ponies browsing here and there the diverse selection of items. She remembered this place vividly - Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville. But why had the dream brought her here?
As Octavia was walking slowly around the room, the door suddenly opened, the chime of a bell above it signaling an arriving customer. The two ponies she least expected to see walked in.
Vinyl Scratch and… herself.
Astounded, Octavia stared at herself. The other herself. Her eyes flicked around the room, searching for a spot to hide, but it was too late for that. Any second now her double and Vinyl would see her - and what then?
But to Octavia's surprise, the pair simply walked right past her, without even acknowledging her. It was as if… they could see her at all.
Ohhh, Octavia thought. They must not be able to see or hear me. This is a really weird dream, why am I dreaming about this?
Octavia wondered if she should try to wake herself up, but for some reason automatically dismissed the thought as it came to her. She was quite curious as to what her subconscious was telling her.
The other Octavia and Vinyl walked up to the checkout desk, where a blue pony with wavy pink mane was waiting for them.
“Why, hello!” she smiled at them. “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner.”
“Hey,” said Vinyl. “Could we get a box of twelve Crystal Cupcakes? I think we’ll start off with that.”
“Certainly!” said the blue pony. “I’ll go get some.”
Octavia remembered that moment! Vinyl and her on their tour. This had already happened. She remembered, Vinyl had wanted the sugar cookies, but Octavia didn’t - so Vinyl ordered Crystal Cupcakes, Octavia’s favorite, instead… just for her friend…
Octavia kept watching the scene play out as the blue pony returned with the Cupcakes.
“Here you are,” she said. “That’ll be ten bits.”
Vinyl dug the payment out of her bag. She had even paid for Octavia’s treat. The other Octavia smiled at Vinyl as she handed the bits to the blue pony. “Anything for a friend,” Vinyl said to the other Octavia as she took the cupcakes and the pair began to head back toward the door.
Octavia (the real one) was staring at her own face when the scene suddenly blurred and the image began to swirl. Surprised, Octavia stumbled back, but a new scene was already coming together, refocusing in. She was no longer in Sugarcube Corner, but where was she?
On a stage, she realized. In front of literally thousands of ponies. They were cheering their heads off, as different colored spotlights maneuvered over them and music played. Behind her, she saw, were herself and Vinyl again, playing their hearts out. The two both looked like they were having the times of their lives.
After a few seconds of Octavia watching in awe, the song ended with a short drum freestyle solo from Vinyl. The crowd went wild, jumping out of their seats to give them a standing ovation. Vinyl grinned. “Thank you, thank you, everypony!” she yelled over the ecstatic audience. “And thanks to my great friend, Octavia. I never could have done this without her.”
The real Octavia felt like she had been punched in the stomach. This was the same Vinyl whose heart she had broken tonight.
But she didn’t have any more time to think about it because the stage, the crowd, her and Vinyl were already swirling away again. But this time, Octavia didn’t transport to another place. Instead, scenes from her life began to play around her, closing in on her, enveloping her. The day she had met Vinyl in music kindergarten. The two as foals playing under a tree together. Vinyl bringing her coffee late in the night as she worked on a song. Her bringing Vinyl coffee. Them laughing together. Them crying together.
Octavia stared at the images. The memories. All the things she had done with Vinyl Scratch, even though they might be complete opposites in some ways. The circling screens began to get brighter and brighter, a rush of noise suddenly filling Octavia’s ears. It was as if somepony was shining hundreds of flashlights in her eyes now - she shielded them - what was going to happen?
Just as Octavia’s mind was about to be overloaded, the images exploded around her, showering her in a volley of white sparks. Octavia cautiously withdrew her hoof from her eyes. It was blackness all around her, save for the rapidly dying light of the grounded sparks. Wait - what was that? Octavia noticed a blurred shape about thirty paces away. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the darker light. Was it… a pony?
Yes, she realized. It’s… it’s Vinyl!
“Hey Octy,” Vinyl called to her in her familiar, tomboyish voice.
