Fluttershy's heart begins to pound when she reads a romantic fairytale, but after being told to enjoy herself in town during hearts and hooves day will she meet her prince charming?
A/N: chapter one is the original and was supposed to be a one shot, chapter two is a bonus chapter to say what happened after.
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it's a really sweet story.. don't know where the down votes came from
there were some small errors but nothing too bad and I would like to see more (maybe just a conclusion if they will stay together)
2123047 thanks i did feel it was kinda short when i wrote it, of course in the coming months i'll most likely add a chapter to properly end the fairytaleish story
also thanks for the comment i appiciate feedback, it helps me get better.
2123047 all storys get down votes usual they don't have a reason other than they don't like the pairings
Tht was awesome I hate that Cupid though
5409155 dont worry he's gonna get his ass kicked in my war story :)
I'll try to summarize what I, as a reader, saw happening here:
Rarity realizes that she likes to work with Fluttershy. After discovering a romance novel, she instantly decides to seduce her. Even if she doesn't know if Fluttershy likes her or if she even is into mares at all.
After spending one day with an awfully obvious named stallion, Fluttershy knocks at Raritys door... and instantly is seduced. Huh. Okay, you know what? Since Fluttershy isn't exactly the best example for 'speaking up for themselves', maybe that actually could happen. Even if she wasn't into mares. Which, in return, would make that scene kinda creepy.
So they don't date. They instantly hop into bed. Well... okay, some relationships move faster than others... I guess...
But then, Twilight happened. I really try to see her behaviour as something that results of a princess Celestia being a narrow-minded idiot. But that horribly clashes with Twilight being, you know, a bookworm. Studious. She's always trying to read, to learn, to explore. Her whole being is centred around curiosity. And, the latest addition, her obsession with studying friendship. (Which is, in a way, more curiosity.) She wouldn't just abandon her friends instantly.
Which brings me to Celestia herself. She forbid homosexual marriage five-hundred years ago, so... another five-hundred years after Lunas banishment. Why? Why did she create that law in the first place? For an immortal being, older than a few thousand years and always shown as wise and good-natured, that's a pretty mean an nasty move. Downright stupid, even, since - with time, which she had plenty - one should realize, that ones gender doesn't matter if it comes to love.
Even when Celestia tried to test Rarity and Fluttershy, she was cruel - which, again, doesn't fit her role as portrayed in the actual show. And Celestia stuttering at the wedding? Somepony like her would've been prepared.
There's just a lot that bugged me. The pacing seemed far to off, horribly rushed, and with Celestia and Twi portrayed that way, I wasn't able to enjoy this story at all.
I'm sorry.
5504163 thats fair; to be honest im not a good writer, i simply do it for fun and i cant expect to turn out literary gold without practice and critique. either way i still thank you for spending your time reading it and for taking the time to explain what you disliked.
5507218 I wouldn't go so far as to say that you're not a good writer. I can see potential in there.
It just needs to be refined. With a lot of practice, as you said yourself.