When You Realize... · 5:23am Jul 31st, 2014
I'm a living, breathing social mistake. Out of everything, the hardest thing for me to do is socialize. Every school year I tell myself to shut up, be quiet, and be a good girl. Say yes, no, hello, and other things. Don't speak; and people will like you. Don't even think about opening your mouth. Just be reserved...
Every school year I say this. Some classes I remain reserved, while others I burst out and be my abnormal, awkward, disgusting self. I try not to drive people away, but who can avoid the inevitable? Every class, I see people socialize with ease, and honestly, I envy them. I wish I were them. I wish I could simply let my thoughts fly off my tongue without thinking anything of it.
This past school year, I tried to be as quiet as possible. I tried not to say anything to anyone, but, as you know, that probably failed...
In Biology class one day, my teacher put us in groups to do a "Get to Know You" thing. I was put in a group of an annoying kid I knew from middle school, and someone I'd never met before. He had short, blonde hair and blue eyes that would make the most beautiful of days envious. He's scrawny, yet has an adorable tummy and wears a set of rectangular glasses. I didn't think much of it.
Now, we had to make charts putting our favorite show, band/music genre, book, activities, movie, ect. Under show I put "MLP:FiM". You know, so any brony could recognize it, but my other members wouldn't directly think anything. After a while, we went around and answered the questions. When I answered mine, I simply said the shortened version so I wouldn't be laughed at. Naturally, the kid I already knew kept asking "Oh, what's it stand for? What's it mean? What is it?" I gave in to simply get him to shut up and not draw attention.
"My Little Pony..." I muttered under my breath quietly.
Now, while this kid turns around and starts laughing about it, the new kid (which I found out was named Ethan) turns to me and whispers quietly under his breath, "Don't worry, I like it, too...."
I smiled, and there was an instant bond. I talked to this kid a lot, especially in music theory. At first, it was just about the show, but it quickly grew to much larger topics. I grew on him, and in a way, became emotionally attached to him. Heck, I still am.
After a long while of getting to know each other, I started to make a LOT of social mistakes around him. He found out I liked clop, so naturally, I thought that meant I could openly talk to him about it. I made jokes that weren't remotely funny. I hit him playfully, but ended up hurting him. I may have said the wrong thing in front of his dad a lot (he works at the school). I purposely annoy him to get a reaction from him. And heck, I've done a lot worse than that to the poor guy.
And you know what?
I made a shit ton of social mistakes in front of him, and he doesn't care! Most of the time, he acts like nothing happened, and he treats me like a human being. He doesn't give me weird glances, doesn't shoot me down, and doesn't treat me like a freak. Hell, sometimes he even chuckles at my antics, as if they're just commical behavior. He says, "Yeah, you're weird, but we all are". He treats me like a human being. In reality, it's hard for me to think about. He just makes me so, so comfortable to be around. When I look at him, I see acceptance, not every social mistake I've ever made. Heck, I could probably tell him my biggest secret and he'd still probably treat me the same way he does. Frankly, I love him. A lot. He's been in tons of my dreams, and he's on my mind a lot.
Now, around three months after I met Ethan, I started writing Raising Rainbow. And you want to know what?
Him and I are a lot like Rainbolt and Surprise.
Yeah, Surprise makes a shit ton of social mistakes. Rainbolt, however, is kind enough to just blow them off and continue to treat her with respect. Surprise is extremely comfortable around him to a point she can make social mistakes and not feel like she's being judged or embarrassed. She loves Rainbolt, and although she feels like he'll never love her back, still tries to make him happy and put his feelings above hers. Everypony knows she loves him (as most people know I love Ethan) and Rainbolt tries his hardest to ignore the fact she loves him, and simply treat her like any other pony should.
Now, I know I may not be able to call it an allegory, but I am starting to see a lot of resemblance between the two characters I've made and my real life love interest. I have a very deep connection with Surprise as a character, and I want to see her end up with Rainbolt as badly as 90% of Raising Rainbow readers do. I'm simply afraid of taking away the fact Rainbolt's a single father. In my opinion, that helps makes the story interesting. Without that aspect, things could turn out a lot differently.
Maybe one day Surprise will get her happy ending...
Maybe one day I'll get mine...
Remember boys, sometimes all a girl wants is to be treated like a human being. But girls, if you expect to be treated like a human being, I'd highly suggest you act like one.
- A very emotional, contemplating Pizzema Forte
Social skills? What are those?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Everyone needs someone, right?
Happy to know you're happy!
Carry On
2331027 I may like him, but he doesn't return the feelings. I mean, he never said he did, but I never asked. Maybe one day, he will, though.
Pizzema, shush. Shooooooosh. Yes, you may be a social disaster, but that doesn't mean you need to feel like one. This character sounds like a nice person that I would love to know, and I hope that your experiences with him will help you to become more sociable. All you have to do is learn through experience.
Whoa there, back up.
You're telling me you are female?
And more on topic: D'aaaaaaaaaaawwwwww!
2331052 Awe, thank you so much!
I hope so, too. I have improved throughout the years. I suppose I'm just a little slow is all.
This is a lot how I'm like.
Hmmm...I should write a story on this...
Yessss!! Idea~!!
Sounds like a keeper.
I hope you realize soon that most of the classmates that ostracize you really are not worth worrying about.
*applauds enthusiastically*
I wish I had more than one friend like yours. You're a lucky girl, you know that?
As far as everything you said about school and the rest, I know that feel. I've been exactly the same way my entire life. I just wish I had your luck in finding someone who could accept me like that.