She can see me! Octavia was elated. “Vinyl! Look - about what I said - I didn’t mean -”
But Octavia never got to finish.
“Consider this friendship over!” Vinyl snarled in a frighteningly harsh voice, mimicking Octavia’s own words. She glared loathingly at Octavia, turned, and ran as fast as she could away from the grey mare.
“No! Vinyl!” Octavia tried to move, but her legs didn’t seem to work. She couldn’t chase after her, even as she struggled to. And Vinyl was getting farther and farther away.
“Vinyl! Wait! Come back!” Tears rolled down Octavia’s cheeks. There was nothing she could do. Nothing at all…
“Vinyl!” Octavia shrieked as she jolted awake. The image of the blue-haired pony dashing away left her vision as her quiet, dark hotel room slowly faded into view. The dresser, the window, the mirror - she was back in the real world. Octavia breathed heavily for a few minutes, then took a note of her current state. She noticed that she was tangled in her sheets and covered in sweat. Not to mention she was more than a little frightened of her recent dream. Vinyl. The topic of all of the previous night.
Octavia kicked off her covers and scrambled out of bed. She scanned the floor for a second, and quickly found what she was looking for. She snatched up Vinyl’s half of the torn photo off the carpet and stared at it in her shaking hooves. “Vinyl,” she whispered. “Oh no, what have I done?” And with that, Octavia dropped the photo again and broke down, sobbing loudly into her tangled sheets. She cried for her stupidity, for her broken friendship, for everything that had happened earlier. For Vinyl. Octavia didn’t usually cry, even when times were tough. When records weren’t selling, when gigs got cancelled, when she was talked about behind her back, she never shed a tear. But now, her best friend was gone, she had made the biggest mistake of her life, and she was crying her heart out.
Finally, when Octavia's sheet had more puddles than Canterlot on a rainy day, a touch of reason popped into her head. What am I doing here, just weeping to myself? I need to find Vinyl! I need to fix what I broke.
Rubbing her soaked cheeks, the grey mare sat up and grabbed her pink bow tie off her bedside table. After tying the knot flawlessly (even in this crazy hour, she could still tie a bow) she dashed for the door, a sudden rush of energy and determination to find Vinyl filling her body. But she wasn’t going to go out there searching alone. There were three other certain ponies she had in mind to accompany her.
After flying out the door, Octavia ran down the unlit hall to the next room down, promptly bursting loudly into her friends’ room.
“Lyra! BonBon! Derpy! Wake up!” she hissed.
“Wh-what?” grumbled Derpy, looking even more confused than she normally did.
“Dear, it’s not even five in the morning! What are you doing up so early?” exclaimed BonBon.
“Did you ponies hear anything about Vinyl yet?” Octavia asked anxiously.
“I thought you didn’t care about her anymore,” Derpy replied. “At least that’s what you said.” Octavia’s friends looked at her in surprise, waiting for a response.
“Look, I-” Octavia began. “I messed up. I never should have done that to Vinyl.” She felt tears welling up in her eyes again. Stay strong Octavia, she told herself. You won’t cry. You won’t.
Derpy smiled at her friend’s change of heart. Then quickly the expression faded. “Well, we listened to the radio almost all night, but nopony found her. Or any trace of her. We finally went to bed, thinking we should get some shut-eye.” Lyra and BonBon nodded in agreement. Derpy was now on the verge of tears at their failure.
“So… She’s still out there? She’s still missing?” Octavia inquired.
“Yeah,” Lyra sighed. “I hope we can…” she trailed off.
Octavia ran a hoof through her mane, exasperated. “This is all my fault. But I don’t have time to beat myself up on it.” She grabbed a map of Equestria off Lyra’s bedside table, which contained her Equestria Tour II itinerary. “Let’s see, if I was a heartbroken Vinyl Scratch, where would I go?”
The grey mare studied the map intently as her still-groggy friends crowded around, looking over her shoulder. But after studying the map for a few moments, she realized Canterlot was surrounded by places that Vinyl could have gone. She could be anywhere.
