Zero Punctuation Reviews 316 members · 209 stories
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Dark Avenger
Group Admin

NOTE: when leaving a comment, pretty please use the "reply" feature! Thank you.


Hello there! This is the thread where you may submit a story for our group to review. Before you do, however, please read the following rules first:

1) Only one (1) story per author is permitted in the queue.

2) You may submit other authors' stories, but only if you have their permission.

3) The story needs to have received proper editing. While we do not ask for perfection, a story with really poor grammar and whatnot can benefit very little from a ZP review. There are plenty of groups out there dedicated to helping with proofreading and editing. Please visit them first. If we find that you did not, we may reject the story.

4) Please provide a short summary of why we should review your fic. No need to write a novel, just a few of your thoughts on why our style might be what the story needs. "Wanting a good laugh", or even "I want an extra comment" as a reason is fine as long as you ask for it properly.

5) By submitting the story, you declare your consent to any verbal war crimes that we may commit. No refunds. :trollestia:

That said, here's the template:

Story name:

Link to story:

Author:

Word count:

Genre:

Type: (i.e one-shot, multi-chapter, etc.)

Short summary:

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: (Y/N)

Why it should get a ZP review: (as described in the rules above)

EDIT: optionally, you may specify which reviewer you would like to take a look at your story, though I must mention that only the "review for a review" system guarantees that they will accept it. Otherwise, they may choose not to do the review, especially if they already have a large backlog.

Story name: Applied Starlight
Link: Applied Starlight
Author: Unknownlight
Word count: 28,000
Genre: Mind screw
Type: Multi-chapter
Short summary:

A pony wakes up in an empty void and discovers that it is infinitely malleable to her whims and desires.
A loving tribute to pretentious, incomprehensible mind screws.
EQD tags: Twlight becomes God. Sort of.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yes
Why it should get a ZP review:

If the question is "Why does the story deserve to get a Zero Punctuation review?", then I'm not entirely sure. Potentially, the story is weird and layered and stupid enough to give a lot of material for any reviewer to analyze/make fun of it, but it's also so weird and layered and stupid that a reviewer might have no idea what to even talk about by the end of it. Both reactions have happened before, so it's a toss up. The story's designed to screw with your head—some people have highly enjoyed it, and others have found it infuriatingly pretentious and dumb, and I understand both views. Anyone trying to emulate Yahtzee will probably lean on the side of the story being infuriatingly pretentious and anticlimactic, so I expect a pretty fun review.

As for why I want to get a ZP review, it's because Zero Punctuation is awesome and I love Yahtzee. Getting this story reviewed in his style sounds really fun. Again, I'm not sure if my story is really the best kind of story to get a really funny ZP-style review out of, but it's the only MLP fanfic I've written so far so it'll have to do.

Thanks!

Story name: Equestria's New Nightmare

Link to story: Site rules prevent linking to a mature story in a forum post.

Author: Me, Voldine

Word count: Currently: 15,000 published. (Not yet complete. I realize this may disqualify it.)

Genre: Slasher movie crossover.

Type: Ongoing multi-chapter

Short summary: A mysterious death prompts Princess Luna to place the guard on high alert for similar incidents while also sending out ads to recruit ponies with dream and sleep-related talents. Meanwhile, in Ponyville, two familiar fillies are attacked by the responsible entity. Only one survives.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Proofread: Yes. Edited: No. I do pride myself on having a firm grasp of the rules of the English language though. I plan on having an editor look through the story as a whole once it is complete to see if there is anything that can still be removed without adversely impacting the narrative.

Why it should get a ZP review: I need some kind of actual feedback. I have gotten roughly three comments about the story itself and all the rest are seemingly random gibberish, or my responses. A harsh critique of the flaws that exist, or possibly a pinch of praise for actually doing something good that isn't just my own ego telling me so. Either of those would be a great boon so that I know what I'm doing right, and what can be improved upon.

Also I've been a fan of Mr. Croshaw for years. Something in his style would make me laugh even if it was justifiably ripping my work apart.

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

3989549
3990708

Many thanks to both of you for being the first to use the new system, and especially for using it in a proper manner on the first go. :twilightsmile:

I'm going to take on "Applied Starlight" right away. The others have yet to finish their pending reviews (either that, or they forgot to remove them from the folder :trixieshiftright: ), but I'll ask them to monitor this thread from now on. :raritywink:

Also: please use the "reply" feature!

