• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 29th, 2014

NejinOniwa



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Princess Luna has nightmares. Terrible nightmares. More importantly, nightmares that come every single night and day and infallibly disrupts her sleep. Turned to an intake of sugar and caffeine that Pinkie Pie would've been proud of just to stay awake, she consults Celestia for a solution to her sleep problems - who presents her with an idea long abandoned as useless fringe pseudoscience by any respectable researchers: Astral projection.

But Celestia's solution, while close to the mark, doesn't quite do its job. Or, at least, doesn't manage to ONLY do its job. For Luna isn't the only one having nightmares...


Meanwhile, on Earth, the 17th century has recently gotten itself a fairly abrupt makeover, in the form of the misplaced 20th century West Virginian town of Grantville landing smack in the middle of Germany - along with hillbillies, admirals and a LOT of shotguns. Now, 3 years later, these elements have consolidated themselves with the local powerhouses in an alliance with Gustavus Adolphus Vasa, king of Sweden - who, with his up-time friends, have managed to grab a quite sizable chunk of land in Germany and name it the United States of Europe, subdue Denmark-Norway into a reestablished Kalmar Union, introduce airplanes, ironclads, and rate of fire to the battlefield; and piss off just about everyone else on the continent in the process. Needless to say, the 30 Years War just got a LOT more complicated.

When these elements are forced together by an ancient breed of chaos, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the results aren't far from a nightmare.

Meanwhile, Equestria has to deal with the absence of both their diarchs, a lost (human) princess, an entirely different breed of chaos; and of course, the inevitable fact that every single villain with a score to settle is going to come back for a second round.

Some of which not even the Norns can save them from...



---

This is a crossover between MLP and the Assiti Shards/1632 series by Eric Flint (which is a very good read on its own, and I much encourage you to read it), with some norse mythology and homegrown thrown in (I couldn't make it fit, so I made it Bigger). Timeline-wise, this story starts about a year after Discord pony-time/2 months after the Changeling invasion; and 2 months after the Battle of Copenhagen earth-time; August of Anno Domini 1634, 3rd year of the Ring of Fire / Month 8 of Harmony Era year 2. Call me extrapolating, but TIME ES MUI IMPORTANTE, friends.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 31 )

Hm, that's a very interesting description you have there. Let's hope that your story can live you to it, then :pinkiecrazy:

219511
Oh quite. I always have to restrict myself a bit when writing short bits, you know, lest it get way too eloquent and long and all that. So instead of being flowery I focus on the sticky parts! The parts that stick. And glue themselves to your eyes. GLUE IN YOUR EYES CAN YOU FEEL IT-

(Dear readers, a word of advice. If you ever start writing, please refrain from staying up all night finishing a story - for the sake of your own health and sanity. Or at least, for the sake of those around you, refrain from using the internet the day after. It never ends well. :pinkiecrazy:)

This comment section is feeling very alone right now, so I'd be mighty glad if some of you good ponies could give it something to eat. And to know what you thought about things so far, of course. Chapter 3 is on the way and should be out within the week.

Well, that certainly was a good chapter. There's nothing much that I can criticize from my point of view although some of the paragraphs seems a tab bit long, but that's just me being whiny :pinkiecrazy:

Keep on writing!

MORE EDITS. This has gone through a fair amount of reviews now, and I feel the story is shaping up to get better and better.
The intro is still the weak link, though. Which is sort of sad. But meh.

When I saw this existed, first I was like :rainbowderp: then I was like :pinkiegasp: and then I :trixieshiftright:

669167
Since you appeared to insinuate this story wasn't strange enough, I went and added some vikings to it. Have fun with that.

You requested a review. I honored that request. Sorry I couldn't honor it sooner. My opinions on this story, for what they're worth.

Whaaaaat?! A crossover with the universe of "1632"? :pinkiegasp:
What sorcery is this?! :pinkiehappy:
That's it. This is going on my reading list, top priority!

1446955
You must honestly be the first one who's familiar with the crossover material, I swear.

GG man :D

1447480 Seriously? Nopony else here has read it? :pinkiesad2: Man, that's sad. 1632 is probably the best-written and best thought out one-way-time-travel story I've seen since Mark Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court". Eric Flint really did his homework.

Though i have to confess I haven't read much else of the kind, yes, it is very much a golden piece of work. Eric Flint is a real hotshot.

