On My Tyrant Plans and a Contest · 11:34pm Dec 18th, 2014
Got a crap-ton of things to talk about folks. First I'll touch upon my plans for tyrant and an invitation to a contests that may accelerate said plans, then a little plug and, finally, a review. Tyrant first after the jump. If you're a Tyrant fan and just itching for an expansion of the original, you may want to read this.
Writing Tyrant for Charity?
TL;DR at bottom.
As some of you know, I have long had in mind an idea for recreating my immensely popular story, Tyrant, as a trilogy. This idea has been on the backburner for a while now, as the Trixie vs. Equestria franchise and No Heroes series expansion have been a much higher priority. However, just yesterday I received a personal invitation to take part in The Tournament of Canterlot.
For those too lazy to go to the link and read about it, the 'tournament' is actually a charity setup for Oxfam America, with proceeds going to help refugees of the Syrian War. The idea is simple: contestants publish stories that are directly linked to a donation pool set up by the contestant him/herself. People who read the story are asked to donate to that's author's collection pool. The author who earns enough money for Oxfam through his story wins the contest. The stories themselves only have two rules to be met: first, that they be at least 150,000 words long, and second, they can be a series of stories (like a trilogy) that meet that requirement when considered together.
Now, I will openly acknowledge that there are things I really don't like about this concept, first and foremost being that the winner isn't based on the quality of the writing or how good the story is. It's a popularity contest, and not much else. I also have a strong distrust of charities, being convinced that most of the proceeds actually go to bloated bureaucracies and paying often senators/representatives who will only cast votes that make everything worse. I'm also not comfortable with the region the charity is centered around, knowing that the money earned – and the people earning it – could end up in terrorist hands. Then consider that the donations are coming from a site full of writers and editors – a notoriously underfunded bunch – so I'm really not sure how many actually could make a donation. Last but not least, entering this year-long contest means diverting my attention to the stories I need to write, like the TvE and No Heroes.
However, I'm not at all opposed to helping out the innocents who want nothing to do with the war. The individual putting this on insists that the charity is one of the most efficient in the world, if you're willing to believe that. Writing 150,000 words or more in a year is a cakewalk for me and I'm fairly certain I'd still be able to continue writing other stories in the process, albeit with reduced focus. And of course, any bit of money earned helps, even if it's just a few dollars.
But here's the big one: Tyrant already has a significant fanbase. It's being tracked by 1,500 users. The re-write will easily fit into the requirements of the contest as a trilogy with minimal effort from me, and I intend to write it at some point anyway. With so many fans already drooling for me to expand upon the original story, there might just be some potential for it to earn significant funds for the charity.
Yes, there are cash prizes in it for me. Yes, this means a head start to me potentially winning. Forget all that. I've never entered a contest for the prizes, and I'm not about to start. This is what I want to know from you, my readers and the fans of Tyrant: if I decide to enter this contest and start an Oxfam America fundraiser with a Tyrant recreation, would you donate to said fundraiser? I'm not about to enter this contest and sidetrack a lot of my plans if it's not going to lead to something productive. If I'm going to contribute to this organization, I intend to contribute, not spend months writing a trilogy just to earn the charity $50.
So you tell me: is this worth my time?
TL;DR
Thinking about writing a Tyrant trilogy for charity. Would you donate to the charity if I did so?
Stories of Them
The three of you who actually paid attention to my work in October are aware that I wrote three stories as a sequel to RainbowBob's zombponie tale Feed Them. As Bob and I hatched our plans for the series, the idea of starting a group for the franchise floated around. With the project currently on hiatus until I find time to handle it, we let the idea die for a while.
However, something truly unexpected happened: I earned my first fanfiction of one of my own stories. Dash the Stampede was so inspired by the Them-verse that he decided to write Bait Them, a side story to my own Hunt Them. After reading the story and making a few suggestions, I have concluded that nothing in the story is counter to anything in the franchise, and thus have announced it to be canon.
With the possibility of fan works of the Them-verse now a reality, we decided to revive the Them group idea. Thus have I created Stories of Them, a group intended to act as a library for any and all Them fics. If you're a fan of the Them-verse, feel free to sign up. If you'd like to expand the Them-verse, you're more than welcome to do so. I will be reading any submitted stories and assigning them canon/non-canon status as I deem appropriate.
As of now the group is tiny and intended purely as a repository for Them fics, as well as a way to announce new stories in the future. If it grows, Bob and I may take advantage of it to post queries, devise some prompts and maybe, God forbid, start a contest or two.
TL;DR
New Them-verse group. Check it.