“It’s no use,” sighed Octavia. “There’s too many options.”
“Well,” Lyra began. “Personally, if I was her, I’d go to the Everfree Forest. I mean, it’s quiet and a good place to be alone.” She shrugged.
Octavia’s eyes widened. “Lyra…you’re a genius!”
“I am?” Lyra looked as surprised as a cornered parasprite. “I mean, I am!”
“That would be the perfect place for Vinyl to go! Just like you said, you can be alone out there, plus it’s close to Neon Lights’s studio!”
“But isn’t the Everfree Forest dangerous?” BonBon looked alarmed. “Like, with timberwolves and Poison Joke and stuff like that?”
“Oh, Celestia, no! You’re right! Vinyl could be in real trouble!” A list of all the terrible things that could happen to the poor, defenseless DJ ran through Octavia’s mind. “We have to go find her now!”
“But Octavia!” cried Derpy. “The Everfree Forest is huge! How are we ever gonna find Vinyl in there? It’s hopeless.” Tears leaked through her mismatched eyes.
Octavia put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “We will find Vinyl. No matter how long it takes, we will find her. Because you guys - and her - are my family. And family… is all that matters.”
Everypony stood silent for a moment, absorbing her words.
“Jeez, Tavi, that’s deep,” Lyra said.
“But she’s right,” Derpy beamed. “Who’s with us? Let’s find Vinyl!”
“Yeah! What are we waiting for?” BonBon piped up. “Let’s go!”
The four of them quickly packed a few saddlebags of requirements. They were faster than Octavia on the day she had had to visit three cities in five hours. Not wanting to waste any time at all, the four of them headed out into one of the most dangerous places in Equestria in the middle of the night to find their friend.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Vinyl Scratch was lost. Soooo lost. She was beginning to wish she’d at least left a trail of some kind to find her way back to civilization. But she’d been so heartbroken, so wrecked, that she hadn’t been thinking and now the only thing denser than the menacing trees that surrounded her was the eerie silence that flooded the forest. Several times before she could swear she had heard somepony following her. But when she turned around and scanned the groves she proved to be the only pony around. Or so she thought.
How could Octavia do this to me? The notion had been on her mind all night. It’s not like I did something terrible - I just missed a few of her shows! She kicked a rock out of her way as she walked. Well, maybe I did do something terrible – terrible enough for Octavia to denounce me as her friend! Now she had gotten to the place where she usually broke down and wept. But now she felt too empty of tears to cry. Too exhausted to cry.
I’m so tired. It’s been a long day, and I’ve been walking all night. Previously, she had been too scared to lie down and sleep in this creepy forest for fear that something might jump out at her. Now she felt too worn down to care. She dropped to the ground where she was standing and nestled her head on a large rock. Not exactly the silk pillows like at home. She closed her heavy eyelids, mentally blocking out the looming trees and bushes around her. The rock suddenly seemed very comfortable and the grass quite inviting. It wasn’t long before Vinyl was fast asleep in one of the most dangerous places in Equestria.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Vinyl woke up to the sound of a stick snapping. She sat up groggily, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She stared through the treetops at the sky far above. Great, it was still nighttime.
Oh right - what was that sound? She scanned her surrounding slowly and carefully, but there didn’t seem to be anypony around.
Then she heard it again. The same sound. I’m not alone.
Vinyl’s heart pounded in her throat. Sweat ran down her face. “Who’s out there?”
She heard a low growl and her heart skipped two beats. Not a pony. Definitely not a pony.
A pair of twin green eyes emerged from the brush. Then a snout, a face. A body. Wooden looking and more menacing than anything else in this forest.
Timberwolves. At least a dozen of them. They had tactically surrounded her and were closing in, hideous drool oozing from their hungry, razor clad mouths. Their eyes were like green flashlights in the dark.
Vinyl was backed against the rock she had been sleeping on just moments ago. She stared at her attackers. Is this how it all ends? The world-famous DJ PON3, heartbroken by her friend and eaten by timberwolves in the middle of the Everfree forest?
