• Member Since 8th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 19th, 2022

Crystal Wishes


to thine own self write true

More Blog Posts16

  • 100 weeks
    Closure

    Honestly, I logged in to delete this account, but I saw waiting, unread PMs notifications, and as a human being, I glanced. And the previews I glanced over made me decide otherwise.

    I wish all of you well. May you all find joy. I am happy to say I have found mine. I am writing again after years of having a PTSD reaction to just opening a word document. On another site, in another fandom.

    Read More

    37 comments · 1,794 views
  • 237 weeks
    365

    Time moves so quickly and so slowly that it baffles me. The calendar is approaching my veritable D-day anniversary; it's almost been a year since something happened that broke me into so many pieces that I didn't think I could be put back together again.

    Read More

    51 comments · 2,466 views
  • 267 weeks
    "State of the Author"

    You're a world away
    Somewhere in the crowd
    In a foreign place
    Are you happy now?

    TL;DR: I am not dead, but I'm not active right now, either.

    Read More

    31 comments · 1,703 views
  • 297 weeks
    Disabling Comments

    🎶 Add a little sugar, they say
    Be a little sweeter, they say
    Gotta give and take, but I say
    This time it's my way, ah, my way

    I'll do me
    You do you
    I don't need nobody's permission
    I won't back down
    Win or lose 🎶

    I'm disabling comments on all of my stories—past, present, and future.

    Read More

    49 comments · 1,975 views
  • 299 weeks
    Q&B Super Summer Jam - Final Results!!

    Okay!

    Read More

    3 comments · 493 views
Oct
3rd
2018

Disabling Comments · 12:30am Oct 3rd, 2018

🎶 Add a little sugar, they say
Be a little sweeter, they say
Gotta give and take, but I say
This time it's my way, ah, my way

I'll do me
You do you
I don't need nobody's permission
I won't back down
Win or lose 🎶

I'm disabling comments on all of my stories—past, present, and future.

In 2014, Anzel and I started writing two separate but related stories together. We did it for fun, as a hobby to share as husband and wife. We chose ponies because, well, it was the show we were watching at the time. And we posted them because Anzel is strong and confident, and I am neither, but I follow alongside him, hand-in-hand.

Over the course of the following year, I would break down many times. I received terrible comments and PMs about any number of things, but most of all about my account name being the same as my OC—something that had no bearing on my writing or even me as a person, and yet were spouted with disgust that hurt as if they did. I came across people discussing my existence as the red flag of all red flags. I was told my writing was bland, my characters were unlikable, my stories were terrible. I spent so much time curled up on the couch in tears because I felt worthless.

The only reason I didn't quit was because of Anzel. Were he not by my side, reminding me that complete strangers shouldn't dictate what I do and what I enjoy, I would have deleted my story and moved on and never looked back.

A hobby, a passion, was repeatedly nearly taken away from me by those who feel that they should be allowed to criticize me under the notion that they are helping me grow as an author, and that I should be grateful for it, and that if I'm not, I need to change.

On a one-on-one or few-on-one level, FiMFiction is a great community. I've met people I consider my real-life best friends and would donate a kidney to were they to need one. I've had people reach out to me in PMs or in person at BronyCon to express how something I wrote touched them, what it meant to them.

As a mass, as a group, as a whole, however, FiMFiction is full of more vitriol and elitism than any other writing community I've been a part of since I started posting online as a young teenager.

These days, I know that there are people out there who, for some reason, dislike me. They don't like the fact that I write OCs. They don't like the way I present myself. They don't like that I have a (comparatively) successful Patreon. They don't like any number of things.

And I keep posting, not because of Anzel, but because this is something that I love to do.

What I don't love, however, is the community as a whole. I don't love the mentality that anyone and everyone who makes an account on this site is entitled to criticize me without consequence. I don't love that, if I don't want to be criticized, it's a failing and flaw on my part. What I do love, in a smirking, eye-rolling, sarcastic way, is the belief that comment sections are where constructive criticism and, consequently, growth are found.

In four years, I've had exactly one comment that was truly constructive criticism.

In four years, I've had countless comments that were negative or even destructive in nature.

And in four years, I've grown to a point where they don't ruin me anymore. I suppose I should be grateful that I've grown stronger, but it was a path of tears and hurt and self-hatred.

I love writing these stories—writing fanfiction as a hobby for My Little Pony. I have so many more that I want to share. But I get frustrated with the comments sometimes. I get tired of the same Cadence comments over and over. I'm sick of getting excited for a comment only for it to be a typo correction. More often than not, I feel dread when I see that someone has commented on one of my stories.

