After finding her sister dead on the floor, Luna is crowned queen of Equestria. This comes with a price, however. The once-beautiful country is dying. ShadowLurkers watching her every move. She must find the third alicorn sister, Eclipses, in order to restore peace and perhaps Celestia's life.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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good story- too short, many errors. expand, explain, spellcheck and pretty much that. you've got a good premise.
so work on it!
I usually don't have room to say this, but there are tons of errors in this. My suggestion would be to get a prereader. Also the characters already have established names. it's kinda confusing, not too mention annoying when people suddenly switch them around. It's Twilight Sparkle, not Shimmer. Same with Pinkamina Diane Pie, not Ottamatapea. Which should probably be Onomatopoeia if that was what you were going for.
Twilight Shimmer?
Shimmer? ?
When are u updateing
... Grammar....