Maghus Uncorn is your average Manehattenite unicorn. He dreams of using his magic to help others and to make a difference in Equestria, but how much of a difference does he actually make? To Equestria and its citizens? Will add tags for major characters as they appear in the story. Maghus is my own self-created pony, with a few traits of my own. If you would like to use him, please ask me first and I'll let you know depending on the type of story.
Shipping included as well as some OC's I've gathered from some generous members of the FIMFiction community. This is my first solid attempt at a fanfiction in years, so hopefully the criticism and praise I receive will help to progress this story along for a while.
Chapters (17)
i saw another one of these with the same character...i hope your the original author cuz i never actually memorized their name but if your not then
FOREVERRRR
Was the last one you read called Ponyville's Newest Egghead? Because that was mine, but I got a lot of comments saying it needed to be redone
indeed
You've obviously taken the time to learn from the previous attempt's problems, this prologue could develop into a pretty interesting story. I'll focus on a few things I particularly like, since most of the remaining errors are probably beyond my meager editing skills.
1. The interactions with his parents are familiar, and I chuckled several times at his obvious youthful exuberance.
2. Details like his mane color are generally introduced smoothly, without setting aside whatever is going on to provide the information.
3. You've already established a very interesting, but believable, trait for the main character - a weather unicorn! Earlier descriptions of his magical mishaps build the idea up, and his mother's comment at the end nails it home, without feeling unnatural.
I say keep writing! I want to see where this goes.
"Uncorn"?
drunktiki.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/I-see-what-you-did-there.jpg
-Glassed
He turned his Alarm Clock into a cloud... Works for me. I bet some pegasi actually use some small electrical clouds as alarms.
This is actually a pretty good story david, it could certainly use some minor touch ups in terminology (i notice a few times where you say everyone instead of everypony) but that's just small stuff. Good job, and i look forward to reading more!
-Allan
choclate rain eh? remins me of that bastard DISCORD....wait a minute.....pinke will LOVE this
Chocolate rain~ Some stay dry and others feel the pain~
-Glassed
Uuh, I'd love to try and make an OC
Great story as well
I expect him to move to Ponyville and work on the weather team?
-Glassed
Great Story so far. I just submitted my only complete OC to you and hope he can make the cut.
Well, there's the newest chapter.
Sorry to those that may find it short, but the romantic in me that is terrible at coming out in speech decided I needed to write this little chapter today. Hope you all enjoy the story thus far, and I'm really looking forward to continuing it towards Ponyville.
I'm very excited to get to start writing in the rest of the Mane 6 and in the future the OCs that I accept to the story.
Aaahhh, this was a nice little chapter
Hope we get to Ponyville soon. While this is interesting, you gotta admit that not much is going on besides Maghus himself
-Glassed
Need MOAR! I am liking this fic a lot. Can't wait to see if my OC made the cut or not.
Glad to hear that everyone is enjoying the story so much!
Odds are that the story will get another chapter come Tuesday by my hopes. Will be unable to get time to write more after then since I've got some midterms and a weekend with the family coming up. Next week I'm completely free, so odds are I'll end up doing a massive writing spree next week with an update or two every day if all goes well. Have a good week everypony
Well there's my newest chapter, a little ahead of schedule as a bit of a gift since I may not be able to update again until next Sunday or Monday if I can't tomorrow. Hope you all enjoy.
I can't wait for Twilights reaction next chapter
Enjoyable as always. Do try and get another chapter for tomorrow, I don't know if I can wait till Sunday
... Nah, just take the time you need
-Glassed
Good chapter. Wonder what Twilight will do come next chapter.
Your hope was well placed for I did enjoy this greatly. (Mostly because now we are getting more toward the part I was eagerly awaiting: the reunion and the future)
bro this is great keep going
Just an update in case anyone wonders about the new tags, I'm putting them in just in case my story takes a twist at some points. Need to be prepared for anything is all, and sadness and possibly fighting (without gore of course) are quite possible to happen, maybe not a lot, but hey, you gotta be prepared for anything. Just giving the heads up on that one.