As for one-way time traveling...
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/happy-yes.png

Interesting mix of magic and the Assiti's multiverse-warping bits of "sculpture" I remember from 1632 (garbage tossers, indeed!)

It's making sense to me so far, but I don't think it would make much if any to someone not familiar with Flint's series. I think that's why it's gotten so little notice, despite the quality of the writing so far. :ajsleepy:

1448262 I've guessed that was the case as well.Trying to amp my publicity efforts up a bit though ^^ Hopefully I'll get things rolling eventually.

Oh, I have to get a couple more chapters in before I can really say for sure if this story's really working or not. Note though that I'm a 1632-aholic, so I'll probably read this whole story no matter how good it is.

As a pure gut feeling, I think the sections with Kristina were less effective than Luna's sections. Also, somebody not familiar with the 1632-verse is going to be very lost, starting with the part about Kristina's betrothed's watery exploits, which I had trouble wrapping my head around in The Baltic War. What can I say--me and David Weber's writing style don't get along very well.

I mean, writing a crossover with anything that isn't a Star Trek, Raiders of the Lost Ark or other universally-known property is sort of a larger-scale version of putting an obscure pop-culture reference in a comedy--it has to work even for those who don't get the reference. I mean, I don't know a thing about Battletech, but "The Thessalonica Legacy" is awesome, so it definitely can be done.

Of course with Kristina, you're dealing with a chatty genius. Too many references is kinda par for the course.

Now the Prologue on the other hand, that I liked, despite the fact that I didn't remember much of anything about the tail end of Nordic mythology--you really got the atmosphere across, by building from the believable scenario of a frozen town (which will obviously resonate in the reader's mind with the Windigos) up the the visit of the Vanir.

1448312

I was wondering if a story with this sort of premise would ever show up. I have to say though, I can tell you are trying to stay true to Flint's style, but I just not sure that it really clicks. I think you have added wayyyy to many elements to the book already, I can barely follow all the character viewpoints and scenes. The prose itself isn't bad, but the general length of each segment and chapter make this hard to follow.

Now, I really enjoy the 1632 verse but I'm not entirely sure if it makes a good crossover with FIM.

Wow, very interesting ending there.

Another new setting? I don't suppose Metroponis has any relation to the setting of "Harpflank and Sweets"? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for the relevance of this chapter to the overall story to become apparent.

1461090
I will connect the dots for you, here (because it's supposed to be obvious enough).

Ch5 takes place in De Future. Ponyville got Bigger. It eventually kind of outgrew its name, so it was changed

Anyway, glad to see so many new readers. I'm still kinda curious to where the hell you're all coming from, though >_>

A fic that deals with the events of 1618-1648? That centers around Germany? You my friend made a fic that encapsulates the references in my name rather well.
*Clicks Read Later*

1650183
Weeell...
You may be in for a surprise or two along the way. Also, Germany isn't much of a thing by this point, and the Earth-side starts in Copenhagen. But we'll get there later.

1650299 Oh, I know Gustavus Adolphus was Swedish, but none-the-less the Thirty-Years War (Actually lasted thirty years!) was fought mostly within what would become modern Germany, the Holy Roman Empire.

1650661
That is certainly correct, and I know my history more than well. But it'd help to take a look into the 1632 series which this is a crossover of, in case you're wondering what the hell is going on at certain points.

Anyway, happy reading!

Yeesh, man that took a lot longer to get through than it should have.

Well, Nejin, you've got an interesting premise, if nothing else, but I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the massive infodump that takes place in this chapter. I'm being told all these words and names and places that I don't know, much less know how to pronounce, and then given backstory on a bunch of them. I felt like I had to go back and re-read large sections just to understand what the hell was going on. Now, I'm willing to accept that that may be a failing on my part, but this is merely me stating what my reading experience was like.

One of the major problems I have, and I'll admit, it's more of a stylistic thing I suppose, is the way you use bolded text. To me, that just feels lazy. I understand that you're using it to show the strength behind the words, but I can't help but think that you'd be better served with some equally strong description. You don't even have to describe it every time, just once would suffice. Also, that's not to say that you can't or shouldn't use bolded text, just that maybe you should tone it down a little in favor of some better description. (Which, if you'll recall, was also my complaint about portions of The Late Clock)

Without the last handful of paragraphs, I would've found myself asking "Why is this on FiMfic?" because it doesn't feel pony... at all. Granted, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly is not going to attract many readers on a site dedicated to ponyfics.

