Short Hand: A Common Reference 1 · 3:53am Jan 14th, 2021
Twilight sighed. She'd escaped from her friends due to them bringing up... Their romantic adventures and experiences. Particularly the naughty bits. Things she had no experience with.
Twilight: "I think my problem is that I just don't have any first hoof experience. Hmmm... I know!"
Shepherd the human was enjoying a day off... When Twilight teleported in above him
Twilight: "SHEPHERD!"
Shepherd: "Oh, hello Twilight."
Catches her and sets her down on his couch. He'd gotten used to her barging into his house... Though he was still annoyed she hadn't knocked first.
As he repeatedly told her to.
Shepherd: "Too excited to knock, again?"
Twilight: "Oh... Ah, sorry. I really sometimes forget, I really-Um, yes. Um... How are you?"
Shepherd: "I'm fine, Twilight. I was just doing some reading. What's up?"
Twilight: "Well..." Shifts on the couch "It's a rather personal matter. And honestly I'm not sure I can bring it up with anypony else without them... Getting the wrong idea."
Shepherd: "Uh huh?"
Twilight: "Do you ever... Have you ever been part of a group talking about something you yourself have no experience in, and you just smiled and nodded and waited for the subject to change?"
Shepherd: "More than I'd like to admit."
Twilight: "Oh! So humans do that too! That's fascinating! Um... Well, I'm facing a similar issue and frankly I don't think I can talk with my friends about it. I mean, my non-alien friends."
Shepherd: "Uh huh..."
Twilight: "... You do have experience with... Romance, yes?"
Shepherd: "Yeah! Of course."
Twilight: "Oh good! Good... Ahem. I don't. At all."
Shepherd considers making a snarky quip or being sensitive. He decides on sensitive... Mostly.
Shepherd: "... I'm not surprised."
Twilight: "I... Yeah. I was very hyperfocused and antisocial and... So on. But I want to change that. And part of life, and friendship, is romance. So... I need some experience. A reference point."
Shepherd: "So how can I help you, then?"
Twilight: "... I want to have sex with you."
Well good thing he wasn't drinking anything. Shepherd let that one hang in the air for a minute.
Shepherd: "Sex... with me?"
Twilight: "W-Well, I mean... We get to that part after a date and so on!" Blushing furiously "I mean... I have a pony to human spell. You're a human. It lets me have a reference point for romance and we both learn more and uh... I learn more about friendship... And you get... I mean... Basically... Me. However you want, since I don't know what I'm doing and I trust you."
Shepherd: Stares
Twilight: "... That was unbelievably awkward, wasn't it?"
Shepherd: A blush creeping on his own face. "Uh... yeah, just a little..."
Twilight: "It's just... I hate having to be the only one without any experience, you know? It's so frustrating! And you know, I do trust you. You are very no nonsense. And um, it would be helping you too... I mean you don't have to do anything! And uh... I mean, it's not that I don't... Like you. I actually do. A lot. I don't know if it's actual romance... But that's the thing, right? I don't know. I'm totally blind here."
Shepherd: "I'm pretty blind here, too."
Twilight: sigh "Hang on..."
She glows... And is now in human form, though with wings and a horn... And no clothes.
Twilight: "Ha! Okay! Um, ahem. Does this make things less awkward?" Smiles "For you?"
Shepherd: Staring at Twilight's body, a little wide-eyed. "Uhh... yes and no?"
Twilight, as subtle as a brick through a window.
Nigh-infinite power, all the social skills of a box.
“Twilight, I’m not gonna...”
“I have a spell that can turn me human.”
“...bitchin’. Do it up.”
Shepherd tries to hide his anticipation but the caveman part of his brain keeps chanting “woman, woman, woman.”
A blinding flash and Shepherd comes face to face with himself. A purple, naked himself.
“...nevermind, Twi, please change back.”
“What? I’m human.”
“No. You are me.”
“Well I don’t have a template for a female human. We can make do...”
“I’m not gay. I’m not a narcissist. And despite what you hear, I am not crying.” He proceeds to curl up into a ball and cries.
Ah, Purple Smart...sometimes you make me wonder if that's an appropriate nickname...
5435580
There's a reason intelligence and wisdom are seperate stats.
Well, her heart's in the right place. You can tell because she didn't pass out after the transmutation.
-_- (the lack of Luna tells me that the emoticon set was chosen before humans became canon): Yeah, I'm imagining trying to explain a naked woman in my house back home, and your actual motive for being there isn't helping.
Adorkable Twilight is adorkable. Her awkward confession would melt me before anything else and I'd definitely want to take her on a date first.
5435551
But it's such a cute box!
5436088
Not denying she's a cutie, but she needs some serious real life experience, there's only so much one can learn from a book.
I'm surprised that the conversation didn't go down like this:
Twilight: I want you to take your phallus and insert it into my vulva. Then I want you to thrust your pelvis forward with rapid repetition with the force of 15,000 joules until your gametes travel down your seminal vesicles until they mix with your prostate fluid, then continue up your urethra and enter into my uterus, where after three days of them traveling up said uterus and into my fallopian tubes, they encounter my egg cell. When your gametes encounter my egg cell, they completely surround it and for the next 3-12 hours they dissolve the outer layers until one successfully enters the nucleus, where it delivers your genetic material, where upon doing so, it becomes a zygote.
Shepard: I didn't realize there was a way anyone could make that sound purely analytical and not dirty at all.
Your craft of the "cute stammer" is on point as always.
(... I'm actually more concerned that Twilight is confusing romance and sex than I am that she's propositioning Shepherd.)