- - - - -

I approached the Fantasy Island sim, hands in my pockets. I stopped short, and raised my hand up briefly. It shook, and I withdrew it.

"Problem, Captain Monkeyshines?" Asked Discord. I started, and looked over my shoulder at the chaos god. I shrugged.

"Yeah..." I looked back at the field, at my subtle reflection in it. "Nightmares..."

"Hm..." Discord looked up at the star lit night with a nod. "I guessed that..." He chuckled. "So... What do you want to know?"

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Shepherd: "Hey Twilight. I'm off to Canterlot!"

Twilight: "Oh? What's the occasion? Didn't you just get done with one of your meetings with the Defense Council?"

Shepherd: "Oh, no. That snoozefest is over for another month. I'm off to help the Princesses with Luna's therapy."

Twilight: "Princess Luna's therapy?"

Shepherd: nods "Yeah! Apparently I'm pretty good at massages and touch therapy is really helpful for someone who spent a thousand years in isolation."

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- - - - - -

"Ah, this is perfect," Twilight said softly, as we gazed up at the sky. The night had fallen, and I had a cup of hot cocoa in my hands. I smiled and looked over at her.

"It is, huh?" I said. "Just us... And the stars above."

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*At a special ceremony in Canterlot... Andrew stands nervously. Rarity fusses over his outfit while the other Mares wait with smiles*

Twilight: This is so incredible! Actually being awarded by the Princess herself! I'm so excited!

Pinkie: Me too! Do you think the medal will be made of chocolate?

Twilight: Wha-Why would it be made of chocolate?

Pinkie: Because that would be awesome! AND delicious!

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After Fluttershy reforms Discord she ascends to alicornhood: Much to her and everyone else's surprise...

Shepherd: "Woah! That's amazing!"

Fluttershy: "O-Oh my..."

Twilight: *Hugs her with a smile* "Wow! Great work, Fluttershy! Welcome to the ranks of royalty!"

Shepherd: "Will she need her own castle?"

Fluttershy: "I-I hope not..."

Rainbow Dash: "So... Every pony who's ever slept with Shepherd has ascended to alicornhood, huh?

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They are officially a reboot of "Hands" at this point. Some aspects of the original will make their way in, but now I have the experience to make it all come together better.

I hope...

It's been about a week, and the soft judges' busy hands have finally selected the winners of the Soft Hands Inaugural Fanfiction Contest! Each story was graded on a ten-point scale, with 5 points awarded for story and 5 for prompt usage. Judges could also award a single extra point to any stories they wished. Thus, each story had a maximum total score of 33 points. Ranking by score determined the winners!

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Best utilized shortly after washing hands. Enjoyed commonly in classrooms, and occasionally during dinner.

I, however, happen to just have randomly put my hands together for no reason, and remembered handfarts. As common knowledge would predict, the next minute was filled with the golden sound of imitated farts.

Twilight sighed. She'd escaped from her friends due to them bringing up... Their romantic adventures and experiences. Particularly the naughty bits. Things she had no experience with.

Twilight: "I think my problem is that I just don't have any first hoof experience. Hmmm... I know!"

Shepherd the human was enjoying a day off... When Twilight teleported in above him

Twilight: "SHEPHERD!"

Shepherd: "Oh, hello Twilight."

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I'm hanging out with Flutterpriest and helping him with his AMA and Fallout 4 play. You can hear me speak and probably yell at him and stuff.

Come by, say hi, harass him, ask office love when.

http://www.twitch.tv/flutterpriest

Also...yay new story.

-Pencil

Buttons is an artist on Tumblr who is in a bit of financial problem, due to having no job. Until they can get one, they need some money to help them make ends meet. Buttons is very talented and more details for her Kofi are down below;

https://www.ko-fi.com/Z8Z8BTBK

If you can’t donate, that’s fine, all I ask is you share this to give them a helping hand.

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/869625/im-finally-asking-for-help

While I cannot donate money, I am making people aware of Diva's situation. If there's anything you all can do...

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Back in the human archives, Shepherd is once again going around and checking vaults. Twilight Sparkle is trotting alongside him.

Twilight: "Okay... So that ghost was a bit troublesome. But that doesn't mean every human artifact is going to be trouble! That's statistically improbable!"

Shepherd: "I don't know why, but being human might just throw it all off."

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After Twilight and Shepherd get their heartbeats to a normal rate...

Pinkie: "So wait, ponies and humans have mixed DNA? Hmmm! I guess that might explain why we went from this," suddenly resembles a G1 pony, "to this!" Resembles a G3 Pony "And finally this!" Back to normal!

Shepherd: "For the love of God, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. EVER."

Pinkie: "Sorry!"

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Twilight: "Oh my! A letter from Princess Celestia?! What could it be?"

Letter: "Dear Twilight Sparkle, you should be more aggressive with Shepherd. Here is what you need to do..."

Shepherd goes back to his home after the cake heist. He sighs as he heads into the living room.

Shepherd: "Geez... I got played by Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash! That's like Spock getting outwitted by a tribble."

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Shepherd: *Yawning, relaxing, reading a book* "Haaa... What a beautiful day..."

The Mane Six minus Twilight gallop up to him.

All: "SHEPHERD!"

Shepherd: "Hm? What is it, girls? Something wrong?"

Dash: "We need a temporary leader while Twilight's at the Crystal Empire-!"

Applejack: "But we're all votin' for ourselves-"

Rarity: "And we need you to break the tie!"

Pinkie: "Yeah!"

Fluttershy: "Um, if that's okay? I don't really want to be leader-"

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During the Dragon Lord incident, Twilight is freaking out that Garble has the Dragon Staff. Shepherd... Is unconcerned.

Twilight: "But don't you get it, Shepherd?! He's going to declare war!"

Shepherd: "On Equestria."

Twilight: "YES! A whole war with the dragons!"

Shepherd: "I wouldn't worry too much about it."

Twilight: "WHAT?! WHY NOT?!"

Shepherd: "I sent a letter to Princess Celestia about the situation. She's got it well in hand-I mean hoof."

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Shepherd is held in chains in front of Celestia in an Equestrian court.

Celestia: "Andrew Shepherd! You stand accused of breaking hearts and leading on many needy mares!"

Shepherd: "Wha-That's a crime?!"

Celestia: "IT IS NOW!"

Luna: "HEAR HEAR!"

Fluttershy: "YEAH! I-I mean, um... yeah!"

Applejack: "Ya man whore!"

Dash: "Oblivious stallion!"

Celestia: "I find you... Guilty on all charges!"

Pinkie: The lawyer "I can't believe we lost!"

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Next they come across some timberwolves, that are blocking the only way across a river.

Shepherd: "Hmm... We need to get past them, but how?"

Shining: "Fighting them would just draw more of them down on us, so we need a way to distract them."

Shining was already plotting.

Shepherd: "Yeah but how?"

Shining shoves Shepherd into the open with his telekinesis. The timberwolves all look hungrily at the human as he hangs from the smug Shining's hoof via chains.

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Shepherd is aroused in the middle of the night by loud talking outside his window. He slowly goes to the window, and groans. He opens it, and glares at Lyra, who is standing outside his house in a suit while a film crew records her.

Shepherd: "I swear to God Lyr-"

Lyra: "Welcome, my viewers! Once again, I will be discussing: The Unidentified Hominid-shaped Object and Human Abduction Conspiracy Theory!"

Shepherd: "I'm not unidentified! You know me!"

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