Dragon Fire was a normal young stallion in a small town. Holding down a job, practicing his talent, struggling with love. Even still he had his problems. A father he never met, a destiny he doesn't even know about, and a ancient Dragon God trying to destroy the world. Will he succeed? Or will his spirit forever burn in the eternal dragon flame?
Author: Nods to Skyrim
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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your regret. i enjoy it.
>Wight coated unicorn
>Wight coated
>Wight
Wights are the undead or ghouls. You want white as in the colour.
Chronicles, not Chronicals.
One speaker per paragraph.
And work on exposition. It's pretty clunky at the moment. Opening your fic with a physical description of your OC is a pretty poor start that'll turn most off. Layer these details into the narrative in a more natural way. Simply stating them is poor form.
These errors alone would make anyone avoid asking you to preread their stuff. Maybe you should get a prereader to whip this into shape.
Also, barely being over 2k words is hardly long. Long is anything over, like, 9k. Background Pony has long chapters. This chapter is in a comfortable zone that could greatly be expounded upon.
2437610
Thanks. Its good to see you like the story. Just wait that regret is gonna get better.
2437893
Thanks for the tips cant wait to get rid of my current editor for not pointing them out him self. But anyways thanks for the feed back and if I had not stopped there, the chapter would have been over 12k words and give away some of the good bits way to quick. I also thought the same about the opening and that it was to forward but I worked on that through the story mainly some points on the color of his magic, his eyes, and cutie mark and all of them are some of the good bits.
2438216
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN... WITH LEMONS! I WILL GET MY TEAM OF ENGINEERS TO INVENT COMBUSTIBLE LEMONS TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
2438278
Yes and I will slice you into bits and then light the bits on fire and then put the ashes in a lake and evaporate the lake using magic. Now stop making fruitless threats and read the story or leave your choice.
2438997 okay. your loss. dirt bag.
I love this story!
2444177
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Not many people have seen it and some have said it has potential but none have said they love it.
It's just so good to hear.
Chapter two will be out soon with some good bits in it.
Can you check out my story that I wrote its a self insert fic.
It's called legend of the ever free forest: when darkness finds light.
And I may some time make my own sky rim fan fic if it doesn't bother you and I ve played the game.
2444225
I will check out your fic and I don't really care if you make a skyrim fic. But to make a point this is NOT a strait up skyrim crossover I just make some heavy nods to skyrim like the dragon god and the dragon language but dragon fire is not Dovakin and dose not poses the thum. In the case of the dragons they will all speak the dragon language and some times brake into it when speaking to the protagonist and they use it to cast spells almost like the thum. Don't worry I will try and translate if it wont give away stuff that is suppost to stay secret.
Yay! New chapter leave your feed back.
It was awesome still love this story!
I like this chapter!
Anther!
2451547cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/29026730.jpg
Apparently you agree.
so when will the next chapter be posted?
2463987
I can't say when exactly. I'm in high school and EOC exams are coming up and I just cant get anything done during the first two weeks of may because I have family from out of state visiting.
But I can say that I will have it up mid to late May at best if not early June
Well yep i can definitely see the obvious nods to skyrim but theres one thing that i didn't understand. This paragraph:
what i didn't get is that dragons are still very much around and all the ponies know about them. I mean true the dragons aren't very sociable and the likelihood of you striking a conversation with one is very slim but still dragon magic would still be around just not common.
2587574
Yes the dragons are still around but the sense that I'm going for here is that the dragon magi when they died out weren't able to pass on there knowledge before hand. So the way for dragons to cast spells died with them. But magically adept creatures like unicorns could pick up were the dragons left off and a incredibly skilled unicorn like Star Swirl would not only be able to study them but learn how to harness the words of power.
well my good friend, this is a good story and we both have a similar taste in skyrim magic
That was a pretty good action scene.
Can't wait to see more of them.
Thank you that's good to hear but it wasn't all me my editor really was a big help with it.
Eeeeeeeeeee more and still loveing it!
3295516 Good to know your still into it!
3291584>>3291928
Well i wouldn't really call myself an editor... just an action junky really haha