In one day the life of a little filly changes but will her love to her family change?
First Fic. I just needed to get one of the ideas floating in my head out.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 13th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 3rd, 2019
Matty-ICE
Just a guy who loves a good story and does not mind advanced vocabulary. Also Matty-Ice is a High School nickname and I'm proud of it even though I can't remember who first called me Matty-Ice
Matty-ICE
Joined 13th Apr, 2012 ·
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this was awesome!
2141673 Please recommend to others. I want more opinions.
2143578
absolutely!
Form looks good. Personally, I find it easier to read with more space between paragraphs.
Maybe a tiny bit of punctuation improvement here and there.
Aside from that, it looks good. I'll add it to my read later.
Not bad at all. I find it easier to read when the paragraphs are spaced out more but other than that this was pretty good,
I personally liked this story, but now onto my critic point of view:
Everything below this line is meant to help better you as a writer and is solely my opinion that you do not need to read or do any of the things I suggest, I am just trying to help.
(Though do tell me if any of my suggestions/opinions come off rude, I am trying to make my criticism's constructive and kind)
I liked this story, I feel the sad tag was unjustified though. It just did not seem that sad to me, it ended happier with just a bit of drama in the middle.
The idea seems rather original, I have not seen another story like this before, so you did a good job here.
What I did not like was the way the paragraphs were written, it was a bit of a wall of text, but, it wasn't fully a wall of text... more like, a french door of text... it was easier to look at than a wall... if that makes any sense... lol...
Some of the dialogue was hard for me to determine who was saying it in some of the middle parts.
I did like the majority of this story though I felt it was a bit short, it could have been fleshed out more and been better than what it was.
My suggestions: Get a proofreader or someone who can catch things like the dialogue being harder to read or the 'french door' of text. When I got a proof reader I found my stories got a lot better. I recommend the same
So as my final critique I will say the following: Overall, this was a good story, it was rough in some places but it happens sometimes, if I had to give the story a rating, it would be a 3.25 out of 5.
2160455 About the block of text, I wrote the story on word and it has a weird space in between paragraphs that is about 1.7 or 1.8 space. So in Word it looked good, on here it looks bad but I'm to lazy to fix it. Thanks for the help. And a 3.25 isn't bad for a first try, right?
2161555
For a first try, that is very good.