• Member Since 25th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 4th, 2013



Twilight Sparkle was created for one reason and one reason alone. And now it is time for her to do what she was always meant to do.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

“It is done,” whispered the royal goddess “my plan that had been in planning for thousands of years has finally come to fruition. I have crafted the perfect pony to complete these plans.

I read this far and then gave up. Take at least a little pride in your work.

Comment posted by OldManZangy deleted Apr 11th, 2013


Please explain how I have not shown pride in my work based upon the first part of it?


Have you tried reading it aloud? Even cursory editing would have caught the obvious punctuation and grammar errors.

I apologize if it was insulting, but my point is that if you want people to read what you've written you need to draw them in; lacking a picture is understandable (though it really does help attract attention, I'm afraid), and I've seen worse descriptions (yours is really vague, however, which also doesn't attract attention. You want to give some tidbits to entice readers to check your story out), but when the first paragraph has obvious errors and is awkward to read anyone who decided to check your story out will have no reason to expect the rest of it is any better and likely won't read further.


I do see what you mean now, I apologize if I came across as trying to sound like an ass with the previous reply. I was trying to have high hopes for my first fic and a negative comment kinda ruined that for me. But again that said this is my first and it is a multi-chapter one. So I will work on improving that in the later chapters. But it does get better as it goes on (well I think it does). But if this one turns out as a bust I have other ideas waiting to be worked on as well. Thank you for your comments on it. I tried turning to a friend of mine for editing but he refused to do so. So I kinda went in swinging, hoping for a knock-out punch. But again, thanks. :twilightsmile:

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