FIMFic Review: The Monster in the Twilight
We all know the story of how the Princess’ young student and five friends defeated Nightmare Moon, and brought Princess Luna back to our lands. But what if the tale were false? What if the young Twilight Sparkle on the event of her entrance exam had not been rescued by Princess Celestia, but instead lost her mind among the power of her youthful surge, and had to be sent away, far away before she could destroy all of Canterlot with her newfound power. Now the feral unicorn prowling the Everfree Forest only vaguely remembers her past, slipping away from constant terrifying attempts to capture her.
And she is beginning to remember what true power felt like.
As is common, I don't recall specifically what drew me to this story. It is, as one would expect, a re-imagining of the beginning of the show. That by itself has been done a bajillion times and is usually a negative for me. Maybe it was the idea of a feral Twilight running around the Everfree that drew me in, who knows? Warning: spoilers ahead.
Monster takes on a slightly different approach from the get-go: what if Twilight failed regain control of the phenomenal power at her command and, in order to keep her from accidentally destroying Canterlot, Celestia teleported her away? In this story, Twilight is raised by Zecora in the Everfree. She has powers bordering on godlike – so yes, she's preposterously OP – but her mind was shattered by the overflowing magic she used during her entrance exam. As such, her mind is limited to that of a constantly frightened and violent child, and while she still retains great intelligence her maturity was never able to properly form. For the next ten years, Shining Armor and Cadance make repeated attempts to capture her in hopes of re-integrating her into society, but are never able to do so. Meanwhile, an increasingly distressed Celestia has taken Trixie on as her apprentice, but does not believe the upstart pony has what it takes to save Luna from Nightmare Moon. She readies herself for a final showdown with the abomination, determined to see both it and herself dead.
Enter the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Apple Bloom is aware of the 'Monster' (a moniker Twilight readily accepts) that has haunted the Everfree and Ponyville for some time. When she forgets her saddlebag at the edge of the forest, she comes back the next day to find her homework done – correctly – and her spare apple fritter devoured. As AB investigates the phenomenon (and gets her homework done by somepony smarter than her), she eventually comes to befriend Monster. Naturally her friends (including Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Featherweight and Twist) get in on the act. Before long they are going on adventures and exploring the Everfree under the protection of Monster, whom the creatures of the woods know better than to tangle with. The only adult aware of this is Big McIntosh, who had his own (decidedly amusing) encounter with Monster but eventually comes to accept that she means no harm.
While all of this is going on, we also learn of Trixie, who has failing abysmally at Celestia's mission of 'making friends' three years in a row now; of Celestia, who has been manipulating the stars to hold Nightmare Moon back for two years and is increasingly desperate; of the undercover changeling Tallgrass, who works at the spa with Aloe and Lotus; and of Big Mac, who struggles to understand why Monster is so determined to earn his acceptance.
We then go into a side-story in which Monster, the foals and Zecora are all kidnapped by the changelings under Chrysalis. It is here that we finally come to understand that the story is taking place late in Season 2 by the show's timeline, right around when Chrysalis planned to capture and impersonate Cadance. Exactly why our heroes are captures is explained off as 'they were in the wrong place at the wrong time,' but ultimately culminates in Monster literally turning the changeling hive into a mushroom cloud visible all he way from Canterlot, tempting Shining Armor and Cadance to investigate (go figure this is all happening on the eve of Nightmare Moon's return, so Celestia can't join them).
Cadance encounters a barely alive Queen Chrysalis who, after having a brief discussion with Monster, has come to realize that her race will die if they can't cleanse themselves of their seemingly insatiable hunger. To this end, Chrysalis uses the last of her life energy to make Cadance her successor. Because Cadance is so overflowing with love, and through the support of Shining Armor's magic, she is able to sate the thirst of all the remaining changelings in a matter of minutes, altering the entire race from ravenous, barely-sentient drones to normal, intelligent creatures.
So essentially, we just had a side-story that solved the changeling crisis in one night via – da-dadada! – magic. Aren't you impressed? Especially considering the unborn foal in Cadance's belly has just been mutated into a pony/changeling hybrid without consent? Let's just ignore the ethical ramifications of that for now.
So at last we get to the whole point of this story, which we've been slowly building up towards: the return of Nightmare Moon, two years late. Celestia arrives in Ponyville intent on capturing Nightmare and teleporting it and herself to the sun, to be sealed there for the rest of eternity or until the heat disperses their souls, whichever comes first. Just before Nightmare's arrival, however, she encounters Monster and the foals and abruptly realizes that there's still a slim chance Luna can be saved. For this reason she retreats from the fight and goes to the sun alone. Nightmare, enraged that her prey has escaped, promptly places her own seal upon the celestial orb to keep Celestia there and, of course, begins her eternal night.