3991130 I knew I forgot something! Might want to make note of the fact that all submissions should hit reply to be noticed faster.

Ye gods I feel stupid for not thinking of that.

3991130 Sweet. Looking forward to it! :twilightsmile:

twitterdick
Group Admin

3990708
I'll take this one. Give me about a week. I'll keep you updated by PM. Oh, and I accept cash bribes and human sacrifices. Muahaha.

3957864 Story name: Princess of Friendship
Link to story: Link
Author: Bad Dragon
Word count: 5,368
Genre: Tragedy
Type: Two chapters (it started as a one-shot, but the first chapter got added latter)
Short summary: After Twilight’s stream of successes, she’s confident that nothing can go wrong. Is she due for a lesson?
Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: (Y/N) Yes. I must have self-edited it like 100 times, used spell-check tools and had others edit it.
Why it should get a ZP review: It's my favorite story. Of all the stories I have, this is the one I wish to be perfect. I did what I could, but I'm blind to many of my own mistakes. I can only fix it so much. After that point on, I need outside help. I need the help of this group. Either to confirm that it's grammatically perfect or to tell me where I suck.

3992105 I appear to be fresh out of humans to sacrifice. I can make offerings of Branston Pickle and Cadbury Creme Eggs though. No, not the combined type.

Arbarano
Group Admin

3995193

Since I can no longer trawl through the archive to select a story that will allow me to stay in the group, I'll take this one as pennance :raritywink:

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4005460

I may have forgotten to mention: your backlogs come first. If you still had a story left from the old folder, finish that one first, then start taking them from the new place. :raritywink:

Arbarano
Group Admin

4009217

No, you did mention it :twilightsheepish: I was talking about selecting a story from the group backlog after the new system came into being.

Unfortunately, the new way does leave the group's collective backlog in a bit of a dead-zone. It needs to be cleared, but I doubt that many of the authors who submitted their work weeks and weeks and months and months ago will be bothered enough to post on this thread. :twilightoops:

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4010675

The boss be taking care of that. Also, since it offers them a chance to get ahead of the line, I think some would go for it... :ajsmug:

3957864
Resubmitting mine from the Queue

Story name: Dreamscape
Link to story: Dreamscape
Author: Myself, Flutterpriest
Word count: 10,984
Genre: Action-Comedy with a dash of Romance
Type: One-Shot
Short summary: Luna challenges Anon to a battle of the minds. The Battlefield: His Dreams.
Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yes

Why it should get a ZP review: I've been a big fan of Zero Punctuation for a long time. The reason why I've been a fan is because Yhatzee has the knack of doing, in addition to having fantastic wit and general cleverness, is saying the hard things that need to be said that other reviewers may not have the guts to say. Some reviewers may just say "Oh, well this game is really good and probably one of the best I've seen in a long time. 9/10." However, Yhatzee would break the game down and truly analyze it at it's core.

It's this aspect of reviewing that I feel is lacking on this website at times.

People will go into the comment section and say "Oh! This was awesome!" or "Oh man! I'm crying from all the feels." Perhaps I'm a minority, but I feel that this sort of praise slowly becomes... unhelpful. Yes it gives a small ego boost, however, it's not helpful if you truly want to improve. So please, break me down so I can build myself up better and brighter than before. This is my most read story. Sat on the feature box for 5-7 days, I think.

Give it no mercy.

Resubmitting from the forsaken void (queue)

Story name: Immortality, Heat Death and the End of All Things
Link to story: Immortality, Heat Death and the End of All Things
Author: ScottTrek
Word count: 21,635
Genre: Adventure with some sad undertones
Type: Multi chapter
Short summary: Twilight has lived to see the end of the universe. There's time for one last adventure before the lights go out.
Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: I do my best
Why it should get a ZP review: I'm interested to see what people make of my bizarre, dysfunctional shenanigans at the end of time and space.
Out of anything I've ever written this is my flat out favourite and most popular. So of course what better thing to do than have it ripped to shreds in the style of everyone's favourite drunken loony :)

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4019049

Added. I may just take on this one. It seems like my kind of jam... :duck:

