CANCELLED
Spark, a Pegasus, is not content to live a life up in the clouds. He is fascinated by stories he was told since his youth about a time when Equestria had order and is determined to find out what happened to this peace. This takes place long before the adventures of the 6 ponies we have come to know and love, back when the world suffered from lack of order and chaos. Original image crudely Photoshoped by me. NOTE: This story is going to be rewritten later/eventually. I plan to finish FoE:P before I start remaking this one, but be assured! I'll be back...
Chapters (5)
Not bad. Your prose flows quite smoothly and reads very nicely. Your character "Spark" does not come off as a Mary Sue - yet. The story seems to be coming along nicely. There are a few bits and pieces of grammatical error here and there, but it's pretty good.
I'll give you three stars for now as there isn't too much to it yet and it hasn't yet made me sit and go "Wow!" Once the action picks up, I might decide to bump up my rating. Looking forward to it!
EDIT: Never mind, due to this new system I can't change my rating.
I was attracted to this story because of the picture. OP, I am disapoint.
224104
I am kind of new to this and am glad you brought up the Mary Sue point. I need to keep an eye out for that. Thanks
226702
Any time.
I realy liked the part at the beginning about having friends. You explained it in words that were really deep and in an interesting way.
However, there is one major problem with this section. Unlike you other two chapters, this one had multiple spelling and grammar mistakes. Just take another read-through and it will be fne.
That being said, it is still an interesting story and I can't wait for more.
~fiendofthet - author of Fallout Equestria: The Dreamer
Good chapter. I really liked the part where the miners went insane.
Keep up the good work.
313499
It is quite fun working with insane people trapped together.