So, having said all that, I do want to point out that I did enjoy some of the descriptions quite a bit, and I found some parts of it to be very interesting. However, if I were reading this randomly, I don't think I would've even finished the first chapter. Nothing about it really tickles my fancy. About the only thing keeping my invested (and I use that word loosely) is the prospect of more Norse mythology (aka best mythology) being incorporated.

~alexmagnet

1733766
Yeah, MASSIVE INFODUMPS EVERYWHERE is a recurring disorder I've got to deal with in this fic. The big issue is that it is 1: a crossover, 2: using obscure norse mythology, 3: making up a looooot of new magic systems, and 4: making up a LOT of new facts about the MLP universe itself. There is a LOT of things going on here, and you sort of need to know about quite a few of them.

That said, I'm fairly certain I can filter out a big amount of them from this chapter - it's probably the only one I haven't massacred wholly yet, and a few weeks ago I did away with a huge fucking tumordump in chapter 5. I think I've found most of them, but if you find any others, let me know

Regarding bolded text, it's actually a technical thing here. It denotes, basically, the usage of magic. You see it disappear when Freyr's little magic crown thingy does. And if someone speaks in FUS RO DAH, then I think bolding is warranted. I guess I could spur it down a bit in places, but it feels proper to me.

As to "why this is on FiMFic"...well. Read on :)
The whole deal with the vikings is pretty damn important here, and things will make sense eventually.

I hope.
//N

Sorry this is taking so long for me to get through. Don't worry though, I will read every chapter...

MLP is the property of Hasbro, the Assiti Shards series is the property of Eric Flint and co-authors.
No... Don't say right in the beginning that you're 'stealing' something without permission. You really don't need this in your first chapter, or ever, for that matter. It honestly just feels kinda amateurish and silly, of which you are neither.

Forgot to mention this in my last comment, but I've said it before anyway (when I was reviewing The Late Clock). Your formatting is fucking maddening. Inconsistent paragraph separation, while I know why you do it, is just frustrating. Maybe I'm the only one that is bothered by it, but whatever... just wanted to bitch about it... again.

All right, as for the actual chapter. Well, it's nice to see shit actually happening, but I wonder what the prologue has to do with any of this since it feels wholly unimportant. I do have a few complaints though. First, break up your walls of text. When I see a massive paragraph it's very tempting to just skim through it, and that's not good. Now, one could make the argument that having walls of text is appropriate when the paragraph is all about a single subject, the problem though, is that these ones rarely are. They jump from topic to topic and don't flow particularly well in single paragraph form. You might think that having a bunch of small paragraphs makes your writing look less impressive or something, but I can tell that what it does do is make it look more readable.

Anyway, I'm also not a fan of either Luna's nor Kristina's characterization. Luna feels a lot like fanon-Luna, without any real depth to make her more interesting or make me care. Kristina, on the other hand, feels more like a 21st century whiny teen than a 17th century princess. From what I can gather, that's just the way she is in whatever she's crossed over from. Regardless... I hate her, I really do.

The resulting tickling battle (as decidedly one-sided as it was) went on for at least ten minutes.
Really?
I just... I don't even... *sigh*
It's really hard to take this fic seriously when you say things like that. (Also note that that sentence is part of one of the offending walls o' text)

1761983
Chapter one was written before I decided to add the [Dark] tag to the fic, and has a lot more humor and a lot less serious in it than it should. As soon as exams are over I'm going to make a thorough checkup on the early parts of it. Again, I thought I'd fixed the walls of text already - idk, there might be changes not transferred from the gdox versions here. I've done multiple passes to remove exactly that, and fix up things in general.

GREAT
Ok, I just spent at least five minutes searching for a funny exclamation.
! WHAT A DESCRIPTION!

Let's read the story! ':moustache:

2656489
I wouldn't get my hopes up, to be honest - there's a reason I put this project on hold to work on less mentally challenging mashups of reality, after all.

I mean, I've done dimensionality calculations, but the storyboard of this fic is more messed up than a Ranma½ relationship chart crossed with a quantum entanglement schematic...

Still, I commend your courage ^^

I find great sadness in the 'on hiatus' tag. I really want to find out what happens, even if the author bit off a bit more than it could chew.

I raise my flagon of Nord Mead to future chapters.

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