yetanotherpony
Joined 9th Feb, 2012 ·
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Thanks for adding your story to the Fallout Equestria Group! I hope it get's lots of views!
Well then. You have my attention.
First off, I'd like to note the (what seems to me) French-ish naming style you have going on here. I like it; it makes for a nice change of pace.
Speaking of which, I really like your pacing. I'm pretty sure in most stories this would have been wrapped up already, and we would have ended the chapter with Windfall in the Wasteland or something like that. Once again, I like it.
Addressing the fact that you have a pegasus as your main character: I am okay with this. Nothing that we've seen really says how pony genetics works, so for all we know there could be an even 1/3 chance for every pony born what race they are (my headcanon stands that in FoE, though, the dice trend away from pegasi).
Also noteworthy: a description of a Stable Working As Intended. It's been a while since Project Horizons started, so I don't remember how much Somber went into detail about how 99 was working before everything went to pieces.
Doubly noteworthy, at least for me, is the complete lack of grammar and spelling errors. 11/10, would read again.
The only question I have is just what the "X Years" things mean. It's rather unclear.
Bona arta et bona fortuna.
4093241
Thank you very much!
My pony genetics headcanon is similar to yours: Not common, but, with certain conditions, possible. Pound Cake, for example. And I have reasons for choosing a pegasus protagonist...
The "-X years" is a long-term countdown--read the "-" as "negative".
And as for the lack of errors, that's due to those who have read before I posted, and to Wirepony, who caught an error a few hours after I did. But I try!
I am so glad you've released your first chapter, man! It's been a long time coming. I can't wait to read it in its newest (and most complete) state!
Oh, and you have your first dislike! You must be doing something right.
This countdown is like watching a train speeding towards a car filled with puppies and dynamite. This whole class warfare revolution is going to go so horribly wrong in so many ways, and I can't look away.
You've earned yourself another reader, sir. Windfall is a pretty engaging character, just has this lovable honesty to him. I actually really like how Curette and him got together, but I feel a little bad for Scram. I'm not great at in-depth critique, but I can tell you that overall it flowed well, and that's crucial. Looking forward to more, but by all means, take your time.
4188352
Thank you very much! Feedback means a lot to me, and I'm very glad you liked it. These sorts of comments never fail to make my day. Chapter Two is nearing completion, and shouldn't be too long in coming.
4178080
Heh, yeah. I'd love to know his thoughts, but alas.
Very happy you were able to finish this, and so beautifully done. There is a wide range of conflicts between the different characters. Everypony seems to have their own goals instead of just one, shared goal. It's very rich without being cheesecake-like, if that makes sense.
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Thank you! I'm glad that you're fine with it sticking in the stable--one of my concerns was that people would prefer I 'got on with it' and toss him out on his ass sooner. I hope to have 2 out by Friday. It's drafted, I've gotten feedback from friends (thanks, guys!), and I just need to implement their suggestions and make my own final sweep. Third is also in-progress.
You've gotta recruit for Security somehow!