So, I'm disabling them, and I'm not cutting myself off to feedback. In fact, I'm very lucky to have several people—my husband and my best friends—who I respect and trust to give me valuable criticism when I need it. They aren't afraid to push back on something I've written. I also have a lot of readers that are active members of our Discord server.

There will be folks that I will lose due to disabled comments, both current and future readership, and I'm sorry for that. My PM box is always open, there will be threads made in the Q&B group forums, and AzuBOT will open the Discord #lobby on weekends. The Discord regulars have access to the #story-discussion channel, as well.

This may seem petty, silly, insignificant, and/or childish to you, and that's okay. I'm glad you don't share my anxiety, my stress! I, however, do. And this is what I think I need to enjoy posting here again.

Thanks for listening. :heart:

Comments ( 49 )

We all do what we’ve got to do to stay sane.

We’ll catch up later, you and I. Until then?

Stay cheeki breeki.

Would it be safe to assume that pms should not be for stupid petty things then?

I'm sorry you've had so much trouble with your comments. I try to only comment when I think I have something useful to say, but I'm sorry if I was part of it. If I have anything I think will be helpful to hear, I'll be sure to pm it to you. :)

RBDash47
Site Blogger

<loving personal insult>

<continues lurking>

4947256 I guess it depends on how you define 'stupid petty things'!

4947257 If you have to ask, then you're very unlikely to have been a problem. ;D

4947262
Stupid insults, obscure references, veiled insults, direct attacks, general grandstanding for no other reason than to try and garner attention from whoever peruses the comments, and general troll behavior


Normally I try to guess at things or pose questions I might've garnered by the end of the chapter, though admittedly, I have been letting both sides of the story (unless somehow one of you two stopped writing entirely that is) build up a bit before resuming the reading, you two's stories are one of those that I tend to read a lot in a short time because of how immersed I can get

4947268

Stupid insults, obscure references, veiled insults, direct attacks, general grandstanding for no other reason than to try and garner attention from whoever peruses the comments, and general troll behavior

Gotta admit it, it's the first time I hear anybody ask for permission before harassing an author. You see something new every day, huh.

4947271
May I please have the honour of informing you that you should fornicate with your mother, fine gentleman?

Hopefully this helps you out, Crystal :yay:

4947272
Got 'im

If you feel this way, and by all accounts you seem to, when its a broad stroke generalization that may be accurate, or may not be. I can't say, ive not looked through it in the same detail.

Why not take a break? It sounds like you are truly just tired of writing in a sense of it.

Step back, and find another thing. The regulars will stay, and it doesnt stirr near the issue this will in the long term?

In the end, your call, just, seems to be shooting yourself to deafen yourself to the good ones that can offer much more.

Delete the whiners, if they pitch more fits, whap'em too. if they try to keep breaking issue, then they get banned, and not an issue, or they learn to listen.

I'm not you, so, I do hope this actually sits well in the long term.

Honestly, I've had this experience where I had to shut up comments on a certain story of mine complaining about how this wasn't you do sex, and you should do it this way or that way. Got quite tired of it in the end, but if you ask me this disabling comments on all of your stories is rather a broad sweeping gesture. Not all of us are asshats, really.

And from the sounds of it, I have to agree with Strat here. Take a step away from writing for a bit, FIMfic's not your whole life. The regulars, the people who love you for what you really do, they'll stay on.

The whingers, the bitchy ones who post fits? Block 'em if you have to, you don't need 'em. I always say this, but comments and especially constructive critique is an author's best friend. I mean, how do you know what you're doing wrong if you don't get that? Not saying you're one of those types, and I really doubt you are if what even half of I've heard about you is true but the people who deny constructive critique or ignore it outright and just ask for positive reinforcement and get comments saying there's nothing wrong with their stories, they just get arrogant. Bottom line is, you needn't disable comments. In fact, I'd advise against it. For the haters, just ignore them and if they really start to wrankle you just block them.

Even I hate reading comments

RBDash47
Site Blogger

4947288
4947296
Sort of genuinely confused how "I'm tired of the majority of my comments being at best utterly worthless and at worst actively detrimental so I turned them off" translated to "I'm tired of writing" for y'all.

4947309

Really that's how you see it? Oddly i do see it that way myself but I don't feel it's not really I don't feel like writing anymore. It just gets very silly at times. Now with me I could care less about the commits in my story. But there are some folks who really do care.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

4947318
It's not how I see it; it's how Crystal sees it, as detailed in the blog post we're commenting on.

4947321

Very normal of course. Just commenting but I do find it odd to turn them off for just those words.

I sympathize. It's unfortunate that after 10+ comments on a chapter the quality and discussion vary so wildly.

