#7 - Fimfiction

Source

Whirring gizmos and the hum of electricity were the first thing's I heard. But ever since then I have been learning more and more, and now it comes down to this question. Am I alive?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 13 )

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Sorren

Sorren #1 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

To start things off, you have a terrible, terrible habit of creating sentence splices. I'd suggest you go and look up what makes a complete sentence, because it is a very hard thing to simply explain in a story comment.

Before any direct means of addressing a character, you need need a comma before their name. You do have the rule of parentheses down, so I can give you that.

Generally, this story is just error-riddled. It needs a lot of work, but I won't vote it up nor down.

Muncheru

Muncheru #2 · Jan 25th, 2013 · 1 · · Waking Up ·

2017752

He he, yeah I'm sorry I guess I wasn't clear enough in my Author's Note. Most of the horrible grammar for this chapter is on purpose as it's being told from the main characters perspective. Seeing as he's new to the world, I figured grammar wouldn't be one of his best abilities at this point.

Irongalley

Irongalley #3 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

It is itself its leg it's is for it is and all that good stuff...

I will like and fav this story, and then I will dislike it and unfav it just so I can like it and fav it again. Pony on good sir/madam.

Irongalley

Irongalley #4 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

2017764

Word of advice, do not do that. It is clever in one's mind, but people do not take kindly to it. Never go with wrong grammar in the narrative, only in the dialogue is it allowed. Pony on good sir/madam.

Muncheru

Muncheru #5 · Jan 25th, 2013 · 1 · · Waking Up ·

2017775

Yes, I only planned to do it for this chapter. The next chapter he will have a good grasp on grammar and mistakes (if any) will be few and far between.

Jade Mer

Jade Mer #6 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

Wow... I haven't read a peace of Fanfiction for so long that I didn't even notice the grammar "Mistakes". Not that I usually did when not looking closely.

Anyhow, this was pretty good, interesting too. I can't wait for more.

Muncheru

Muncheru #7 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

2017859

Thanks I'm glad you liked it

Jade Mer

Jade Mer #8 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

2017864

Yeah, sure, no problem!

Good to see other people being able to write when I can't. Makes me just a bit closer to being able to write again... (Psychologically, anyways. I'm perfectly capable of typing!)

Muncheru

Muncheru #9 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

2017875

I'm glad to hear it, let me know if you get back into writing and I'll gladly read your work

Gherkin

Gherkin #10 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

Judging by the cover art, I'm going to assume that the main character is a geth, or some sort of pony version. If so, you need the crossover tag, as it will count as a Mass Effect crossover.

Jade Mer

Jade Mer #11 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

2017913

Will do. Actually, you may be hearing from me pretty soon.

SpacelordVen

SpacelordVen #12 · Jan 27th, 2013 · · · Waking Up ·

This unit looked at Twilight for a bit before attempting to speak again. A gurgled shrill screech was all the noise that came out.Twilight seemed to not like that noise, but opened the book any ways "Ok, I guess that means you understand?" This unit spent the rest of the night reading the dictionary, even taking over for twilight bu turning the pages it's self when it was done. This unit has learned something new, when talking about it's self it should be labeled as 'I'

Just re-read this, and noticed an error :\ still a great work! and perhaps, (just a suggestion) get into the mood of the characters, as a wise being once told me, its okay to get emotional over (insert-artistic-relation-here).

Muncheru