I wonder how long it will take Dash to learn not to used weather to mess with Maghus
Rather not get banned...
Loving the story man keep it coming
Can't wait for more
A new chapter the day after the last update?
My reaction
-Glassed
219187 One of the best comments I've ever received on a story, thank you.
So a cloud that can't be stopped by any pegasi because it will leave them too injured to fly for a few days? I await to see what will happen with great interest...
*Crosses Fingers*
Weather Magic
DEAL WITH IT
Instead of that you say thet a couple of times. Just letting you know, love the story man.
I didn't leave a comment last time I was here!?
WHAT HAVE I DONE!?
... good chapter
-Glassed
I really wanna know if my OC made it.
Also, Rainbow Dash does not like Maghus at all. She needs to take a chill pill.
Possibly OCs in the next chapter?
The moment of truth is nearing
-Glassed
is it too late for me to come in?
I'm sorry to say it is man, sry about that
I'm just finalizing things now, sorry about the time inconvenience
Moar
Y U NO UPDATE!
259312 Sorry about that, tried sending you and the others that submitted OC's that this week kind of took my mind off of my story, but that I chose to take an OC from each of the four people that submitted some. Couldn't bring myself to leave one or two people out. As for updating the story, I will likely get on that tomorrow, part of the problem has been a minor case of writer's block on my part.
259905
oh my... writers block... i know that feel bro
259905
Writers Block sucks. Deprives the author of creativity and readers of stuff to read.
... *headdesks* Wow, I really somehow Untracked this story?! HOW?! I CALL SHENANIGANS, KNIGHTLY! SHENANIGANS I SAY! *Shakes a fish*
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Short, sweet, and to the point... XD At least I'm caught up again! HUZZAH!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
FIRST
Mass Effect Three. Great choice of time consumer
part 2 part 2 part 2 part 2 part 2 part 2
And now it's four OCs? Oh well *shrug*
The confession came a bit quicker that I anticipated
Or well, that depends on how long the story is... but with four OCs it's gotta be a bit lengthier I guess
-Glassed
263855 Just because the confession came, doesn't necessarily mean anything is going to happen just yet. Don't worry, I plan on keeping this story going for a while yet. Gotta introduce OC's and make them a good part as well after all.
263878
Why do you torture us so with the OC wait. Its not as bad now knowing everyone got one in, but now its the wait of seeing when each one comes in.
Alright, so just an update for all you fantastic readers here, I'll hopefully be updating this story tomorrow night if all goes well. If not...I'm not sure when the time will present itself for me to write more.
As for the story itself in regards to OC's, one has been vaguely introduced so far, and the others will work their way in as things progress. Hopefully university, the coming release of Mass Effect 3, and other things I do in some of my spare time won't interfere too much with this story's progress. Here's to hoping.
Phew! That chapter was a bit of a doozy to write
Anyways, hope you all enjoyed the newest chapter.
Especially you Trevor, since I did officially intro your OC into the story. Hope it worked out well.
Rarity's quickness in finding interest in Moonstone is just a bit much if you ask me.
273321 I realized after a few comments from people that it may have been a bit over the top, I'll quickly go in and change that now, hopefully it's better after that minor tweak.
273232 XD Umm, mostly? I mean... XD I sent a PM, so I won't repeat myself here! I thought it was a good chapter overall, Twilight explaining everything to them, the Pinkie Sense was... random, which works with Pinks, I guess. Let's see, what else... Well, just because it's NOT my character, I'll mention it again for others to comment on if they feel like it: Rares felt OOC. She might be interested in him, yes, but she was too easily infatuated. Just my opinion, but I'd think she'd keep her distance after Blueblood, and watch from afar to see how he treats others, acts, ect, before getting closer. (Hopes others may or may not comment about that.)
Anyways, thans for the chapter, hope you had fun, and I'll wait patiently for the next chapter!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
273335 Well if you hadn't noticed already, I just went in and made a minor tweak to make it sound a bit less like flirting and more like an interest. I'm not too great with trying to convey feelings like that in stories given how I've never been very good at it irl. So bear with me on the romantic stuff at times, something I have to kind of work my way into.