The Timberwolves were only a few feet from her now, ready to lunge. Vinyl squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the pain of the sharp wooden teeth sinking into her…
But instead, a shout rang out. “Get away from her!” Vinyl’s eyes flashed open just in time to see Octavia hurling a rock at the nearest timberwolf, Lyra, Derpy, and BonBon right behind her, shouting and jeering at the pack of attackers. The DJ was so surprised that she nearly fainted on the spot. What in Equestria are they doing here?
The timberwolves lost interest in Vinyl and began to advance on Octavia. The mares were armed with rocks and sticks but they were no match for twelve timberwolves. Vinyl watched a scared look seep into their eyes. They were greatly outnumbered.
“What are we gonna do?” the DJ heard Derpy cry.
“There’s too many!” yelled Lyra.
Octavia set her stones on the ground. “Stand back.”
“What are you doing?” BonBon inquired as she and the others scuffled back.
Not taking her eyes of the timberwolves, Octavia pulled a violin out of her saddlebag. It was brown and polished extravagantly. Vinyl remembered Octavia had played it in several performances. Is she gonna throw it at them?
Vinyl was wrong. To everypony’s surprise, Octavia began to play the instrument. It wafted out an energetic, jumpy tune with a lot of high notes. The timberwolves stopped advancing and starting backing away. They pawed at their ears as if the music was physically hurting them. Vinyl watched as they backed past her, not even acknowledging her presence there. Finally, the leader rounded up his pack and they dashed away into the forest. Octavia came to the end of the song and stopped playing. The last note rang through the forest, echoing off the trees. She silently placed the violin back in her saddlebag and looked up at Vinyl. Then she ran to her friend and hugged her tightly. It was the first warmth Vinyl had felt in a while.
“You… you came back for me,” Vinyl whispered.
“I’ll always come back for you.” Octavia was crying. She pulled back to look the DJ in the eye. “Vinyl, I’m so sorr-”
“It’s okay. I don’t need your sorry, Octy.” Vinyl smiled at her. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and you always will be. We just… couldn’t see it clearly last night.”
“Great, now you’re gonna make me cry again,” Octavia burst into tears and embraced Vinyl once more. Vinyl patted her friend gently on her back, looking over her shoulder at the rest of her friends who were wiping tears out of their eyes, trying to look nonchalant about it. The sun was rising over the forest too, flooding it with bright streams of daylight. Everything was going to be okay again.
“Hey Octy?”
“Hmm?” Octavia sniffled.
“How’s about that restaurant you wanted to go to? I’m kinda hungry.”
“As long as they serve muffins!” Derpy called over.
Vinyl grinned. “Are you kidding? It’s called ‘The Muffin Pony’.”
“Okay by me then!” Derpy beamed.
Octavia chuckled. “Okay.” she loosened her embrace, stepped back, and held out her hoof to Vinyl. “Ready to get out of here?”
“Sure am,” Vinyl told her. “Never been more ready. Let’s go.”
And with that, the five friends walked into the trees, their lives finally sealed back together again. Because, as Octavia realized, you can always fix what you break.
Hmm, wouldn’t that make a good song?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It's an interesting premise, but the formatting needs a lot of work. Generally, thoughts and internal monologue are portrayed by italics, so it'd look like:
Great, Octavia thought, now Derpy's mad at me too!
As well, spaces between paragraphs are generally necessary for ease of reading. Paragraph indenting is generally done too, but that's more design choice than anything. I also saw a few areas where the narrative could be changed/improved for a far better flow.
Overall, not bad. The resolution was satisfying (actual threat necessitating comradery and not just 'lolokeywerefriendsagain') After some aesthetic fixing up, I'd have no problems recommending it to friends.
2501389
Thanks! I know the formatting stinks, apparently none of the italics and stuff copied over from Microsoft Word T_T But I'm gonna edit it ASAP so it'll look better soon.
2501389
Okay, all fixed up! :D Hopefully that's better now.