4020345 Thank you very much :)

4048719 Yey!

I'm looking forward to your feedback. The more brutal your criticism, the better. Hit me with all your canons. :pinkiecrazy:

4020345
Story name: Of Princesses and Magicians

Link to story: Of Princesses and Magicians

Author: NyxKnight

Word count: 3, 717

Genre: Slice of life crossover

Type: one-shot

Short summary: When an immortal man regrets his endless life, an accident will bring two princesses into his world. He will work to bring them home, but when they teach him to feel alive, the real story begins. A ‘feel’ attempt to grab your heart by the strings.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yes

Why it should get a ZP review: Out of all my fics this is my most popular and most heartfelt attempt at the ‘feel’ so I want you guys to review it with Harsh, real truth of why is good or bad.

Arbarano
Group Admin

Story Name: The Disappearance of Pinkamena Diane Pie

Link: The Disappearance of Pinkamena Diane Pie

Word Count: 28,595

Genre: Adventure/Mystery

Type: Multi Chapter

Short Summary: Pinkie disappears after falling into a depression for several weeks, leaving Twilight and the gang confused and scared. Twilight sets out to discover the truth of the matter and discovers a secret she never could have imagined.

Edited/Proofread/etc: Yes

Why I should get a review: This is honestly my first long written endeavor as well as my first pony fic. I use to write stories on life experiences. And honestly I'm just looking for straightforward and in depth feedback. No likes or dislikes. Just a thorough analysis.

Story name: What You Deserve.

Link to story: What You Deserve.

Author: Sexy Pudgy Pinkie Pie.

Word count: At current, 7,695.

Genre: Primarily, it's a romance fic. Lightning gets her life back on track with the help of another pony.

Type: Multi-Chapter, currently in progress.

Short summary: Lightning Dust never imagined what would come of getting fired. Then again, fairy tale endings sometimes happen for real.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yes.

Why it should get a ZP review:
Well shortly, I'd like a little more feedback. I figure someplace that's supposed to be extremely nitpicky with reviews done in the style of ZP will be my best bet for what I'm looking for; currently I'm in the very beginning and am looking for feedback on the way the story is so-far progressing, if anything needs fixing badly.

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Story name: The Blue Balloon

Link to story: The Blue Balloon

Author: Ponyess

Word count: 4531

Genre: Randome, Adventure, AU (Human)

Type: (i.e one-shot, multi-chapter, etc.) One-Shot

Short summary: Instead of the customary engraved invitations, she use a Blue Balloon and Luna is the Courier. Upon accepting, the girl is picked up and visits Ponyville over night.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: (Y/N) Yes

Why it should get a ZP review: (as described in the rules above) I need serious feedback on the story, but if I could spread a laugh that would count too.

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4180603

Thanks for submitting your story. The story is eligible for a ZP review, but just barely. I strongly recommend that you seek out a proofreading/editing group before getting back to us. For now, I'm letting the fic stay here, and the others can decide if they'd take a shot at it.

4184139 My problem is to both find and hold on to an Editor long enough to go over an entire story. I have had a few.
I have to use what little options in all my editoral efforts.
Just hope the grammar isn't freaking anyone out, if this is the problem.

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4184584

I skimmed through your story, and this is what I'd say:

- There's a tiny bit of saucy content in there. I don't know how far you intend to take it, but you may want to update the story tags.
- The story itself is good. You have an interesting idea going, so no problems there. The only issue is that you only have one chapter completed, so there wouldn't be much to talk about in a review. I'd suggest adding a bit more to the story first.
- Grammar is the biggest issue. There are no huge problems, but it's still a bit dodgy. If you really can't find anyone to go through it for you, that's fine, but make sure to read through it yourself at least once more.

Overall, you have a good story in the works. Keep it rolling, patch it up a little, and it's good to go for a ZP review.* :raritywink:

*This is my personal opinion. If any reviewer here wishes to take a swing at this fic, it's all yours.

Saucy? Any tag you would choose to take down or add, based on the first impression?
If the idea is interesting and the story good, it is worth keeping around and possibly take a second glance over into.
The difference between completed and finished, I can still add to it and edit the content. Yet, the story is basically contained as is. There is a sequel, but that doesn't go into the review.

