Twilight decides to go for a walk through Ponyville at Night to explore the beauty of Luna's moon and stars as they shine down on her home.
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DawnRider
Joined 4th Mar, 2013 ·
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Peaceful, calming, and warm. I loved this. I like to stroll during the night, and this story describes a lot of what I feel when I do.
Thank you that means alot
I may take a little venture into Fluttershy exploring the beauty of the forest.....
I agree tho my favorite time and spot is the full moon and someplace away from houses and towns. Primitive camping in areas that are walk in only can give you this, most campers don't want to walk for half to three quarters of the day just to get to the camp site.
Thumbs up!
Thanks everypony
Im working on another one with a similar feel to this at the moment
The story itself is good, but you need to work on grammar. A few persistent mistakes:
I notice that, a lot of the time, your dialogue lacks ending punctuation.
"Oh, hi Pinkie" is actually incorrect.
"Oh, hi Pinkie." is correct.
There needs to be some sort of punctuation to end the sentence. Even in the event that your character slowly trails off "It's just so wonderful..." or is interrupted "Oh, wow, did you see-" there needs to be something at the end to show the sentence is over.
You also seem to misuse apostrophes. "Flower's" is referring to something that belongs to the flower, like "The flower's deep red color." "Flowers" refers to the plural form of flower, like "Twilight looked at the array of flowers."
Lastly, an ellipsis is always three dots, like so: "Oh, hello Twilight...how can I help you today?"
The story itself was great. The only issue I have with that one is that there's never any actual explanation for why Luna's in Ponyville to begin with. She's just...there.
The good news is, it's a lot easier to learn good grammar than good writing, and you have the latter.
Thanks, that's the kind of advice I need ^_^
I believe I shall go through my work a hell of alot more to weed out the bad grammar.
I'm sorry for taking this long to make a single review for your story. The only thing I can tell you is that it's good. I can't really find much to criticize about it other than that it is fairly insubstantial. The trouble I'm having is that it's just plain good! There aren't many glaring triumphs or flaws.
Alright, you still need to work on your mechanics. Your grammar and punctuation could do with a good proofreader, or even just a thorough read in the edit screen. And why was Princess Luna there? I can't think of any reason to include the princess in this story. If there's anything I can complain about, then it's that for an introspective piece, there is very little in it about Twilight Sparkle, your viewpoint character. You do far too much telling and not enough showing. Illustrate explicitly the images, thoughts, and feelings that run through her mind. You can adopt a stream of consciousness method for doing this. You still have a lot of room for improvement. Read works by The Descendant.
This story is a wonderful feelgood relaxation piece. It certainly puts the mind at ease. You certainly have a talent for this sort of writing. It got the feels out, although they were not particularly strong. Is it memorable? Not particularly, but I like what I will probably come back at some point in the future and be pleasantly entertained.
I give you 4/5 flutteryays.
