Chapter the Ninth
Okay, so I only got two of the three Pokemon right. From a guy who doesn’t have his glasses, I’m still doing pretty darn well, thank you very much! So how was I supposed to know that an Eevee had a pink coat, for some reason? I don’t know! I mean, shiny Eevees have light blue coats, right? And normal have brown, so... What is it? Like some sort of albino Eevee?
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, playing babysitter to Sweetie Belle, if that’s her name, for her mother. Why the heck her mother even trusted me, I don’t know, but I wasn’t about to do something stupid like trying to make them not like me. Not that I know how to get them to trust me completely, since I can’t really talk to them, but hey, whatever, right? Gotta stay positive! You know the whole glass is half-empty, half-full thing? Well, I’m the kind of guy that says, “Hey! I ordered a pizza!” and then in my boredom, notices that, “Hey, this container is over-designed for its purpose! What’s up with that?”
The Latias, Tailow, and Eevee were all taken away for... whatever reason. I guess because they’re not conscious, they can’t give their word that they won’t do anything stupid. So here I am, laying down, babysitting a baby horse. I suppose I was lucky to an extent, though, because the Glaceon seemed to have taken a shine to Sweetie Belle, and wasn’t going to keep yelling at me while she slept right next to me. Thank God for small favours!
Hmm... I guess I should ask for her name. If only so I know who’s insulting me, and in case I can come up with a clever retort or something. “So... While things are somewhat calm, hi. I’m Glenn Winters, but the horses seem intent on calling me-”
“You can’t even tell the difference between a pony and a horse? Just how stupid are you?”
Now, if you haven’t noticed by now, I am not a clever man. Er, Flareon. A clever man would know not to antagonize a woman with sharp claws. While in most cases that’s used metaphorically, sadly, in this instance, she did have claws. “Stupid enough to think that you’d have manners enough not to interrupt me and insult me,” I answered, snorting dismissively.
I blinked as several red lines appeared on my face as the Glaceon stormed off. It took a couple seconds for the pain to register, but when it did... I whimpered like a little girl. I mean, normally, I would have rushed off to get some water, perhaps cursed a bit, since it’s scientifically proven to help distract your mind from pain, but see, I couldn’t do those things. Why? Because somepony had to be a lazy butt and leave her sleeping daughter in the care of a complete stranger of another species! I mean, seriously what’s their problem?! How do they get off just dumping kids on me, and trusting me not to do something?
I winced when I felt something on my face, a cloth obscuring my vision. Brian, we’re under attack! Battle Stations! What do you suggest?!
Well, considering you’re already in pain, and you’re likely to ignore anything I actually suggest, let’s go with laying there, being frozen.
But I’m already doing that! Why is that the plan?!
Because that’s all you’re going to do! May as well make that the plan, then, right? At least that way the plan will be a success!
Gee, thanks, Brian, you’re an inspiration to us all, I replied snarkily, praying that the chloroform would at least knock me out painlessly.
“There there, it’s alright, don’t be afraid,” a soft voice cooed to me. “I’m just going to clean those cuts up nice and slowly to make sure they don’t get infected, okay? I’m not going to hurt you...”
An angel... Why the heck would I be afraid of someone with the voice of one sent from God? Of course, I couldn’t see them, but the nice, cold washcloth was the best thing I had felt in quite awhile. As it rubbed my face gently, I practically melted to the ground, relishing the feeling. I don’t know about you, but I’m one of those people who love winter. (And no, not because it’s my name. I’m not that vain or anything.) I mean, not that I hate the summer, but there’s only so many layers you can take off, you know? And when you’re not that physical of a person... yeah. It’s not pretty.
I gave a small start when the voice giggled, “You can purr? You’re a strange little puppy, aren’t you?”
I can purr?! Hell yeah! Take that, Flareon! You might be a stupid dog, but at least you can purr! Of course, between the wet cloth, and the coldness of it, I was starting to doze off a tad, but I felt enough energy to raise my head enough to give whoever it was that had the washcloth a small nuzzle.
She giggled again! Her laughter was so light, so happy, so pure, that I summoned my energy enough to see who had tended to me. It was... that yellow pegasus from before? Wow. I should have known she’d be the healer of the party, since she had pink hair. Wait a sec... Is that racist? Judging someone based on their hair color in an anime or video game? I mean, I know that everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes, depending on the situation, but still.
I opened my mouth to say thanks, but was interrupted prematurely by Sweetie’s mother. “You’re going to sleep too? Oh no, this won’t do at all!”
I yawned widely, before giving her a teary deadpan. Unless my memory is that bad, I haven’t gotten an honest minute of sleep yep on this bloody world, and here she was, interrupting my chance on getting some real sleep! Come on! Just how cruel is she?!