I have some problems streamlining the grammar while keeping the story as close to the original intent and on the top of my capability to dream up events. I certainly could use some help on this part. The tools available to me can't take me further, as far as I can see at this point.

I hope neither Pinkie Pie not Luna is scruing things up here, working together towards the goal stated. Two quite competent and capable Ponies in Tandem can manage things few dare consider.

Comment posted by Lost_Marbles deleted Mar 21st, 2015

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Story name: A Game of Kings and Pretty Pony Princesses

Link to story: Click here!

Author: Lost Marbles

Word count: (at submission) 46,732 (incomplete)

Genre: Adventure, Comedy

Type: Multi-Chapter

Short summary:

Rodents of unusual size have made their home in the Castle of the Two Sisters and have done nothing but cause trouble. Should Twilight call an exterminator?

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yes, thanks to AlicornPriest

Why it should get a ZP review: The author is wishes to learn where he/she/it can make improvements. Plus, it may make Hauteclaire happy.

Maybe...

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4186962

There seemed to be some borderline erotic content in there (the main character gets sensitive in certain private areas, etc.). The fic already has a "Teen" rating, but it would be good to know just how far you intended to take it.

Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4190517
4186962

Adding you both to the "Incoming" folder. I'm currently abroad, so I'm not sure I could take either of your stories on myself.

Comment posted by Lost_Marbles deleted Mar 21st, 2015
Dark Avenger
Group Admin

4190954

Unrelated to thread. Please send PMs for such questions.

also: United Kingdom

4190819 In the story, she is nude, this require at least Teen all by itself. Then I had to add a few details as to the effect it had on her to wear said balloon, or it would have been pointless. Future Sequels may make use of the implied effects, but the story is about the adventure leading up to, what ever may come next.

4190826 Thanks. Guess I can wait for what comes out of your review a few more days.
Best of luck with the trip and a safe return.

Comment posted by SONBoomer deleted Sep 19th, 2015

Story name: General Winter
Link to story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/169674/general-winter
Author: SONBoomer
Word count: 44,802 (and counting!)
Genre: Alternate Universe adventure (with added historical ramblings, dark and comedic elements)
Type: (as of yet, unfinished) Multi-chapter

Short summary:
Whilst representing Equestria, their rulers and mentors for a festival (and lending a hoof in the preparation process), Twilight, Trixie and Sunset stumble upon an old legend of the Northern Region... That just may be true enough to change the world as they know it. World-saving, alternate beginning-of-the-series-esque adventure ensues.
WARNING!
This story contains a lot of world-building, with lengthy historic descriptions. May also touch upon past and current geopolitical events. Read with an open mind, and thread the comment section with caution (well, when and if this story will become famous enough, anyway)!

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yeeeaaaaah no. Some correction will be done, however, before this story will get it's turn, sooo...

Why it should get a ZP review:
Unlike my previous works, the decidedly harrowing and experimental "SegRegal Sheriff", and the snarky, under-the-radar mixed bag "Equestrian Rails", this was set out to be a complete, multi-chapter story, not episodic in nature (unlike "Equestrian Rail"), but rather, a traditional story, and, perhaps, the beginning of something bigger. Hopeless dreams of "monumentality" aside, this is my first attempt at writing something that, from a distance, may be associated with may fall under the literal purview of alternate history - both the world of Equestria's, and our's. The story is, as of yet, unfinished, and is a "slow burner", with action-packed bits still waiting to be typed down, and the entire thing vaguely attempting to follow the steps of the works of Gerald Durrel, J.K. Rowling, and Scott Westerfeld. Emphasis on "vaguely".
While opinions differ between each individual, I would still like to hear it, or, at least, read it, from a critic's keyboard: is it a good read? Does it has the chance to become one?
I need a concrete answer, which is why I'm turning to Zero Punctuation reviews. If whoever has to sharpen their tongue on it happen to enjoy it, that's an added bonus for all parties involved.

Story name: The Pirate Pegasus

Link to story: Link to Story

Author: Mario Hyrulia

Word count: (Current): 98,000+ (Expected): 150,000+

Genre: Adventure, Romance, Comedy, Dark

Type: Multi-Chapter

Short summary: The Mane 6 go on a high-seas adventure to take down a powerful pirate with a sinister plan unknown to them.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: N

Why it should get a ZP review: Because it would be nice to see how much critique I receive and how I can change my story so that it would appeal even to the more judgy audiences. (No insult towards you, it's just how you review which I like.)