Hopefully, blog posts can take some of the slack, since readers are more conscious to stay on topic if they're talking directly to the author.

Some will still find a place to feed the Elder Comment Dragon on the sly.

This is unfortunate, I enjoyed the few short conversations I’ve had in your stories, but the community truely has gotten quite toxic and I understand why this has to be done.

That said thank you for the heartfelt moments we, your readers, were able to share with each other in your stories.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

can i touch your weiner

4947296
I don't understand what you mean, though. Disabling comments isn't blocking criticism, it's blocking everything. If anything, they'll have to go out of their way to offer praise, and same with constructive critique (which you can argue will hold more weight because it implies a lot more effort).

I can't speak for Crystal, and I wouldn't want to, but as a writer myself, I understand where she's coming from, if she and I share the same mentality as I think we do. A lot of people can handle bad comments fine, and god please teach me how you do it, but blocking isn't easy, especially when blocking people very often gets you branded as someone who can't deal with "constructive criticism" (same with constructive criticism). And if you have anxiety, that can be suffocating because it honestly feels like damned if you do, damned if you don't. If being a writer implies "getting a backbone" by having the joy of your hobby drained out of you for the sake of "improving", then...

It's true that disabling comments won't allow fans and people to positively engage the author, but ultimately this is an act to protect your own mental health and to keep writing. Again, I don't want to assume her intentions, so I will speak on my behalf, but if I disabled comments on my stories so I could in fact keep producing content (rather than not wanting to post stories due to stress and anxiety of pleasing an audience, as is often my case) and have a better mental health overall, and people who supported me felt slighted by the fact, then I would wonder if they really had my best interest in mind in the first place--particularly when keeping comments up would just make me write less rather than more.

PMing kinda forces me to do my best comments anyway, so if I have something nice to say I can really express it thoroughly, yay!
Keep yourself sane, we'll adapt.
I hope nobody stops reading your stories because of this, like "if I can't express my opinion in public about this chapter then it's not worth reading!" makes no sense.

4947296 You seem less concerned for her personal well-being, and more concerned with dictating to her what should and shouldn't affect her personal well-being.

Given that Crystal has been a member of this site for four years, I'd venture that she's spent more than enough time writing on this site and has received more than enough comments to get an accurate measure of whether they're healthy for her to consume or not.

Which, by the way, she directly addressed in her blog post, along with a detailed explanation of her reasoning, and assurances that she has not cut off criticism and in fact left multiple avenues open for people to contact her with whatever thoughts they wish to share about her work.

You may not agree with her decision, but if you really do feel that you have her best interests at heart, the least you could do is spare a modicum of respect for her agency.

JMP

Well, you won't lose me. I'll still read your stories even if I can't comment on them. I will say that I'm a bit sad, but I think your writing is worth sticking around for.

Hmm...is there a way to moderate comments on Fimfiction? I know that's a thing on Archive of Our Own, but I've never seen it here....

Today I learned you can disable comments on stories.

No, really, I've been a member of this site for 7 goddamn years and never knew you could do this. It's really weird.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

4947378
It's a relatively new feature launched a few months ago. You can also disable ratings, though that will opt you out of the heat/ranking system.

4947381
Ah. That makes me feel better, thanks.

Well, I can certainly agree that stress is bad for inspiration. Therefore, I can totally get behind a decision like this. I hardly ever comment anyway.

I can imagine that while they might be well intentioned really are vital to you has a writer or just not helpful or kind.

When you look forward to honest feedback and dialogue and do not receive it, it can
be frustrating.

You do what is best for you. Your loyal fans will still be here for you.

But where will I ask you critical worldbuilding questions now? I need to finish up the sequel about timepiece romance.

:fluttercry: sad to see it but i see your point,
can't say much as i don't read as much as i used to in general and i know i mostly don't read the comments anyway...

4947344
Apologies if i ramble in reply, its near 4am here.

This is why i asked on the if a break might not help.

It sounds, from hearing, like she is writing for the folks that read her stories. Rather than sharing what she writes for others to enjoy as she has. One is much more of an obligation in how it comes across.

In crystals words, i heard a "i'm tired of this list of responses." And I cant fault that view. It's very understandable.

But in closing off comments. You said what I aimed for far more eloquently than I could put it.

You will get silence from the list you have, but the praise and enjoyment that is shared when you can comment, will be gone too. A few fans will comment, as will the nitpickers still, because thats what they do, until the buzzards are sent elsewhere, or removed from squawking.

Ah well, with mods involved on this anyhow, better to silence on this i suppose.