“Princess Celestia? Would you mind terribly if Fluffy and Sweetie Belle could have a room to sleep in, as well as the other fillies? I’m afraid it’s getting rather late, and I’m sure that the stone floor isn’t that comfortable, nor healthy.”
Okay, so maybe she’s not cruel, what do I know? Let’s see, so the tall, white one’s name is Celestia? Okay, she has a huge sun tattoo on her butt. Okay, I think I’m starting to get it. The other one was dark, had a moon for a butt tattoo, and was named Luna, so I guess their names and their butt tattoos reflect each other? But then why didn’t the kids have butt tattoos? Was it like a coming of age ceremony thing that they did, like a Bar Mitzvah?
“I don’t know, Rarity... Are you certain you wish to trust... Fluffy, you said, with your sister and her friends? You heard what Garnet said about them being an intelligent, sentient species, right?”
Freaking finally! You hear that, Brian! She actually sounds like she’s treating us with a little bit of respect! Or, well... Okay, fine, she doesn’t trust us, but still! At least we aren’t being treated like a dumb animal!
... You totally missed the whole ‘Sweetie Belle is the sister of Rarity, and not her daughter’ thing, didn’t you?
... Brian? Shut up, and let me revel in my victory, okay? Just five minutes, is that too much to ask?
“Of course! After all, such a lovely, magnificent creature would not be stupid enough to do anything to Sweetie Belle, knowing she’s my sister, right?”
I’m going to die. My mind is going to shatter, and then I’m going to die. Brian, she is going to rip my soul to pieces, and then I’m going to die!
I’m still not sure how I managed to squeak out an answer, but eventually I found my voice and said, “N-no Ma’am.”
Of course, they didn’t understand the words I said, but I’m pretty sure they’d at least be able to make out the squeak as one of understanding and fear, and not one of... whatever would make her want to hurt me. What? I’m allowed to be a wimp sometimes! My threshold for pain is virtually nonexistent, I’ve been made fun of my whole life just for having stupid glasses, and I pass out when they have to draw blood. ‘Nuff said?
“And you swear not to knowingly, either by intent or lack of action, cause my sister or her friends to come to harm so long as you’re near them?”
I nodded faster than a bobble-head in a 9.3 magnitude earthquake. Heck, I nearly sprained a few muscles nodding my head fast enough.
“There, see? He’s a perfect gentlecolt! I’m certain he’ll even take a bath before he-”
Bath?! Hell yes! Are you kidding me?! Bitch, either you teleport me to that bath right this frelling second, or you get me there as fast as possible, because I-
“Oh-ho, so you are cultured! I knew someone with a mane as luxurious as yours would appreciate the finer things in life! Now, if you don’t mind, Princess, could you show us the way?”
… I shall ignore the veiled insult, Sweetie Belle’s sister, since you lead me to the wonderful thing known as a bath. I mean, look, I’m not a girly guy, but I hate being filthy. I don’t care if I’m dirty because I’m working hard, but I’m also a bit of a germaphobe, so I kind of hate to stay dirty, you know? And if there’s anything I hate being dirty, it’s my hair. See, I have that horrible, really thin, fine type of hair. It sucks. The tiniest gust of wind will mess it up, and the second it gets dirty, or oily, or anything, you can feel it. I’ve sometimes gone for days without a shower when no one else was home, and I didn’t have to go anywhere myself, but I was at least washing my hair every day. I can’t even exercise in the morning before I wash my hair, because it feels so wierd, and itchy from being dirty.
So why am I bothered by it so much? Because my entire freaking body is now covered in fur, which is, you guessed it, hair. So I’m sure you can imagine just how uncomfortable I was beginning to get.
Celestia turned away to look at Luna for a second, and I guess asked each other something telepathically or something, because I never heard a word. Luna nodded after a moment, and then-
“Holy crap!”
Sorry, I get startled easily, and when you’re suddenly floating, I’d like to think that just about everyone would start, if just for a second. I was wrapped in a light blue... I don’t know, aura? Sure, let’s go with that. I was wrapped in a light blue aura, and I was freaking floating! I mean, how cool is that?! Granted, it would have been cooler if I could, you know, actually control where I was going or anything, but hey, I’ll take flying any time I can get it!
“Oh, sorry Fluffy, I suppose I should have warned you.”
You think?!
“This doesn’t hurt you, do it?” she asked with concern, noticing that I was wincing slightly.