3957864
Story Name: Zero

LInk to Story: It's this thing. I swear.

Author: Featherstroke

Word Count: 2368

Genre: Sad, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human

Type: One-shot

Short Summary: Adagio Dazzle, having been stripped of both powers and identity, decides to go back to her home and end it all. But does she?

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Y

Why it should get a ZP review: As an amateur caustic critic myself, I've always wanted to learn more about the tricks of the trade. By seeing how the professionals of this area operate, I can learn how to curb my own spitfire and refine it so that receivers can see my critique as helpful as it is harsh. In addition, I don't want to get too much of a big head, and so I'm hoping for every mistake I have made to get pointed out in such a manner that I absolutely am unable to ignore the extent of my own ignorance. Don't want to be like those "if you don't like, don't read" authors, after all.

3957864
Story name: Papa Gehrman

Link to story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/296403/papa-gehrman

Author: SolidArc5542

Word count: 14,055

Genre: Gore, sad, slice of life, crossover, human, alternate universe, adventure.

Type: Multi-chapter

Short summary: Beasts roam the streets of Yharnam. The hunters dream gives refuge to chosen hunters. An old hunter watches over the dream. Now, it is Equestria that needs to be watched over.

Gehrman was many things. Some deemed him a hero, others a teacher and friend. Good thing Equestria is full of friendship.


Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: (Y/N) No, is currently undergoing editing.

Why it should get a ZP review: It’s a different take on the usual HIE. Instead of having the human act heroically and saving the day, this story focuses on how the character will adjust to this new world. Gehrman, in the game: Bloodborne, has been living in a dream for many years. He sees the same scenery every day. He does not see the sun rise. He is scarred mentally and probably beyond full recovery. I want to see if I did a good job on this, since I put a lot of effort into it.

Story name: Chrysalis Visits The Hague

Link to story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/62981/chrysalis-visits-the-hague

Author: Dan The Man

Word count: ca 100.000

Genre: Courtroom Drama

Type: (i.e one-shot, multi-chapter, etc.) Multi-Chapter

Short summary: Nearly one year has passed since Australian pilots discovered Equestria in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Now the world watches in awe as, with the Princesses' blessings, one of the most ferocious and dangerous tyrants of the equine world - none other than Chrysalis, the Queen of all Changelings - is marched before one of the highest courts of law of the human world - the International Criminal Court in The Hague, the Netherlands.
But the Queen is wrathful and determined, still one of the planet's single most powerful creatures. How can mere humans, who know next to nothing of her mystical home, achieve justice for the Equestrians?
Alexander Estermann is a conceited defence attorney who will have to wade through a quagmire of vengeance, racism, manipulation, lies, hearsay and self-deception to get to the core of the affair.
Seemingly the whole world is working against him - up and including the Queen herself.

Has it been proofread: Yes

Why it should get a ZP review: I have been a tremendous fan of Yahtzee and his terrifying caustic writing style, tearing into video games I had loved and cherished for years. And now, to give in to my worst masochistic instincts, I want to know what it feels like applied to MLP fanfiction. My MLP fanfiction. Do your worst.

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Story name: Where Spike came from
Link to story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/320843/where-spike-came-from
Author: Billy G Gruff
Word count: 21,282
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Type: Multi chapter
Short summary: In an alternate universe, something triggers in Spike after the destruction of the Golden Oaks Library by the hand of Tirek that ends up unraveling the mystery of where he came from and many other mysteries besides. The question is...do you really want those mysteries answered?
Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: I've read through it a couple times but there might still be some errors.
Why it should get a ZP review: Its a very serious and dramatic story and paints a bleak yet believable version of MLP:FIM . In other words its perfect fodder for satirical humor. I've put a lot of thought into this fic, and having a glorious ZP style review to play it off would be highly entertaining for me.