2501476 Ahh that is far better! Instead of Microsoft Word, have you contemplated using GoogleDocs? Or was this simply a case of "offline writing"?
2501493
Maybe I should have done it in GoogleDocs, but I've never actually used that before. Maybe next time :)
....would have been better with the start of a ship...
NAH, that's just me being nitpicking
Great story, now I can finally listen to that song without crying
i'll just visualize that fic after ward, letting me know it all ends well
Pretty good! I arrived here after all that editing so it looks good to me!!
2501979
Thanks! Glad you liked it!
I'm going to be really nit-picky about this. It's a gem in the Vinyl and Octavia univers, but it just needs a bit of polish and I just want it to be at its best.
You don't need the "the" in "the Neon Lights' set" Neon is a pony. It's should be "She disappeared from Neon Lights' set..."
and "not anypony" should be "nopony". It's like saying now not anyone. It sounds wrong, and it is wrong.
I know it's a dream, and dreams are usually nonsensical, but Octavia is a very thoughtful pony. It seems like you're making her thought process be "
Hmm... I'm dreaming. Should I wake up? 
LOL NOPE" Give her a reason. Does she want to see the dream? Is she curious about what her subconscious is telling her? Does she just want to see Vinyl again, even though she's mad at her?
Sounds odd, in a ye-olde Engish way, if you say it out loud. Maybe "she never shed a tear" would be better?
Tact is a way of avoiding offense. For example, Octavia wasn't very tactful when she yelled at Derpy. Tactically is the word you're looking for.
In my opinion Timberwolves (and Pegasus, which you used earlier) are common nouns. You don't write out cat or dog with capital letters because they aren't proper nouns, just common ones. Timberwolves (and Pegasus, since you're referring to an individual one rather than the race as a whole) should probably be lowercase.
All of these are fine. Minor details that are easily dismissed. But THIS. THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE.
Here is octavia: images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120921062516/mlp/images/9/96/Octavia_S1E26.png
A grey pony with a black (some would say charcoal) mane and purple eyes. The wiki calls them "goldish-grey," "dark grey" and "mulberry" respectively. Now, here is your description of her:
So something like this: images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110419181219/mlp/images/c/ca/Sharpener.PNG
Aaaanyway...
UNACCEPTABLE.
I just can't...there are no words for how I feel.
Complete about-face now,
I loved this story. The video, when I first watched/listened to it, immediately made me wonder what happened after, and that someone would write a fic about the events that happened. Thankfully you have granted that wish.
That made me laugh. I almost feel like that one line is worth a comedy tag, but it's probably not, since this is a sadfic.
I thought it was a great story, and I hope you write more.
Random note: Why do they all live together? Why are five adults living in a house/apartment with only two bedrooms? If it was a matter of distance for Octavia to cover in the story, they could have been neighbors, or lived in the same building, but the same house?
2506558
Thanks for the comment! :D
I apprecitate you correcting my grammar fails. About Octy's appearance, when writing the fic I did look at some pictures of her to get a good description. And in them she looked brown and her eyes were brown! But I'll fix them, because as I look on Google Images, her eyes are purple. My bad
That was a pretty great read. I gave the song a listen too, I can see why you were inspired to write this. Goddamn, if you didn't, I would have!
It seems a bit too fast-paced in places, especially the dialogue between Derpy, Lyra, Bon Bon, and Octavia at the hotel. But other than that and Octavia's fairly extreme lucid dreaming being a little hard of a pill to swallow, this was a really enjoyable read!
EDIT: I would have liked to see a little more of Octavia's inner pain and descriptions on how she was feeling, but it wasn't a requirement for a great fic that this already is.
2510926
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the construsctive comment!
This was a great story, I enjoyed it.
Not a bad one-shot. It went a little quickly, with the forest scene zooming by before I realized it. Still a nice little tale, though.
This was a great little story to read. It didn't quite bite at my heart like I was expecting it to. I felt that the emotions were portrayed extremely well. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep up the excellent writing!
2559241
Thanks so much!
Glad you liked it!