Hey, don't worry about what others say. We all have skeletons in the closet, some bad, some good but looked upon strangly by society. Here's the thing, society is made up of individuals. A community. This community here doesn't mind your quirks or social mess ups as it were. Were all similar individuals. We'll always be here for you. Good on you for meeting someone like that! Take advantage of this, in a good way, and even if he isn't looking for a relationship, at least you are lucky to have a very very good friend. Those are important as they stand by you no matter what. Good luck with that and I wish you the best. Req out~
2331067 Wait, what?
Oh I know the feeling.... Socially awkward... It makes it worse that my (I think is) girlfriend is socially awkward too. I mean we hugged and shit and text every day but I'm too damn nervous to ask if its platonic. She's worried about anything being awkward.
I mean i have asked her out and she didn't say yes or no then invites me to her house.... Yeah.
Then there's the internet. WHERE I CAN SAY ANYTHING!(on account that are not affiliated with my actual name)
You may be "Socially Awkward", but I think if this friend of yours read Raising Rainbow, then read this blog post, I think he would return your feelings, only a heartless monster could not.
I do know what your getting at with the "Social skills of a buffoon" thing, but I think you should just be yourself. One thing life has shown me is this: Be you, if others don't accept you, then they are not your true friends.
Don't make friends being something your not, be yourself at all times. Ethan is the shining example of what a true friend really is, make sure you don't lose him.
God forbid you never tell him how you feel, don't make that mistake and live with that regret.
2331034
i may not be into guys cus im a lesbian and geting married but i totaly agree with you it the same thing with gay people we just want to be treated like human beings but we dont usually get the respect we deserve but i really agree with you girls like to be treated like human beings
Man that hit way too close to home. But that is amazing that you have a great of a friend as that, and I wish you good luck.
I wish you luck. I definitely know what it's like to be socially (I somehow don't know people's names after having high school classes with them for 4 years). I'm not sure if I'd call all of those social mistakes either.
That's a brony for yay: Very accept of people with quakes most people will fine repulsive, and smart enough to not let a
pegafemale brony go. Take it from me, Pizzy, this guy is head over heels for. Though don't rush it. He'll ask you out on a date in time, just let him do it unless you get the idea he's to scared to, although report to me before you try anything. You're doing great so far, and I admire you for admiring your flaws and trying to improve on them.This was a incredibly cute blog post to read.
Now excuse me while I go vomit rainbows. The dawww is too much.
Pizzy! Tell me his OC name! I must know so that this shipping will work!!
And that is why I love being a Brony. Cause you guys are understanding and accepting of those who have flaws and problems. Even the imperfect retards like myself are welcomed with a hospitable nature into your community.
And it sounds like this young madam here has another crush. Way to go Pizzy! Racking up all those guys and making them submit to your will! XD
This is so incredibly strange. I know I'm not that Ethan, but my name is Ethan as well, and I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Just found that to be funny (not 'haha' funny but 'heh, small world' funny). You're still young, Pizzema, so you've got some time before your 'happy ending' is supposed to come. Be patient, be yourself, and love will find you.
~SolidFire
Finally, another human being who finally gets how I feel most of the time!
2331528 Haha, It's not "another crush" Unique. It's the same guy I've been telling you about all this time.
2331514 He doesn't have an OC, but I've drawn ponified versions of us together. What I imagine his OC to look like is a unicorn with a salmon/peach coat. His mane is very swoopy and his eyes are sky blue. His OC, like him, wheres glasses and whatnot. I haven't imagined a name, but I imagine something like Harmony or Vibrettin (from Vibrato) or something. Not really sure.
2331338 As for telling him how I feel... I don't know. Maybe eventually. Maybe when he matures a bit or something. One day, though.
2331787 Don't tell him to early, (might scare the poop out of him) I'm just saying, don't be one of those girls that is 40 years old and single thinking "What if I had told him how I feel?"
I beg of you, don't be one of those.
2332004 I know, I know. I want the time to be right. Maybe one day. I just love him so much, and I don't want to scare him off.
2331528
2331787
This made me feel so good to read, I am really happy for you and I hope it all works out!
Now i must do my usual bout of stupidity
This messes with my OTP of Unique x Pizzy.
img.ifcdn.com/images/36d104095ef0e5c3f6401992c2dfa324b898fd544afeb987c45c04754385f1f0_1.gif
For the record, Unique, I made that gif all by myself
What will i do now that both of you are going off on other romantic pursuits? How will i survive?
Ah, screw it. I still ship the both of you.
Happy awkwardness, everyone!
2332056 You could ship Unique and Twidashloverxox's OC together...
2332118 But that means i lose shock value and awkwardness...
2332274 Shut up and do it. The awesome and handsome Unique and I command thee!
2332280 ponilauta.fi/poni/src/13863398285929.png/43965%20-%20applejack%20hmm_%20nah.png
Excuse me while i go write fanfics in the style of Bon Bon
38.media.tumblr.com/9797ebf7916d16134a80095a7f97c36d/tumblr_n9lewmI6Od1t2o4u0o1_500.jpg
as fellow social awkward person i wish you the best of luck,
and i will continue to love to read raising rainbow
Well, I wish you the best of luck! May the odds be ever in your favor.
(And sorry for this short post, but I'm missing those "social skills" even on the internet
)
Good on ya, im the same except i try being the nice guy but get friendzoned at every turn
You should propose to him.
2335027 Hehe, maybe one day I'll have the opportunity to...