3957864
Story name: The Secret of Harmony
Link to story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/234700/the-secret-of-harmony
Author: Brassboy212
Word count: 33,441 and counting (incomplete)
Genre: Adventure, Dark, Drama, Tragedy
Type: (i.e one-shot, multi-chapter, etc.) Multi-chapter

Short summary:Not long after Tirek's defeat, Twilight Sparkle looks back on the Mane 6's victories over entities such as Discord, Nightmare Moon, Sombra, etc. but gets a nagging feeling in her mind: something's missing. Every time she remembers using the harmony powers successfully, she keeps feeling that there was always one part of the magic she and her friends were missing. Later on, Twilight and her friends are shocked to find out that Tirek has escaped again, but this time, he's not alone. Thanks to his dark magic, he has managed to create an army of his own including with a band of "friends" that rival even the alicorns' powers! The protagonists discover that the Mane 6's harmony magic isn't enough to defeat Tirek's army; even with the combined might of the other princesses and Discord. So, they decide to reach out to other forces for help. Who are these new "friends" of Tirek? What does he have in store for Equestria? Will the Mane 6 be able to unravel this mystery of Twilight's visions? What forces will Equestria call upon for aid? Take a look, and find out! An action packed epic containing characters both canon and non-canon!

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: (Y/N) Yes
Why it should get a ZP review: My fic has been getting overall good reception and I'm very grateful for it. However, I think it's time I step my game up a little and see how it holds up in a legitimate review. Let's see how my fic looks in the eyes of actual fanfic critics. I believe you guys will find this to be a very interesting read!

3957864 Story name: Tales of Fillydelphia

Link to story: Tales of Fillydelphia

Author: Sexy Pudgy Pinkie Pie

Word count: 13,095 (as of this writing.)

Genre: Adventure / Alternate Universe

Type: Multi-chapter. (Ongoing)

Short summary: Basically, this story started as a "What If" scenario posited by notMurphy, which I adopted and we developed after the past year and a half.
1,000 years ago the Dark Queens Solaire Flaire and Midknight Moon were defeated by six brave mares using the mythical Elements of Harmony. Without any Alicorns, magic weakened in Equestria and was replaced with Earth Pony ingenuity. Now, robotic constructs walk the streets of Fillydelphia and electricity lights up the homes and shopfronts. With the Queens' return balling up the World's Faire and Exposition, six mares must brave the trials of the Shattered Tower, earn the right to wield the Elements, and give those nogoodnik prehistoric nags The Broderick!
With some other stuff happening later. You know.
Cast:
Corporal / Detective Twilight Sparkle; A former Aerial Marine, current snooper, hailing from the Canterlot Castle aeroplane home of the glitterati of all stripes. Bears multiple scars and an eyepatch from an incident as a filly.

Rarity Belle; Wheel-Horse of R.B. Contracting, a company responsible for much of the facelifting of Fillydelphia in advance of the Faire. Well-known for her straightforwardness with clients and crew.

Fluttershy (Uptown Eclaire) Whisperwing; A Fillydelphia newshawk, whose family immigrated from Prance during the Great War. Known for the moving muckraking columns written under her by-line.

"Rainbow Dash"; The assumed name of an Earth pony acrobat employed with the Wandering Moons troubadour company. Doesn't speak a word of anything that occurred more than ten years ago, and is known for her general infectious good humor and wisecracking nature.

Jacqueline "Applejack" Apple; A nature-loving filly from the prominent Apple family. Left home ten years ago and never looked back. She can see the good in any creature, and is a very quiet, caring mare.

Pinkamina "Pinkie" Dianne Pie; A recent graduate of the Fillydelphia University, majoring in aeronautical engineering and physics, minoring in archaeology. Known for her friendliness and optimism.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Extensively by a team of three, who frequently say they can't find much.
??Why it should get a ZP review: Lots of blood, sweat, and beers went into the crafting of this tale. The ZP review of What You Deserve went well, and the reviewer gave me a lot of good tips for how to continue with that fic, so I'd like a litmus test.

3957864

[ Taps the Microphone ]

Is this thing even on? Well ... no matter. Ahem:

I hereby request a review of my story!

. . . . .

Story name: What's Past is Prologue

Link to story: What's Past is Prologue

Author: Loquacious of Herd

Word count: 114,687 (Clearly, I'm a wordy bugger.)

Genre: Mature. Tagged "Adventure", "Drama", "Dark", and "Mystery." (Make that an indecisive wordy bugger.)

Type: Multi-chapter. (With that word count, had you any doubts?)