I did a few minor touch-ups to the story because I'm seriously considering submitting it to Equestria Daily and I want it to look it's best!
Nothing really major at all changed though.
2506558
Wow, I just reread the last part of your comment and realized I forgot to explain the last part! Agh, I meant to do that.
Anyway, they're not living in an apartment or house, it's a hotel they're staying at. I did mention it but only once:
Well, you asked me to review your story so here I go.
I really liked this story. It manged to hold my attention which is a difficult and crucial thing to pull off as a writer. So, kudos to you for pulling it off. Another good thing about this story is that you did amazing characterization on all the characters except Vinyl. All of them felt like a unique and diverse character. As for Vinyl, she felt kind of generic to me, but other that, very good job with the characterization. The story was quite good as well and the dream scene was a good choice and helped give more emotions to Octavia. But I feel that this story could be better if you slowed down a bit and put a bit more detail into some scenes. Details are very important when writing and can help the reader picture the story better in their head. This goes for pacing as well.
Overall, it was a good story and was probably the best fanfiction inspired by "I Am Octavia" I have ever read.
7.4 Stars out of Ten.
You asked for feedback, so here we go:
Vinyl curtains? Don't you mean velvet or velour?
The only other fault I could find with this story is a pet peeve of mine: Octavia phoned Vinyl to break up with her and in my headcanon that is too advanced tech for the MLP-universe.
Except for that this story is A-okay in pacing, characters and overall execution. Well done!
Getting ready to start my review of this one, amd I'm glad I saved it for last. I haven't opened it yet, but already it seems much more promising.
The only quibble I really have about the description is the link.
1: linkify it as an actual working link -- fimfic allows this, so it's lazy not to
2: title the link with the name of the video, not the garble of the url
It's pne of the first things people see when they look at your story -- Make it look clean and professional; how much effort you put into your description will be taken as an early indicator of how much effort you put into your story
Chapter 1
--vinyl curtains belong in shoers, not theaters
--"Several exceptional abstract paintings were hung along the walls." sinc this fic is muh better, I can be free with more advanced advice. In this sentence, the 'were' is unnecessary; 'hung along' on its own is stronger and more vivid. 'Adorned' is another good alternative toconsider.
--I'm not a fan of intricate dream scenes... particularly ones where characters know they're dreaming.
--"VINYL!!!!!" this is excessive. The allcaps is acceptable as long as it is extremely rare, but never use a total of more than 3 punctuatin marks. Never. And don't combine multiple !'s with caps lock; it's too much.
--"Octavia put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “We will find Vinyl. No matter how long it takes, we will find her. Because you guys – and her – are my family. And family… is all that matters.”
Everypony stood silent for a moment, absorbing her words.
“Jeez, Tavi, that’s deep,” Lyra said."
A bit cheezy... try for more originality in your sentimentality.
--"you can always fix what you break." as a moral of the story, that falls a bit flat; sometimes you can't fix what you break
Overall, nice cute story, though hardly as sad as I expected from the tag.
I'm glad I was able to end on a high note though -- this one really is a good story.
A tad simplistic in plot, but not overly, and I thought the dream sequence overdone, but still good. I think I even detected the signs of a defined and expressed theme running through it.
Good work.
2641381
Thanks, glad you liked it!
Thanks for the in-depth review too.
I kept meaning to give this a read, after all the help you gave me with Constellations it's the least I could do.
Anyway, this was a first for me in reading this, as I never read a story on here without the mane 6 in some way. Also, I'm not really that knowledgeable when it comes to the background cast like Lyra, Octavia, and such, so I wasn't really sure on how their personalities are.
Overall though I did enjoy the premise of the story, and also how it played out. Octavia's emotions throughout the story were done very well, and the story had a good structure with a logical end.
My only major gripe really is that the whole thing seemed somewhat rushed. I could imagine this being a 3 or 4 chapter story and working out much better if so. Like the dream sequence and realization could have been much longer and more in-depth than it was, even though I did really like that section already. Just my two cents.
All in all, nice work! You get a fav, like, and a follow!