Monster flees into the forest – as she's terrified of Nightmare – and is pursued by her friends and Tallgrass, who was ordered by Trixie to keep them safe (despite his objections). Meanwhile Trixie and the Mane 6 (er, 5) give chase, with Trixie finally managing to connect to them and gain their friendship while trying to figure out what Celestia wants her to do. It all culminates with Monster facing Nightmare, losing, being rescued by the foals (who are the Element Bearers in this continuity), defeating Nightmare Moon via sacrificing herself, only for her and Luna to be rescued by Trixie and the Mane 6 who show up to also use the Elements.
Hooray, the day is saved, except that Twilight has been reduced to a rainbow-colored alicorn foal – with all (well, most) of the implications that implies – and having to grow up all over again. Trixie and the Mane 6 agree to act as guardians of the Element Bearers and even take the title in public so that the kids won't be targeted as they grow up. Zecora and Twilight move to Ponyville and apparently everypony lives happily ever after.
So... the good. This story was certainly well-written, mixing in comedy and seriousness at just the right level (a trick in its own right) with few glaring mistakes. The concept was well conceived, the world building was above average and the characters were all wonderfully in-character with their show counterparts. Trixie in particular was a treat to read, always maintaining a distinct level of arrogance and impatience even as she struggled to do the right thing in the guise of selfishness. Twilight was the exception, but given the basis of the story that's actually to be expected. She retains just enough of her personality to make it clear that this is indeed Twilight, but just enough of a new one to give credence to her revised history.
The descriptive nature of the scenes was wonderful and, at times, a highlight of the story. There was just enough whimsy to tickle the imagination without turning the story into a silly cartoon. The only time this failed came at the very end, when the attempts resulted in some blatantly forced emotion that had me rolling my eyes and skipping over a paragraph or two. For example:
Her tears washed down the front of her chest, drenching the little ponies as they clustered near and even dampening the coats of the adults who could not help but attempt to add their consolation to the distraught new princess. A thousand years of cold reserves broke in both of the old alicorns as their tears unlocked deep reserves of sadness which had not been reduced by the passage of time.
Almost incoherent, Luna sobbed, “What if I am weak again, sister? I can no longer be trusted by your side!”
“Never, little sister.” Celestia leaned over Luna, her tears flowing down the pastel mane which nearly engulfed the smaller alicorn. “I have not fought so hard, risked so much to lose you again. I shall always be there for you.”
Yeeeah, how about no? Pardon me while I yawn and move on.
Another thing this story had going for it was the creative solutions to a number of the problems. Georg came up with some highly unexpected things, such as creating small universes in a magical bubble, producing a literal wall of fear, or converting changeling spit into nitrocellulose (now that one I had to reread a couple times). It certainly kept things interesting as I continued to wonder just what he'd think up next.
But there were also plenty of stumbles. One of the ones that really frustrated me was when he started adding pictures to certain chapters. This is one thing that, in my opinion, no writer should ever do. Seeing a icture in a story tells me one of two things: A) the writer has zero confidence in his ability to describe a scene, or B) the writer is saying "Luk at htis awsome pic of mah awesom seen! Ths prooves Im a gud writr n U shold tell me Im awsom!"
Please, people, don't put pictures in your stories. If you really feel the need to see your scenes in art form, put them in a 'gallery' chapter at the very end or something. Seriously. Ditto for music. I'd be more lenient if Georg did it with every chapter, but he didn't so it just feels even more amateur.
Yet the one thing that most bothered me about this story was the pacing. I felt like there were a lot of tangents that we really didn't need. Sure, the three or four joke chapters involving big Mac were amusing, but did they really advance the story? Not much. Everything involving the changelings was a little more relevant as they helped to show Twilight's new personality and flaws, but I really don't think it was necessary. In fact, it felt more like the writer was including the changelings just because they could.
Worst of all was after Nightmare Moon finally escaped. Seriously, in a 33-chapter fic, ten of them – ten of them – were devoted to nothing but the characters running through the Everfree trying to get from Ponyville to the Castle of the royal Pony Sisters. that's right, a full third of this story was devoted just to chasing Twilight through the Everfree after Nightmare Moon's return, and the majority of it was silly filler. Georg tried to make up for this by leaving the end of each chapter at something of a cliffhanger, but after seeing the fifth chapter involving the characters running through the woods I was itching to get to the big fight.
