Writing and loving short stories of all kinds, I'd like to think I'm half-good!
Equestria has been taken over by a radical young unicorn claiming her "dragon-kind" have been oppressed. It's a race against time for Twilight and her friends to stop Night Ember and save Equestria before an evil spell takes over the Princess. Not only that, but they'll have to overcome their new scaly form before they can use the Elements of Harmony again.
(Written between Seasons 2 and 3)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I see FimFiction as a mine, most of the time you're just digging through gravel and rock, you can also just go where everyone else is digging, but sometimes you find a hidden gem in the rock and rubble of fics. Thank you for this.
First thing's first.
This story, as it appears to me, has strong potential. The concept is interesting, as is the villain and her reasons.
However...
The writing of these chapters both look and feel as though they were prematurely posted. What I mean by that is that it needs editing and refining - a large amount of editing and refining - before it can be properly and thoroughly enjoyed.
Either way, I was entertained by the villain's introduction and characteristics, and will continue watching this story.
so dragon transformation huh?
Yessssssss gooooddd
I like
this story looks like it's on a great no no fantastic track it's has great potential and hope it gets even better
Hm. Interesting to see Night's accusations on Twilight's treatment of Spike range from the "actually fairly good point" to the "hyperbolically silly."
Like... Twilight does put others before Spike often, and sometimes treats him like a servant... and there are a few other problems in how affectionate she acts towards him compared to others... but these are mostly just mistakes of hers.
But it wasn't a mistake to bring Spike back from the dragons or to revert him from his greed growth form.
Some technical things:
This is spelled "poisonous air", actually, as in "putting on airs."
Every time you use the word hoard, unless you mean it like it was Night Ember's "dragon hoard" it's spelled horde.
Also all the tabs are all over the place, with many things being many different tab distances, and there seems to be no pattern or reason.
YAAAAY FOR BUBBLE-BLOWING PINKIES!!!
I rather like this story so far, but the formatting is frankly hurting my eyes.
You don't have printing costs to worry about, so why have you gone for one of the most tiny and squashed together styles of formatting there are? You normally see pocket books looking like this.
This Ember sounds like a problem... Nothing I can't handle.
JOOR ZAH FRUL
Wonder what'll happen with Princess Celestia.
HEY I just wanted to apologize to everyone for the formatting issues-
I did the "import from google docs thing" and didn't look closely enough at it before submitting, my bad
Wow that was spookie nice
That bitch kill her and let her rot in hell
but great job fav this
so when is a next chapter going to be?
6158649
When the stars align
6219403 the what?
You might want to replace ponies with dragons since they aren't ponies anymore.
so when is a next chapter going to be?
I personally would like to see Night Ember turn good.