Life is an interesting thing. When you least expect it, something bad will always happen. Especially if you’ve already had more than your share of bad luck. Such is the case with Twilight Sparkle and her friends. As an ancient evil awakens, will even the Elements of Harmony be able to stop it?
Oh.. max file size of one megabyte. I guess that means I can't use my 2500X3000 map of equestria I edited for this story, then.
I don't know if I can justify everything in this story with the everyone rating, so I'll change it to teen. Although the beginning is (fairly) mild, I don't think that everything is exactly the kind of thing you'd want your 7-year-old reading.
Chapters (1)
Senatus Populusque Entus
(Joke) Alt. Title: SPQE: Some Poor Quality Entry
I think this is a great start to the story. It's a very dark beginning, but it sets up the potential for a really interesting storyline and for ongoing tension about whether Tor is actually good, or evil, or somewhere in between.
I'd remove the few editorial comments in your own voice (such as the comment about your not being good at dialogue, or the one about OSX). For one thing, the first one isn't true--it's really good dialogue! Also, they sort of jolt the reader out of the story. One other little detail that needs fixing: I don't think Rainbow Dash could be listening outside the door when the conversation is happening around a campfire!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
2020749 *Singsong voice* Nots osx, os, not osx, os.
ALL HAIL CRACKLE THE WISE!