<insert generic comment indicating support here>

But seriously, thank you for taking the time to explain the reasoning behind this.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

BOO

(haha gotcha ily)

<insert generic positive comment here>
If it helps you post here :heart:
stay sane

4947344
Thing is though, and Strat put this better than I probably am about to, but right now it sounds like Crystal's just tired of it all. What I heard was: "I'm tired of this list of responses". I don't exactly blame her for that, understandable. And Hell, I agree with a lot of what you just said, but there is a problem here in removing the feature of commenting on a story.

Closing off all comments will keep fans who actually enjoy her work for what it is, will be denied the opportunity to say what they like about the stories she writes as well. Oh sure, the nitpickers and whingers will be gone, but the people who actually enjoy her stuff, they'll have to go out of their way to comment on what they like, such as using DMs and the comment section of her user page to do so.

4947358
I'll say what I said to Mono.

Closing off all comments will keep fans who actually enjoy her work for what it is, will be denied the opportunity to say what they like about the stories she writes as well. Oh sure, the nitpickers and whingers will be gone, but the people who actually enjoy her stuff, they'll have to go out of their way to comment on what they like, such as using DMs and the comment section of her user page to do so.

That's the thing, it'll create an inconvenience for people. I am not concerned with dictating on what she should and shouldn't do as you put it. I'm just sharing my thoughts and the pros and cons of this decision.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

4947538

denied the opportunity to say what they like about the stories

it'll create an inconvenience for people

1. Readers don't have some inherent right to force their commentary, positive or negative, on an author (here or elsewhere).
2. Readers have other avenues to say what they like about the stories.
3. Comments have "created an inconvenience" for Crystal. If the choice is "inconvenience the author and get less reading material" or "inconvenience the readers but get more reading material," it's pretty obvious which way to go.

Also, there's an update at the bottom of the blog.

I generally don't post comments exactly because of this, but I will say, I've read the collected works so far twice. And I'll likely again when ever they are complete.

I've had DEMANDS for the story to take certain turns that, if they had really been reading my story, would know that I don't believe in those things. Also, said person somehow managed to miss all of the subtext despite seeming quite blatant due to my writing being basically practice to communicate things like other people do and having myself be understood.

The only, only saving grace was the politeness.

Keep yourself sane, and good luck.

Dearest sweetest Rose Princess

I read the title of the blog post and frankly I panicked... then read the content of it, Windows Update included and I get it...

for my part I will say several things

1. It's a shame you have to do it, but if it helps you stay cool and write what you luv so we can eat it up like buttered hay it's OK.
2. expect at least 1 PM regarding one of your stories on the next 12 months (might use my, up until today unused Discord installation to comment there too...)...
3. Must be nice to get the comments, heck, I'd even take your whiners and assorted sourcves of stress (with nuts too), considering the most I get on my own stories are thumbs down, and no explaination of why the thumb down so I can Fix-it Felix jr.

in the end, Anzel and you are part of my "Top 5 Fimfiction Authors", and if doing this will help you keep feeding me your buttered hay stories then SO BE IT...

Poncho L. Fonz

Me belatedly reading the discourse of people debating if they deserve the ability to dictate how someone enjoys their hobby:

66.media.tumblr.com/d36dedcc3abbfeb137063f636123e114/tumblr_oucn0txzuF1vtnv5po1_500.gif

I was wondering why there had been no updates, now I know. I usually lose interest for at least a few months, but come back to check in. I noticed the last update for each of your stories was back in 2018. I wanted to know why and so here I am.

Crystal, I want to give you some words of advice. Never let those who can not craft the wonderous works that you create with tender love, a burning passion, and a will of unbreakable determination. You and your husband both have this gift and use it to craft a world balanced between ordinary slice of life of a Quill and the blood-stained, conflict driven Blade. Never doubt yourselves, because that is just what the jealous haters want. Know that you two are a treasure of MLP fanfiction literature in this community. If I were able, I would fund an animated series based off this universe you two have built. I would even purchase the rights to the franchise just to make it happen.

That is just my thoughts, but they are still true in their form. Do not let the illiterates ruin your hobby, they just can not write to save their lives.

So I only just read this blog post and saw that people complained about your writing and your characters. Personally I've always loved the q&b universe because of the characters that you two put out.

Velvet is actually the first time I found a character who really feels the same way I do about romantic love and that was actually truly important to me. It started me down a path of actually understanding myself that I've always wanted to thank you for.

In four years, I've had countless comments that were negative or even destructive in nature.

I fear I contributed to that on at least one occasion and for that I'm sorry.

That aside, I don't go to your stories so I can read the comment section. While I disagree immensely with your decision to close them, it is yours to make, and I intend to stick around regardless.

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