• Member Since 26th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 7th, 2013

my little broney (MLB)


i have not been a brony for long but i have become quite the hardcore fan

Comments ( 14 )

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

sorry shining blade im still trying to learn how write better

792 words, Brony spelled wrong, a wall of text.

This ain't happenin'.

well the storys did not work out never mind i will try better next time

also i know it is spelt wrong because it was taken k :trixieshiftleft:

If you could just rewrite with not a wall of text, and not so many mistakes, you'd have a track.

i am a little comfused someone tell me what you mean by wall of text

The whole pony war story thing has lots and lots of potential, as proven over and over. This does not tap into even 1% of it, not to mention amateurish writing. It's a pain to read. By all means, don't get discouraged, but you have a lot of work ahead of yourself if you're planning on writing good fanfiction. And you have talent, if only you can learn to use it. :raritywink:

172853 yer i am know still very new to this i will try harder next time promiss

Hello! I noticed that you're tracking me now, so I will return the favor by giving you a few pointers. First of all, this really is a wall of text- break it up more, space ideas out and add more dialogue (and, by extension, more paragraphs.) This will help the reader ease into it- giving them the plot in bite sized chunks so they can focus on one bit at a time. Second, you need to write more! You didn't give yourself enough space to flesh out your idea- one way to fix this is to get into one of the character's shoes and put them in a conversation. Make it just like in real life- give each party awkward responses and let it carry along. This makes the story more realistic.

Thank you for following me, and I hope you can use these tips for the future. :yay:

>>hohnfreemanwepon thank you i am writeing one as i speek now and thanks for the tips the new one i have to say is easy to follow but not finshed but thanks agian for the feed back :raritywink:

dude you really need to work on your grammar. you grammar was so bad, i spent an hour to read your story which would usally only take me 5 minutes to read.

Me, Sam, mike, Hayden, Jordon and Ben 8th rifle division I was the head of the squad. My wingman was Sam second in command. My rank was General, Sam’s rank was Brigadier, Mike was Colonel, Jordan was a Major and Ben was new so he was only a private. We are storming into Berlin the Russians had already stormed into Berlin taking every German along the way.

These ranks are not plausible. A squad would be led by a Sergeant, a platoon by a Lieutenant, a company by a Captain, and a division by a General. Colonels would typically command multiple companies, as would Majors. Aside from that, soldiers are always referred to by their surnames. For instance, Captain Lawrence Oates was always referred to as 'Captain Oates', not 'Captain Lawrence'.

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