Faking a grin, I shook my head, but went back to wincing when she turned her back. Ow... Okay, I take it back. I will not take flying any time I can get it... How the heck did a unicorn learn Psychic?! I guess that means that all unicorns are a Psychic Type? That makes... sense, I suppose. And, granted, the attack wasn’t hurting me that much, but it uncomfortable enough that it was like... Like a light pinch, all over my body. I can only imagine how much that move would hurt if she threw me against a wall, or dropped me down a few stories, or... Okay, note to self: see a Psychic Pokemon, kill that bastard before it kills me!
That might be a little bit... extravagant, sure, but better safe than sorry, right? If this unicorn was hurting me without meaning to, I did not want to stick around to see what a real Psychic type Pokemon could do to me if it wanted to injure me!
In order to help distract myself from the pain, I did my best to memorize the directions we took to get to the baths, but there were so many turns, stairs and hallways that I felt like I was in that one monk joke. Heh, that monk joke... Remind me to tell you that one later. It’s really long, but it’s got a doozy of a punch-line.
Luckily, the pain was enough to keep me from falling back asleep, and by the time we reached Celestia’s room, I was wide awake. Tired, and not thinking quite as clearly, but I was awake.
Eventually I was set down on the most plush carpet I have ever felt in my life. If it weren’t for the large bathroom that I could clearly see in the next room, I would have laid down and fallen asleep in an instant. You know, it really is amazing how good you feel once a steady pain is gone. You start to wonder if your thoughts were always so coherent, and your body so responsive.
Anyway, I was set down because the fillies needed to be bathed first. I refrained from complaining, knowing that they were just kids, so they needed their sleep more than I did. Still, if they were taking their bath now, a short nap couldn’t hurt anything, right?
I am getting so sick and tired of being wrong...
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2310103 I honestly found myself skimming through the description because when I read the color of the coat and mane, I instantly thought it was a Growlithe and disregarded any other description.
Huh, now I must know of this monk joke.
Winters, my good man, how do you mistake a bushy Eevee tail for that of the svelt tail of a Mew? Well, at least there's no Psychic type using Nightmare and Dream Eater while he's sleeping....right?
2320568 YEAH... ABOUT THAT... See, I'm kinda, sadly, famous for my character development, and lack of actual plot progression...
But who knows? This story MIGHT be different... *Snerk*
2321048
2482278
You are tripped up by a flaming pokemon doll. The smell of alcohol assaults your nose and a man's hand grasps your shoulder firmly. In your ear he whispers. "You're moving in with your auntie and uncle to Bel -Aire. You beg and plead with him that day but he packs your suitcase and sends you on your way. He gives you a kiss and then he gives you a ticket - the ticket being for a reverse pile driver followed by another caning.
2482375 YEAHHHhhh... Not happening. I don't deal with god-modders who don't know how to play fair. Smell ya later!
Ha, pink Eevee!! Here you go!
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2012/099/6/3/pink_eevee_by_snourty-d4vkq50.png
2489734 *squee* Yeah, realised after I published the chapter that, oh, right, Kaye would WANT to be a Mew, so what's something opposite, that would still reflect her playfulness? Hmm...
So yeah! She's not really PINK pink, as her coat dulls it a bit, but yeah. Pink Eevee FTW! 8D
There was one fic I read with a pink eevee protagonist, and he was like a mini-Mew: capable of any move, but only weak showing-off versions useless for combat (except for Transform and Metronome, which worked normally).
I feel like the "monk joke" is a reference to D&D. Am I right?
Hey Fluffy! You're a flareon, remember? As in a fire type. Water + Fire = PAIN! MORON!
3183494 That will be discussed in a later chapter, actually. See, I don't see how a move like Water Gun would REALLY hurt an animal like Flareon. Yeah, if the water pressure were high enough, but it's more of a game mechanic than anything. The way I see it, the 'double damage' reflects other real life stuff that would effect the battle. Flareon, for example, if hit by water, would be a LOT ass slower. They have all that fur. Fur that holds and traps water, which is heavy. They may not like water, but not all Flareon have to inherently hate it just because it's water. The way I see it, weaknesses and strengths aren't necessarily a x2 or 1/2 modifier because the move itself hurts them more, but because the move puts them in a situation where they're slower, and thus can't dodge as easily, making them take more damage from other moves, or else other stuff. Yeah, it's a nice, simple game mechanic, but keep in mind it was originally meant for kids, and that they couldn't make a very technical battle system that could reflect every possible scenario in a battle. While this fic may be a bit silly and light-hearted at times, I AM trying to put my own, somewhat more realistic spin on certain aspects of the Pokemon World, so I have to ask for you to set aside a few ideas that may be set in stone for you.
(That, and how else would a Flareon get/stay clean if water in and of itself caused pain? That's just silly.)