Short summary: As a lazy, indecisive, wordy bugger, I shall leave you only the brief description from the work itself:

In the dark corners of Equestria recent, strange, and terrifying arcane disturbances are a-hoof. Looking into these disturbances is the lame unicorn, Cantor Mortalis – a particularly pleasant pony whose peculiar magical talents may aid in unraveling both these modern mysteries and the buried secrets of an ancient horror.

We join Cantor on the Zeppelin Westphalia as his path leads him (and two of his more unusual friends) to the Isle of Albion. What will come of his quest? What roles will old familiar faces (as well as new friends and foes) play in this drama? Find out, in this unfolding tale of magic, murder, mystery, and madness.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Yes. [ Shifty eyes. ] (Assuming one ignores the occasional comma splice stitching sentences together like it is some sort of Franken-fic.)

Why it should get a ZP review: Because this would amuse me. And because I hope it might amuse you to read and brutally savage review it! Also, judging by the distinct lack of traffic on the forums, all seems far too quiet on the ZP front these days.

. . . . .

To close: I hope y'all aren't all deceased, and are having fun reading (and reviewing) stories.

Regardless, stay awesome!

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Link: Through The Looking Glass
Author: Kamen-Zero
Word Count: 3,726
Genre: Random Comedy (or an attempt at comedy)
Type: One-Shot
Short Summary: A human has shown up in Equestria! Fortunately, Twilight Sparkle has a way to get him back to where he came from! Unfortunately, he isn't buying into it.
Has it been proofread: No. But Grammarly was used, so...at least the spelling is correct?

Why it should get a ZP Review:
Well, for one thing, I'm a masochist who's looking for a good laugh at his own expense. And I already know that there are a number of problems with this story. How high is that number? 3,726 (aka, the word count).

All joking aside, while I felt like the story was good enough for me to upload, I want to know exactly what I did wrong and what I could have done better. And I want it to hurt. It may or may not help me in the future, but it'll at least give me a good laugh at myself. And while I don't think it's that bad, on retrospect there are a few things that may be that bad. Besides, if the review ends up being more entertaining then the story, then by default the story will have done its job of entertaining people. Even if by the proxy of a review that goes into just how unentertaining it is.

Hope whatever reviewer gets a hold of this hot mess finds some enjoyment here! Looking forward to seeing my work torn to shreds!:pinkiehappy:

3957864
Story name: Pinkie Pie becomes Jackson Pollock
Link to story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/423898/pinkie-pie-becomes-jackson-pollock
Author: Songbird Serenade Thanos
Word count: 1,034
Genre: Random, Alternative Universe, Human
Type: One-shot
Short summary: Pinkie Pie becomes an artist but dies. She is resurrected by Garfield (along with Rainbow Dash) but they accidentally start a zombie apocalypse after they try to resurrect him after he kills him.
Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: N
Why it should get a ZP review: It would be interesting to see a snarky, edgy review of a Dadaist fanfiction with Garfield in it. I would really like an unalloyed, blunt review of this nonsensical fanfic as it would be interesting to see if other people see it as funny or good.

3957864
Story name: The Untrotted Path

Link to story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/418500/the-untrotted-path
Author: Dawnbreak Shimmer

Word count: 28,663

Genre: Alternate Universe / Adventure

Type: Multi-Chapter novella

Short summary: The Mirror shatters just as Sunset is about to cross, leading to her taking Twilight under her wing to teach and learn the magic of friendship.

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: Y

Why it should get a ZP review: My last ZP review was pure magic. Honestly I either get asspats or unconstructive vitriol in the comments, so I'm looking forward to a properly scathing actual review.

Comment posted by Silver-Spirits-and-Ales deleted Jun 7th, 2019

3957864
Story name: The Hybrid.

Link to the story:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/435545/the-hybrid

Word count: 14,038.

Genre: Tragedy.

Type: Multi Chapter.

Short summary: Chyrug Moonburn was a product of a love between a royal guard and changeling. Months after his birth, Celestia and her guards took his father as a traitor and banished his mother to the hives, and the boy was sent to live in an orphanage. Years past and the bastard is coming back for revenge and he brings old enemies as his allies

Has it been edited/proofread/etc.: N

Why it should get a ZP review: The story is a story of my darkest desires, it talks about what is worth revenge and how anger can blind. It's an allegory to the darkest times in my life.

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