TL;DR
All in all: Monster is a generally good story with some creative ideas and strong characters, but it suffers from poor pacing (which itself is partially due to there being too many characters), a few needless tangents and some questionable decisions on the author's part. I'm glad I read it, because I did enjoy it, but it's just not at the quality I would prefer and thu doesn't make it into my Favorites bookshelf.
Update Schedule
Frequency: Sunday, December 21
Reddux the Tyrant: Saturday, December 20
The Gentle Nights: Audience of One: December 27 or 28
Stats
Total Word Count: 1,031,000 (+10,000) over 24 stories
Follower Rank: 487th (+12)
Overall Ratings Average: 94.32% (+0.13%)
Highest-Rated Story (Not Counting Stories at 100%): The Gentle Nights @ 99.00% (3 Weeks, +.02%)
Story with the Most Votes: Tyrant @ 1814/48 (3 Weeks)
Story with the Fewest Votes: Sweet to Eat: Tales of Nightmare Night @ 18/1 (3 Weeks)
Longest Story: Trixie vs. Equestria @ 144,000
If it's a requirement to read it, definitely.
If it's optional, I'll definitely see what I can do.
It's so neat that you reviewed that story. It's one of my all-time favorite AUs and I've gone back to read it more than once, which is a rare thing for me, so it was cool to see another perspective on it. I definitely agree that it went off on some tangents that went on a little long, but I guess it didn't bother me as much as it did you. And I don't remember any pictures in the chapters...I must have just skipped them altogether.
Anyway, I don't have the financial security to guarantee I can donate to your charity fics, but I wish you luck.
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It's not a requirement at all. I'm just supposed to use the story as an advertising platform.
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I really enjoyed the story as a whole, but yeah, the tangents were one of the big killers for me. For example, although the segment about Big Mac – and particularly the thought of his 'encounter' with Twilight – brought me close to laughing, which even crack fics have trouble with, but when I realized it hadn't brought anything to the overarching plot I was left wondering (accurately) if it was just amusing filler material. Not good.
I'm still not sure if I'll do the Tyrant trilogy. It depends on how many people respond and how they do so.
On donating to charity after reading your story, at the moment, I can't, since I'm I the market for a new car, after my old one caught fire on the freeway, so money's tight ATM
I'm up for donating
I wouldn't donate, but only because I need to pinch every penny I can, not because I don't want to donate to a charity.
I would definitely read the story, but there are enough people in my home town that I regularly help money-wise, plus as a soldier in a third world country my salary is kinda small and soldiers pay taxes here for some reason.
This goes to everyone who reads this: Don't donate to charities; if you look around your home town you will likely find someone who is truly struggling and just needs an extra push to get them out of the dumps.
Why send money to far off places when there are people in your doorstep who legitimately need help?
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Actually, it looks as though they've got six people signed up so far.
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You've found me a little later than some, so you may have missed the news. Yes, I intend to cover every: Twilight's rise to power, the subsequent rebellion and the aftermath (each being its own book). I've had this planned ever since Tyrant was first released, I just kept it on the backburner because there were other things I was more interested in writing. and yes, it would have a 'real' ending.
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I feel very similarly, but since I was invited I figured I would investigate the option. So far it's looking like not a lot of people would donate, though, so I'm starting to lean 'against' this whole ordeal. Also, I'm mildly worried that the children we're helping will grow up to be terrorists. I know that sounds cold, but considering the location it's a distinct possibility.
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Until it bit me! Now I've got the bug! And so do you! And so does Bob! We're all infected!
Infected I say!
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Ah, but is it a happy infection?
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mlpforums.com/uploads/monthly_02_2012/post-882-0-51445400-1329781078.jpg
Oh, quite.
You could do that, or you could donate to the "Feed Danger Beans Charity!" Every donation goes towards feeding a hungry Danger Beans in your area!
I'm not really for or against, so I don't have much to say either way. But at least it's a human charity. I've been asked to donate to charities before that wanted to save the polar bears. POLAR BEAR! I'm not going to donate money to save an animal that would try to eat me if I ever came across one in reality. That's nuts!
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You and my dad would get along wonderfully in regards to the polar bears.
I, like you, am skeptical on charities regardless of who they say they're representing and/or what cause they're fighting for...
So, no, I wouldn't donate... I would read the trilogy, definitely! But, yeah... I just don't believe in charity...
Monster definitely sounds like a story I'd want to read... *adds to RL list* (I really need to empty that...)
And what was the other thing? Oh yeah... the Them-verse...
I guess zomponies aren't my cup of tea... So while they are in the RL list, I might try the first one and see what happens from there...
I'd donate if you did that. Sounds cool! And sorry I'm so late.
And despite the mature rating, I think I'm going to read the Them series. Probably. Maybe. We'll see.